Chapter Fifty Seven

Henry And Father Engelmann retired to the sun room at the care home after the morning Mass. It took almost an hour until the crowd of people dispersed and left. Doris was getting concerned over the number of visitors coming to the Nunnery. It was not just to attend the morning service, but also to ask Father to pray for them or to touch him hoping for a miracle in their lives. Word of the healings that occurred in the care home the day Father had died and came back to life spread quickly beyond the neighborhood, the city limits and into neighboring provinces.

“I see the care home is as busy as ever, Father. Soon you will need a larger chapel,” observed Henry.

“Yes, it concerns me, Henry. No matter how many times I let people know that it is the Lord that heals and not me, many still think I have special powers to do so. You may find that my stay at your prayer house may become more frequent and my stays longer. Perhaps if I am not here so often in the next while, people will get discouraged and stop coming. And yet, I want to lead people to the Lord and not avoid them…”

“Yeah, I know what you mean, Father. I’m sure in time things will settle down.”

“Yes, I hope so. Now, tell me, Henry, how did the meeting go with Peter and his family?”

“Yeah, that’s why I came to see you this morning. It went incredibly well. I wish you could have been there. Jenny was like a saint, Father; the perfect example of the Saint Francis prayer of peace that you say everyday:

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon,

Where there is doubt, faith,

Where there is despair, hope,

Where there is darkness, light, and where there is sadness, joy.

“I have to say, Father, Jenny was an instrument for peace all right, and it reflected her nature in the last part of the prayer as well. Father joined in with Henry and together, in unison, they completed the beautiful prayer:

Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not seek to be consoled,

As to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive—

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

The two men gazed at one another and smiled. “Every word of that prayer, describes Jenny to a tee, Father.” Henry reiterated once more.

“Yes, Jenny is truly a peacemaker at heart. Peter is very fortunate to have had such a forgiving person to deal with and I suppose it was good for Jenny, as well, that Peter was so contrite and seeking her forgiveness.”

“I thought that, too, Father. The fact that Peter is a pastor and turned out to be such a fine man would make it easier for Jenny to forgive and accept him. However, when I mentioned that to her, she quickly corrected me. She said she would have loved and forgiven him regardless if he showed remorse or not, regardless whether he was seeking forgiveness or not, because of her desire to please God. She said your words, when we met at the prayer house that Saturday how we must separate the deed from the person who God created, was very helpful.”

“Yes, whether the action or behaviour results in a huge hurt or small one, the decision is the same; we forgive the sin, but love the sinner. God does that all of the time. If He didn’t, I’m afraid there wouldn’t be very many of us who have a hope of getting into heaven. In the same way God forgives us, we too, must forgive others. If we don’t, God cannot forgive us as our hearts are filled with unforgiveness. We hold the key to peace. Turning it open to the door of our heart that is imprisoned, allows us to walk out a free person.”

“And that’s exactly what happened. Jenny’s choice to forgive created such a feeling of freedom, it was almost palpable, Father. I’m certain that everyone in the airport must have felt the power of it all. And just think, Father, it could have been so different, had Jenny withheld her forgiveness. By worldly standards, many would say that Jenny should never have forgiven Peter, rather, she should have beaten him and scolded him for all the hurt, anger and sorrow he caused and she had every right and justification to do so.”

“But what would have been the gain for her or anyone else?” Father quickly questioned. “No, Jenny didn’t allow pride to enter; she chose to die to herself and to all those feelings. By doing so, Peter and all those present were blessed to witness the power of letting go and letting God shine and seeing the tremendous fruits of forgiving.”

Henry nodded and continued, “It was wonderful to witness that, Father. The power that was released when Jenny said, “I forgive you, Peter,” was like an explosion of incredible good in everyone’s hearts that witnessed it. I am still reeling over it all.”

“Jenny used her free will perfectly, Henry. She chose to let Jesus live through her and what incredible results were witnessed by all those present. The power of our free will elevates man as the highest being on earth and when used wisely yields amazing fruits. What joy and freedom awaits a person when choosing Jesus’ ways!”

Father Engelmann had learned the secret to yielding his free will to the Lord long ago and look at the results, Henry thought as he gazed lovingly at his mentor. He is like Jenny was the other day, all of the time; twenty four seven.

Father broke into his thoughts, “Why live in hell when you can live in heaven on earth? The choice is ours. We can live for Him all the time, part of the time or never. If we yield our will to Him, all of the time, pick up our cross daily and trust that He will turn everything into the good then we, too, can live in perfect peace all of the time. That is what Saint Francis calls, perfect joy, to do God’s will in all circumstances. It’s a complete trust in God’s divine providence, Henry.”

“That’s precisely what I was thinking about on our way back to Regina, how God’s divine providence was working for years on this situation to bring it to a head.”

Father nodded, “God allows struggles and challenges to come into our lives constantly in order that they work together for our good so that we become more like Jesus. When we truly believe that God is constantly at work in our lives, we can rest knowing that God is the one orchestrating the events of our lives. It is His plan. When we know and accept this, we become less frustrated with circumstances and people and everything that challenges us. God is behind it all and in perfect control, constantly at work for our good. Just submit to Him and trust Him with all your heart. “

Henry shook his head from side to side. “Why are we so foolish to do it our way when there is an all knowing God who can guide us perfectly through life? “

“We lack faith, and trust and we want control. For the most part, it’s because we haven’t taken the time to develop a relationship with Him. To know Him, is to trust Him, is to love Him. This can only come through spending time with Him each day and study his Word and teachings. Gradually, we learn His truths and what is best for us. Gradually, we turn our will over to Him because we see the enormous benefits from doing so. We pick up our cross daily and begin to live with eternity in mind.”

“Yeah, it makes such good sense, Father. It really hit home to me what you have spoken of so often; dying to yourself. In the Prayer of Peace, Saint Francis describes it perfectly and like I said, Jenny captured the essence of that prayer. Although I see it in you all of the time, I take it for granted. Seeing it through Jenny’s actions, I really understood what it means to die to oneself. Like I said, Jenny could have chosen the opposite of what she did…”

Father just nodded and waited for Henry to go on.

“But rather than allow her feelings, her pride, her sense of justice to dominate and control her thoughts, she humbled herself like Jesus and accepted her cross just like you encouraged us to do in your sermon last week. I clearly recall you looking at the cross and instructing the congregation that it all has to do with the cross. Crucifying ourselves along with Christ and continuing His redemption, Jenny showed us exactly what that means and the fruit of doing so. She was a beacon of light in the darkness. Such a perfect example of the power we have to live a life with assurance, purpose and meaning!”

Henry shook his head once more as God’s plan for mankind became clearer in his mind. He could see the power of free will; to choose to love or hate, to be forgiving or unforgiving, to be kind or cruel…with free will there is an opposite to everything and God gave us this gift and the complete freedom to choose one or the other. He had seen it so clearly in the choices Jenny had made that weekend. The results could have been so drastically different had she chosen not to love! The life free will offers is staggering if used in the way God intended. Henry could easily see in his own life when he ran into trouble or messed up or worried and had a guilty conscience was when he chose to disobey the teachings of Jesus and His commandments.

Father gently spoke, reinforcing the insight Henry was grasping at a deeper level. It was as if the teacher had read the student’s mind.

“To the degree we choose to die to our self interests, our ways, our pride, is the degree to which we allow Christ to come into our lives. This is what it means to pick up our cross each day, to follow Him and live with eternity in mind.”

“Yes…” Henry whispered as the Scripture Father had said so many times and one that he had read over and over sprang to life: in John, 12:24-25 Jesus said, “I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone. But if it dies, it produces much grain. He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”

It felt as if Henry was sitting out back of the old grocery store with his mentor, learning truths. Mr. Engelmann was right then and continued to show his wisdom now. It was all in the Bible! Psychologists, philosophers, psychiatrists have not really discovered anything new. It was all there; Jesus laid out the map for us so beautifully and simply; if we but only choose to follow it!

That was what it was that was so appealing about Father, thought Henry. He lives the teachings of Jesus so perfectly that he emulates the words of St. Paul, “I have been crucified with Christ: it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

“Did you and Jenny discuss the possible annulment of her marriage, Henry?” Father asked, changing the subject to one that was becoming more pertinent to Henry and Jenny’s future.

Henry shuffled in his chair; he didn’t expect Father to bring up that topic.

“Yes, we talked about it. Jenny already knew much of the information as she had discussed it with the parish priest in the neighbourhood where she lives. He informed Jenny pretty much what you and I had discussed.”

“What about the matter of asking for dispensation to marry outside of the Church?”

“I did ask her that and she said she was able to obtain a dispensation from the local Bishop. Apparently they had planned a big wedding in the cathedral in Ottawa, but it didn’t materialize due to James’ father’s untimely death. They were going to have a special celebration in the Church at a later time, but that, too, didn’t pan out either.”

“I see,” said Father.

“She is planning a trip to Ottawa. Her son and his wife are having marital difficulties and Jenny is concerned about that. She would like to try and help out and see her grandson. She would also like to speak to James in person and ask for an annulment. I will be accompanying her for support.”

Father nodded and once again said, “I see.”

A lengthy silence descended upon the men. The morning sun suddenly peeked in through the windows, drawing Henry’s and Father Engelmann’s attention to the courtyard. The perennials were in full bloom and many were surrounded by annuals that some of the residents had planted. The petunias and pansies were doing very well, as were the marigolds. Henry didn’t recognize the others as they hadn’t flowered yet or lost their bloom. He momentarily pictured the nuns watering and caring for the plants, when the care home was a convent, when Father interrupted his thoughts with a troubling question.

“What if Jenny hadn’t come back to life, Henry? What would you have done with the rest of your life? Would you have continued to run your gallery? Buy more rental property? You are still a young man…”

Henry shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, Father. I suppose I would do more painting. The kids are taking over the operation of the business…the only thing that seems to stir any other interest is when I receive a letter from Gary and he talks about the missionary work he is doing.”

“Yes, both John and Gary seem to be very committed to serving the Lord in that capacity. Would you consider going abroad, too?”

“I don’t think I could do that, Father. What appeals to me is to make the Western world more aware of their responsibility to help meet the needs of their brothers and sisters in the third world. I recall the talk Gary gave that Sunday you had asked him to speak about his work before Mom died. He indicated that there was a need to do that.”

“Yes, Mother Teresa has done similar tours to make North America aware of that need. She did say however, that loneliness is even a greater concern. I believe she was referring to the treasures in our heart which lack purpose and meaning to serve God and others.”

“Yes, it’s all connected…” Henry’s words trailed off.

“Perhaps the Lord wants to talk to you about it, Henry. You have such a magnificent retreat house in the valley. Have you considered doing a retreat there?”

Henry was hesitant to answer and then dared to go on. “I think I am afraid of what the Lord might ask of me, Father. I still am too connected to the world and its ways. I struggle with what I have and the identity it gives me. I enjoy the recognition, prestige and accolades of my accomplishments. I know it is all an illusion and has no eternal value except for how it is used to serve. What it comes down to, Father, is that I still serve two masters.”

“It’s good that you recognize that. You remind me of the man in the Scriptures that Jesus asked to sell all and follow him.”

“Yes, and he walked away sad because he was a very wealthy man. I think of that Scripture all of the time. Surely, He doesn’t want me to go to that extent? Does He?”

“We have discussed this many times amongst ourselves and also in sermons. It’s not the wealth so much as it is our attachment to it and our pursuit of it that is a very serious problem for the western world. Simplifying our lives, giving of our riches, is a start. The closer we come to a true sense of poverty; the realization that nothing is ours, not only our wealth, but our very lives, the freer we become. We must become less and less until we know deep in our heart that we are nothing without God. Everything is His, it all belongs to Him. Don’t be seduced into worldly ways any longer. Don’t blame the world that it has too hard of a grip upon you. It’s all up to you to take responsibility for your life and choose His ways over yours. It comes back to the power of free will that you just spoke of. Everything you choose to do in your life must glorify the Father. Keep in mind that our lives on earth are very short; just an infinitesimal blip in the vastness of eternity. The closer you get to this sense of poverty and realize how short our existence really is, the freer you become to your attachment to the world.”

Father could see that Henry really wasn’t listening, he had an idea of what was troubling his son and Henry’s next words confirmed his assumptions.

“I know what you are saying is true, Father, but my mind is too troubled…what if I lose Jenny again?

Father had already been thinking of such a possibility and that is why he asked Henry what he would do with his life if Jenny had not returned to life.

“It seems to me, Henry, we have had this discussion one time before when Julean came into your life.”

“Yeah, I recall that time in the back storage room you talked to me about God’s divine providence and trusting in Him to turn it all into good.”

“Yes, we have to yield our will to His, Henry and trust in Him. You just explained such beautiful insights about trusting Jesus like Jenny did and waiting on Him.”

“Yeah, I know it comes down to that all the time. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t rely on your own understanding.”

Henry wondered if he would ever be able to do that. He worried so much about Jenny and him. Could he just give it all to God? Oh dear Lord, give me the grace and strength to submit our lives into Your care and trust You with all of my heart to turn it all into our good.

Father peered at Henry over the rim of his glasses, “Why don’t you come and spend a weekend with me at the prayer house? There are things that the mind cannot answer, Henry, only the heart can.”

Henry nodded. Father thought his son was finally agreeing with him to make a prayerful retreat, but Father was wrong.

Once again, Henry posed the question…

“What if Jenny decides to go back to James?”