By early December, Jesse arrived on the saddest-looking old horse I’d ever seen. His clothes were looser than when he’d left, and he favored his right leg, wincing when he walked. Yet what I noticed most was the hollow look in his eyes. He refused to answer my questions about what had happened, other than to tell me he and Frank had survived a disaster of monstrous proportions.
Frightened, I tried to bring back the man I remembered, cooking his favorite foods and fussing at him to eat. We put on jackets and took Tim for long walks in the crisp, fresh air. I read funny stories to him from the newspaper. Still, he remained distant until the morning he made an announcement.
“It’s time for us to move. This place is too small, and I don’t like the neighbors being so familiar. Tom Carson is always asking me about my business, and Sally keeps telling me I ought to stay home and tend to my family.”
“But, Jesse, it’s natural for them to wonder. You’ve been gone for a long time.”
“I’ve had more than I can take of people watching me. It’s time we move somewhere new.”
“But Tim was born in this house.”
“And he can grow up somewhere else. Children move with their families all the time. It makes them stronger.”
I wondered if many moved as often as we did, but bit my tongue to keep from saying it, fearful of deepening the darkness of his mood. Instead, I started packing our trunk. Within days, Jesse hired a wagon and men to move our belongings from Boscobel Street. He insisted we leave during the night and tell no one we were going. I stared at my hands and wondered what Sally would think when she woke up in the morning to discover we were gone.
Jesse shifted us from one place to another around Nashville, blinking as he selected and then rejected each house. His pulse beat madly at his throat as he searched for a place that suited him. I grew so weary of living like a gypsy that I no longer bothered to unpack boxes. I took out the few things we needed to get by each day and made a point of not talking with the neighbors so Jesse wouldn’t be upset. I no longer cared whether I ran a brush through my hair or had wrinkles in my dress.
Finally, when Jesse said he’d found a place that pleased him, I stared, wondering if he meant it, and then I wondered even more what another move might bring. “Are you sure?”
“It’s a nice place near Hyde’s Ferry Road outside Nashville. It’ll do for us.”
“When do we leave?”
“Tomorrow. And there’s one other thing.” He straightened his jacket. “Frank and Annie will be living right next door.”
“What?” I swallowed to keep from bursting into tears of happiness.
“I’ve been waiting to surprise you. Frank and I thought you and Annie would be good company for each other.”
“That’s the best news I’ve had in months,” I told him. “It’ll be so wonderful to live near our own kin again.”
He smiled, and my heart lifted higher. On the day Ben and Fannie Woodson welcomed Dave and Josie Howard as their new neighbors, Annie and I clung to each other and smiled through teary eyes.
Jesse shook Frank’s hand and seemed lighter in spirit, as though a heavy load had been lifted from his back. I supposed he must have been as lonely for Frank as I’d been to have the people I loved near me.
Together again, Frank and Jesse spent time going out in the evening to play faro, and during the day, they visited the horse track. Jesse bought another bay mare named Red Fox and entered her in a race. One day, Annie and I went to the track to watch the mare run. We both placed small bets, sure she would win.
The scent of horses, manure, and sweat surrounded us as we squeezed to the front of a large crowd of spectators. Flags waved in the breeze and people elbowed each other to find the best spot to stand. Annie and I stood alone, as our husbands were busy giving last-minute instructions to the rider Jesse had hired.
We watched as six beautiful long-legged horses were ridden onto the track. They lined up, prancing with eagerness, until a shotgun fired to start the race. I jumped at the sound, and the steeds galloped hard, their hooves flinging dirt everywhere. Several of the animals fell behind right away, but Red Fox ran neck and neck with another horse at the head of the pack. I grabbed Annie’s arm and squealed when, just before the finish line, Red Fox edged ahead to win by a nose. We jumped up and down, hugged each other, and laughed. With the money we won, we treated our husbands to a grand celebratory dinner.
A few weeks later we were eating supper when Jesse suddenly pushed away his plate. “I can’t believe it. Frank wants to start farming.” He shook his head at me as though dumbfounded. “He must have inherited Ma’s love of putting a plow to the ground. I can’t understand how such a common job that takes so long to pay off could possibly appeal to him.”
I shrugged. “Yet I’ve never seen Frank happier. Annie says he’s started to read Shakespeare again, as he used to do when they first met. I understand Charles Eastman offered him a job.”
Charles and Polly Eastman lived on a farm nearby. Frank had become friendly with them, walking over in the evening to sit on their front porch and talk. They were generous people, sharing produce from their garden and apples from an enormous orchard behind their house. Polly had invited Annie and I to help her put up apple butter in the fall.
Like Frank, I’d grown content with our new life. I didn’t think I could be happier, until the day came when I learned we would have another baby. I confided my secret to Annie before saying a word to my husband.
She took my hands and laughed. “What a strange coincidence. I was going to tell you Frank and I are expecting a baby, too. Our children can grow up together and be the best of friends.”
I hugged her, and a tear slid from my eye. “I’m so happy for you, Annie. You’ve waited a long time. I suppose this is the sort of thing we can count on when our husbands stay home, rather than a kiss and a wave. Gone away again.”
Annie blushed at my meaning. I’d come from a large household and wanted for Tim the same happiness I found in having many brothers and sisters.
As the months passed, our bellies swelled. We counted weeks on our fingers and concluded we both should have our babies early in 1878. Unlike my first experience, I now knew what to expect and could help Annie with her questions. We giggled over the idea of our children coming on the same day and hoped they would be as close as Frank and Jesse had always been.
With this pregnancy, my belly grew much faster than it had before. I went to Dr. Montgomery, and he tutted about a second baby showing earlier than the first. But when my stomach blossomed larger than Annie’s, I thought it strange. I didn’t remember being so big even by the time Tim was born.
Jesse showed me nothing but his kind and gentle side, eyes sparkling over the thought of another child. Now more than two and a half years old, Tim placed his small hands on my stomach, and I told him he would soon have a fine surprise. “We’re getting you a baby brother or sister.”
He listened to me, eyes wide and serious. “Alice?”
I smiled at him, knowing he referred to Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I’d started reading the story to him at night. “Maybe an Alice. Or you might get a brother.”
I had to admit to myself that I liked the idea of a little girl. My mother had passed away in Kansas City the previous summer, during the height of the hunt for Jesse after Northfield. I hadn’t been able to risk going to Harlem and a pain in my chest swelled to know we’d never mended our relationship. A daughter of my own would give me a second chance to nurture the bond between a mother and daughter.
Winter soon brought a heavy chill that didn’t leave. Every time I opened the door, my breath appeared in frosty clouds. Annie and I contented ourselves by sitting together before a roaring fire, knitting small caps and blankets to keep our babies warm, while Frank and Jesse amused themselves at faro games.
My increasing bulk prompted Dr. Montgomery to advise that I rest as much as possible, so Annie came over to pass the time with me. My stomach had stretched to such proportions, it tingled. I couldn’t rise from a chair without help. The doctor thought my baby could come at any time, yet on February 6, it was Annie, not me, who doubled over with pain.
I sent word for Charles Eastman to find Frank and fetch Dr. Montgomery. Polly Eastman came to stay with us and watch Tim. She and I helped Annie into a cot next to our bed as pains gripped her.
“How can I stand this? I feel I’m being ripped in half.”
“I know it hurts, but this is the torment a woman must endure to have a child,” I said. “Think of how much you love Tim and know this pain will bring a sweet baby of your own.”
She nodded, and perspiration dotted her forehead despite the cold air outside. By the time Dr. Montgomery arrived with his new partner, Dr. Gould, her pains were coming harder. Annie thrashed her head from side to side and cried out, but her labor progressed much faster than mine had.
She pushed her baby into the world just before Frank arrived home, rushing into the room to meet his new son. His face glowed when he kissed Annie, and tears rolled down his cheeks. I ducked my head and hurried from the room, overcome at being privy to such an intimate scene.
Dr. Montgomery soon came out and spoke to me, his face grave. “Mrs. Howard, I must order you to rest. You have grown to a size that worries me.” He took my hands and looked at them. “Do you see how swollen your fingers are? There are signs your delivery may be complicated. When your time comes, I believe it will be wise to have Dr. Gould with me to assist.”
Annie had protested vehemently to my offer that she stay with us. She insisted on going home, so Frank carried her there, followed by Polly with the baby. I went to my room and lay down. I knew I’d been pushing myself harder than I should, and the stress brought on by helping with Annie’s delivery had exhausted me.
Jesse came into our room and took my hand. “The doctor is worried. He talked of doing something to force the baby’s birth if he doesn’t come soon.”
The thought made me shiver. “I don’t think that will be necessary. We must be patient. The baby will come when he’s ready.”
But I did follow the doctor’s orders to stay in bed. Polly and another neighbor, Louise Brandell, helped Annie with the baby and took Tim with them during the day so I could rest.
Within two weeks, Annie was strong enough to leave her bed. She brought the baby, who Frank had named Robert, to me so I could coo over his perfect features. Robert fussed and kicked his small legs. Annie watched me holding him and her face seemed more pensive than usual.
“I’m worried about him, Zee. The doctor says he’s not getting enough milk from me.”
“It’s always hard at first. In the beginning, I struggled with feeding Tim, too. Sometimes it takes longer than we’d like for everything to work out.”
She sighed and ran a finger over Robert’s perfect cheek. “I hope you’re right.” We soothed each other with talk of babies until time for Annie to go. She wrapped Robert in a thick white blanket that I’d knitted for him and waved to me. Just as she reached the door, I cried out.
“Wait! My pains have started.” I took a panting breath.” Jesse’s in the barn. I think you’d better have him go for the doctor.”
Her mouth gaped. She put the baby’s blanket over his face, and raced out the door. Another pain hit just before Jesse bounded into the room, rubbing his hands on his pants.
“Is it very bad yet?”
“The pain is coming, but it seems different than before.” I floundered, helpless to explain the strange waves of contractions that rippled over my body.
“Annie’s getting Polly. I’ll go for the doctor as soon as they get here.”
Within minutes, Annie and Polly trotted into the room, puffing from the effort. Jesse kissed me, his face tight with anxiety, before he left. Annie wiped my forehead and spoke with a gentle voice whenever the worst pains hit. After what seemed like hours of misery, Dr. Montgomery and Dr. Gould came into the room with Jesse. They shooed him away, and he backed out the door, eyes clouded, the armpits of his shirt damp.
Dr. Montgomery prodded at my stomach, while I bit my lip to keep from screaming. “I can’t seem to push the baby out. Please, I’m so tired.”
“Hold on, Mrs. Howard. The baby might be breech. I need to see if we need to turn him or if forceps will be necessary.”
Dr. Montgomery probed my body while Annie held my hand. A part of my mind quaked at the idea of forceps, compelling me to summon every bit of strength I possessed. On the next cramp, I pushed and pushed, and the baby finally slid out.
Dr. Montgomery held up the child. “It’s a boy, but he’s small.”
Annie took the baby to clean him. I waited for the welcome respite I remembered after Tim’s birth, but the pain didn’t stop. Waves of cramping came again. I bit my lip until I tasted blood.
“Something is wrong.” Dr. Montgomery said as he bent to examine me. After a moment, he looked up at Dr. Gould and then at me. “There’s a reason you’re still having contractions. Another baby is coming.”
Between my agony and the shock of his statement, I couldn’t respond. He talked quietly, telling me when to push and when to rest. Finally, my body expelled the second baby and, like a blessing, the paroxysms left me.
“It’s another boy.”
The pain subsided, and I moved my head to see the babies while Dr. Montgomery tended to me. One lay bundled at my side. Dr. Gould examined the other.
Dr. Montgomery smiled down at me. “You did a fine job, Mrs. Howard. I’ll bring your husband in to see what miracle has been wrought here.” He laid one infant in my right arm while Annie put the other in my left. They were small—much smaller than Tim had been.
Jesse crept into the room as though he’d arrived on sacred ground. His dazed expression brought a weary smile to my face. “Twins. I can’t believe it.”
I looked at the tiny, perfectly formed faces. One slept peacefully while the other squinted in a way so like my papa that I laughed out loud.
Jesse shook his head. “I’m nearly speechless. How did you manage such a thing?”
“They came from us both, and God must have intended it to be so. You always told me you wanted many children. I guess we’re getting a good start.”
Dr. Gould stood over me, observing the infants. He frowned, and called to Dr. Montgomery. “These babies don’t look as pink as they should.”
“Bring them over here,” Dr. Montgomery said. Dr. Gould whisked them from my arms. Jesse stared, and I twisted my head to watch. A shiver shook me.
Dr. Gould spoke softly, but not so quietly that I couldn’t hear him say, “Their breathing is feeble.”
“What’s wrong?” My voice rose until it broke, and Jesse put his hand on my arm to steady me.
Dr. Gould spoke from where he and Dr. Montgomery labored, ever more frantically, over the babies. “You must understand how it is with twins. They compete to grow.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks. The doctors bent over the bed where my babies lay. They massaged tiny naked bodies with so much vigor, the collars of their shirts grew damp. Annie and Mrs. Eastman sponged my skin, but their pale faces and soft words were lost as I strained to hear what the doctors said to each other.
It seemed a very long while before Dr. Montgomery came to me, his eyes grim. He took my hand. By that time, I had no more tears left to shed.