107. THE COST OF LIVING

Kihrin’s story

The ritual cave under Raenora Valley

Just after switching bodies with Relos Var

It hurt so much worse than anything I’d ever experienced, which included being turned into Vol Karoth in the first place.

It hadn’t been so bad when I was in the Stone of Shackles. Perhaps not a soothing, pleasant sensation, but I wouldn’t have described it as pain.

That changed the moment I was in a physical body again. This was the pain of having one’s souls torn from their body. Then having them stabbed into a different body like a splintering barbed knife, the whole wrapped tight with chains. Stabbed into a body to which I had no previous connection, no sympathy, no harmony. It was chaos and pain and the ugly sensation of being crammed into a vessel that was too small and the wrong shape besides. As much as it had hurt to be in Vol Karoth’s cursed, perpetually hungry form, at least that had been S’arric’s body. My body.

But this? This was something else. My very soul rebelled.

Not that it mattered. This was happening.

Dying hadn’t hurt like this. Being gaeshed hadn’t hurt like this. The pain turned red, then black, pulsing with each heartbeat as I writhed on the ground. Then the world lightened. Sound returned in odd, disjointed splashes of noise, until I recognized speech.

“Shh. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine. Just remember to breathe. You need to breathe again. Slow, even breaths,” Janel’s voice whispered. “I know it hurts. It won’t hurt forever. I promise. It won’t hurt forever, right?”

I remembered the screaming. I think I’d been the one doing it. My sore throat confirmed that idea. I opened my eyes (not my eyes) to see Janel hovering over me. And behind her, Doc and Valathea, his arm wrapped tightly around her, heedless of the blood spilled down the front of her dress from a slit throat now healed.

I’d known Janel was on the angel list, but I hadn’t known that the demon-banishing ritual’s completion would qualify as death. Although I suppose if any definition counted, it would be the forcible removal of one’s souls before they were tossed into the Font of Souls. That did sound a lot like “death.”

“No, it won’t,” Doc said. “Not forever.”

“Revas?” I whispered.

“Gone,” Valathea said.

“Dead,” Doc corrected. “Janel tossed him into the Wound after you passed out, kid.” My teacher grinned. “You know this whole thing almost didn’t work. If we hadn’t changed the demon-banishing ritual…”

I laughed weakly. If we hadn’t changed the banishing ritual, I would’ve been overwhelmed. There’d have been no chance that I’d have been able to hold on for long enough to trick Relos Var. My brother’s plan would have succeeded. Maybe later, in a decade or two, I’d be able to laugh about how close it had been.

“Is it—” I looked over to the side, toward the portal circle. It looked perfectly normal. Also, inactive.

Earlier, Janel had relayed to me what Khaeriel had explained—that using the Stone of Shackles had been the worst agony she’d ever experienced. I hadn’t thought my mother exaggerating exactly, but I’d assumed that since I’d been through terrible things and knew more than my fair share about dying in painful, nasty ways that it wouldn’t be a big deal.1

Dying while wearing the Stone of Shackles was a big deal. I don’t recommend it.

I tried again. “Is the Wound sealed?” I whispered.

“We can assume so,” Janel said, “because if it weren’t, I believe we’d have blown up by now.”

I coughed up a laugh. “Anticlimactic.”

She smiled at me. “You know you’ve won when you’re still around to listen to the silence.”

“Kihrin!”

I’d never been happier to hear Teraeth’s voice, with Galen and several others calling my name at the same time, just a sliver out of sync. I heard a lot of footsteps and a lot of noise, but I was really only paying attention to Teraeth’s voice. Teraeth and Janel were the ropes I’d tied to myself to keep from drowning.

Teraeth came into view, but he didn’t look happy. Just the opposite. But of course. They wouldn’t have known if it had worked. He was staring at room that contained no one but Janel, Doc, Valathea, and Relos Var.

I had to let him know I only looked like Relos Var.

“Cold clam broth,” I whispered to Teraeth.

He responded with a strangled sob of laughter, while Janel gathered me into her arms. “Everything’s going to be fine,” Teraeth whispered. “Rest now.”

I closed my eyes and did exactly that.