Chapter Twenty-One

By the next morning, Lauren felt completely fine.

She hadn’t experienced the round ligament pains again. Everything with the baby and her uterus seemed to be doing A-OK.

Her heart? That was another matter entirely.

Still, she stayed in bed most of the day, allowing Gabby to fuss over her. Grams brought her tea twice. She decided to make Lauren’s favorite blueberry pie, and that’s how Lauren knew she’d given her grandmother a real scare.

After a full day and a half of pampering, she got back to work that evening, throwing herself into a presentation she was going to give the next month. She scheduled social media for the next two weeks. She compiled a job listing for a new assistant. She submitted a proposal to be on a popular podcast.

Basically, she did everything but go to Ethan’s house. Or call him. Or run into his arms.

And he didn’t contact her, either.

That thought did bad things to her heart. Why hadn’t he called? As if she didn’t know. But still.

Her hurt morphed into anger as the day went on. How dare he not even check on her?

As the sun began to set that night, she’d worked herself up to a proper mad. Probably not the best time to talk to her sister, but when Brooke popped her head into Lauren’s bedroom, she didn’t really have a choice.

“How are you feeling? How’s the baby?” she’d asked.

“I think we’re both okay.” Physically, at least.

Brooke hovered by the doorway. “Do you need anything? I can run to the store if you want.”

Lauren shook her head.

Chewing on her lip, Brooke inched into the room. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

“You’re being really nice to me,” Lauren said.

One of Brooke’s perfectly shaped brows arched. “You think I would be mean to my sister who just had a pretty big scare?”

Lauren shifted. “It’s just, the last time we talked—”

“The last time we argued, you mean?”

Lauren let out a long breath. “Right.”

“I’m happy that my future niece or nephew is going to be okay.”

“Me too.”

Brooke stepped back toward the hallway. “And I’m really glad that you’re okay.” She paused for a long moment. “Even if I’m still mad at you.”

“It wouldn’t be a day of the week if one of us wasn’t pissed at the other.”

Brooke smiled before leaving the room. Lauren couldn’t deny her own grin. It was as close to an “I love you” as she and Brooke could give.

After that sisterly moment, Lauren dove back into work. Only, she couldn’t concentrate. Not even close.

Irritated, frustrated, angry, sad—feeling all the emotions, really—Lauren made her way through the house until she pushed through the kitchen door and out onto the porch. She walked to the north side of the house. She sat on the banister with her back against one of the columns, like she used to do in high school, and took in the lighthouse that sat off in the distance. The water was beating against the large rocks at the base of the structure. A perfect complement to her mood.

She closed her eyes, trying to block out all of the things she and Ethan had said. An overwhelming sense of sadness filled her.

“You and your sister have been behaving like that since you were children,” Grams said. “Yelling, screaming one minute, then ignoring each other for a while, plus a little bit of passive-aggressiveness thrown in.”

“Yeah, well,” Lauren began, picking at an invisible fuzzy on her shirt, not at all surprised that Grams had snuck up on her. Or that she’d heard her fight with Brooke. “She usually starts it.”

Grams nodded. “She does. But she isn’t usually right.”

Lauren’s head snapped up.

“She is this time,” Grams finished.

Right? Brooke? What was happening in the world? Was she suddenly in some alternate universe?

Grams sat down on a rocking chair, facing her. She rocked for a few minutes, not saying anything. Lauren noticed she was holding a really old-looking box. Even though Lauren came out for the quiet, Grams’s silence began grating on her nerves.

Finally, she couldn’t take it any longer. “Say something already.”

“You’re too self-reliant.”

Lauren was getting just a tad bit irritated with people using what she considered her best quality against her.

“You’re independent,” she said as she pointed at her grandmother, almost like she was accusing her of some kind of crime.

“I am.”

“What’s wrong with me being the same way?”

Grams sighed, long and loud. “Lauren Rose, you’ve never really understood. Maybe because I haven’t told you everything,” she said softly. Lauren wondered if that statement was meant to be said more to herself than out loud.

“Told me what?”

Grams continued rocking. “I am independent because I had to be. You are choosing to live that way.”

Lauren froze, took in the words, their meaning. It was two different ways to live.

“There’s a big difference there.” Sometimes Grams said exactly what she was thinking.

Lauren leaned forward. “I’ve seen what happens when you let someone in. It’s rarely good.”

Grams tapped the old box in her lap. “I was in love with someone who was not your grandfather.”

Lauren almost fell off the banister. Only Grams could drop a bomb on her like that. She gulped, wondering what to say in response. Grams was focused on something in the distance, her blue eyes glazing over with memories.

Lauren turned in that direction. She spotted the lighthouse. Grams had always seemed to like it. She’d even rearranged the furniture in her bedroom so she could sit in her rocking chair and view the lighthouse from her window.

“I was in love with a man. We courted. That’s what you called it back then,” she said with a little smile.

Lauren shook her head, attempting to clear it. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“What was he like?” Lauren asked.

“Strong but very patient. He loved the water and anything that had to do with it.” Her smile faded into a frown. “He was very handsome. And a phenomenal kisser.”

“Grams!” Lauren said, surprised.

She waved a hand. “Hush. I’m having a moment here.”

“I can see that.” Lauren chewed on her lip.

“He worked on a boat. They went off to sea. There was a series of horrible storms. Most of the boats that had been away at that time never returned. Many people in this town lost sons, brothers, uncles, husbands. I lost Cap.”

“Cap?”

“That’s what I called him. He wasn’t a captain, but it was my little nickname for him. It always made him smile.”

She ran her hand over the lid of the box. “I didn’t want to think he was dead, but after a few months, I…” She trailed off, putting her arms in the air until they slowly fell back to her sides. “No one else from that crew showed up, either.”

“You married Grandpa?”

“I did. After about a year. My parents urged me. He was from a good family. They had this house.” She shifted. “I didn’t love him. But I knew I would never love another man. Only Cap. That was it for me. He was it.”

Lauren’s heart swelled.

“My parents were right. Byron had a good job, he came from money, his family was well established, and, of course, there was this gorgeous house. Who didn’t want to live here back then?”

Lauren glanced over at the wraparound porch, the baskets of beautiful flowers, the stained-glass windows. “Who doesn’t want to live here now? It’s still incredible.”

Grams shrugged. “The week after I got back from my honeymoon, Cap turned up.”

Lauren gasped.

“He’d been shipwrecked. But somehow, he’d managed to survive. He said it was the thought of returning to me that kept him going.” Grams blushed, something Lauren had never seen her do before. It was endearing.

“Anyway, I was a married woman by that time. Your grandfather was not a warm man. He wasn’t mean. He never lifted a finger to me or anyone else. Hell, he never even raised his voice. Not refined,” she said with an eye roll. “It was just that he was aloof. He did his thing, and I did mine.”

She took a moment before continuing. “I don’t want to disparage your grandfather, especially not to one of his granddaughters.”

“Honestly, Grams, I barely remember him.”

“Mm, you were just in nursery school when he passed.” She sighed. “Still, I don’t know what kind of grandfather he would have been. Maybe better than he was as a father. He did like to watch you sleep in your bassinet when you were an infant.”

“He wasn’t a good father?”

“He wasn’t present. He left all parenting to me. Just like he left all cooking, cleaning, and house things to me. I started Rose’s Café because I was bored. I didn’t get pregnant right away like most of my friends. I needed something in my life. At that time, it was a very rare thing for a woman to start a business. Byron didn’t really seem to care. I think he was happy to have me out of his hair.”

That sucked. Lauren was reminded of how Ethan liked to hear about her business. How he didn’t always understand what she was talking about, but he listened and asked questions anyway. It meant a lot to her.

“You share my independence,” Grams said. “I’ve always been proud to see that in you. But you also inherited my stubbornness. That’s always worried me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The two traits are very similar.” She paused. “I could have left your grandfather and been with the man I loved. I was so pigheaded about it. I thought I was doing my duty.”

“Well, to be fair, you did take vows. You were honoring them.”

“Maybe. Foolishly, I mistook stubbornness for independence. Look at me, I thought. Being my own woman. Making decisions.” She shook her head. “Decisions that would haunt me for the rest of my life.”

Lauren wished she had the type of relationship in which she and Grams hugged. But it wasn’t them.

Grams pinned her with an intense stare. “What I don’t want is for you to hide behind this wonderful, amazing quality that you have. Your independence. I can’t stomach the thought of you missing out on the best thing in the world. Love.”

“But, Grams—”

“I didn’t get to live my life with the man I loved. I didn’t get to marry him. I didn’t get to raise children with him. I didn’t get to share all the little mundane eccentricities of life with him.” She grabbed Lauren’s hands and squeezed hard. “You have the chance to be with the one you love.”

“Mom and Dad—”

Grams shot her a look. “No, you can’t blame them. You can’t compare yourself to them. You can’t even really pretend to understand what their relationship was about.”

Lauren sat quiet for a long while, going back and forth on whether she should ask the question. She wasn’t afraid to ask, but she was beyond terrified of the answer.

Finally, curiosity won out. “Did she die of a broken heart?”

Grams’s face softened. She stood and crossed to Lauren, took her hands. “Oh, honey. No, your mom died because of cancer.”

Hearing that answer from Grams, a woman she loved to fight with but whom she also respected more than anyone else on the planet, left her feeling at a loss.

“They fought a lot, but she really seemed to love him,” she whispered.

“She did. I don’t get it. I never did. But I know this. Despite the fighting and the arguing, she was devoted to him. You and I, sharing the same sensibilities, will never understand it. But she did love your father. She got to live with her love. And after he left, she had the three of you, and I know she considered that love even better.”

Lauren had a lump in her throat the size of Maine.

“You’re not going to repeat your mother’s mistakes.”

She looked to the ground. “What if I do?”

“You’re not the same person, so why would you make the same choices? But you can’t let her actions and her decisions guide you.”

“What about you?” Lauren asked. “Didn’t you guide her? Er, force her.” Lauren bit her lip, hardly believing she’d just said that out loud but desperately waiting on the answer.

Grams tilted her head. “Force her to do what?”

“Get married,” she whispered. “Mom told me that she was forced to marry Dad. I figured out later that they married because Mom was pregnant with me.”

Grams closed her eyes and leaned back against the next column. She rocked her head back and forth. “How long have you been under this impression?” she asked without opening her eyes.

Lauren looked out at the ocean. “Since I was a little girl.” As those words left her mouth, Lauren realized the source of her angst with Grams. For years and years, she’d blamed Grams for the end of her parents’ marriage—the beginning of her mother’s sadness.

“When your mother told me she was pregnant, I was mad. As any mother would be. The two of them hadn’t used protection. She was young, so young. Only halfway through college. She’d just won a scholarship to study abroad in France.” Grams narrowed her eyes. “It was your dad who pressured her to get married.”

For the second time that night, Lauren almost fell over the banister. “What?”

Grams nodded. “He was old-fashioned about certain things. I told Ellie that she could have the baby—you—and go off to France. I would take care of you until she got back. But your mom didn’t want to leave you. Or your dad. That was her choice.”

Lauren didn’t know what to think or how to feel with this new information. Her dad was traditional when it came to marriage, but apparently not when it came to walking out on his family.

And Grams, wow. Her whole basis for fighting with Grams had been this deep-seated rebellion against Grams doing something she’d never even done.

Did that mean she had to start getting along with her grandmother? Because how boring would that be?

“This must have been like history repeating itself for you,” Lauren said.

“Not particularly.”

“Come on, Grams,” Lauren said dramatically. “Mom got knocked up. I was a total accident. Now I have an unplanned pregnancy. This has to be déjà vu for you.”

Grams leaned against the railing, glancing toward the lighthouse. “Not really. Your mother was only nineteen when she found out she was pregnant. She didn’t even know what she was going to major in yet, let alone have an established, stable life. Like you do.”

“I guess,” Lauren said, considering.

“And another thing,” Grams continued. “I really shouldn’t say this to you. I promised myself I would never say this.”

Grams paused. Lauren waited as long as she could manage, which was a total of two seconds.

“You can’t leave me hanging now.”

“Fine, but I do feel bad saying this. Your father was a damn fool.”

A loud laugh erupted from Lauren.

“You think that’s funny?” Grams asked. “Because when I say he was a damn fool, I mean he was a damn fool. Capital D, capital F.” Grams laughed as well, before her face softened. “Still, he’s your father, and I shouldn’t speak badly of him.”

Lauren shook her head. “I know how he was. I remember.”

“Do you know how Ethan is? Because I do.” Grams patted Lauren’s leg. “Ethan and your dad are nothing alike. Despite him not using a condom correctly, Ethan is a good man. I like him.”

Lauren didn’t think she’d ever heard Grams say she liked anyone. Ethan must have really left an impression on her at some point.

Grams put a finger under her chin, raised her head so they were eye to eye. “I didn’t pressure your mom, but I am going to pressure you. You love Ethan. He loves you. You’re pregnant. Go live a wonderful life with the father of your child.”

Grams pushed the box into Lauren’s hands. “This contains my diary and letters between me and Cap. Read them one day. You’ll understand.”

For the first time in she didn’t even know how long, Lauren felt wetness tracking down her face. She was crying.