Chapter Fifty Four

Meine lieben kinder, today I want to talk about a subject that has been discussed down through the ages; suffering. Why is there suffering and pain? How can God allow war, sickness, rape, murder, adultery, loneliness and so many hardships? If God is just, why is there injustice? People on one side of the planet live in abundance and freedom, while on the other side, people are dying every second, of starvation, sickness and unthinkable atrocities. If God is merciful and good, how can He stand by and allow innocent children to suffer and die, while their parents look on in anguish? Or a man or woman lying in pain for days and months with some terminal disease; surely, an all powerful God could have created a more perfect world?

“These are questions to which there are no easy answers. They present deep struggles in our minds that have caused so many to turn away from their faith and question the very existence of God. To try and come up with some comforting answer that suffering is only temporary and happiness awaits us forever in the hereafter, is unacceptable in the midst of one’s pain or that of a loved one. They would be quick to suggest that you sleep in my bed or walk in my shoes for even one hour and the promise of some distant paradise to me is meaningless, along with the many other platitudes that try to offer comfort.

“Yes, we can sympathize with the sufferer or if it is us who are in pain, we can engage in self pity and turn our backs on God, but all of these prove to be empty. No, there must be a more meaningful way to deal with the pain and hardship surrounding suffering, when it comes into our lives or is already either in our own or those of loved ones.

“To glean some understanding of suffering in the world, we have to look at the big picture. Besides gifting man with a free will to choose his own destiny, God created a world that is governed by laws and principles. There is cause and effect to everything. To every action there is an opposite reaction and each carries consequences. Thus, we can understand that if one places their hand on a stove, a burn and pain will result. If one stays out in the sun too long, they will also get a burn or even contract skin cancer and thus suffer the consequences. If someone commits murder, it will cause pain and death to someone and suffering to all those involved. This is part of the human condition. Understanding the world we live in helps to some degree, to deal with suffering, but how do we cope with it? To the one in pain, it can be so unbearable and senseless that it goes beyond their comprehension that God does not intervene. ‘Surely, if I were God,’ they might think, ‘I would be quick to heal everyone.’

“The question that arises is the matter of free will and an orderly world based upon predictable laws. If God were to heal everyone who becomes sick or intervene every time things go awry, then there would not be free will and we would be puppets dangling at the end of the string. The laws of life and the cause and effect of our actions, would quickly become chaotic and meaningless. Life would lack order and natural consequences. Furthermore, how would we learn and grow and mature and deal with life’s challenges?

“No, we must live in the world that God created for better or worse. For the most part, suffering is understandable as a natural consequence in our lives, but as I said, it can be so horrific and go on so endlessly, that it strikes such a deep chord in mankind that God’s wisdom in this area is viewed more harshly and at times as senseless and cruel.

“It demands that we examine more closely how suffering fits into God’s plan for the world beyond being part of the human condition and why is it that some even see joy coming out of their suffering?

“In trying to understand the mystery surrounding suffering and how we can cope with it, I have found some degree of insight as I examined the suffering in my own life and that of others. Sometimes, an example or a story is more revealing as it allows us to relate and identify with similar challenges that others have undergone and how they have dealt with it.

“I remember the day Karl burst into my store and related to me how his son was in a car accident and in critical condition in the hospital. He asked me to pray for a healing and that God would spare his boy. His son was in his mid twenties, married with two children, with a bright future as a lawyer. For years Karl and his wife scraped and struggled to save enough money to put their son through college and were so proud of him. Karl even offered his own life to God to please heal his son. On the fourth day following the accident, however, Karl’s son died. Not only did Karl hate the man whose carelessness caused the accident, but he was deeply angry with God for not saving his son. In the days that followed, I saw Karl become more and more imprisoned.

“I and my wife Anna could relate, because for years our hearts were filled with the same destructive emotions of hate, hurt and anger towards the Nazis for killing our loved ones. We too were trapped with a spirit of unforgiveness and almost every living moment of our lives was tainted with the horrific memories of the past. We were only partially alive and the anguish was unbearable. It was Anna who saw the light before me. We were paying a heavy price by reliving our hurt and stirring our anger, hurt, and want of vengeance. She knew the only road to freedom was to accept what happened and to forgive.

“One morning, Anna and I found ourselves on our knees in the back storage room of our store and pleaded with God to soften our hearts and help us to forgive. He answered our prayers and a peace that surpasses all understanding swept through us and remained from that day until today. We experienced the power of love and forgiveness.

“I shared our experience with Karl and the need for him to accept, forgive and move on with life. God was not the cause, but due to an unfortunate accident, the boy was now in the good care of the Lord.

“He would have none of it.

“Many times, he would come into the grocery store and see my Bible at the end of the counter and he would hiss at it. “How, can you believe in that Book, David? There is no God.” He would clench his fist and shake it skyward. In vain, Anna and I pleaded with our friend to see what he was doing to himself and his family, but he would not listen. He would not allow our words to penetrate his hardened heart.

“Daily, he would relive his sorrow and anger and spout curses at the Lord. His days were filled with darkness; his emotions fed with anger, unforgiveness and rebellion. Not only was he suffering, but all those around him suffered too. Instead of giving love to his spouse and other children, they received a father that had chosen to be loveless. He had shut out God and the healing benefits of receiving His peace, grace, strength and comfort. He could not see that the pain his son experienced in the accident was far less than the pain he inflicted upon himself. He was a prisoner of his thoughts and lived in his own hell daily.

“This is not a good portrayal of a man’s life and unfortunately has no happy ending. Over the years, Karl’s anger and unforgiveness never lessened and he grew old before his time and eventually became physically ill. Shortly, his heart gave out and he followed his son to the grave.

“Now, let us look at another person’s approach to suffering and hardships. Here today is a woman I visited in the hospital this past year who was dying of terminal cancer.”

Almost simultaneously Henry and Jenny squeezed each other’s hands.

Father gazed at Jenny and smiled tenderly and lovingly.

“When I first met Jennifer, her disease was being treated with both radiation and chemotherapy. The cancer had shrunk and was arrested to a degree, but only for a brief time. In all the weeks that I visited her, Jennifer never complained, even though her pain was great. Finally, the disease consumed her body and in her dying days, she stopped all treatment, knowing that the pain ahead would be difficult to deal with. She died, but miraculously was brought back to life, fully restored. Seldom does the Lord intervene this way, but He did.

“Recently I spoke with Jenny about the days and months leading up to her death and how she coped with her debilitating disease and its accompanying pain. Rather than share what she told me and give it to you second hand, I have asked Jenny to tell her story to you this morning.” Father gazed at Jenny and swept out his hand to her, “Please let us welcome Jennifer Hamilton.”

Jenny made her way slowly to the podium. She adjusted the microphone and then looked at the congregation with a radiant smile. Henry thought he would burst as his loved one stood there, a picture of utter beauty.

Jenny turned and looked at Father. “Thank you, Father Engelmann, for asking me to speak today. I am so grateful to God for restoring my life and returning me to the land of the living, but I must say that an even greater miracle occurred for me while I lay in the hospital as the cancer spread more and more throughout my body. At first, I did feel sorry for myself and asked God why this was happening to me. I thought perhaps I was being punished for giving up my first child for adoption, or for my failed marriage. I begged and pleaded with God to heal me and fought hard daily to combat the disease. But I only grew weaker, and the more I rebelled, the worse it seemed to be.

“As I lay there, I began to think about the story of two angels, each carrying a basket go out each morning. One angel gathers requests from people of what they need and want. The other angel collects thanks from people for the blessings they have received. Very soon the basket gathering requests is filled to overflowing, while the other angel’s basket at day’s end is barely filled with thanks, sometimes none at all. It just so happens that I have a life size angel statue carrying a basket in my backyard at home that is surrounded by wildflowers . “Every day when I was there, I would pick a flower or several flowers and place it into the basket in thanks for a blessing I was thankful for or a blessing for someone else.

“I realized that I had not been practicing gratitude at all since I had gotten sick. All my thoughts were filled with what I wanted and needed to get well. I decided it was time to fill up the angel’s basket with thanks for my blessings. I pictured myself in my backyard and I mentally began to pick flowers of thanksgiving and placed them into the angel’s basket and I said, “Thank you, God, for blessing me with this disease. I don’t know why you allowed it into my life, but it has helped me to understand and appreciate the suffering of others. Reveal more to me why You have bestowed this blessing upon me.” It felt strange to say such a thing and yet, I drew comfort from it. It made me think of my guardian angel, beside me in the room with her hand on my shoulder, soothing my spirit. In turn it reminded me of a picture I saw of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, praying to God with an angel standing behind Him, too. The angel’s hand was also on Jesus’ shoulder, comforting Him as well, in the face of His impending death. I remembered reading in the Bible that Jesus too, asked the Father if it was possible to take this cup away from Him, but not what He wanted but what the Father wanted.

“Let Your will be done.

“It brought tears to my eyes. Jesus was showing us His humanity; even He didn’t want to go through the suffering, if it was possible. Jesus could have said, no. After all, He is God, too. Surely there was another way to reconcile the sins of mankind with the Father that didn’t require all what lay before Him. But the Father said no, and Jesus was obedient.

“It made me think further on this.

“Why would both the Father and Son see this as the best way to open the gates of heaven knowing the pain, suffering and anguish that both would go through? Jesus would be tortured unmercifully and then crucified, while His Father looked on, allowing it? To the many who lived at that time, clearly, it made no sense. If Jesus is truly the Son of God, surely the Father would never allow this to happen to his Son! Why would the King of kings and the Creator of the universe agree for such an atrocity to happen?

“But then I realized that this is earthly thinking and many at that time didn’t see the big picture to God’s plan or all the good that would come out of it. Through Jesus as mediator, in his own self, He healed the breach between all of us; the entire human race and His heavenly Father. Through His death and crucifixion, Jesus laid down His life for us to show how much He loved us. That awareness pierced my heart like never before. I could feel the nails going through Jesus’ hands and feet and the weight of his body tearing and stretching the nail holes and the excruciating pain as the cross was lifted higher and then jarred into a hole to support it. It made me think of the Scripture: Greater love has no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends. What more could our God do than to give His life in order to save us? But perhaps, even more so, was the love that the Father had for me that He would put His own Son through such great physical pain and suffering. Yet, still more than the physical pain, Jesus also suffered complete separation from His Father. Moments before Jesus died, he cried out, “Father, why have you forsaken me?”

“My heart was filled with such indebtedness and at the same time, repentance gripped my soul and spirit. I was so sorry for having offended my dear Lord and that I had caused part of His suffering because of the many times I turned against His love. I pleaded with God to forgive me from all my sins while at the same time I uttered my deep thankfulness, over and over again. My tears of sadness and sorrow turned into tears of happiness. Never, would I have thought that out of suffering could come such joy and bountiful blessings.”

Jenny paused, and brushed away a tear. She breathed deeply and continued, “As I lay there in my hospital bed, weeping, I mentally drifted back to my garden and placed more and more flowers into the Angel of Thanksgiving’s basket in thanks to Jesus for what He did for me and for all of us. With each flower I placed into the basket, I received His grace and strength.

“As my pain began to subside, I heard Jesus whisper to me. “I love you, Jenny and want you and as many others in the world to come to heaven. Such unimaginable beauty and joy await you and your brothers and sisters. Eye has not seen, or ear heard, or mind imagined, the things that my Father has prepared for those who love Him. Please, Jenny, help me. Please continue the redemption I have started. The gates to heaven are now open, the debt has been paid once and for all, but man must still choose to come in. Jenny, people need to pray for one another, to be beacons to one another, to lead one another, to be kind and do good works for one another, to always be forgiving and to offer their suffering up for one another—

“It was that last request that touched the deepest recesses of my heart… In the same way Jesus laid down his life for us, we too, must offer ourselves to Him and others. I fully realized my value and purpose as a child of God. We are all family in Jesus and every act of love we do for others counts! Yes, He is the vine and we are the branches…

“All at once, everything was connected! Jesus’ crucifixion and death, my repentance and forgiveness, my pain and suffering, my joy and gratitude! It was all there!

“Suffering was no longer a mystery…

“It was at that point that I said, ‘Yes,’ and surrendered my suffering to God. I knew at that point, in the depths of my being, that my suffering and pain would not be wasted. God would use and turn my suffering into good like He did His Son’s and be used to help in the continuing redemption of mankind.

“At last, I found meaning in my pain. I fell freely into His open arms and placed all my trust and hope in Him.”

Once more, Jenny paused and the light, power and truth of what she had just said, penetrated the hearts of all those present. Many in sympathy with Jenny’s revelation were in tears as well. Taking another deep breath, Jenny continued.

“After the vision, I knew the end was near and I wanted to die as close to Jesus as I possibly could. There was considerable pain, but the grace and strength I received from God was sufficient for me to bear it. And that is the message that I want to leave with you today. Yes, there is incredible beauty in the world that God created, but there is also pain and suffering and hardships. As Father David said, such is the world we live in.

“But God does not abandon us.

“He knows the world is imperfect and He is always there to give us grace and strength and turn even our greatest trials into good. It’s up to us to choose to turn to Him and accept His offering. It is then that our trust, faith, hope and understanding of love grows and works at the deepest and most meaningful level.

“I am so grateful to God for healing me, but even more for the wonderful vision that brought me to this understanding before I died. Without that, I would not be here today sharing how you, too, can be used for His purposes.”

When Jenny finished her sharing, Father got up and picked up a bouquet of wild flowers from the table beside him. He took them over to Jenny and with tears in his eyes, he said, “My dear, Jenny, that was a most heartfelt sharing. The Lord has so richly blessed you. We know how much you love the beauty of wildflowers and the symbol of freedom they represent. As you spoke, this bouquet beside me seemed to brighten and fill the air with evermore fragrance. Jenny, you too, are like the wildflowers. In the same way, the flowers give off this wonderful aroma, the words you spoke were like incense filling the air in this church with a spiritual fragrance that has touched the hearts of us all. You have found in Jesus, the secret to beauty, to peace and freedom. On behalf of all those present here today, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Jenny took the flowers as tears slid slowly down her cheeks. She simply nodded and returned to her pew bedside Henry who was bursting with pride and love. He took her hand and ever so tenderly transmitted all that was within him to his dearly beloved.

Father watched Jenny as she returned to her seat. Tears were flowing down his cheeks as well. His love for Jenny, her sharing, and the Lord for the redemption of man overwhelmed the holy priest.

When Father spoke again he said, “When my Anna was ill, I too, knew she was in intense suffering and often I expressed my sorrow over her condition. But she would often say, “David, it is nothing compared to the suffering of our Lord. It is the least I can do.” Although I understood what she said intellectually, it wasn’t until I heard Jenny’s sharing that Anna’s words travelled to my heart.

“Yes, there is nothing that can compare to the depth of suffering of both the Father and Son in those dying moments of Jesus on the cross. His suffering with the Father watching on, culminating in the complete separation of Father and Son was the height and depth of all pain and all love. “Why have you forsaken me?” Jesus cried out as He entered death alone, bearing the sins of all mankind, from the beginning, to the end of all time. When this fully reaches our heart and soul as it did Jenny’s, we begin to realize the immense love that the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit have for you and me, despite our sinfulness and ingratitude.

“My dear brothers and sisters, listen with your heart as Jenny did to our Lord’s plea to come to Him and offer your life. If you say yes, He will set fire into your heart for Jesus to help His Son continue the atonement for us all.”