My hands fisted at my sides as I faced Viktor. He’d called me to his home before the sun had risen, and I’d known it wouldn’t be a happy meeting. No, he’d read me the riot act over my treatment of Raina, and other women. I found it hypocritical the man helped run the brothels in town, and yet he didn’t like the fact I visited them. Or that I’d removed Gary’s whore from his house.
More accurately, he didn’t like the way I’d gone about it, or my reasoning.
“You’d have left her there, wouldn’t you?” Viktor asked, his hands steepled in front of him. “If Leeds hadn’t said something about the morning-after pill, you’d have walked away, knowing what they’d do to her once you were gone.”
“I’d given her pleasure, Viktor. Made her come multiple times. It was a kindness none had given her before. I didn’t fall in love with her.” I knew what he hoped for. It wouldn’t happen. “She’s not Cerys. You took your wife in exchange for her father’s debt. A pure girl. This is different.”
“You’re right. It is. For one, I’d have never treated Cerys the way you’re treating Raina. What did you plan to do with her, Feliks?”
I didn’t like this line of questioning. Viktor saw too much, and yet not enough. Did he expect me to declare my undying love for the woman? We were strangers. I’d enjoyed the use of her body and hadn’t wanted those men to hurt her. The thought of them using her since she’d been a child had been abhorrent to me.
“She seemed eager to be my mistress,” I said, folding my arms over my chest. No sense in hiding the truth. Or at least, most of it. “She’d have been given freedom to do as she pleased, as long as she didn’t sleep with other men. And I’d give her an allowance. It’s more than she’s ever had before, Viktor. Don’t make me out to be a monster.”
“Leeds is the monster, Feliks, but I’m not sure you have an ounce of compassion in you. Or any decency. Yes, I kill, and I help the Bratva earn money from women lying on their backs. It doesn’t mean I agree with the practice, but I do as I’m told.” He leaned back in his chair. “I think you get off on taking women by force. Do you enjoy causing them pain?”
Inwardly, I seethed. I’d done the things they had commanded me to do. It didn’t mean I enjoyed hurting women. Did I bend a few to my will? Yes. But they spread their legs willingly. Just as Raina had come apart for me so sweetly. And yet, I couldn’t put her in the same category as the others.
“We’re not so different, Viktor. Do you remember what you were like before your precious Cerys tamed you?” I asked.
He nodded. “I do. It doesn’t make the things I did right. At least I never raped a woman. Can you say the same, Feliks?”
I hated him at that moment. He’d bring up my worst sin, one they had forced me into. I’d been nothing more than a tool the Bratva had used. And he damn well knew it! He was only rubbing salt into an open wound. I’d hardened myself, or tried to. I couldn’t let those women’s screams affect me. The Bratva would sniff out my weakness and use it against me.
“You know I can’t. Did I do it because I wanted to? Nyet. I followed orders, same as you, Viktor. The Vor made the demands. If you have an issue with how the women are treated, take it up with him.”
“Watch your tone,” Viktor warned.
I knew I needed to tread carefully. Viktor could easily marry Raina off to someone, or send her to another city. She’d be far out of my reach, and I’d never see her again. My jaw tightened at the thought of that happening.
Viktor pointed at me. “There. That expression. What thought just crossed your mind?”
“Never seeing Raina again,” I admitted. “You’ve made it clear you won’t let me keep her. Not if I marry Natalia. I’m not like you, Viktor. I don’t already hold power in this organization. Keeping Raina as anything other than my mistress is out of the question. I need the alliance with Gorev, and you damn well know it.”
“I do,” he said. “But I have to think of the woman as well. Both women. How do you think Natalia will feel when you’re staying with Raina? Or how will Raina feel if you only spend an hour or two in her bed, then run home to your wife and legitimate children? What happens when you tire of Raina?”
I didn’t think it would be possible to not want Raina. But I understood where he was going with this. “You think I’m going to toss her out like unwanted trash?”
Viktor leaned back in his chair. “Will you? I can’t remember you hanging onto a woman for longer than a year. Most don’t make it past a few months. What makes you think Raina will be any different?”
“I don’t know, Viktor. I can’t promise I won’t tire of her, but if she’s carrying my child, I’ll see to it they both have a home. I won’t turn my back on either of them.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Still doesn’t solve the issue of Natalia Gorev. You realize as your brigadier, Gorev will come to me before signing any documents with you. He won’t offer you his daughter without first making sure I’m all right with it.”
It hadn’t occurred to me. I’d thought I only needed to win over Gorev. Knowing I needed Viktor’s approval made things more difficult. He’d never let me have both women. Choosing Raina wasn’t an option.
“What do you want from me, Viktor?”
“Agree to let Raina go, and I’ll make sure the engagement with Natalia goes through without issue. Decide to keep Raina, and no one will offer you their daughters, sisters, or any of their female family members. You’ll remain unwed, and in the same position you’re in now.” He stared me down again. “Is being my kryshas really so terrible?”
“Of course not, Viktor. I only wish to climb higher in the Bratva. One day, I’d like to be a brigadier and have my own kryshas. Not in this town, obviously. Is it wrong to want more?”
“Not wrong at all, Feliks. It seems you’ve made your decision. You’d rather have power and an alliance with Gorev than keep Raina. I’ll start making arrangements for her.”
I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn’t say something I shouldn’t. I didn’t know how soon he’d called Aleksi and tell him the news. What would Riana think? I needed to see her, even if this was the last time. Once Viktor excused me, I left his home and went straight to Aleksi’s house. I didn’t care if he was home. I’d push past him if need be, just to speak with Raina.
Mrs. Sim, his housekeeper, answered the door, offering me a smile. “Welcome, Mr. Sobol. I’m afraid Mr. Voronin isn’t home.”
“That’s all right, Mrs. Sims. I’m here to see the young lady he brought home last night.”
Her lips thinned, and she nodded. Interesting. It seemed she didn’t like Raina. I wondered what had transpired between the two.
“She’s upstairs. Room next to Mr. Voronin’s,” she said.
I took the steps two at a time and hurried to find Raina. Opening her door, I saw her lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. The nightgown she wore was different from the one I’d given her. I didn’t know if Aleksi had taken it from her, or if she’d opted not to wear it. I didn’t like the thought of her wearing clothes another man had given her, but I didn’t have the right to say anything.
“Raina,” I called softly. She jolted and stared at me. For a moment, she seemed happy to see me. Then her expression blanked. “Lastachka, are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” she said.
“Aleksi is treating you well?”
She nodded, fingering the nightgown she wore. Had he bought it for her? Rage filled me at the thought of him assisting her into the garment. Had he seen her naked? Touched her?
“Why are you here?” she asked. “I thought Viktor said you couldn’t keep me.”
“He did, and we’ve come to an agreement.”
Her eyes lit up. “I get to go back to the apartment with you?”
I curled my fingers into my palms so I wouldn’t reach for her. “Nyet. You will remain here until Viktor makes other arrangements. I only wished to see you one last time, Raina. To make sure you were all right.”
“I see.” She looked away. “You chose her, then. The woman you want to marry.”
“Yes.”
She sighed and refused to look at me.
“Raina, are you angry?”
“No,” she said. “I knew this would happen. When Aleksi told me Viktor would make you choose, I already knew it wouldn’t be me. Why would you want the filthy whore when you could have a well-bred wife?”
I didn’t like her speaking about herself that way, but it was no longer my place to correct her. Even now, I wanted to taste her. Touch her. Slide my cock inside her and make her scream in pleasure. I took a step closer. Then another. Reaching out, I ran my fingers through her hair and over her bare arm. “Is there a chance you’re pregnant?”
“I won’t know for a few weeks,” she said. “Why? Are you going to steal my child from me? Will they force me to give up my baby so you can have them? How will your wife react? Will she want to raise the bastard you had with a whore?”
I growled but didn’t respond. Every point she made was valid. Natalia would never raise a child I had with Raina. I could force the issue, but I knew the child would be the one to suffer. “Nyet. Natalia would never raise a child you and I had together. I wouldn’t ask it of her.”
She nodded. “Right. So what happens now? Are you going to ship me off to a brothel? Make sure I earn back the money Gary owes?”
“What the fuck is going on?” Aleksi demanded from behind me. I turned and noticed the bags in his hands. He’d been shopping. Most likely for Raina.
“I came to see Raina one last time,” I said.
“So you chose Natalia,” he said. “I thought you might. You need to leave, Feliks. All you’re doing is making things worse for Raina. How do you think she feels, hearing you say you chose someone else? You’ve let her know she means nothing to you. Is that what you wanted?”
I paused. No, I hadn’t wanted that. I honestly hadn’t considered how she’d react. Not to that extent. It didn’t occur to me it might be painful for her to hear what I had to say, or know I was abandoning her. Perhaps Viktor was right.
I was a monster.
Her monster.
And if there was one thing I never wanted, it was to see fear in Raina’s eyes when she looked at me.
“Leave, Feliks. Leave now and I won’t tell Viktor,” Aleksi said.
“Fine. But so we’re clear, you’re not keeping Raina. Even if she doesn’t carry my child, I had her first. Do you really want my leftovers, Aleksi? Do you want Gary’s whore in your bed?” I snarled at him. “I know you. You’d never be able to touch her, knowing how many had fucked her. So stop pretending to care about her. She’s a job to you and nothing more.”
“You’ve gone too far,” Aleksi said, his voice soft. “You need to leave, Feliks.”
I spun to look at Raina one last time, and the stricken look on her face, the tears rolling down her cheeks, nearly took me to my knees. I’d done that. My careless words had caused her pain. I didn’t like it.
Even worse, I hated the fact I cared whether I’d hurt her.
I turned and walked away, refusing to look back. I’d made my choice, and now I needed to live with it. I’d meet with Gorev tomorrow and hope I could sway him. Within a few months, Natalia would be in my home, with my ring on her finger. And soon, I’d have everything I wanted.
“Feliks,” Aleksi called out. “Don’t come to my house uninvited again.”
I kept walking until I’d exited his home and gotten into my car. I forced myself not to look at the house as I drove away. This was for the best. Raina would understand that one day. Perhaps Viktor would find her a husband in another city. Another state. I wanted her to find happiness. To be safe.
If I couldn’t have her, then I at least owed her that much.
I pressed the button on my steering wheel and told the car to call Viktor. He answered almost immediately, and I heard his daughter crying in the background.
“What?” he asked instead of saying a normal hello.
“If you’re going to send Raina away, I want you to make sure she’s cared for. She’s had a hard life, Viktor. She deserves some peace, and to feel secure.”
“I’m not an idiot, Feliks, and unlike you, I have a heart. She’s not in danger of being whored out, if that’s your worry.”
It was, but I wouldn’t admit it. “Thank you.”
Some of the tension eased from me, knowing Raina wouldn’t face that fate. I’d still prefer to keep her with me, but it didn’t seem to be an option. Viktor was adamant, and I knew I couldn’t convince him otherwise.
“If that’s all, I need to go. Cerys has taken to bed with a migraine, and Alina won’t stop crying. I’m afraid she wants her mother and no one else will do,” Viktor said.
“Take care of your daughter. Just remember your promise.”
I ended the call and went home.
To my empty house.
Even though I’d never intended to bring Raina here, I still wondered what it would be like to come home and have her greet me at the door. Would she welcome me with a kiss? Not now. I’d shattered whatever trust she had in me. I was no longer her savior -- just another man who’d used her.
I closed my eyes and attempted to see Natalia. I’d thought her beautiful, and she was, classically. Long blonde hair. Slender curves. Long legs. And empty. I’d never seen genuine emotion in her. I wondered if she ever felt anything. If there was passion inside her, I hadn’t seen it yet. She didn’t seem to be the type to greet me with any sort of enthusiasm when I came home. She’d probably be polite and reserved.
I’d known marrying her wouldn’t be about physical satisfaction. I’d bed her, and hopefully put a kid or two in her belly, but I didn’t think I’d enjoy it. Hell, even now, I couldn’t get hard seeing her in my mind. It would be wrong to close my eyes when I fucked her and picture Raina lying under me instead. But just the thought of the golden-skinned beauty had my cock stiffening.
Stay the course. I needed this. Natalia was a means to an end and nothing more. Perhaps one day, I could reason with Viktor. Once he saw how unhappy my marriage was, I hoped I could convince him I needed Raina or another woman on the side. Someone to give me the things Natalia could not. Although, with him sending Raina away, it was doubtful I’d ever see her again. The thought displeased me.
I went into the house and straight up to my suite. I didn’t bother shutting the bedroom door. There was no point. No one was here except me. Stripping off my clothes, I let them fall in a trail behind me as I entered the bathroom and started the shower. I sneered at my reflection, remembering the words my father said each time he shoved me into a shower so hot I thought my skin would melt. Time to wash away your sins, Feliks. Even as a boy, I’d had certain needs. It had taken little to convince those girls to give me what I wanted. Then one had gone crying to her father, and my life had gone to hell.
“Soon you’ll have everything you want,” I told my reflection. Except, I didn’t believe a word of it. I’d never have everything. Power? Yes. A respectable wife? Certainly. But I’d never have Raina. I’d seen to that. Not only by my agreement with Viktor, but by hurting her. I could never unsay the words she heard today. I had a feeling she’d never forgive me.
I won’t forgive myself either.