35. STEP SIX: DON’T AVOID WORKING IN THE FIELD

Kihrin’s story

Teraeth’s dreams

Just after midnight

“What am I doing here?” Teraeth glanced around the black-sand beach of Ynisthana with obvious distrust, which was understandable considering the whole “destroyed in a violent cataclysm” fate the island had suffered only a few months earlier. In the real world, what was left of Ynisthana hadn’t even finished cooling down. Perhaps it was possible to walk across the island without burning one’s feet, but I wouldn’t bet on it.

“Oh, that’s my fault,” I said. “You fell asleep, and I took advantage. I have to say this dream stuff is pretty fun.”

I leaned back on an elbow as I lay against the sand, one leg crossed over the other, dressed in Ynisthana cultist white. Overhead, seagulls chased each other against the teal sky. Waves caressed the shore with foamy white fingers, scattering sea spray and salt. Everything was brilliantly highlighted by the red-orange sun in the sky, glaring to the point of being washed out.

Teraeth turned and examined me for a long minute.

“What’s the password?” Teraeth asked.

“Cold clam broth,” I replied, grinning. A joke between the two of us started while we’d been trapped in the Korthaen Blight, but one we’d continued.

“Oh, thank fuck,” Teraeth said as he threw himself into my arms. “I’d have been so pissed if I’d just invented this to torture myself.”

I decided it would probably be best not to point out that since Teraeth knew the password, he could still have created a dream involving me knowing the password. That might have interrupted the kissing.

I was rather enjoying the kissing.

When we finally came up for air, Teraeth began nibbling down the side of my neck. Laughing, I had to put my hands on the other man’s shoulders to stop him. “Much as I love this, I’m here to talk to you, not to make out.”

“That’s the brilliant part. We can talk after we make out,” Teraeth suggested. His clever hands slipped under my shirt and slid across my skin in a delightful tease.

So possibly the decision to have this dream happen in a fairly sexy location had been a mistake.

“It’s about your mother.”

Teraeth sat up. “You could have just said no.”

I pulled my legs up under me, leaned over to kiss Teraeth’s cheek. “That would imply I didn’t want to, which would be a lie. But I do need to talk to you about your mother.”

Teraeth scowled and looked away. He was still turned away when he said, “So talk.”

“I think Relos Var may be trying to do something that will kill a whole lot of people. A great deal more than we’d assumed his plans would endanger. I’d like to confirm that before I change course in response, and the two people most likely to know are Galava and Thaena—the “your mother” version of Thaena. Galava’s souls have been eaten by Xaltorath, so I can’t talk to her until I’ve dealt with them, but Thaena is a different song.”

“Khaemezra.” Teraeth spat his mother’s name like an expletive. “I thought she couldn’t be resurrected. I thought that was the whole fucking point.”

“While she was a Guardian, yes,” I said. “Although even that’s not completely true.”

Teraeth turned back to me. “What?”

I took a deep breath. Part of what I hated about this conversation was the way it made me dig into memories I’d have rather left in their graves. “You killed Khaemezra last time, but she’s died before, and that time, I was responsible. I didn’t just kill her, Teraeth. I destroyed her. I destroyed all of them. Their souls were spread out, yes, but as far as I can tell, Grizzst figured out the solution to that problem right away. The problem was finding a body that could safely contain that energy. Now that she’s not a Guardian, though—because someone else has come along and snaked the job away from her—that’s no longer a problem. She could theoretically be Returned. She wouldn’t be a Guardian, but she’d be alive. If only she hadn’t died trying to wipe out the one group of people with the skill to both repair her body and preserve it until that could happen, right?”

Teraeth winced.

I scooted closer to him, wrapped an arm around him so I could rub the small of his back. He wasn’t technically shirtless, but he might as well have been. “Likewise, since she’s not Thaena anymore, there’s no reason to think her souls didn’t go to the Afterlife, the way souls are supposed to. Just another person wandering the forests of the dead without their memories.”

Teraeth snorted.

“Yeah, I’m not betting any metal on the idea your mother can’t remember either. Which is what I’m hoping, because I need her memory intact.”

As Teraeth stared out at the ocean, his eyes wet and brilliantly green. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “And so … what? You want me to tell you how to find her? I’m not sure I could do that.”

“No, I want you to come along.”

Teraeth’s head whipped around, and he stared. “Are you joking?” His voice was thick and ground-glass rough. “You must be joking.”

“No,” I said. “I’m not. Now, I can’t make you go. I would never dream of demanding that you go. You are under absolutely no obligation. But I would never forgive myself if I didn’t at least give you the option. If you want to see her one last time, this is your chance.”

“Sure, maybe I can murder her again.”

“You didn’t murder her last time.”

“I wouldn’t say that in front of her if you want her to cooperate with any of your plans,” Teraeth snapped. He tipped his head back and stared up at the sky. A thin, horrible laugh trailed from his throat, riding the border between hysteria and tears. “And I wouldn’t bring me along either.”

“You’re still her son.”

“I’ve gotten the feeling that doesn’t mean as much as I once assumed.”

I nodded. None of this was a surprise. I’d given it slim odds that Teraeth would want to see her again, even if it was just to curse her out—which she deserved. I’d also had a pretty good idea that Teraeth would refuse any such suggestion. Still, I had to give Teraeth the option.

Also, it had only been a day, but I missed him.

“I understand.” I kissed his shoulder, smoothed a hand over the skin there. “When this is all done—” But I didn’t finish the sentence. I couldn’t. I kept flashing back to a body I couldn’t control well enough to keep from disintegrating everything I touched. I still destroyed every rock I picked up. Being with Teraeth in his dreams was lovely, but the knowledge that it might be the only way I could ever touch Teraeth again? Less so.

Best not to think about it. Best to plan for a future where that wouldn’t be my destiny. Best to find another way, like I’d promised Teraeth and Janel I would.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t going.” Teraeth picked up a seashell from the beach and threw it petulantly. “I said you shouldn’t bring me.”

“Oh, I see. You’re right, that’s completely different.”

Teraeth threw me a lopsided grin, then hopped up to his feet. “Good of you to agree with me. I’m excited about this plan. When do we go?” He hesitated. “Only … you have a way to bring me back, right? Pretty sure my mother’s not capable of helping this time. Call it a hunch.”

“Me?” I chuckled, mostly at the look of dismay on Teraeth’s face. “I think you’re forgetting an important detail.”

Teraeth raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Elana liked Kandor, remember? She did the same thing to him that she did to herself. So there’s no reason you can’t move between the Living World and the Afterlife the same way Janel can. That means that you can come back all by yourself.”