Bee polished a secret shining in her heart: she was grateful the world had ended.
Bee watched the brittle children tossing rocks, and the feeling burrowed down like a creature escaping daylight. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a packet of Skittles she’d been saving. She knelt down and poured several into each of the kids’ faint, greedy hands.
“When do we make the next run to the Second Quad?” Mar placed her arm absently—but not carelessly—around Bee’s waist. The other hand reached for an orange candy—her favorite—and Bee’s heart buzzed. It never got old. “Jeremy thought we’d go tomorrow, but it doesn’t look like the Fog is going to let up.”
Bee squeezed her wrist and shrugged. “I’m not sure we have a choice, Fog or no Fog.” She felt a twinge of guilt looking at Mar. Would she have noticed the beauty in front of her before the world ended? The gentle curve of her back, the way her lip pulled into a smile more on the left side.
A pang hit her, sharp and angry. She was an imposter. Her old life might not have fit, but that’s where she was told she belonged. A whisper asked her if the world hadn’t ended, would she have ever considered Mar’s companionship?
“You’re right. We should prep anyway and bring an extra set of masks. You still haven’t painted ours.” Mar looked at Bee. “Matching gas masks! A fun couples costume!” Mar’s lips pulled into a smile, more on the left side, and she cupped Bee’s face. Her fingers were small, perfect heaters on Bee’s frigid cheek. “What’s wrong? You’re very far away today.”
The whisper was a lie. A narrative ghostwritten for her by society. The fierce love in her heart told her so. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. This was real.
“Nothing. Everything is fine.” When Mar’s face scrunched up, Bee took her by the hands and squeezed them. “Really. I’m just a little worried our trip tomorrow won’t get us the supplies we need, and with the quadrants becoming harder to cross through, we’ll get stuck.”
It was easy to displace her personal woes with tangible ones.
“If we get stuck, at least we’ll be together.” Mar kissed her on the cheek, and Bee could feel a new blush rise up even though they’d been together for months. “I’m going to pack. Should I bring your entire set of Lu novels just in case we get stuck?”
Bee’s blush persisted and, though it was a joke, she nodded anyway. “Stop acting like you know me.” What would the world be without stories to escape to and someone to read them with? Mar grinned and turned away to their tent, her messy bun bouncing behind her, the sick wind tugging at long, loose strands.
Bee banished her insecurity. Nothing was more exhilarating or frightening than loving Mar, except for maybe a gunfight. It was time to get clear, be strong, and kick many asses. She needed all of her focus for the journey tomorrow.
What was the difference for Bee now that the world was dust? She could breathe. She could stretch. She could see the road in front of her, however harrowing. Her old life might have ended, but something raw and new had sprung up in its place.
And Bee was with Mar, right where she belonged.