Chapter Fifty Six

They were all so nervous as they boarded Air Canada for Calgary. The sky was overcast, reflecting their somber mood. Jenny sat in the middle seat of row seven. Her elbows rested on the armrest, but her hands were tightly wrapped around Camilla’s who sat in the window seat and Henry’s, who was next to the aisle. They were finally on their way to meet the man who had assaulted Jenny over thirty two years ago and fathered a child that fateful night. Henry had called Peter over a week ago and made arrangements for the meeting as soon as they landed in the Calgary airport.

Henry recalled the conversation he had with Peter. He was so thankful for the call and that the ladies had decided to come and meet with him. Henry already knew that his wife, Angelika, knew of the matter and that his parishioners did as well. What Henry did not know, however, was whether or not Peter’s children were also aware of their father’s daughter and that they had a half sister. Peter said that his wife and children would be with him at the airport.

During their conversation, Peter also told Henry that the reason he was so haunted by what he did was due to the aches and pains he had in his stomach just like Henry did prior to Jenny giving birth to Camilla. Amazingly, on May 24, 1957, Peter, like Henry, also threw up on the day of Camilla’s birth and on each and every year that followed up until last year. Early on, Peter realized that there was something to this as the thought of his assault on Jenny was so strongly associated with the pain and nausea that he felt. Further, when he made the calculations in his mind, the day he first threw up was in that ninth month period after he and his friends had taken Jenny to the park.

Over the years he was continuously haunted by the fact that he had fathered a child that evening. Finally, after all those years, the day of reckoning, reconciliation and hopefully healing was upon them all. It was now Henry, who squeezed Jenny’s hand as a chilling tingle ran up and down his spine.

Jenny, too, was immersed in thoughts about that fateful night. One flashback after another crossed her mind; the boys coming out of their car and grabbing her and forcing her into the back seat. She could feel the fear seeping through her now as the car sped away. She tried to look back at Henry but the boy’s grip on her wrists was too strong. She remembered pleading with them to take her back and let her go, but all she heard was laughing and obscenities. The fear that rushed through her when they parked the car and pulled her out, terrified her.

Jenny began to shake in the seat. She wanted to grab the angel hanging on the chain around her neck, but didn’t want to let go of either Henry’s or Camilla’s hand. Oh guardian angel please help me, Jenny screamed in her mind now, as she did back then.

Jenny squeezed her daughter’s hand and felt Camilla’s love transmitted back with a tender hold. Next to her sat a beautiful child, a daughter that she loved deeply; the result of that fateful night. How could she mar that image of her child due to the manner in which she was conceived? She must do as Father Engelmann said; separate the act from the person whom God created. At the core of the assailant’s being is the love of God. Father Engelmann was right. She could not give in to her feelings, she must be like Jesus and forgive. Forgiveness was the only answer that would heal and give freedom.

Jenny felt the power of forgiveness growing within her…

As the plane hurtled through the sky, each second bringing them closer to their meeting, Jenny’s nervousness returned. She agitated in her chair, her feet started to bounce. It was the same when she was waiting in the doctor’s office for the test results. Every sound was like an explosion; the doctor’s footsteps coming down the hall, the turning of the door knob, the click shut. She recalled every move the doctor made; entering his office and avoiding eye contact, the swirling of his chair and pushing it next to her, his furtive glances, movements, his facial expressions, it all revealed what words would come out of his mouth. He sat down in front of her. Instantly, the flashbacks of that awful night and the naked truth of what had really happened was written in the doctor’s eyes.

Oh angel of God help me, please don’t let me faint again.

“Mom, are you okay?” Camilla asked, concern written all over her pretty face.

Jenny nodded and forced a smile. She squeezed her daughter’s hand.

God had worked miraculously in her life by healing her and bringing her back. She believed it was for her and Henry to be together, but she could see that this might be another major reason for her return. She had to love. She could forgive now, this minute, she was certain of it, but when she faced him, could she still?

Please come into my heart, dear Jesus. Give me Your heart, Your strength, Your mercy, Your compassion, Your spirit of forgiveness. Give me the grace and strength to do what I must…

Camilla turned to her mother, and noticed Jenny’s eyes were closed. She wondered about all the thoughts that must be running through her mind. Girls who have been assaulted are so emotionally distraught; the trauma of that event plaguing them for days, months and years. She could only imagine what her mother went through at age fifteen and how she coped with it all of those years.

Camilla was surprised how well her mother did cope with it. Perhaps it was Jenny’s closeness to her guardian angel which provided so much comfort from her protector. But then again, it was also Henry’s love and imagining that it was he who was the father. Perhaps it was all these factors as well as her nature that gave Jenny the ability to accept what happened without too much trauma. How would she react when she saw Peter, Camilla wondered?

It was at Father Engelmann’s anniversary party that she had first seen Peter. Immediately, she knew there was some connection. She could see it in his stare; his features, the way he talked. Although she had always felt that she was dearly loved by her adoptive parents, she felt a sense of belonging that she had not felt before… even though he was a complete stranger.

Camilla had those feelings now, but with understanding. She now knew why she was so drawn to him.

Peter was her father.

A mixture of excitement, nervousness and fear sizzled through her body. How would the meeting go? She knew she could accept her father and what he did. She should be angry with him and what he did to her mother, but she wasn’t. Perhaps it had to do with the way Jenny had accepted it and her birth and the deep, genuine love she felt from her. Her mother had not allowed the event to destroy her or control her life.

Maybe that was it.

She had seen and heard of so many cases of sexual assault and the devastating effects it had on so many people. Camilla wanted this to be different. She could see the pain that girls went through and how they relive the trauma over and over, unwilling to let go through forgiveness. Many girls did not realize the power they had given to their assailant by allowing themselves to be controlled by another’s actions and shortcomings, sometimes for years. Camilla did not want to imprison herself like that nor her mother and father. She wanted healing more than anything and she wanted it now. She hoped and prayed her mother did, too.

Tomorrow, it may very well be too late!

Suddenly the voice of Captain spoke through the intercom, “Please fasten your seat belts. We are entering into turbulent skies as we begin our descent for landing and may experience some bumpy spots.”

No sooner had the man in control of the plane uttered those words then the aircraft began to rattle and shake as it hurtled through the sky. “Flight attendants please take your seats and fasten your seat belts. We will be landing in Calgary in ten minutes.”

Jenny couldn’t help but feel the road ahead would be turbulent as well, but prayed that soon there would be smooth sailing and clear skies. The minutes and seconds were speeding up, bringing them closer to their impending meeting. Please, dear Jesus, help me to trust completely in You. Oh, Hannah, protect us and bring us safely to the ground. She squeezed Henry’s hand.

Henry knew it wasn’t the bumpy ride through the sky that was giving his loved one jittery nerves, but what lay just ahead. Similar thoughts were growing in his mind as well.

Their hearts raced as they felt the tires come out of the plane’s belly and lock into place for the landing.

“Oh, Mom, I feel so nervous, I wonder how Peter and his family must be feeling.”

“I can just imagine, Camilla. This is going to be hard on all of us, but it will be worth it, honey…”

Jenny’s words trailed off as the plane hit the tarmac. Their bodies were thrust forward as the brakes and wing flaps were applied reversing the thrust.

As soon as the sliding glass doors opened into the main terminal, Jenny knew instantly that the man in the distance next to a woman and three other adults was Peter with his family. He didn’t look at all like the huge muscular man that had assaulted her, but thin and frail. But then, like her, he was plagued with cancer and the disease had taken its toll on his body.

His arms hung at his side and when he saw Jenny, he slightly raised his right hand and waved. It was a hesitant movement, an unsure one, not knowing if the person it was intended for would reciprocate.

Before Jenny could respond, Camilla had already raised her hand and waved back. While Jenny wanted to slow their approach to the nervous waiting family, Camilla tightened her grip on her mother’s hand and quickened her pace, pulling Jenny forward and Henry along with her. When they were a few feet from each other, they came to a halt, as if to rethink what was about to happen or should happen.

For years and years, Jenny had this image of a strong man forcing her to the ground, his eyes filled with a raving, frenzied look, and now, there before her was a man whose eyes were filled with sorrow and remorse. She could read the pleading in his face and the way he stood there asking for her forgiveness.

He appeared broken.

He waited and the momentary hesitancy on her part must have been like a year to him. His wife’s hand wrapped around his was white. In a flashing glance, Jenny saw the woman’s pain and pleading, too, and all she had gone through to accept what her husband had done. Her support of her husband, stung Jenny’s heart.

Jenny had gone over and over how her reaction would affect all those present, but now she was in the moment; this moment. If she was cold, they would think evil of their father. Jenny wanted to send the message that he was a good man who had made a mistake. It was not only for them, but for her daughter as well.

Jenny wondered now if she could convey that kind of forgiveness from her heart to the man who violated her. Father Engelmann’s words entering her mind were comforting and encouraging. ‘Somewhere between your heart and Camilla’s and Peter’s is a connection that never died nor ever will. At the root was an act that shouldn’t have happened, but did, and now needs compassion and forgiveness; a forgiveness that is a path to reconciliation, freedom, peace and friendship. All these elements are ever present if only we are open enough to let such Christ thoughts enter into our relationships and meetings. Christ is ever there to instill mercy and forgiveness for the most grievous of offences and atrocities. This is the extent of God’s love. We can tap into it and find peace or we can rebel and fill our beings with hatred, resentment, bitterness… hell.’

A radiant smile began to cover Jenny’s face and she thought of her angel and Peter’s and Father Engelmann’s description of how they met their protectors with a warm embrace instead of a handshake when they had gone to the other side.

Yes, this was the moment that was filled with power, with hope, reconciliation and forgiveness; she would not walk away and lose this moment in time…

Jenny stepped forward ever so slightly and let go of Henry’s hand to her right and Camilla’s to the left.

They were waiting for her, to follow her lead.

Peter made a slight move, but waited for Jenny, to be sure, to be certain… Jenny stepped still closer and her arms began to raise towards her assailant. But he was no longer the man who had harmed her; she chose to see a brother in Christ. She chose to see the man God created and loved too. This was why He sent His only Son to die for our sins out of love for us. Yes, Jesus died for her so that in moments like this she would continue to see His redemption upon all of God’s children. He came to save sinners. She saw it all when she was ill and suffering. It all tied together whether it was suffering an illness or a deep emotional scar in life…it was all the same; we must accept our cross and forgive or do whatever is required to continue the atonement that Jesus had started.

Old, sluggish, feelings tired of being replayed over and over that wanted justice and revenge struggled to rise up, but didn’t stand a chance. A surge of love and complete forgiveness swept through Jenny’s being as if Jesus himself had flooded her spirit.

As she inched closer, Peter dared to raise his arm to shake her hand, but Jenny saw Jesus raise both His arms, His heart radiating mercy and peace. She was drawn to both Peter and Christ, they were one. Jenny could no longer hold back as she was filled with God’s grace and strength to love beyond her capacity.

The next step brought them together. Jenny could feel Peter’s touch and the nearness of his body next to hers. It was no longer repulsive, but warm and caring. She heard his words, “Please forgive me, Jenny.”

Jenny chose to love; to reflect Jesus’ mercy… softly, she whispered back, “I forgive you, Peter… I love you.”

Peter and all those in attendance felt the power of God’s love penetrating each of them through Jenny’s act of forgiveness. It was as if heaven was on earth. A joy swept through them all as Jenny and Peter cried and embraced.

Camilla could no longer stand back, as she too, rushed forward and embraced her father and mother. Like her mother, she softly whispered, “I love you, Dad. It’s so good to finally meet you.” She didn’t want to dwell another minute in the past nor give it any further power.

This was the moment of a new beginning!

And one by one, Henry, Angelika and Peter’s children all crowded in on Peter, Jenny and Camilla, huddled together, embracing one another.

An aura shone around them as the heavens rejoiced along with them. If only the angels around and above them were visible, what a joyous, spectacular sight could be seen!

Passers-by in the airport could feel the love and energy; many wept. They were caught in a deep moment of pure love.

The odour of victory over sin freeing imprisoned spirits enlivened the air!

After an enjoyable meal in Peter’s home, they sat around a warm fireplace and continued to share their lives. They talked of their background and the incredible way Camilla came to find her mother and how she ended up marrying Henry‘s son! Camilla loved learning more about her step brother and sister and they all vowed to write and see each other twice a year if not more and talk every week on the phone. Before the evening was over, it was as if they were all family. Joy, laughter and singing pervaded Peter’s home.

As they flew back to Regina, Henry, Jenny and Camilla sat side by side as they did before, on their way to Calgary. And as before, the three were silent, immersed in the memories of the weekend. The memories and thoughts this time however, were different.

Jenny never looked more radiant and at peace. Camilla’s head rested on her mother’s shoulder and Jenny was stroking her daughter’s hair. There no longer was tension or nervousness in the ladies. Their thoughts were filled with a bright future.

Henry, on the other hand, was overwhelmed with all of the insights he had gained from what had transpired. He could hardly wait to see Father and share the wonderful experience he had the past couple of days and it was all because of Jenny.

Henry couldn’t help but squeeze Jenny’s hand. He was so proud of her and the example she exhibited. He never would have thought Jenny could ever be any more beautiful than he already thought. But he was wrong. This past weekend Jenny became beautiful beyond words because she allowed Jesus to live through her. Jenny had the heart of an angel, it was pure and loving, perfect for Jesus to enter and shine through.

“Wow,” was all Henry could utter.