I stared at the stick on the bathroom counter, my stomach churning. No matter how long I looked, it didn’t change. Two pink lines filled the window. Pregnant. I didn’t know what it would mean for me. Feliks had walked away, chosen someone else. I’d remained with Aleksi for five days before Viktor had found another place for me. He’d sent his byki, Ilya, to remove me from Aleksi’s home, and I’d been staying with the bodyguard ever since.
Viktor had demanded I call when I knew if there was a baby. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. What if he tried to take the child from me? I’d never thought I’d be a mother. I didn’t really remember much about my parents. As the years passed, it became harder and harder to recall what they even looked like. With no role model, what if I made a terrible mother?
I placed my hand over my belly and tried to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. My hands shook and my knees felt like they’d give out at any moment. I left the bathroom, not bothering to throw the test away. Not yet. I might need to see it again, to prove there was really a baby inside me.
I had mixed feelings about it. At first, I’d wanted to remain with Feliks. Thought he’d cared about me. It had all been a lie. He was no different from any other man I’d ever known.
Ilya lounged on my bed, and I froze. When had he gotten here? Yanking my hand from my belly, I hoped he didn’t know what I’d been doing in the bathroom. He’d tell Viktor, and I wasn’t ready for that yet. Maybe never.
“I take it congratulations are in order,” he said. “So what happens now, Raina?”
“Don’t tell anyone. Please. I need more time,” I said. I didn’t know if pleading would do me any good, but I had to try. My life had been one nightmare after another. I couldn’t handle much more.
“Time is not something you have.” He stood and reached inside his suit jacket, pulling out some papers. “We could locate your birth record. However, to make you a citizen is another matter entirely.”
I stared at the documents he held. Watching him, I couldn’t see so much as a crack in his armor. It was like staring at someone wearing a mask. No emotion showed. No hint of what he was thinking. I should have become used to this by now. All the Russians I’d dealt with were the same. Emotionless. Soulless.
“I don’t understand. Gary said he adopted me. Wouldn’t that make me a legal resident of this country? He’s American.”
Ilya nodded. “Yes, if that’s what happened. Except Gary Leeds lied to you. He purchased you in Tahiti from a couple claiming to be your parents. Whether they were, I cannot say. What I know is he never officially adopted you. There’s no paperwork saying you belong to him as a daughter. Only a bill of sale. Which means the US government doesn’t consider you his child.”
The room spun a little, and I swayed. Ilya jumped up and grabbed my arm, leading me to the bed. I sank onto the side and tried to make sense of it all. He’d lied to me. It shouldn’t surprise me. Had he only done it to make me more compliant? He’d been right. I’d listened and obeyed, thinking he was my adopted parent and that I had no choice.
I’d thought Feliks was different. He’d been the only man to show me kindness, but he’d ended up being like all the others. Cold. Heartless. Without a conscience.
“Why do any of you care what happens to me?” I asked.
Ilya placed his hand on my belly. “You carry Feliks’ child. The baby is part of our family.”
Right. Of course. They weren’t doing any of this for my well-being, only for the baby inside me. A child they hadn’t known existed until just now. What if I hadn’t been pregnant? If the test had been negative, how would they have reacted? As badly as I wanted to know, I was too scared to ask.
“Why did you bring up my citizenship?” I asked.
“Because you need to marry in order to remain in this country,” he said. “If your child is born here, he or she will be a US citizen. But the moment they realize you’re undocumented, they’ll deport you. Without your child.
“You sound American. If we forge some records, enough to get you a marriage license, and you marry, then we may be able to avoid all the unpleasantness. Think of your child, Raina.”
My stomach churned, and I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth. Oh, God. They’d force me out and make me leave my baby behind? I couldn’t even imagine such a thing. I did not know if he spoke the truth. The question was whether I was willing to risk it all being a lie. And I wasn’t. Not even a little.
“What do I do? What about Feliks?” I looked up at Ilya. “Is he engaged to that woman?”
He hesitated, which told me enough. I wrapped my arms around my stomach. I’d told myself it didn’t matter. Convinced myself it wouldn’t hurt when I found out. I’d been wrong. My eyes burned with unshed tears. I shouldn’t want anything to do with him. He’d been an asshole. The things he’d said had broken me. And yet, if I had to marry someone, I’d have preferred it to be him. I knew it was screwed up.
“Right. So who am I supposed to marry? You? Aleksi? Some other cold-hearted Russian who has the emotional capacity of a thimble?” I pressed my hand to my mouth and shook my head. “I’m sorry. I just…”
For a moment, I saw a flash of something in his eyes. He seemed human until the mask slipped back into place. I didn’t like all the unknowns. At least with Gary, I knew what to expect every day. More pain and suffering. I still hurt, but these men liked causing a different sort of pain. Perhaps liked wasn’t the correct word. I wasn’t certain they even realized their words could rip someone apart.
Had Feliks known when he’d said all those things?
“When is he getting married?” I asked.
“Three months. Natalia wants a quick wedding. She’s… eager.”
I nodded. Of course, she was. Feliks was attractive, and I’d imagine he’d been charming to her. He wanted her as his wife, and I knew he’d put in every bit of effort to make it happen. Had she fallen in love with him already?
It felt like a dagger had pierced my heart and I took a breath. Then another.
Ilya came to me, reaching out. His fingers feathered through my hair a moment before he pulled me against him. As his arms came around me, the dam inside me broke, and I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. I sobbed against him, holding on, and wishing the pain would end.
“He should have left me there,” I said. “No one wants me. Why would they? Gary made me a whore. I’m dirty. So very dirty. No matter how hard I scrub, I never feel clean.”
“Hush. None of that. The one thing Feliks did right was take you from Leeds. I doubt he regrets it, Raina. The man is stupid.” I tensed, but he smoothed his hand down my back. “Hear me out. He wants Natalia Gorev for her family connections. I’ve seen the two of them together. She may enjoy his company, but he’s putting on an act. He doesn’t care for her. One day, he’ll realize life without passion isn’t worth living, and that’s what he’s signed himself up for.”
“What are you saying, Ilya?”
He cupped my cheek and forced me to look him in the eye. “Feliks can never care for her. You’ve already gotten under his skin. The bastard looks miserable. He’s asked for pictures of you. Why? Because he needs a glimpse, even if it’s not in person. He needs you, Raina. Every bit as much as you need him. I only hope he comes to his senses in time.”
“He said awful things. Told Aleksi I was so used and dirty he’d never sleep with me.” I tightened my hold on him. “What if he meant those things? Is that how he sees me?”
“Would you like to find out?” Ilya asked. “Feliks will be at an event this evening. A charity dinner. I can ask Viktor’s permission to take you. We can buy you appropriate clothes, take you for a spa day so they can style your hair and whatever else women do before these events.”
“Really?” I asked. “I could see him?”
Ilya nodded. “I’ll call Viktor now. Stop crying, Raina. Until Feliks says his vows, not all is lost.”
I nodded and backed away. “Even if this is the last time, I’d like to see him in person. He should know about the baby.”
“Get ready to leave. I’ll check with Viktor, but I think he’ll permit you to go. We’ll leave in the next fifteen minutes.”
I hurried to do as he said. By the time I’d combed my hair, braided it, and changed my clothes, he stood by the door waiting for me. He led me out to his shiny car, and we pulled away from my temporary home. Since we had little time, I let Ilya pick my clothes, and he informed the ladies at the salon where we were going. They fussed over me, and I felt like a different woman when they’d finished.
They’d painted my nails, deep conditioned my hair, and styled it with pretty clips. I almost didn’t recognize myself as I stared at my reflection. The dress Ilya picked hugged my body. I’d filled out some since Feliks had taken me from Gary. My breasts were larger, my hips fuller, and my skin seemed to glow. The necklace around my throat felt heavy as I lightly touched the cool stones. Diamonds! I’d never thought to see such a sight, much less have something so fancy around my neck. I touched my wrists, wondering if I needed bracelets, but the bruises had faded. Perhaps no one would question any of my scars.
“You look beautiful, Raina. Are you ready?” he asked, holding out his hand.
I nodded and slid my fingers against his, letting him lead me to the car. During my transformation, he’d changed into formalwear. I had to admit he looked nice, even if he didn’t make my pulse race the way Feliks did.
“What should I expect?” I asked.
“With Feliks, I have no idea. If you mean the event itself, it’s a charity dinner. There will be a silent auction, perhaps a bit of dancing, and an overpriced meal with wine.” He reached over and patted my knee. “Don’t worry, Raina. I won’t feed you to the wolves. You’ll be safe tonight.”
I hoped so. It wasn’t just myself I had to consider now. While the dark thoughts and doubts still crept in, I tried pushing them away. I didn’t like the idea of marrying a stranger, but I owed it to my child to make sure he or she had a good life. I couldn’t give it to them on my own.
“Feliks commented on needing a wife for these events. Aren’t people going to look at me funny? Or say something about my presence?” I asked.
“Nyet. As a spouse? Perhaps. Tonight, you’re merely my guest. They may believe you’re my mistress, or that I’m seeking a buyer for you. I’ll handle anyone who approaches.”
Ilya pulled up to the curb outside a hotel and got out. I waited, letting him open the door for me, then he escorted me inside. Everything looked like it cost a small fortune and I felt like a fraud even walking through the doors. He seemed to know exactly where he was going and led me to a banquet hall on the first floor.
“Be prepared for anything, Raina. I’m not sure what Feliks will say or do. But once we walk through these doors, we’re here for the duration. Do you still wish do to this?” Ilya asked.
“Yes. I need to see him, even if it’s the last time.”
He nodded and opened the doors, ushering me inside. He placed my hand in the crook of his arm and strode across the room, approaching a small group of men. Feliks stood with them, and my heart beat faster. I curled my fingers into Ilya’s arm. Seeing Feliks was harder than I’d expected. Especially with the beautiful woman on his arm.
“Is that her?” I whispered.
“Yes. Natalia Gorev. His fiancée.”
I nodded and pressed a hand to my stomach, willing the butterflies to stop swooping around. I’d come this far. Now I needed to see it through.
“Viktor,” Ilya called out as we drew nearer. All the men turned to face us, and I recognized Aleksi right away. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Feliks’ face. “I don’t believe you’ve met my date for this evening. Viktor, this is Raina. Raina, Viktor is my brigadier. He’s the one who issues my orders, and the man I protect at all costs.”
I held my hand out and Viktor lifted it to his lips, kissing the backs of my fingers. “A pleasure, Raina. You already know Aleksi and Feliks, correct?”
I nodded, my gaze skirting over to Feliks. The heat staring back at me nearly made my knees buckle. A woman came up to Viktor, looping her arm through his. I noticed she had a cane and seemed to stare at nothing in particular.
“Raina, this is my wife, Cerys. She’s blind, so please don’t feel slighted that she didn’t greet you immediately,” Viktor said.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I murmured.
Cerys smiled at me warmly, and I knew I’d like her. At least, until she found out who I was. I had a feeling everything would spiral out of control once that information made the rounds. I’d already noticed more than one man who’d used me at Gary’s. How long before they came over and said something?
The woman next to Feliks pressed herself closer to him. “Aren’t you going to introduce me? Viktor said you’d met her before.”
“Raina, this is my fiancée, Natalia.”
“I can’t wait to marry this man,” Natalia said, smiling widely. Her words hit me like darts, and I knew I’d made a mistake in coming. It was too late to back out, but I felt incredibly foolish.
“Perhaps you should get Raina some wine, Ilya,” Feliks said.
Ilya placed his hand over my mine, giving it a slight squeeze. It was enough of a warning not to run, and I looked up at him before turning to Feliks once more.
“She can’t have wine tonight,” Ilya said. “I’ll have to make sure the servers have other options.”
“Can’t hold her liquor?” Natalia asked, smirking at me.
“Nyet.” Ilya gave Feliks a chilling smile. “It’s not good for the baby.”
Feliks stiffened, and his gaze locked onto me. And now he knew. As the seconds ticked by without a word being said, my nerves unraveled. Cerys, bless her, seemed to realize it, even though she couldn’t see me.
“Raina, I can show you to the ladies’ room, if you’d like? When I was pregnant with my daughter, it seemed I always needed the bathroom.” The blind woman held out her hand, and I took it, thankful for the lifeline.
“That would be great, thank you.”
I felt Feliks’ gaze boring into me as we walked away. It wasn’t until we’d left the room the tension finally drained from me.
“Want to tell me what’s going on?” Cerys whispered as we stepped into the hall.
“The baby isn’t Ilya’s. It’s Feliks’.”
“Ah. I can see what the drama is about now. Did he know there was a chance you could be carrying his baby before he proposed to Natalia?” she asked.
“Yes.” I swallowed hard. “He made his choice. Feliks wanted power more than he wanted me.”
“And tonight?” she asked, leading me farther into the hotel.
“I needed to see him one last time. I didn’t realize she’d be with him. I’m not sure I can go back in there.”
Cerys led me into the bathroom and leaned against the row of sinks. “If you need to leave, I can arrange it. But I need to know what happened. How did you get mixed up with Feliks, of all people? The man is, forgive me, an asshole.”
“He took me in trade,” I whispered. “The man who owed a debt offered the use of me in exchange for a lesser amount. Feliks accepted. Then he discovered I wasn’t on birth control. I blacked out and woke up in an apartment meant for his mistress.”
Cerys mumbled something under her breath. “I swear the men working with Viktor are idiots.”
“I have nowhere to go,” I admitted.
“We’ll figure this out, Raina. I’m so angry with Feliks, but it shouldn’t surprise me. I’ve never liked him. When we first met, he grabbed at me and told me he’d get to have me when Viktor grew bored. I’d never been so scared in my life.”
The more I heard about Feliks, the more I questioned my sanity. Why did I want the man to like me? He seemed abhorrent, and he’d clearly made his choice. He didn’t want me. I shouldn’t have come tonight.
“Do you need another minute?” Cerys asked. “I can try to help you, but not right now. All of Viktor’s men are in that room. There’s no one to take you home. Unless you want me to tell Ilya you don’t feel well? Perhaps he could leave and take you with him.”
“Please. Can we try?”
Cerys nodded. I took her hand, and we left the bathroom. As we neared the doors to the banquet hall, a sense of unease filled me. My nape prickled, and I tensed, feeling like prey.
“Cerys…”
“I feel it too,” she mumbled. “Stay close.”
She reached for the doors, and as she pulled them open, someone grabbed me from behind. I screamed and lashed out, but the man only laughed.
“We meet again, little whore.” I froze. I’d know that voice anywhere. My heart slammed against my ribs. If the Italian enforcer had me, then all was lost. No one would find me in time, and I knew he’d kill me. I tried to scream again, but he cuffed me upside the head and the world went dark.