by Reena Singh
This is my story of the homebirth I always wanted—the powerful rite of passage into Motherhood. My name is Reena Singh and I am thirty-four years old. I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl, Tiana Devi Rose Singh-Lazzarotto, two weeks before my thirty-fourth birthday. Her due date was a day before my birthday, but she came a tad bit earlier than expected.
I have had the privilege of attending three births—four now, if I include my own. Two were homebirths and with the other, I supported a dear friend during her labor at a hospital.
Twelve years ago, I attended my first birth ever of my fairy goddess child Solea. She was born in a pool, at home—surrounded by loving midwives, her papa, and her grandma. I knew then that when the time came, I would have a natural waterbirth at home as well.
Before I tell you more about my Powerful Amazing Homebirth I want to say a few words about my background. I am the first generation to be born in Canada from parents who immigrated here from Fiji, thirty-five years ago. We are of Indian ancestry. From a cultural viewpoint, birth is seen as normal, healthy, and natural. My mother, my Nani (my mom’s mom), and my Mausi (my mom’s sister) would tell me stories of village midwives who would massage the mother and baby every day for two weeks after the baby was born while the mothers stayed in bed and recovered from the hard work of labor and birth. My mom did massage me and made me stay in bed for at least two weeks—if not longer—after Tiana was born, while she shopped, cooked, and cleaned for us. I am so grateful for her.
My lover Misha and I conceived Tiana on Salt Spring Island, a very fertile, family-oriented kind of place. We were both living on the island at the time. We considered having a homebirth on the island, but I felt that I wanted to be near my mom and a few other close friends who lived in Vancouver. Also, my partner had steady work in the city. I also felt that if something were to go wrong, we would be that much closer to British Columbia Women’s and Children’s Hospital. So we moved into a cozy little basement suite in Southeast Vancouver where I sit and write this story now as our daughter sleeps peacefully. She turned five months old a few days ago. We are truly blessed!
I started looking for midwifery care in Vancouver when I was six months pregnant. Prior to that, I was under the care of Ruby, our loving midwife and friend on Salt Spring Island. After visiting a few midwifery clinics, a birth attendant, and the staff at South Community Birth Program, at the recommendation a wonderful doctor from the incredible South Community Birth Program, we chose to go with the Commercial Drive midwives. There was a good senior midwife on the team that I felt confidence in. I must say that we are extremely fortunate to have access to free and legislated midwifery care here in BC, and that the personalized attention I received while in their care was second to none.
And yet, even as I write these words, I would have to say that for the actual birth, I truly leaned on my doula—a strong, grounded, and very calm woman who has attended births for a long time, as well as having had her own unassisted births. We originally went to meet with her as I wanted to learn more about why a woman would want to have an unassisted birth. She spoke comforting words about mammalian birth nature, darkness, warmth, privacy, coming out of the forebrain, going into the back of the brain, allowing the body’s hormones to work their magic, and allowing everything to just relax and flow, opening to the life force within. We spoke of the reality of if and when any intervention would be truly needed. We also spoke of whether typical routines after birth were truly necessary—for example, the vitamin K shot, eye drops, and heel prick. I wanted to make informed decisions regarding my health care and that of my unborn child.
We learned that although we could be under very good care with registered midwives, we would also be offered some precautions that weren’t necessarily in alignment with my birth plan, which was to have a natural, gentle, drug- and intervention-free birth. So when I learned—at my very last midwifery appointment before I went into labor the next day—that I was group B strep (GBS) positive, I was devastated that there was a chance that infection could pass on to my newborn and that intravenous antibiotics were recommended for me during labor, which I consented to. What I wasn’t clear about was that the antibiotics only needed to be administered after your water has been broken for a certain length of time. I think the midwives thought that I wanted the antibiotics as a precautionary thing no matter what, since I tested positive for GBS—but of course I didn’t want them unless there was a risk. It turns out that there was no risk for me and Tiana, as my water bag started to come out like a water balloon just before my baby’s head crowned. I remember walking back and forth from the bathroom and the living room between some really intense contractions a few times with this sac hanging between my legs. It was quite an odd feeling.
But to get back to my birth story, I started having Braxton Hicks (early contractions) a couple weeks before I gave birth, and I really liked them. It was a good feeling, like a strong, gripping sensation that made me always stop in the middle of whatever I was doing and hold my belly and breathe or comment to whomever I was with—either my partner Misha or a friend. I remember going to pick arbutus berries at Lighthouse Park and feeling the rushes every few steps or so. They seemed to come on more often and stronger when I was hiking or walking uphill. It was a sign to get my space ready for a homebirth, as well as to pick up the birth pool we would be borrowing from Kassandra, my good friend and also Tiana’s auntie.
Kassandra has been an inspiration from the very beginning to have a gentle birth. She had an unassisted waterbirth of her daughter Amarah at home. Amarah is one of the reasons I wanted to be a mother. She is an amazing child full of wisdom, light, and love.
My two friends Bry and Lolo came to my house one morning, one to photograph me in my pregnant fullness and the other to do a belly cast. I was feeling quite emotional about the whole GBS-positive thing and asked them if they could come another day and do it. Of course they agreed and upon their departure we set a date for the following week. I had a nap and wanted to get dressed for Diwali, a Hindu religious celebration in honor of the Light, dedicated to the Goddess Laxmi, who brings prosperity into our lives. My mom was picking me up at 5:30 p.m. to take me to the temple for festivities and worship. Just before my mother arrived, I went pee and when I wiped I noticed some blood-tinged mucus on my tissue. I showed my mom and she smiled and said excitedly, “That means you will have the baby in the next few days!” I thought about continuing the evening as planned and going to the temple, but a bunch of warm fluid came out between my legs and my contractions were getting a little stronger. I felt that I should call the midwife.
Lily was on call and she picked up quickly and asked me some questions. Had my water broken? There was no way for me know for certain, since I had never experienced that before, so she asked me to meet her at BC Women’s Hospital, so she could check the fluid under a microscope to see whether it was amniotic fluid or just cervical mucus. I calmly packed a small bag just in case, and my mom drove me to the hospital. Misha was still at work. Once at the hospital, my contractions started coming on stronger and while I was waiting to be processed in through administration, I watched other women come in and have to wait in uncomfortable chairs while they filled out paperwork through contractions. While waiting for a room, they had to wait in beds downstairs. I prayed that I would not end up in the clinical atmosphere of the hospital later in the night under bright fluorescent lights.
We got through the paperwork and went into a small room where Lily had to do a swab of my cervix with a speculum. It was hard for me to relax and let her put the speculum inside me, as the contractions were starting to get strong and I was feeling nervous about things. I thought of Lily’s skillful training as an obstetrician in China and how many babies she must have delivered in the hospital there. I thought of my baby and closed my eyes, breathed, let her do the swab, and waited for her to look at it under the microscope. It was not amniotic fluid. Lily told me to go home, relax, try to sleep and call her when the contractions got to be five minutes apart and one minute long. I felt that I would not be able to sleep, but that I would try to relax.
Even as I walked back to the car in the parking lot of the hospital to drive home with my mom, my contractions were getting stronger. It was probably about 6:30 p.m. By the time I got home, I was ready to take off my clothes and be naked and free. I didn’t want any restrictions. I felt that I was entering another state of consciousness. I asked my mother to call the midwife and all others on my list, such as my partner, my doula, and Kassandra. I felt that things were progressing along very quickly and intensely, so we called Lily the midwife again. Misha arrived home from work. We were fairly prepared for a homebirth with the exception of the birth pool’s not being set up. Misha started working on that right away and soon after Kassandra and Sashah, Misha’s brother, arrived to help set up the pool, lay down plastic (which I absolutely despised), and move furniture around.
As this was all going on around me, I was kneeling in child’s pose, OM-ing and toning through the waves of sensation, then resting peacefully in between. They were coming on harder and faster. Things were progressing very quickly. We called our doula. It’s interesting to note that I wasn’t sure if I wanted my mother at my birth whenever I had given it any thought prior to my actually going into labor, but it just seemed like fate that she was there that night, and was thankfully very much a part of my birth. I asked my mom to call Lily again as I was getting more and more out of my rational thinking brain and into my primal, instinctual wild woman state.
Our doula arrived quickly and her presence brought a wave of calmness to the birthing house. The neighbor’s kids upstairs were playing later than usual as it was a Friday night and I asked someone to let the family upstairs know that I was in labor and needed the kids to be quiet. My friend Ashley ended up at my birth, since she called earlier in the evening to check on me and I told her I was in labor. She was like, “OMG, I’m coming over.” I didn’t really have the heart to say no. I also didn’t know when she called earlier in the evening just how quickly things would have progressed with me. In a way, I was thinking that since this was to be my first birth, I would probably be in the first stage of labor for a while, and it might be nice to have a couple good friends around. If later I felt that I needed space I would just ask for it. But things didn’t turn out that way. By the time Ashley came over, I was well into the thick of it and just naturally got into an introverted space, blocking out most happenings around me in order to fully focus in on my body, the labor pains, and my baby. At that point, the lights seemed too bright and my house was filled with too many bodies. I hadn’t invited them all. There was the main midwife, the backup midwife, two student midwives, my mom, my partner, his brother, Kassandra, Amarah, Ashley, and our doula. I wanted everyone to just shut up and focus their energy meditatively on me or get out. But I couldn’t do anything about it. I don’t know why. I guess I felt that I was flowing down the river too fast to turn around and try and pick up the pop cans that I had just passed. I had to focus on me.
I would, however, walk by my friends while they were whispering and say, “Shhhhhh,” or “Shut up!” It was the most I could muster up the energy to do. My birth plan was originally to only have Misha, our midwife, and the doula and maybe Kassandra over. We live in a tiny basement suite, so it felt crowded with so many more people. Ten people gathered around me while I sang powerfully through intense contractions and talked to my baby lovingly. My mom told me afterward that I was saying a lot of nice things to my baby. I was letting her know how loved she was and how we had prayed for her to come into our lives and that we were ready for her whenever she was ready to come into the world. I also told her that I knew how hard she was working on her end as well and that we could do this together! I made sounds that sounded like Tarzan calling for Jane in the jungles of Borneo. It was very primal. Birth is primal.
Then the “vein game” began with Lily the midwife trying desperately to insert a needle to start the IV antibiotics for GBS between contractions. But every time she tried, I would have one and I kept needing to go on my hands and knees with my head down to manage the intensity. It was the only way I felt I could handle the pain of my labor. Eventually, my doula asked if the antibiotics were necessary, since we all noticed my water bag sliding out. The midwife clarified with me that they were not necessary since my water bag had not broken and that I was close to delivering my baby, so I could forgo them. We were all relieved.
Afterward, when we shared about the birth, we all agreed that my body and Tiana were trying to block the antibiotics off, and gratefully so, seeing as I didn’t need them anyhow. She was getting close to being born and I hadn’t spent any time in the birth pool I set up so I thought, This is my chance to get in. When I tried a couple times earlier in the night, I found that the water made me feel less grounded and that I really needed the firm floor against my hands and feet to bear down against. When I have my next baby, I will definitely set up a waterbirth pool as every birth could be different and hopefully I will want to be in my pool for longer.
I got into the pool as the urge to push started coming on very strong. I could feel her low down in my birth canal and her head close to coming out. It was almost time to push. I held on to Misha and looked at my doula with a fearful look. I asked her what I should do. She replied, make a breath like you are blowing out a candle rapidly. Soft breathing. Wait, wait, wait . . . it was so hard to wait. I was pushing then—grunting, groaning, pushing hard (I got a terrible case of hemorrhoids after). It seemed to me a long time of pushing and then I was getting tired. I leaned over the side of the birth pool. I was so exhausted. I told them all I was so tired, I didn’t know if I could do it. Lily the midwife said, “Reena, you are so close. You can feel her head, if you try.” I said, “I can’t do that right now, but I am going to try and push this baby out.” So I mustered up all my strength and with a few more enormous pushes, out slid Tiana! Misha was there to catch her and pass her on to me. I was exhausted and overwhelmed but so happy!
I lay back on the wall of the pool and held my slippery, wet baby. She had a thick coating of vernix* on her and a full head of slicked, black hair. She started to root for my breast immediately and knew how to suck right away. I stayed in the pool nursing her until the water got cooler and it was time to get out. I passed our baby to Misha and got out of the pool, only to be told that I had to deliver the placenta now. I was so tired and it just seemed like so much more work, but I squatted and nursed our daughter until her placenta slipped out. It took about forty-five minutes after her birth. I really wanted to do a lotus birth with her (when you keep the placenta attached until the cord falls off naturally), but we didn’t get our herbs together for embalming and I guess I felt that her placenta being attached to her for almost two hours after her birth was pretty sufficient. At least a lot of the cord blood and placenta nutrients continued getting to her after she was born. I also turned my placenta into a healing remedy for after birth by drying and encapsulating it. It really helped with bringing energy back to my body. I also had no problems with milk production, hemorrhage, or postpartum depression.
The one thing that was hard to recover from was the tearing. The midwife had to stitch me up and even that was very painful. It was hard to sit and pick up the baby and walk around and just be on my feet for the first couple of months. I think I tore because my labor was short and hard (9 or 10 p.m. until 2 a.m.) and I never did any perineal massage or stretching. It took almost until she was three months old to start to feel like I could walk normally and without any pain. But now at five months, I am starting to feel back to my old self again. I have more energy for physical activities and balancing life, so I have time for a yoga or dance class here or there, and I am able to take Tiana out with me to friends and meet at cafés.
I feel so grateful to have experienced the homebirth I always wanted, and truly blessed to have my beautiful baby girl with me now. My hope is that after reading my story you will feel that you also could have a homebirth if you really want to!
Reena lives on Salt Spring Island. She is a healer who has studied alternative medicine for many years. She uses herbal remedies, whole foods, and energy healing to keep her family healthy and strong.
*Vernix is a greasy coating sometimes found on the skin of newborns