“We’ll need to get some meat on your bones,” Reuben said as we pulled up to the front door of the farm house. Zerelda will soon have you feeling better.” I shivered as he lifted me from the wagon. “You weigh practically nothing, but Zerelda’s cooking will fix you up.”
I nodded vacantly and looked up at the gray clouds looming on the horizon. My breath puffed out in wisps of vapor. Snow clouds. With luck, it wouldn’t be a bad storm. Reuben led me up the porch and into the house, yelling so Zerelda would know we’d arrived. He helped me to a chair and then left to see to the horse and wagon.
Zerelda appeared in the parlor doorway, hands on her hips. She clucked her tongue at me. “Come, Zee. Change into your nightclothes and get into bed. I’ll bring you something that will help you feel better.”
Too tired to reply, I did as Zerelda bade. By the time I’d settled under the covers, she brought me a cup of ginger tea served along with advice as only she could give it. “You’d better put aside all this nervousness and worry. I’ve seen women who make themselves so distraught they lose their baby.”
Those weren’t the words I wanted to hear. My eyes filled with tears, and she placed a cool hand on my arm.
“You must stay in bed and do as I say. Every few hours, I will bring you ginger tea and dry bread. If any notion that makes you uneasy enters your mind, open the Bible and read.” She pointed to the book on a table near me. “I’ve marked Psalms for you. Psalms are good to quiet your thoughts.”
I nodded and sipped the tea, its peppery taste warming me.
At first, after eating or drinking, I breathed in gulping breaths, to keep from being sick. But with rest and a few days of Zerelda’s strict regimen, my strength and appetite began to return. I was able to keep down a bit of meat and potatoes, along with applesauce and corn that Zerelda had preserved for the winter. Soon Reuben had me leaving the bed for short walks, and for the first time in a long time, I began to feel like myself again.
Being in a lively household with Zerelda, Reuben, and their family cheered me. It reminded me of similar days from years ago, in the home where I grew up with brothers and sisters who fussed and laughed and chattered with me. I wished Mama had replied to the letter I’d sent to her soon after discovering I would have a baby, but this was no time to brood. Thankfully, Jesse’s young half-siblings provided the perfect distraction.
I teased thirteen-year-old John and listened to ten-year-old Fannie gabble incessantly about her desire to become a nurse. Archie, at the age of eight, was still young enough to climb into my lap and tell me how he would capture a tadpole in spring so he could watch it grow legs and turn into a frog. The child’s solemn expression kept me from smiling at his plan.
Even the Samuel house servants made me think of my youth. Charlotte’s efficient ways brought memories of Mama’s competent skills. Charlotte and Ambrose had been with the Samuels all their lives, choosing to stay even after Lincoln freed them. Charlotte’s son, Perry, who had skin the color of cream in coffee, was two years younger than Archie. He and Archie played together as though they were the best of friends.
As my health and spirits improved, I took to my old habit of staring at the stars for a while each evening. My pensiveness must have prompted Zerelda to surprise me with a dinner she planned for late in January. She said both Jesse and Frank would attend and her eyes sparkled at my reaction.
When the day arrived, I took special pains to help Zerelda and Charlotte prepare a meal of venison, potatoes, and biscuits. After one look in the mirror, I shyly requested the luxury of a bath. Despite the cold weather, Zerelda asked Charlotte to heat water for me. Afterward, I put on my new dress and happily discovered I couldn’t cinch my belt around the garment. I let the dress fall loose and gloried in the undeniable evidence that our baby thrived. Sitting in front of the hearth fire, I hummed and ruffled the damp strings of my hair while I talked to Archie.
Earlier that evening, Reuben drove John and Fannie to a party at a neighbor’s farm. Although they could scarcely contain their excitement, Archie, who hadn’t been invited, moped about with a long face. I tried to distract him with a story, yet half my attention strained for the sound of horse hooves.
Shortly after darkness fell, the front door flew open. Jesse and Frank sauntered in, followed by two of their old comrades, Clell Miller and Bill Fox. Zerelda raised her brows at the unexpected additions to her dinner table and their presence set my teeth on edge, yet I tried not to be frosty when Jesse leaned in for a kiss.
He took my hands and held them wide apart, staring at my belly. “You’re blooming like a flower in spring.”
With a broad smile, Zerelda nodded. “We’ve been keeping a close eye on her.” She raked a dark glance across the faces in the room. “Well, everyone come sit while the food is hot.”
I didn’t recall the taste of anything I put in my mouth that evening. His presence reduced everything and everyone else to nothing more than buzzing gnats. He brushed his foot against mine under the table and grinned at me in a way that made my pulse race.
“Will you be ready for spring planting?” asked Frank.
“I think so,” Zerelda said, though some are warning about the possibility of locust hatchlings coming out of the ground. In all my years, I never saw such a sight as what came to us last summer. I hope to God I never see such a thing again.”
Jesse’s attention turned to his mother. “I checked the field. It seems much better than a few months ago.”
Zerelda buttered a piece of biscuit with vehemence. “Whatever happens won’t keep us down, of that I’m sure.”
The subject changed to merrier topics, and not even the presence of morose little Clell or tight-lipped Bill could take away my smile.
After dinner, Zerelda shooed me away from the kitchen. I pulled a shawl over my shoulders and walked outside into the cold evening for a private moment with Jesse. Stars twinkled from a sky black as ink, and moonlight sparkled on a thin blanket of snow that covered the ground. We sat on the top step and cold seeped through my skirt.
“I feel so much better now.” I leaned against him. “I want to go back home with you.”
“I knew Ma would soon have you on your feet.” His smile disappeared. “I’m sorry, but I can’t take you home just yet. We’ve got a meeting tonight at the old cabin on the other side of the woods, but I promise to buy your train fare within the week. It’s time for us to be together again, Zee. I’ve missed you.”
He pulled me tight against him, and I sighed. Jesse had spoken about the tiny cabin he used when his comrades were in the area. It was a few miles from Zerelda’s farm, near a large pond. The men used it to avoid detectives or other lawmen who often rode past to spy on the farm.
“If you finish your meeting early enough, will you come back tonight?”
“No, it isn’t safe. Too many eyes are watching. But we’ll see each other again very soon.”
I pressed myself into the warmth of his body until Frank, trailed by Clell and Bill, came outside.
“It’s time we go, Dingus. We’ve been here too long.”
Reluctantly, he pulled away from me and stood, grabbing my hands to help me to my feet.
“Good night. I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”
He kissed me and touched my cheek before heading for the woods where they’d hidden their horses. The moon, although at three quarters, shone so brilliantly, I could see their shadows as they walked away. My lips moved in a silent prayer for them.
After they disappeared into the darkness, I shivered and went inside where Zerelda and Charlotte were clearing the table. Reuben put on his jacket to fetch John and Fannie home from their party. By the time the last plate had been stacked in the cupboard, the children came running through the front door.
Fannie went to where her young brother stood beside his mother.
“Look here, Archie, we brought you some peppermint candy.”
The child’s eyes rounded. He took the small gift and popped the confection into his mouth with a smile.
“No more of that now, young man,” Zerelda commanded. “It’s been a long day, and we all need to get to bed.”
Charlotte, Ambrose, and Perry went to the pallets they used at night in the kitchen, shutting and bolting the door as was their custom. The rest of us went to the sleeping room we shared. John and Archie slept in a bed next to mine. I pulled a quilt up to Archie’s chin and kissed him good night, then fell fast asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.
A powerful crash shook the house. My eyes flew open. Reuben leaped out of bed and shouted. “Get up! Get out of the house!”
I smelled smoke and saw curls of it drifting under the kitchen door. Reuben tried to open it, but the door wouldn’t budge. He ran through the parlor to get outside. The rest of us followed in our night clothes and stocking feet. I grabbed a blanket and pulled Archie along with me.
On the side of the house, flames licked at the clapboards of the kitchen. Ambrose, Charlotte, and Perry stood there, the back door from the kitchen standing wide open.
Reuben shouted, “Tear off the boards!”
He and Ambrose worked frantically, prying boards from the structure, while Charlotte and Perry shivered. Over the sounds of splitting wood, I thought I heard gunfire coming from the woods, but smoke that billowed from the open kitchen door diverted my attention. Zerelda headed straight for it.
“Stay here,” I told the children, and threw the blanket to Charlotte.
I followed Zerelda into the smoke, coughing as it burned my lungs. A light flickered from the center of the room where a small metal sphere lay, engulfed in flames. Despite my warning, the children followed us into the kitchen, their faces pale and mouths trembling. Reuben, Ambrose, and Charlotte chased after them, and we all stared at the strange object.
Archie pointed to it and spoke aloud what we all wondered.
“What is that, Papa?”
Reuben grabbed a tobacco stick, and used it to push the orb off the floor and into the fireplace. A moment of relief—and then the fireplace exploded.
An ear-ringing roar sent small pieces of hot metal flying in every direction. Reuben was struck. Another piece hit Ambrose. Zerelda screamed when a hunk of metal smashed through her right arm. Another burning fragment struck Archie below his waist. The child doubled over and fell. I gasped at a scene that seemed straight from the bowels of hell.
Rueben and Ambrose stamped out the flames before carrying Archie outside. I went to Zerelda, who groaned, blood pouring from her arm. The men rushed back in, and between the three of us we carried her from the kitchen to her bed.
She moaned. “Where’s my child? Where’s Archie?”
“I’m going to him now,” Reuben told her.
A moment later, I heard Reuben howl into the night sky for help. I tied a rag around Zerelda’s mangled arm, and Charlotte brought water to bathe away the blood.
Zerelda’s eyes burned with pain and fear. “Zee, find out how my baby fares.”
I nodded and left Charlotte—her dark eyes filled with sorrow—to care for Zerelda. In the yard, Ambrose had placed a kerosene lamp next to Reuben, who leaned over Archie’s still form, ministering to his wound.
Neighbors had begun to appear with unbuttoned jackets thrown over nightclothes in their haste to arrive.
“What happened? I heard a terrible explosion,” Dan Askew, the nearest neighbor, called.
Reuben’s fingers were dark with blood. “Someone go for help,” he cried out. “We need doctors right away. There are terrible injuries here.”
I started to walk toward Archie, but Ambrose took my arm and pulled me away. A small stream of blood trickled down the side of his face.
“Miz Zerelda’s arm is ’most tore off, and that poor little child took a hit to the gut. He ain’t long for this earth. While tearing off those boards, we heard them cowards in the woods hollerin’ and shootin’ guns. Somebody came here and threw that fireball into the house on purpose.” Ambrose wiped his face with his sleeve. “They meant to kill us in our sleep. Lord knows what they might try next. Somebody’s got to get word to the boys.”
My hand covered my mouth. More people arrived, running this way and that between Archie lying outside and then into the house. Three horses were tethered near the barn.
I nodded to Ambrose and slipped in the house to put on shoes, stuffing the pistol Jesse sent and an extra dress in a bag. I covered my sleeping gown with a wrap and slipped outside.
In the chaotic scene, no one noticed when I went to one of the horses and forked my legs over the saddle, just like a man. I dug my heels into its flanks and pointed the animal’s head toward the cabin where I’d find Jesse, keeping my face so low over the horse’s neck that his coarse mane whipped against my skin.
For the first time, I truly understood my husband’s feelings. Anger and hate burned in my blood, too.