CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Ciara gasps and throws her arms around my neck as Lochlain and I arrive in her kitchen the following morning. A delightful smell fills the room and it takes me a moment to place its rich aroma. It's been an age since I had coffee and my mouth waters at the thought of a hot mug – and the pastries that so often used to accompany it. She looks at Lochlain triumphantly.

'You came back much faster than I expected,' she says, grinning.

'You knew I was going to?'

She shrugs slightly but her gold ringed eyes are serious when she looks at me.

'I was hoping you would choose us, yes,' she says. I blush, thinking of my conversation last night with Lochlain about choices, but she said 'us' not 'him'.

'You listened to my story, didn't you?' She continues, pouring me a large mug of coffee.

Lochlain bristles. 'What story?'

'I might have,' I say ignoring him. 'Does that make me crazy?'

'You ended up here, didn't you?' Ciara says. 'So … maybe, yes.' She laughs.

'What story?' Lochlain asks again, eyes on Ciara.

'Oh, you know,' she says, a little coyness creeping into her tone, 'the old story about the lost girl who listens to her soul instead of her head and lets the Mother guide her where she needs to go.'

Lochlain narrows his eyes at her and glances at me as if expecting to see an answer in my face.

'Don't worry, Lochlain, as nice a fairy tale as it might be,' I say and he looks at me suspiciously, 'I think I just fluked finding Niamh again. She didn't seem worried about the wolf, though, I thought that would have spooked her.'

They both turn their eyes to me at that, Ciara's mouth open in contrast to the thin line Lochlain has pressed his into.

'Mother forgive us,' he mutters.

'I'd suggest it was the Mother that sent the wolf, Loch,' Ciara says, still staring at me.

I glance between them, missing the point of this sibling exchange. She recovers herself, handing me a plate of thick cut bread with cheese and the mug of coffee.

'Lochlain,' she says gently, 'this is what you wanted. It's what you've been fighting for. It's what we have all been fighting for. You can't turn your back on that now just because you'—she waves a hand in the air as she slides her gaze between us—'you know.'

He glares at her. 'It's my duty to—'

She raises an eyebrow at him and he looks away, not meeting my eye. Duty. I frown, pushing away the thoughts and questions that try to crowd in.

'And, if she wants in,' Ciara continues, 'she's in. You know full well we can't argue with that now. She chose this.'

'Definitely no point arguing that,' I say slowly, 'but, if we're doing this, you're going to fill me in on what you already know about General Siosal and how you intend to stop him.'

I look pointedly at Lochlain and understanding flickers from him.

'Don't bother denying you've been planning this rebellion for a long time,' I say. 'Having you in the Whispers was clearly part of your strategy. And you're going to stop talking in riddles I don't understand. At least not in my presence. Got it?'

Ciara claps her hands, 'I love her!' she exclaims to Lochlain.

•

After spending the next few hours talking with Lochlain and Ciara about the Whispers and the General, it's clear finding the rightful occupant for the Throne is something both Lochlain and Ciara are very passionate about. But there's a wariness that coats their discussion about it I can't read – and that I don't recall being present in our first discussion. Perhaps it's tiredness.

Equally clear is their love for the Court of Airlie, and that General Siosal's methods, and how they impact on their Court, flies in the face of what they believe Airlie to be.

'What happened to the ones who turned out not to be the Queen or heir?' I ask, shifting position slightly on Ciara's soft couch.

Lochlain lowers his gaze and tension ripples across his shoulders. 'For many of them, they spent a few nights as entertainment at the compound before they were no longer useful.' His jaw clenches before he goes on. 'A handful of others were sold for other … uses before they, too, found their end.'

'Fuck,' I breathe.

'When we realised what was happening, I was able to get him to stop. To convince him that's not how you honour someone's memory,' Lochlain says. 'Then, something triggered this side of his search again and here we are.' He smiles grimly at me. 'I can't take any credit for getting out the women you were with. That was all you.'

I'd known, though, and it's that knowledge that makes me feel sickest. That I looked into the eyes of the likes of Odhran and the General and knew what evil lay there. And yet I got away, only to put more women at risk. I think of Sofia and the others. I only know her name and Peta's, no one else's. The shame of that heating my cheeks. I recall the happiness on Will's face as he looked at Sofia, how many others have been robbed of that opportunity? How many more will be before I stop him?

'And you still think the Custodian of the Throne doesn't know about Siosal's methods?' I ask.

'It goes against everything Airlie believes in,' he says. 'The General's methods are the essence of what the Throne is supposed to protect us from. What the Custodian tries to protect us from. He wants the Queen or the heir found as much as anyone, but not like this.'

'So why not build a case against Siosal and take it to the Custodian?' I realise now this Custodian, who I didn't know existed before, is a better audience for a case than Robard.

Ciara blows out a breath. 'Because we've already tried that. The Custodian has a habit of seeing the best in others,' she says. 'Which is wonderful when things are going well. But … trickier when there are Calahi like Siosal around and other Courts to manage. Other Courts that don't necessarily want to see Airlie stand on her own anymore.'

I rub at the tension running across my forehead. The language Ciara is using reminds me of the reading I did in school about wars. The careful, politically sanitised versions of events used as justification for invading, violently, other countries.

'Stand on her own,' I say slowly. 'Meaning?'

'The possibility of war in the Realm,' Lochlain says and my heart quickens with the stress I can feel from him about this. 'Ideally,' he continues, 'we stop Siosal ourselves and find the heir. Then we can gently move the Custodian on as he is expecting, support the Queen to stabilise Airlie, and deter the Courts of Rothani and Mercasia. Show strength without violence.'

'And have you worked out if you should go back in?' I ask. 'If you don't return from your … supposed mission, you won't know if he finds them or not?' My gut twists nervously at the thought of him in General Siosal's hands if he is found out for helping me. I will certainly not let him go on his own, if that's his plan.

He glances at Ciara sitting across from him in the armchair. 'No, if I don't go back, I won't know who else is brought in. If anyone is. But we have Haryk … and others.'

'He said he would,' I say. 'He said he wouldn't hurt me anymore, but he'd keep taking women until I went back.' That twist in my gut turns painful.

'Siosal isn't someone who forgives. Ever. But events may have progressed enough now for me to not have to go back.'

Ciara notes the relief on my face at this and smiles softly. Lochlain pretending to loyally work under General Siosal is something she has endured far longer than me.

'Haryk confirmed Siosal isn't yet looking for Lochlain,' Ciara says. 'He thinks you got out on your own after Odhran came for you. But we'll need to be incredibly careful.'

'Have you given any thought to what you will do if you find the Queen or her child and they don't want the Throne?' I ask.

'We talk about that a lot,' Ciara says, turning her gold and black eyes to me. 'But, really, we have no option but to try. At this point, it seems clear the Queen has gone. But what of her young one? Do they know what's here for them? Wouldn't you want to know, if it was you?' Ciara asks, her loose posture belying the tension in her voice.

Lochlain's eyes flick to her before returning to me.

'Yes, I would want to know. I'd want to choose,' I say slowly. 'But those women didn't have a choice and I can't sit back and let that happen again. Not now that I'm out. Not because I am out.'

I lean back, resting my head on the plush couch cushions and blow out a breath. With it I send away the visions of that dark cold cell. My mother's words about bravery come back to me and I close my eyes. She was running, I know that much. I didn't realise it as a child but the different places we lived, the fact there was never anyone else in our lives, that I was only ever allowed to use my gift at home. As an adult, all of those things made more sense. What I never knew was why. Now, I wonder if I'm strong enough to.

'So what's your plan?' I ask, lifting my head again.

Ciara smiles.

Lochlain runs a hand through his hair, his loose curls bouncing back when he takes it away. He watches me like I imagine a predator observes its prey.

'The three of us alone won't be able to stop Siosal, and Haryk has confirmed he will go after more women,' he says. 'It's time you met the others.'

'Maybe Airlie will win you over in the process.' Ciara winks at me and Lochlain sighs. The fear and hope ebbing from him glitters in his eyes.

Ciara leaves to contact the others, whoever they may be, leaving Lochlain and me in the sitting room. I take our mugs to the kitchen and he joins me, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. He's anxious and I force it away to keep myself steady, focusing instead on the faint outline of weapon straps I can see over his shoulders, hidden by his shirt. Slowly I look up and find his eyes already on my face.

Waiting.

'You seem hesitant,' I say quietly, 'about having me join you. Do you not trust me to be part of this?'

He steps towards me, and my pulse kicks up a notch. 'Sort of … mostly,' he says.

My brows feel like they shoot to the sky. 'Sort of?'

'I trust you're skilled, that your heart is in the right place,' he says. 'But you forget that I know you will put yourself in danger to protect those you care about.'

I'm not sure how to respond to that. Is he telling me he knows I care about him or that the fact I do that – and he's not wrong – worries him? A smile lifts the corners of my mouth.

'Lochlain,' I say, 'are you worrying about me?'

'Every moment I'm with you makes me worry more.'

He moves to take another step towards me, halting when Ciara comes back into the kitchen.

'They'll be here in ten,' she says. The force of Lochlain's nerves make me look at him quickly but he won't meet my eyes.

Ciara's gaze flicks between us and she gives Lochlain's bicep a quick squeeze. I look to him for understanding but he only looks back to the doorway.

'Hey hey!' a loud voice calls from the back door, the same one Lochlain and I used the first day I came here.

I'm momentarily thrown by the Calahi who appear in the kitchen a few moments later. Partly because the man is quite possibly the most beautiful person I've ever seen, and the fierceness of the woman sucks at my chest. And then there's the wave of mixed emotions coming from Lochlain.

I stifle the urge to tell him what I can feel, and he reins them in on his own with some effort. No one else seems to notice. Feeling like I can breathe a little better, I turn back to the new arrivals – although it's me that's new, in reality. The shared history in the room sends a flutter behind my ribs, reminding me why I am here. For my own family. So I can go home.

The male Calahi is slightly taller than Lochlain and not quite as broad. The white, long sleeve top he wears shows a body that is either used to maximum ability every day or is slavishly honed to look like it is. With skin the deep brown of wet earth and black hair cropped close to his skull, it's all I can do not to stare. Mahogany eyes survey me.

'Hi,' he says in a rich, curiosity-lined voice.

The woman's steel-coloured eyes flick to me as she comes around the man. Her eyes widen before she looks to Lochlain, who clears his throat, as if remembering himself. He steps forward to introduce me, a hand hovering at the small of my back.

'Rory, Aeyva, this is Lish.'

Rory steps forward and takes my hand, gently kissing the back of it. A prickle of objection runs over my back where Lochlain's hand remains, not touching me, but it's drowned out by his anxiety. Rory lifts his stunning eyes to mine as he squeezes my fingers. Mahogany lined with obsidian.

'Pleased to meet you … Lish,' he says in a voice I am entirely sure has women and men alike losing their minds.

'Don't mind him,' the woman, Aeyva, says. 'He thinks he's sex on legs. He is, truth be told, but we don't tell him that.'

She quirks an eyebrow at me, and brushes stray strands of her silver hair out of her face. The top section is bound in a tight, complicated braid that hangs past her shoulders. Above each ear a shaved strip about two inches wide shows the tattoos on her skull. Her black bodysuit is not unlike my old Guard uniform. I can't see any weapons on her but there is no mistaking how deadly she is.

'You,' she says pressing a finger into Lochlain's chest, 'are one lucky bastard. Sending …' She shakes her head. 'That was the single dumbest thing you've ever done.' She kisses him forcefully on both cheeks and makes her way to the couch, throwing Ciara a soft smile that lingers. I follow her mutely to the sitting room, my cheeks warm.

Aeyva's steel-grey eyes turn to me and I notice the pale blue rings in them. 'How did you find your way back?' she asks. 'We're normally very well hidden.'

We've all taken seats, leaving Lochlain to sit between Aeyva and me on the couch, facing the fire. He sits a little stiffly between us, as though he's trying not to touch me.

'I probably wouldn't have found it on my own, to be honest. I had a little help.' I tell them about Niamh and the wolf, and they watch me carefully. Almost as carefully as Lochlain and Ciara watch them to gauge their reactions.

'That's a very intriguing story,' Aeyva says. 'It reminds me of an old one I've heard before.'

Lochlain clears his throat.

'A very intriguing story,' Rory chips in. 'I assume that's just the beginning of what we're here for, Kiki?'

Ciara looks at Rory and Aeyva. 'She came back, and she wants to join us.'

Aeyva pins me with a look.

'This is starting to feel like an audition,' I say, meeting her gaze. She looks to Lochlain and he holds her stare for so long I almost think they're communicating in some way I can't hear.

'Join us to do what, exactly?' Aeyva asks, resuming her focus on me. Steely eyes portraying just how lethal she is.

'Lish's goal is to stop General Siosal and return home,' Lochlain says evenly.

'Home?' Rory asks slowly. 'And where is that?'

'Somewhere other than here,' I say gently.

Aeyva narrows her eyes at me but there's amusement there. I tentatively allow her emotions to find me, but they remained obscured. Rory and Aeyva look at me without talking and my skin tightens a little in self-consciousness. I don't know what I was expecting from this meeting but I did think there'd be more talking and less … visual assessment. I feel like they're looking through me and it sets me on edge.

Wine appeared on the low table as we sat down and I take a sip now to help steady my nerves. I accidentally bump Lochlain with my knee as I set my glass back on the table and he subtly shifts his leg away. Ignoring him, I sit forward and address the others.

'Look,' I start, 'I get the tight group of friends thing and it's hard to let others in. I'm not asking you to let me be bestie number five. I'm saying I'd like to help you stop Siosal. I know enough from Lochlain and Ciara to know you're against him. So am I. But if you're not up for working together that's fine. I will do what I can on my own.'

'Bestie number five?' Rory asks, smirking.

'Listen, Lish,' Lochlain says, 'it's not that we don't want you with us but it's dangerous. There are other ways—'

'Why do you want this at all?' Aeyva cuts him off. 'Loch gave you the opportunity to walk away and never look back.'

I think on that. I know the answer, but I question how much to give them. It's Ciara in the end who makes my decision. I realise I want her to trust me, I want to earn it from her. But I still keep a piece to myself. About how much the possibility of answers drives me, even if I'm not ready to face them all.

So it's her I am looking at when I say, 'Revenge and protection.'

Next to me, Lochlain cocks his head slightly, offended. 'Protection? I—'

'Let her finish,' Ciara says, not taking her eyes off me.

I breathe in and out through my nose and pick my wine glass back up, watching its contents as I swirl it around.

'Whether he knows it or not, General Siosal has taken, or has tried to take, the most important people in my life from me. And I want to protect anyone else from feeling that pain. That's without even going into the moral responsibility I have to help the women he intends to take – nobody should be treated like that.

'I watched the man who may as well be my brother almost bleed out, courtesy of the General's blade. I saw firsthand a little boy's devastation as his only remaining family member was torn away from him. I saw the anger in his eyes as he threatened to burn me into oblivion. And then, I was asked to leave and not return.' I take a shuddering breath. 'The option you put forward, Aeyva, of walking away and never looking back simply isn't in me to do. My friends, my family, are all I have. And if I don't stop him, he's going after them again. I won't risk it,' I say.

A pulse of warmth flows over me from Lochlain.

'Nobody would've blamed you for choosing that path, Lish,' he says.

I look at him and note the sadness in his eyes. 'But I would have.'

My history plays in my mind, and I weigh up telling them they're not the only ones who've had dealings with the Whispers in the past. Perhaps not as often as them but … certainly life altering.

I take a deep breath. The last person I told of the darkest moment in my life – the librarian – wound up dead. But there's an air to this group that tells me they can more than take care of themselves. Every fibre in my being screams to stop General Siosal. If sharing a painful fact helps me do that, so be it.

'There's something else you might as well know,' I say looking into the fire now. 'This wasn't my first experience with the Whispers.'

Anger and something like worry tinge the emotions Lochlain is grappling with. Absently, I wonder why I can't sense the others like I can with my friends, and everyone else in Rhyton.

'They killed my mother.'

Rory and Ciara sit forward in their seats and Lochlain shifts to face me, turning his back to Aeyva. Devastation ripples from him, but not surprise – he knows I grew up in the orphanage. Feeling his emotions as well as mine bring tears to my eyes as I remember that day and I blink them away.

'I think I'd repressed it, or couldn't make enough sense of it as a kid, but when we began looking into the different cases, it started to come back,' I say. 'When the Whispers took Will and me, there really couldn't be any doubt. And if there was any lingering uncertainty, being … with General Siosal certainly wiped any last trace of it away. I don't know if it was him personally or not, of course, but I know they were there, and I want to make them pay. I want him to pay.'

Lochlain gently holds my knee. 'Do you know for sure she's dead? She wasn't taken somewhere else?' There's a hint of hope in his voice that hurts.

I look at him slowly and swallow against the sound of her skull cracking.

'She's dead.' I blink the image away.

The others in the room seem to collectively inhale before placing their palms to their hearts in what I assume is an Elenlea way of expressing sympathy. Although it does remind me of the Librarian again, how long ago that seems.

Lochlain's eyes flash. 'I'm so sorry, Lish. I …' he doesn't seem to know what else to say and I don't blame him.

Several moments pass and I notice how still the Calahi can be.

'Can you fight?' Aeyva asks abruptly.

I look her over. 'Not like I imagine you can,' I say, 'but yes.'

Rory smiles. 'Not many can.'

'No.' Lochlain shakes his head. 'I don't think she should come. The risks …' A weight drags down the centre of my chest. 'We're talking about fighting full-blooded Calahi.'

And I'm human, I think. Mostly. Who knows how far back my heritage is linked with theirs. How diluted it is now.

Aeyva gently runs a hand over his back, and I try not to track the movement. Lochlain tenses as she looks around him. She stares at me, distracting me from the disappointment that not only did Lochlain want me to leave Elenlea, he also doesn't want me to help now I'm back.

Heat surges to my face and I have to look away.

'We'll help her,' she says. 'We wait until Siosal makes his next move and then we take down those supporting his methods. We know the Custodian won't believe us yet, so we hit Siosal where it will hurt him the most – his numbers.'