As I’m finishing this book, Natalie and I are going to celebrate ten years of marriage. (Cue fireworks.) To you, that might not seem like much. But for us, that is a miracle. It’s a miracle because our broken pieces put in God’s hand make a masterpiece. It’s a relationship that is beautifully flawed, continually worked on, and sealed in sacrifice.
I know you could be thinking, Will I ever hit the bull’s-eye? Are relationship goals even attainable? And I submit to you that the answer is a resounding yes. But it’s a journey, not a destination. Even after a decade of marriage, Natalie and I are still aiming every day at what God has set as the target for our relationship.
You know as well as I do that this book is not the end of your process of learning about relationships. But I do hope it’s convinced you to, for the rest of your life, let the Word of God and the Spirit of God lead you as you discover more about how to relate well to people and as you help your friends and loved ones to have better relationships too.
PUT YOUR FAITH WHERE IT BELONGS—IN GOD
Maybe, in the course of reading this book, you have made a life-altering decision. You have decided to try to start a new relationship, or you have decided to end a bad relationship. Or take a break from dating to focus on your relationship with God. Or set some new standards for your behavior before marriage. Or recommit to your marriage. Or resurrect an old dream that you thought had died inside you. Or put your priority back on God.
Whatever it is, I’m proud of you. This is what Relationship Goals is all about—your taking aim. And let me assure you—you can hit your bull’s-eye.
Even if you can’t remember how many people you’ve slept with and still feel horribly alone. Even if bad memories and foolish past associations seem like they’ll never let go. Even if you’ve been divorced three times. Even if you realize that getting rid of all your friends whose bad company is corrupting your good character would leave you completely alone for the time being. Even if you’ve tried and failed to be faithful to God many times and the thought of trying again just makes you weary. Even then, next time around can be different.
That’s because you’re not doing this alone. You’re not putting your trust in yourself. You’re not putting your trust in a friend’s or family member’s example, like it’s some default you have to mindlessly copy. You’re not putting your trust in a social media profile, dating app, or “how to win friends and influence people” course. You’re putting your trust in God.
Remember, as I quoted once before in this book, “God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him” (Philippians 2:13). I believe that after reading this book, you have the desire. Now He’s going to give you the power too. He’s going to help you find relationships that will honor Him at the same time they give you more satisfaction and greater fulfillment.
THE TURN
I promised you in chapter 1 that I would keep it real. The truth is that I wrote this book because, unfortunately, I had only one instruction about relationships: “Don’t have sex before you’re married.” That didn’t help me at all. I hope Relationship Goals will be an asset to you, your friends, your children, your grandchildren, and anybody who wants to be in relationship. I wish somebody would have had this information to give to me. It would have saved me a lot of hurt and a lot of hurting others.
The one thing that I’m a living testimony of is God’s grace. Even though I messed up, He worked it into His plan. Romans 8:28 says, “We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” It doesn’t matter what your current relationship status is—there is hope for you. Our hope is found in Jesus. And let me tell you a secret: He wants your relationships to work more than you do.
So, as you take aim, remember it’s about progression, not perfection. You will make mistakes. You will make poor relational choices. You will even at times sin. But thank God for Jesus, because where sin abounds, grace abounds much more (Romans 5:20, NKJV).
In this season of life, I go to a lot of weddings, and there’s a very popular line dance called the Wobble. If you’ve never seen this dance, it’s basically a back-and-forth movement following a call-and-response from the DJ. But one part of this dance is vital to everything: the turn. It never fails; at every wedding, someone doesn’t get the turn.
Okay, what does the turn have to do with relationship goals?
Just like the dance, this is also the pivotal part in your relationship journey with Christ: the turn.
Acts 3:19 says, “Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away.” Many people are stuck in the back-and-forth of relationships. The back-and-forth of cycles. The back-and-forth of sexual purity. The back-and-forth of unhealthy relationships. The back-and-forth of giving in to temptation. The back-and-forth of discontentment. But they forget to turn. Repenting is just turning. It’s turning from something and turning to something. I’m not sure what you’re turning from, but I know who you need to turn to. It’s Jesus.
The blessing of turning is what the scripture goes on to say: “Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord” (verse 20). And that’s what I’m praying for your relationships—that your relationships will be refreshed. Your dating relationships will be refreshed. Your marriage relationship will be refreshed. Your love for yourself will be refreshed. Your business relationships will be refreshed. Your family relationships will be refreshed. I think y’all get it. I pray that all your relationships will be refreshed.
So, don’t get stuck in the back-and-forth. Learn to turn. It’s your season to win in relationships.