45

ON AIR

‘It’s just gone ten pm, lovelorn folk, and I must say it’s been highly enjoyable filling in tonight for your resident DJ, Dr Love. And that’s his real name, apparently—it says so here on his business card. Born for the job.

‘I’ll keep taking those love song requests right through until midnight, after which I turn into a pumpkin and cab it home. That’s what we’re here for, folks. To fill each other’s ears and crowd out too much thought. Keep moving forward one song at a time. “Late Night Love Notes”—it’s so much cheaper than therapy.

‘Thanks to Kenneth for that last request, “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell, an odd choice I’ll grant you, but love isn’t all roses and sexy texts, is it, Kenneth? It’s a tough gig. Lots of collateral damage while you figure it out, by which time you’re old and requesting eighties songs because you can’t sleep.

‘Goodnight, Kenneth.’

Goodnight.