As I looked around the waiting room, I realized there were few husbands or boyfriends attending these appointments. One man had clearly come with his mistress. Another seemed to be the girl’s parent. If I had a daughter, she wouldn’t be pregnant until after she’d wed. I’d forbid any man from looking at her and shoot anyone who dared. He clearly didn’t know how to protect his family. Imbecile.
“Raina Sobol,” a nurse called out from an open doorway.
“That’s us, lastachka.”
She whispered in my ear as she stood, “That’s not my name yet.”
“I wasn’t going to permit you to put Leeds down, now was I? Besides, we’ll be married in a few weeks.”
I held her hand as we followed the nurse. She had Raina stand on a scale, noted her weight, then led us to a room. As they checked Raina’s vitals, I glanced at the posters on the walls. After the nurse left, I went to Raina and took her hands in mine. Lifting them, I kissed her fingers before pressing my lips to hers.
“Excited?” I asked.
“Nervous,” she admitted.
“There’s nothing to be scared of. You’ll see.”
“The doctor is a woman, right? You made sure?” she asked.
And then I understood her stress. My sweet Raina worried a man would be checking her or delivering her baby. I’d never permit such a thing. No one would dare see her body again, except me. As it was, anyone we ran into who had hurt her in the past wouldn’t remain living for long. I’d take them out, one at a time, until I’d rid the world of their filth.
“Mr. and Mrs. Sobol?” a man asked as he entered the room. “I’m Dr. Gray. I’m afraid Dr. Pierce has been called out for an emergency C-section, so I’ll be handling the exam today.”
I felt Raina tense and knew she was about to panic. The doctor seemed kind enough, his gaze merely clinical as he studied Raina. But I knew we’d have to return when the female doctor was available.
“My apologies, Dr. Gray, but my wife will be uncomfortable if you perform her exam. We’ll reschedule for a time when she can meet with Dr. Pierce.”
“I can assure you I’ve seen it all before,” the doctor said, smiling a little. “This is my job, and not something that gives me that sort of pleasure. I enjoy bringing babies into the world, but that’s it. I promise I won’t do anything inappropriate, and you can remain here with your wife during the visit.”
Raina trembled and I nodded for the doctor to step into the hall. I kissed Raina’s cheek and told her I’d return in a moment. When I left the room, I pulled the door shut behind me. “Dr. Gray, what do you know of my wife?” I asked.
“Her chart says it’s her first visit, and she believes she’s about five to six weeks along.”
I lowered my voice and stepped closer, not wanting everyone to hear Raina’s story. And I’d only tell the man what I thought he needed to know, in order for him to understand her hesitance over him touching her, even in a clinical way. “A man purchased Raina when she was barely five years old. While she was still a child, he let men rape her as payment for his debts. Her reluctance over having a male doctor doesn’t have anything to do with you personally. She fears men, and having someone other than me touching her, or seeing intimate parts of her body, could trigger a panic attack. Do you understand?”
Sympathy filled his eyes, as well as a few tears. “I see. I’m so very sorry she went through something so awful. Of course, I understand why she’d want a female doctor. If you’d still like to be seen today, I may have another option for you. My sister is a midwife. There are times, like this instance, when Dr. Pierce and I agree to let my sister visit a patient. My sister is down the hall.”
“Get her,” I said. “And thank you.”
I went back into the room to give Raina the news. She’d paled and worried at her lip until it started to bleed. I held her to me, murmuring to her softly until she calmed. “You’ll see a midwife today, and we’ll set another appointment with Dr. Pierce.”
“Thank you, Feliks. I’m sorry I’m so broken that I can’t handle even seeing a doctor.”
“Hush,” I said, smoothing her hair back from her face. Her curls sprang wildly, and I smiled, remembering how much I’d loved them the first time I’d set eyes on her. I still loved her hair.
A knock sounded and the woman I assumed to be the midwife hustled into the room. “I’m Mary Gray. My brother let me know I could be of some assistance today.” She smiled warmly at Raina. “I don’t have a medical degree like my brother or Dr. Pierce, but with the help of one of the technicians, I think we can still do a rather thorough exam today.”
“Thank you, Ms. Gray,” I said, stepping to the side and releasing Raina.
I remained close as she asked Raina questions and introduced her to the technician who would be assisting during the visit. We were able to hear the baby’s heartbeat, and my heart felt like it swelled three sizes. I’d never realized I could love a person I’d never seen. Not until then. Knowing Raina was pregnant and having solid proof were two different things. It made the baby seem more real to me.
By the time the visit ended, and we’d set a new appointment, I had so many emotions trying to burst free. I’d always thought myself to be cold. Unfeeling. A monster. It seemed Raina was humanizing me. With her, I became a husband. A father. An everyday man who had the same desires as everyone else. The blood on my hands vanished in those moments, and it felt as if we lived in our own little world.
Until my phone rang, and Viktor’s name flashed on the screen.
“I’m still with Raina. We’re just leaving the doctor,” I said, hoping he hadn’t called to assign me a job.
“We have a small problem.”
“How small?” I asked.
Viktor cleared his throat. “About the size of a five-year-old. I need you to come to the house. Now.”
Well, fuck. “Can I take Raina home first?”
“Nyet. Bring her. She can visit with Cerys. Besides, you’ll need her for this one.”
The call dropped and I stared at my phone. A five-year-old problem and it required Raina? What the hell was going on?
I helped Raina into the car and headed toward Viktor’s house. I filled her in on the call, and pressed the pedal a little harder, wanting to get this -- whatever it was -- out of the way. At the house, I led Raina inside.
“Viktor, is this necessary today of all days?” I asked. “I’d planned to take Raina to lunch in celebration of hearing our baby’s heartbeat.”
Viktor stepped to the side, leaving Cerys in view… Along with a five-year-old little girl. I stared and nearly staggered back a step. It couldn’t be. I looked from the child to Raina and back.
“Lastachka, you said Leeds always made men use protection, yes?”
“Of course,” she said, frowning. “I mean… He didn’t at first. Not until I got really sick. He said it was because someone had been careless. After that, he changed the rules for the men who came to the house.”
My throat started to close as I looked at the small girl. There was no doubt in my mind. The child belonged to Raina. How did she not realize she’d had a baby? Exactly how young had she been? I did the math quickly. According to Aleksi, Raina was nineteen. He’d tracked down her birth records in Tahiti and arranged for the proper documentation. My woman would have been fourteen when she gave birth to the child, which meant it was possible she’d been thirteen when she conceived. If Leeds weren’t already dead, I’d have murdered him with my bare hands right then and there.
“Lastachka, during that illness… did your stomach get bigger? Were you sick in the mornings? Do you remember pain later?” I asked.
“I… I…” She swayed, and I put my arm around her waist. “Are you saying… Is that… She’s…”
“Yes, Raina. I believe you were pregnant, and that’s your daughter. Our daughter.” I faced her, putting myself between her and everyone else. Pressing my forehead to hers, I hoped I could calm her. How could she have had a child and not known? I wouldn’t have put it past Leeds to have drugged her. “I’m sorry you went through that, Raina. You must have been terrified. Confused. Alone. But you have me now, and we can take care of her together.”
Viktor approached, and I glanced down, seeing the little girl being towed in his wake. She stared up at me with wide, brown eyes, so much like her mother’s. Her skin was a bit lighter, and her hair held hints of blonde. Wondering about her sperm donor would only drive me crazy. It was best if we never found out.
Kneeling, I smiled at her. “What’s your name?”
Her eyes widened and she trembled. My heart ached at the knowledge she’d likely been hurt for speaking. She didn’t even feel safe answering a direct question.
I stood and held Viktor’s gaze. “Where did you find her?”
“Remember the errand Maksim went on?” I nodded. “He found her in the basement. Chained inside a cage. Cerys cleaned her up and got new clothes for her. We weren’t sure if we should call you or not, but the girl needs her family.”
I felt Raina move closer, and I reached out to take her hand. She leaned into me and whispered in my ear, “Gary kept me in a cage until I bled the first time. Then he moved me to a room upstairs. Since he kept me chained, I never went downstairs again. Was she there the entire time?”
I held her hand tighter. It was possible. No, probable. Telling her that wouldn’t change anything. I merely kissed her forehead and hoped she’d let the matter go. I didn’t want her to blame herself for this. Together, we kneeled in front of the girl.
“I’m Raina,” my woman said. “And this is Feliks. I… I think I might be… your mom.”
Tears gathered in the little girl’s eyes. “Momma’s dead.”
I growled softly and cut it off the moment I saw fear in the child’s eyes. “Nyet. They lied to you. I’d bet all my money your mother is right here, kneeling beside me. And since you’re her daughter, and she’s about to become my wife, it makes you my daughter, too.”
“Gary Leeds was an evil man,” Raina said. “He hurt me. Let other men break me. But he’s gone, and you’re safe. Did he… did he touch you?”
“Only when it was bath day,” the little girl said, her voice a near whisper. “He washed me in cold water. Said he had to scrub me good to get me clean.”
Bile rose in my throat, and I saw Raina was close to losing control of her emotions. We didn’t need to scare the child. She’d been traumatized enough already.
“And your father?” Raina asked.
“He hasn’t come to see me in a long time,” the little girl said. “He was mean, and I didn’t like him.”
I looked up at Viktor and knew he was every bit as heartbroken and furious as I was. All these years. Raina had a child, someone she could have loved who would have loved her in return, and they’d been locked up separately in that house. If I’d had any idea the day I’d removed her from Leeds’ home, I would have taken the little girl with me. “Your mom is going to have another baby,” I said. “Taking care of them will be a big job. I’m not sure she and I will be able to handle it on our own. Do you think you’d want to come live with us and help care for your brother or sister?”
She glanced from me to Raina and back, a spark of hope in her eyes. God. It gutted me, reminding me so much of Raina when I’d first made her think she’d be safe. Wanted.
“And you’ll be my new daddy?” she asked.
I nodded. “I will. And I can promise, no more cold baths. You can either wash yourself, or your mother can help. You will be protected. Loved. Your mother and I would be honored to have you live with us.”
“I don’t have a name,” she said. “They just called me Girl.”
“Your mother is from an island. It’s why you and she have such beautiful golden skin. My country is far from here, and much different. Would you like a name to honor your mother’s people, or mine? Or perhaps you want an American name since you were born here?” I asked.
“Can I have two names?” she asked. “Can you both give me one?”
I nodded. “We can do that. But first, let’s go home. You can pick your room and tell me your favorite colors. We’ll have it decorated before bedtime tonight.”
Raina slowly reached for the girl, her hand shaking. My heart broke for my lastachka. My mind spun from this revelation, and I could only imagine how much worse it was for her, to have given birth and not even realized it had happened.
The little girl threw herself into Raina’s arms, and I watched as they hugged and cried. Unable to hold back, I wrapped them both in an embrace, and vowed to keep them safe at all costs.
When I looked up, Viktor and Cerys were gone, and we’d been left alone in the front entry. I led my girls to the car and wondered what other surprises would come our way. For all our sakes, I hoped we had an uneventful few weeks.
Raina
A daughter. How the hell had I given birth to a daughter and never known? I tried to think back. I remembered being sick. Getting fatter. Although, I hadn’t gained anywhere near as much weight as other women seemed to. My belly had gotten slightly bigger, but I’d never looked like the pregnant women I’d seen on TV since Feliks saved me. It hadn’t been enough to make me think anything was wrong other than being ill.
Gary had monitored what I could and couldn’t see. I hadn’t had any idea what a pregnancy looked or felt like. I’d been little more than a chained pet since the age of five.
I remembered intense pain one day, and… nothing. I’d been sore between my legs for weeks after. Considering how often the men liked hurting me there, I’d assumed Gary had knocked me out and let men use me while I’d been unconscious. It wouldn’t have been the first time.
Had they drugged me? Was that why I didn’t remember giving birth? If they had, would it have harmed my child?
Feliks had given her the name Vera, and after researching Tahitian names, I’d chosen Heimana. Vera Heimana Sobol. Our daughter had shone as bright as the biggest star once she’d received her name.
I watched her from the doorway of her bedroom. Feliks had the walls painted lavender, after discovering Vera loved all things purple. Any shade of the color made her happy. He’d filled the room with toys of all sorts. Art supplies, dolls, stuffed animals, games… He’d given her a small table and chairs, with a tea set. At the moment, she was having a party with her favorite doll and stuffed lion.
I felt the heat of Feliks’ body behind me right before his arm snaked around my waist. It had been a week since we’d brought Vera home. As often as I stood here watching her, I caught him doing the same thing. In the middle of the night, I’d wake and find myself alone in bed. Every single time, Feliks would be hovering outside our daughter’s door, watching her sleep.
“She’s beautiful, like her mother,” he murmured.
“And resilient. It’s like nothing bad ever happened.”
He tightened his hold on me. “She remembers. But children adapt better than most adults. She can tell we love her and trusts us to protect her. That’s enough for now. Perhaps one day, the memories of her past will fade.”
“Do you wish you knew who her father was?” I asked.
“I’m her father. The only one she’ll ever have, or need.”
I smiled and leaned into him. “Still want that big wedding? Between the baby growing inside me, and getting to know our daughter, I’m not sure I have the energy for anything else right now. But I want to be your wife, Feliks. I want it more than anything.”
“The Vor is in town still. I’ll call Viktor and have him set something up. How about a small ceremony in our backyard? It’s a sunny day. I’m sure Viktor could bribe enough people to have a priest marry us today.”
“Please. That’s all I want or need. Any of the outfits you’ve bought me will be fine. I don’t need fancy things, Feliks.”
“I know.” He kissed my neck. “As you’ve often said, you only need me.”
I nodded. He was right. Well, partially. I now knew I needed our daughter and the baby we’d created as well. Family. That’s what I needed and wanted. Our family.
“Get Vera ready. Tell her the big news, and then my two girls need to dress in their fanciest attire. I’ll ask the cook to prepare something, as soon as I’ve spoken with Viktor. Would you like me to have someone come to the house and help with your hair? Paint your nails?”
“I think Vera would enjoy that,” I said.
“I’ll handle it.” He kissed me again and walked off, pulling out his phone to start making calls.
I went into Vera’s room, drawing her attention away from her tea party. She smiled widely and shot up out of the chair. Running to me, she threw her arms around my legs and hugged me. “Momma!”
“I have something to tell you. We’re going to have a party later. A wedding.” I tipped up her chin. “Want to come get pretty with me? Daddy said to put on our best clothes, and he’s going to ask someone to fix our hair. Sound like fun?”
She nodded eagerly and took my hand. I flipped through the dresses in her closet and selected the nicest one, then led her to my bedroom. I draped her dress across the back of a chair while I studied my own wardrobe. I still had several dresses with tags on them. One in particular caught my attention. Cream silk. The dress itself was a simple design, but I thought it would be perfect for a wedding dress. Especially for a backyard event. I set it out, along with some matching shoes.
The next hour passed in a blur. True to his word, Feliks paid someone to come help us feel beautiful. The woman pulled my hair up but left some curls loose. The makeup she’d put on me was light and accented my looks. She even put a little pink lip gloss on Vera, who kept twirling and calling herself a princess.
A knock sounded at the door, and Aleksi entered the room. “Raina, it’s time.”
I pressed my hands to my stomach and smiled. “I’m ready. Come along, Vera.”
Aleksi held out his arm to me. “I’d be honored if I could escort you. I know you don’t have family here. Permit me to walk you down the aisle?”
“Thank you, Aleksi.” I kissed his cheek.
We descended the stairs and went out into the backyard. I gasped when I saw how it had been transformed. Someone had brought in a gazebo and strung twinkling lights around the top, then twined white and pink roses around the bottom. Feliks waited inside with the priest. His heated gaze warmed my cheeks and made me eager to celebrate our marriage later, after everyone had left and Vera had gone to bed.
With Vera’s hand in mine, and me clutching Aleksi’s arm, we walked to Feliks. Vera held tight throughout the ceremony, and I realized she needed this as much as I did. I may have given birth to her, but she wanted to be a part of this special day, to feel as if she belonged. I knew the fear she felt, and I’d do anything to ease it.
Feliks and I said our vows, had our first kiss as husband and wife, and then he did something that nearly took me to my knees. He kneeled down and held up a small gold ring for Vera.
“Vera, you’re the daughter of my heart, and I hope I can be the dad you deserve. Would you wear this ring as a token of how much I love you? I vow to always protect you, to dry your tears, kiss all your booboos, and chase away all the boys.” He grinned. “Even the ones you don’t want me to run off. Because you’re my little girl and no one will ever be good enough for you.”
Vera had tears slipping down her cheeks as she hugged Feliks. I didn’t hear what she whispered in his ear, but the look on his face told me enough. He held her, told her he loved her, then slipped the little ring onto her finger.
“Come! We’ll eat, dance, and celebrate the greatest day in my life… because today, I officially gain a beautiful wife and the smartest, bravest daughter in the world.”
Someone raised a champagne flute. I thought it might the man they called the Vor. “To the Sobol family! May you live long and have many happy memories together.”
Everyone cheered and I leaned into Feliks. “I love you, Feliks.”
“I love you too. More than you’ll ever know.” He kissed my temple. “You tamed the monster, lastachka. Showed me exactly what I’d been missing in my life and have given me the greatest gift of all. I can never repay you, but I look forward to loving you every day for the rest of my life.”
Vera ran off with some other children, and they squealed and played nearby while the adults drank, ate, and danced the hours away. I’d never had the opportunity to dance. While I’d thought I would feel awkward, being in Feliks’ arms made all the difference. We swayed to a slow song, and I heard the click of a camera. It wasn’t the first time someone had taken our picture at the wedding.
“Mr. Sobol, I’d like to get a shot of you and your family,” a man said.
I turned and Feliks called Vera over. We posed in front of the gazebo and had no less than a dozen pictures taken in different poses. My feet began to ache, and fatigue pulled at me.
“Sit,” Feliks said, leading me back to our table. “Not much longer. I’ll send our guests home soon, but it would be rude to toss them out too early. While I’d intended to pay for our wedding, the Vor, Viktor, and Maksim said it was their gift to us. The man taking pictures is Aleksi’s present. And Ilya decided his gift was better suited for Vera.”
“What gift?” I asked. Feliks pointed and I turned in time to see Vera and a little white puppy running through the yard. “He gave her a dog?”
“Not just any dog. When it’s old enough, it will be trained to protect Vera. It’s her own personal guard dog. Or will be. We’ll have to make sure she doesn’t spoil it too much.”
“I never dreamed I’d have this life,” I said. “If you hadn’t come to Gary’s that day… if he hadn’t offered me to you…”
“I like to think Fate would have brought us together another way, but it’s hard to say. What I do know is I was wrong that day. I’d thought of you as an unwanted complication. A problem I needed to resolve so I could carry through with my plans.” He cupped my cheek. “But you’re very much wanted, Raina. And you don’t complicate my life at all. In fact, you’re the reason I get up in the morning. I’m sorry I ever thought of you as anything other than essential.”
“We have a lifetime for you to make it up to me.” I smiled. “I think an eternity of your love should be a good enough price.”
“And you have it. My love. My heart. My everything…”
He kissed me soft and slow. I didn’t know what our future would bring, or if we’d run into more trouble along the way, but I’d never been happier than I was in that moment. A husband. A daughter. And a baby on the way. Life couldn’t have possibly gotten better. I had everything I could ever want or need, and the love of a man people called a monster. But he was my monster, and I knew he’d do anything to protect me. Even bathe the town in the blood of our enemies.
For some women, that might be terrifying. For me… it meant everything.