Chapter Seventy Two

Henry remained on the deck after he finished talking to Jenny. He reached up and took hold of the pewter angel hanging on the chain around his neck. “Isn’t that something that Father would call his book, Pewter Angels?” In a way, he thought what Jenny had said about what Father was writing about was similar to their story. Henry wondered if there was any connection.

Henry gazed to the east and there was their star shining ever so brightly. Since Jenny’s return, he didn’t bother to look at the star as he used to for solace. She was here in real life and much preferred to feel her arms around him and the warmth of her lips on his. But as he gazed at the star he wanted to feel Jenny’s love. He wanted the assurance that all was okay…

He still felt Jenny’s love in the stars’ rays but the strength had diminished. Could it be that Jenny’s love was slipping away or were his feelings just covered over with too many concerns about their future? So many obstacles and such a huge one glaring at him; in the eyes of the Church, Jenny was still married to James.

How could he possibly fight for Jenny’s heart in such an arena?

The thought of trying to steal away another’s wife was too unsettling. He didn’t want to dwell on this any longer, anxiety was at the doorstep and he fought hard to keep it from entering his mind and heart.

But…but, what would he do if Jenny were to stay with James? The thought felt like a knife stabbing through his heart. The pain surged through his being like a bolt of lightning.

Fear was inching its way into his body. He had felt that emotion many times before and he struggled to keep it at bay. He thought of the letter he received from Gary on Friday. His friend was thinking of becoming a priest. He wanted to offer people who were dying the bread of life. He wanted to give them communion and the promise of what awaited them. Henry knew the Lord was calling him in that direction as well.

Here he was, still struggling with worldly values and attachments and worldly glory. Oh, when would he ever be free of it? Father understood his struggles. These were such shallow goals and had no meaning and purpose. Henry knew better. He should be down there in the Poustinia with Father searching for God’s will. How many times had his mentor encouraged him to make a retreat with him?

Henry looked into the starry night, ablaze now with millions of stars. As the darkness of the evening grew, he could almost see more and more stars blossoming in the infinite meadows of the sky. It made him think of their stint on the other side when Jenny, Father and he had died. He wished he could recall more like Father had. Perhaps his faith would be stronger.

The thought of heaven gave him a temporary reprieve from his troubled mind. A calming quietness began to sweep through his body; the tension of moments ago was leaving. The sounds of the valley were drifting back into his awareness. The babbling water trickling through the beaver dam was becoming audible.

His thoughts drifted to Julean and he felt her presence. Even while he was with Jenny, Henry knew she was ever near. He reached into his pocket and pulled out her rosary and kissed it. He wished she were here. There were many nights that they stood out on the deck just like he was now with his arm around her shoulder next to his chest. He wished she were here now. She was always there ready to talk and comfort, just like Father.

As Henry began to pray the rosary, the eerie sound of a coyote shrilled through the air. The dogs were immediately out of their house to the edge of hill, barking in response. It brought him back to the reality of the moment.

What was in store for him in the future? It looked so bright, yet so bleak. What did the Lord want of him? Yes, he could give up his wealth and worldly ways. Yes, he could free himself from attachments but could he give up Jenny?

Henry stared into the heavens, ablaze with twinkling diamonds and pleaded to his Lord…I just cannot do that if this is where this is all leading to…please don’t ask me to give up Jenny…please, don’t ask that of me.