Chapter Seventy Seven

Well now, it’s not often one sees a Hamilton lying on his back. It’s good to see you, James.”

James turned towards the door and lifted his head slightly to see Nancy and J.J. walk in.

“Glad both of you could come. I guess Marjorie got a hold of you?”

Nancy sat down at James’ bedside while J.J. stood behind his grandmother. “Yes, she got in touch with both of us. I called J.J. to come and get me.”

James looked at his son and nodded, “I’m glad you came, J.J., I want to discuss a few things with you.”

“How are you doing, James?” asked J.J. stiffly.

“Fine, but I would feel a hell of a lot better if you would call me Dad from now on. I don’t know how much time I have left but I’m trying hard to put our family back together again and I need your cooperation. I want to see you make up with your mother and you know how much she would appreciate it if you called her Mom as well…I can see now, half of the time we were like strangers or business associates—”

“That’s what you brought me up to say. For as long as I can remember you said, ‘no hugs, that’s for sissies and call Mom, Marjorie’; that it was more grown up. I was doing what you asked me to do—”

“I take full responsibility for that and admit for the tenth time it was a huge mistake on my part. How we call each other in a family connects us. I see that now, J.J. and I plead with you to help me…”

“I’ve never approved of this first name—”

Nancy was cut off by the nurse entering the room. “Mr. Hamilton, the doctor wishes to see you again. He wants to go over the blood tests and your treatments.” Turning to Nancy and J.J., she said, “This shouldn’t be too long. Can I ask both of you to please wait in the waiting area? I will call you as soon as the doctor is finished.”

Nancy got up slowly and supported herself with her cane. “Let’s go J.J. I don’t know what is so important that family can’t listen in to what is happening…okay, James, we’ll see you shortly.”

J.J. was going to offer Nancy some assistance but she shrugged it off.

Nancy was the first to speak as they both sat quietly in the waiting room. “You know J.J., it’s quite possible that I could die before your father. I am an old lady and getting more cantankerous by the day. If I could trade places with James, I would gladly do it. I haven’t been able to do much in my life time. The money was there and supported me so generously whether I did something or nothing. Most times I did the latter. Now, I can see the hurt in your father’s eyes and your mother’s heart over your unwillingness to come to them. Would you give me the opportunity to die knowing that I was able to do something meaningful with my life?”

Nancy shifted in her chair and rested her cane on the chair beside her and turned to her grandson.

“Talk to me J.J. I may be old but I still have all my marbles and I would like to help. Can’t you see what your mother is doing to help your father? You know only too well the life they shared. It wasn’t a happy or fulfilling marriage and here they are trying to make up for it in the dying moments of your father’s life and unfortunately your stubborn Hamilton pride is holding up this beautiful homecoming.

“Your mother didn’t need to come back. She didn’t owe James anything and yet she is here. In fact J.J., she was always here. If the truth be known, Son, your mother lived for years and years in an almost intolerable situation for your sake. She knew James’ understanding of life was flawed and James openly admits it now. And yet she stayed primarily for those precious times that she was able to hold you and spend time with you or to offer you some sense of what a family should be like. Many women would have been long gone, but she stayed…she didn’t abandon you and she tried to be a mother through it all primarily for your sake J.J.”

Nancy looked at J.J. who was staring at the floor. At least he was listening and didn’t get up and walk away. Nancy continued…

“She sacrificed the prime of her life for you, J.J. She was faithful to your father through thick and thin. She lived up to the commitment she made when they married. And you know it was your father who divorced your mother, not her. That book store man was nothing to your mother and James knew that. There was absolutely no affair going on there whatsoever. Ask your father and he will tell you. He had that entire matter investigated and he knew there wasn’t anything he could use against her and so he used you and your testimony against your own mother! James recognized it as an opportunity to get a divorce and nothing more. And what did he get? A woman who blackmailed him. He deserved what he got.”

Nancy glanced furtively towards J.J. hoping he was taking some of this in and once again, continued…

“I recently learned that since her divorce there is a man in her life who she knew from her youth whom she loves and could spend the rest of her days with. Since her miraculous healing, J.J., she now has the opportunity for some happiness and yet… here she is once again. She is sacrificing her life for a man who treated her as if she didn’t exist and hoping against all hope that she can reclaim her son who is still doing precisely what the father had done!

“J.J. you have a wonderful mother, far better than I could ever be. Your mother possesses a heart that was able to break through a shield of steel. Both my husband, your grandfather, Jim, and your father were never exposed to a home that was filled with love and care. All they knew was the cold life of business, power and wealth and I’m afraid your father has been an excellent teacher in that regard for you, too. I can see, so clearly, your life being imprisoned in the Hamilton clad of armor.

“Can’t you see what your father is trying to show and tell you in the dying days of his life? Don’t make the same mistake as he did.”

Nancy stopped and looked at her grandson. “Look at me J.J., please. If you don’t come out of your shell, one day you will regret this decision for the rest of your days. There is no time for the past my son, forget it. It’s nothing more than sour memories kept alive by our brains which can be very stupid and self defeating at times. The mind is such a wondrous gift, yet when used this way is more destructive than an atomic bomb. At least then it’s over in a flash! This way, it’s a slow death over years and years of self inflicted pain. Give it up, J.J. You have a beautiful wife and child who is in many ways like your mother. Don’t ruin your life.

“Well, here I am gabbing away and I should be listening so I’ll shut up. If you want to talk to a dying old blabber mouth, go ahead.”

A silence fell over the room. Nancy thought of more to say, but thought better of it. She kept her mouth shut and waited. She was startled by J.J.’s words. She didn’t expect him to say anything.

“If only she would have got upset with James and fought with him. Many times I was at friends’ homes and their parents argued and showed affection for one another, did things together, had family holidays…”

Nancy decided to speak. “You’re right J.J. In most normal families, there is discussion and heated ones at times, which is healthy and good, but trust me, son, to argue with a Hamilton is like arguing with a stone. The only thing that will happen is they will throw it at you in the end. When I first married your grandfather, I soon learned you don’t argue with them. Their minds are made up before you even begin. The Hamiltons are proud, arrogant and know power. No one dares to talk to them in any confrontational way.

“Ask yourself this J.J. Did you argue with your father when you were growing up? What happened to any of the staff that did? They weren’t around for long. Most relate to the Hamiltons in an atmosphere of fear.

“Listen to me. What good would it have done for your mother to argue with James, tell me? You were in a home where there was peace. If Marjorie had fought with James, and she could have at every turn, there would have been sheer hell in the home. But look what that accepting, peaceful approach did to your father? It transformed him!

“What you and I are witnessing is a miracle! Rather than abuse and arguing and fighting which would have gone nowhere, your mother planted the seeds of love in your father’s heart. Don’t you see the change in the man before you? Don’t you see the power and strength your mother has through her patience and love and acceptance of your father? J.J., don’t be blind to it.

“Your mother is a saint!

“When your father was at his most undesirable and miserable behaviour, your mother looked past it and saw the James that we are now seeing. She is the most forbearing person that I have ever known. Truly amazing!

“For God’s sake J.J. don’t blow it! I have made many mistakes in my life that I am so sorry for, but if you don’t stop and try to make a go of this, you are missing out on the biggest and most important deals of your life!”

Nancy paused, “I don’t know what else to tell you, but I am four times older than you and I may not be as smart as you, but think on what I said and think hard, but don’t be too long. Your dad could die any second and when he does, your mother will be gone. She will be deeply hurt that she was unable to reach you…”

Nancy knew she was talking too much but she just had to add, “For God’s sake J.J. Don’t be stupid like James was. Don’t wait twenty years to grow up! Go in there and call him ‘Dad’ and your mother, ‘Mom’ and talk to them. Swallow that damn Hamilton pride and live for once in your life… They need you and love you… be there for them now, and please go home to your wife and son before you lose that, too!”

The strain of the discussion was too much for Nancy and she felt faint. She took hold of the chair beside her to support herself.

“What’s wrong…Grandma?”

J.J. rushed to her side and panic crept up his spine.

Nancy gasped, “It’s my heart… open my purse…J.J… take out my nitro glycerin in the small brown bottle. Quick… give me one to put under my tongue.”

“There’s three bottles… oh here it is…”

J.J. quickly opened the bottle and gave Nancy a small white pill. “I can’t move my arms… put it into my mouth…”

“Do you want another one?”

Nancy shook her head and breathed sharply through her nose and leaned forward as if to fall over. J.J. stood there ready to catch her should she keel over. Her breathing began to be more rhythmic and relaxed.

“Are you okay, Grandma…?”

Finally, Nancy nodded. Faintly she said, “Yes, it’s that blood pressure of mine… I got over-excited… but did I hear you calling me Grandma or was I on my way to heaven and one of my grandchildren from the grave was beckoning me?”

J.J. smirked… “Are you okay? You had me worried for a minute.”

“Say it again, J.J. That was like music to my ears… That, more than that damn pill was what helped me. Make me proud, son.”

Tears welled up in Nancy’s eyes. J.J. sat down beside her and bent forward placing his bent elbows on his knees and rested his chin on his hands that were closed into fists. He began to cry and couldn’t stop.

“I thought you were going to die, Grandma…”

Nancy put her hand on his shoulder and wept along with her grandson.

“Death can come at any moment. That’s why it’s so important to do everything we can to make things right. This opportunity may never come again.”

Nancy paused for her words to reach and touch her grandson’s mind and heart and then said, “We’re going to remember this day, J.J. Come, let’s go see how your dad is doing.”

When they got to the door of the hospital room, Jenny was there with James. Nancy looked at J.J. and said, “Go in there, I’ll wait outside. Make me proud, Son. I want to remember this moment on the day I die. Let this be the day the Hamiltons start living as a family.”

Nancy stood at the doorway and listened. There was a long silence, then she heard J.J. say, “I’m sorry, Mom.” He mumbled something else but Nancy couldn’t care what it was. J.J. had already said the magic words she wanted to hear.

A nurse came and was about to enter but Nancy blocked her way. “You don’t want to go in there now. They have all the medicine they need.”

Nancy shifted and rested more of her weight on her cane. She looked straight at the young nurse and added, “You could help me though, what I sure could use right now…is a double scotch on the rocks!”