With newborn Aisha.
TWO SEASONS, TWO HOMEBIRTHS
by Farheen Haq
I birthed my two children in the warmth and comfort of my living room. Looking back at the seasons my children arrived in helps me to make meaning of my birthing experiences.
Our Winter Birth: My daughter Aisha came into the world in the middle of a winter windstorm. We cozily nestled in the living room by the fireplace, taking in the gusts of each contraction as they blew through me. Aisha’s birth was quick and fearless, like the storm that was blowing around outside our home that night. The power was out and trees and fences were blown over. The waves of my contractions blew quickly and before I knew it, Aisha was surfing out of my body. I was extremely focused and went right into each contraction and felt very little pain. I went inside myself, reaching into the winter cave of my own body, deeply connected to myself and hardly aware of anyone else. This was a very quiet and magical birth illuminated by candles and the fire. We were the eye of the storm that night: a calm, loving center inviting our daughter into the world.
Our Summer Birth: Our son Cairo was born close to the summer solstice on a hot and languid day. The air was still and the earth was baking. Cairo’s birth was unhurried and long. I walked in the garden and napped. I noticed the peonies bursting with life, full and explosive. I had labored for a full day and by the time I was in active labor, I was exhausted. It felt harder than the first time. My two-and-a-half-year-old daughter was in and out with her grandmother throughout the day and we had a houseguest in the basement. The birth was more external, like a summer day, beckoning me to come out and play. I called on my partner and our doula to help me focus and breathe, and to massage me. I leaned on them for support and again, with the blessings of love, good health, and the universe’s grace, we welcomed our son into our world.
With newborn Aisha.
Farheen, Cairo, Aisha, and Chris.
Farheen is a visual artist and environmental education consultant. Her work has been exhibited internationally. Farheen’s video installations and photo-based work explore the understanding of her body and her gender.
by Doula Kathryn Eagleheart
On Saturday, December 9, Farheen’s body started showing signs of pre-labor. During these days, there was concern that maybe this baby would be too early to arrive at home, and the birth would have to happen at the hospital (she was a few days short of thirty-six weeks). Both Farheen and Chris really wanted to have the baby at home. On one of those evenings, Chris snuggled up with Farheen, and together they envisioned the way they wanted the birth to go. This helped to create the sacred bubble of their baby’s birth, within which their connection would guide them beautifully and peacefully, at home.
On that Saturday, Farheen released what could have been the mucus plug, followed by other secretions. On Thursday, around 1:30 p.m., she began releasing lots of liquid, which was determined by the midwife, Christina, not to be amniotic fluid (this was good, as it meant that there would not be time restrictions on labor’s beginning). Christina said that it might be a good idea to go to the hospital the next morning so the fluids could be checked more thoroughly. Thankfully, and completely in line with how the pregnancy and birth were unfolding, Farheen began having mild contractions in her lower back and lower pelvis around 4:30 p.m. that day. At about 10 p.m., her waters did break with a gush, and the contractions increased. They were on their way!
To add to the excitement of this birth, there was a major storm that night. The wind was thrashing, throwing things around the streets, and rain was crashing down and being thrown against the windows.
At about 12:30 a.m. on Friday, Chris called me to come over. The contractions were about four minutes apart, lasting about one minute in length. I arrived by about 1 a.m., at which point Christina had already been called and was on her way. Upon my arrival, Farheen and Chris were already well engaged and active within their ritual. Farheen used a multi-tone sound for each contraction (up-down-up), while Chris placed his hands on her lower back. She always requested he be directly on her skin. As time passed, it was remarkable to watch their connection. When Chris was not right there with her, she would call for him. As soon as he arrived, and placed his hands on her, she would say yes as part of her sounds, and you could just see her getting into her rhythm. It was like as soon as his hands were on her, it made this very real connection between them that circled and involved them, and also included the baby, and that allowed the birth to move seamlessly, peacefully, and calmly. It was like completing an electrical circuit when they touched! At times, Farheen would make other sounds, and Chris would just say, “Mmhmm,” as in agreement, as she made them. They were right in it together—Chris so attuned to Farheen, with the birth unfolding swiftly as long as they were connected.
From the outside, based on Farheen’s calmness and her body’s signs, it appeared to Christina and me that this was still early labor. Christina even mentioned later that she thought she was dilated perhaps two centimeters at that point. Farheen asked us if this could go on for awhile, and we both said it could. She felt that she was already far along. After waiting several contractions to be able to get an exam in, at about 2:05 a.m., Christina found Farheen to be at least seven centimeters dilated, complete on one side and with a lip on the other. But the baby’s head was already within the birth canal! So there was really seven centimeters plus head! This baby was arriving, very soon! Farheen was handling it all so well that even the physical signs of imminent birth were not visible. Christina mentioned to Farheen that she might feel the need to push soon.
Not only was the storm thrashing outside, but the power had turned off. Christina was trying to find all her birthing supplies, and I was helping to find candles to light the place. Chris brought a couple of headlights to use, so it looked like we were getting ready to go mining for this baby. (When Chris went to find the flashlights, I stayed by Farheen’s side, and he came right back to her when he returned.) There was talk of setting up the birthing pool, but Farheen did not feel like she would need it. She was laboring in front of the fireplace, so with that and the candles glowing, it was a beautiful scene!
As Christina and I bustled around getting ready (the backup midwife, Jane, was on her way), Farheen called out that she needed to push. She asked if she could squat, and Christina said maybe not to, as this baby was already coming so fast. (Christina could not find all her birth supplies, and was not ready yet!) Throughout all of this, Chris remained by Farheen’s side, pushing her back or holding her hand (as she was now lying on her side) and talking to her. Then, within another couple of contractions, she said, “This baby is coming now!” As I knelt at her feet, squeezing a foot during a contraction, and with Chris by her side, Farheen asked if they could see the head. I told her that her perineum was bulging. Then, on the next contraction, Farheen reached down and said she could feel something. Kathryn told her, “That is your baby’s head, Farheen!”
Farheen was so calm, just reaching down and feeling her baby’s little head coming out. It was so amazing and beautiful! The head showed first in one push, then retreated, then showed again (as the door blew open from the wind and I raced to close it). The pushes, like the rest of the birth, just unfolded gracefully from within Farheen’s body. There was very little actual effort on her part, other than the very important job of being present and moving with the sensations. The whole birth was just unfolding from within, each step gently leading to the next, peacefully and calmly, like the calm before the storm. Chris said he could see a little ear. Then the head came out and stayed out. Then, rather than waiting for another push, the whole body slithered right out into Christina hands, and she brought Aisha up onto Farheen’s belly. There were only four to six pushes in total to bring Aisha through the birth canal! She was ready to arrive. She was officially born at 2:33 a.m., on Friday, December 15.
As soon as Aisha was on Farheen’s belly, Farheen exclaimed, “We have a baby,” with such a beautiful look of joy and wonderment on her face! She reached out to Chris, who was still supporting her by her side, and they kissed. Farheen kept exclaiming over her, holding her tenderly on her belly. She exclaimed a few times as she lay there, “I haven’t even looked at her yet,” and Chris said, “She looks like a baby!”
She was absolutely perfect! They hadn’t checked yet to see if she was really a girl, but she let out enough cries to let everyone present know that she was breathing well, and did not need any resuscitation. Her color was excellent, and she was very calm just lying against her mommy, adjusting to the world outside the womb. Her daddy was touching her and loving her mom, the two of them so beautiful with their new baby! Dad eventually checked that she was, indeed, a little girl, and he cut the cord when it had stopped pulsing.
The backup midwife arrived shortly after the birth. Farheen had a small, straight tear on her perineum—probably due to the extreme quickness with which Aisha was born. Christina sewed her up and I held a lamp for her to see, while Jane did the birth chart. Chris was completely with Farheen, aware of her fear of the tear and the stitches—the only real concern Farheen had showed through the whole birth. So Chris helped her through, talking to her and loving her, and letting her know he was right there with her, as Aisha lay on her belly.
Aisha showed signs of readiness to suckle (sucking on her fists, smacking her lips) and was slowly making her way toward Farheen’s nipple. Chris and Farheen decided Aisha was ready to eat, and Christina and Farheen decided to try side lying to feed. Little Aisha latched on so well, bringing her own head forward onto the nipple. Then she lay curled up happily by her mom’s side, suckling gently. Every once in a while, she let out a little whimper, and then went back to sucking. Chris announced that he was going to go put the duck in the oven, and brought food and drink for Farheen, and for the midwives and doula. What a good daddy!
While Farheen lay feeding Aisha (for about an hour or so), her legs cramped up, so I massaged them. Chris came and went, bringing food and checking on them both, while the midwives were in the other room. Soon Aisha was checked over and weighed. She was 5lbs 11oz. She was tiny, but well rounded already. She looked like she had spent the perfect amount of time in the womb, and her sucking was well-coordinated.
The whole birth, from the beginning of contractions to the baby arriving, lasted only ten hours, with only four and a half hours of more intense contractions after her water broke. Both Farheen and Chris remained so calm and focused throughout it all. They showed such confidence in the unfolding birth, and all that they felt the need to do. They needed no guidance from beyond them, using only their connection, Farheen’s body, and Aisha moving within the womb and through the birth canal to guide them. Farheen felt safe enough to just go with what was happening within her. Together, they danced a beautiful birth!
I have been so blessed to be a part of this sacred time in Farheen’s, Chris’, and Aisha’s lives! I feel honored to have been present during the pregnancy, the birth, and the postpartum period. Thank you for allowing me in to be a part of this special time! It was a wonderful reminder of how births really can be, when the mother aligns with the birth, has a powerful ability to connect with who she is, and has the right support, a safe environment, and a loving, deep, and powerful connection with the father. May your lives together as a new family continue in the same peaceful, calm, and deeply connected way that your birth unfolded!
Kathryn is a certified birth and postpartum doula, a breastfeeding educator, and the mother of two teenage children. She lives and works in Victoria.