The moment Cody spotted Scarlett leaving the bathing pond, he’d moved closer. Scarlett hadn’t looked or smelled happy. If anything, the scorch in the air around her burned Cody’s nostrils. If they’d had another fight—dammit. Why can’t Scar just get along with her? His sister’s legendary temper could test even Quanto’s patience. Mariska had less tolerance for her, with good reason. Prowling into the woods closer to the pond, he crouched low to the ground.
She noticed him almost immediately. Anger tightened her expression and she whirled away, cutting away across the water in a flash of flesh and dark hair. Scarlett had annoyed her. Setting his chin down on his legs, he sighed. Nothing he did seemed to bridge the hole gaping wide open between his wife and his sister.
Perhaps it was time to talk to Scarlett’s husband. Maybe he’d be able to get through to Scar better than Cody could. His sister had a husband, children and another on the way. One would think she would be too busy to interfere with Mariska, but no. Scarlett always managed to irk his mate—exactly the last thing she needed. When Mariska continued to ignore him, Cody rose and let the change roll over him. What used to take several minutes came quickly, the snap and shudder of bones breaking and reshaping along with the drag and pull of muscle and flesh flowed with him naturally.
Only moments after he’d begun, he finished and rose to stand. His flesh burned and sweat poured off him. That, too, would pass in another couple of minutes. The line between wolf and man had blurred so much as to be indistinct. He still felt his wolf, but not as he had in the past.
After weaving through the wooded thicket, he walked to the water’s edge. Mariska surfaced in the center, then sighed when she saw him. Frowning, Cody crouched to bring them closer to eye-level. “What did she do?” Maybe if Mariska could yell, they could alleviate whatever damage his sister had inflicted this time.
“Why do you assume she did something?” Her response was not what he expected.
Settling on the edge, he positioned himself between Mariska and the path through the thicket. Though no one was nearby, he wanted to be between her and any potential threat. Scratching his cheek, he considered his mate. Hostility eddied in the air around her, but her eyes remained human, not wolf. If he could keep her calm through the agitation, it lessened the chance her wolf would lash out. “You two don’t normally get along.”
Moving away from him to the other edge, Mariska withdrew soap from under a faux rock. The hollowed out stone kept soap root available while not exposed to the elements or the critters. Studiously ignoring him, she used the root to scrub through her hair. Her mercurial moods had grown murkier over the last several months.
At first he’d attributed the shift to Kid’s absence, but now he wasn’t so sure. Kid had returned—thankfully whole and sound—but her edginess hadn’t diminished. If anything, she seemed to grow more fractious. Her friendship with Olivia had blunted it for a time, but their sweet young friend was deliriously happy and experiencing the ‘attachment’ phase of her marriage to Jason and clearly exploring her newfound sight.
When Mariska continued to ignore him in favor of her soak, he settled in the sun and waited. The heat felt good on his bare skin. The late summer warmth would be fleeting. Sooner or later, autumn would put on an appearance and the rains would come. Even now, Jimmy rode north with only Shane for assistance. It should be me… No sooner did the thought crystalize than he rejected it. If Mariska were ready, then they could have gone together. But he would not risk her, not even for his brother. He couldn’t leave her, either. Not when…
“What are you thinking about?” She’d closed the distance between them without him even realizing she’d moved. Her deep, dark eyes set amidst an unreadable expression stared up at him.
He didn’t want to tell her, but he didn’t need to hide his thoughts either. “Jimmy.” Of all his siblings, he and Jimmy were the closest in age and temperament, though only their family truly recognized it. When they were younger, it had always been the two of them getting into—and out of—scrapes. Letting Jimmy go alone didn’t sit right with him.
Leaving Mariska, however, was not even a possibility.
She placed her hand on his thigh and he covered her slender fingers with his own. “I’m sorry you miss him.”
“I am not pining for him,” he said with a faint curve of his mouth. “I hate that he is out there alone.”
“He’s not alone. Shane went with him.”
“Shane’s a pup.” Cody scowled. “Young. Brash. Not totally sure of his ability.”
“A lot like Kid.” She pointed out and he blinked at her. “And you two traveled far from your families together.”
“Do you have any idea how much trouble that boy was?” More than once, someone had tried to kill Kid—irate husbands, furious fathers, and then the drunks in the saloon of Fort Courage.
Mariska’s smile came and went like a flash of summer lightning. “Yes, but he was also there for you when you needed him most. No one else could have done what he did. So perhaps it will be so for Jimmy and Shane. Jimmy wouldn’t have allowed him to go if he didn’t think he could handle it.”
She had a point. Still… “It should be me.” He couldn’t escape the fact.
“So, why isn’t it?” Her question jolted him back to the present and he frowned at her.
“You are not ready for an undertaking such as that, nor would I leave you.” Not when Jimmy’s plan included hunting the boogeyman of their existence—the mysterious, and dangerous MacPherson. Cody would sooner cut off his arm than take Mariska into battle against such an unknown foe.
She wasn’t ready.
“Why?”
“It doesn’t matter.” He ran his fingers up her arm. Her softness relaxed him. Her nearness made him content, settling him in a way little else did. Worry for her laced his every breath. Nearly losing her on the mountain, and then later when Miller perverted her mind…no, it didn’t matter.
“But it does.” Drawing away from his touch, she slid over to the side of the pond and then climbed out. Muscle rippled along her calves and back. Strength. Like him, her strength had increased because of her wolf. The suppleness of her form never failed to captivate him.
“Mariska…”
“No,” she said, glancing at him and cutting a hand through the air. Water droplets sprayed out from her skin and the sun glistened on her. “Don’t. You don’t trust me.”
“I do.”
“No, you don’t. And you just lied to me.” Her nostrils flared and Cody cursed, surging to his feet.
“This has been a difficult year. I do trust you.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head and more water flung from the heavy black length. She reached for her undergarments and dragged them on, deftly avoiding his touch. Cody curled his fingers into a fist and swallowed a growl. Neither he nor his wolf wanted this fight, but the blaze in her eyes said she did. “You don’t trust me. Why should you? I don’t know if I trust me. You won’t let up, not even an inch.”
“You still struggle with your wolf.” On this, she could hardly argue.
Yet, she did. “No, I don’t. How can I possibly struggle with my wolf? She responds to you. Right now? I’m quiet. Calm. I can think. It’s amazing how she obeys you, but not me.”
What the hell was she talking about? Cody scowled. “I did not come here to fight with you.”
“I know. You never want to fight with me. So, we don’t fight. You don’t trust my cooking. So, I don’t cook. You don’t trust me to control my wolf. So, I don’t. You don’t trust me to be alone, so I’m not.” Color blazed in her face and she dragged on her blouse. “You. Don’t. Trust. Me.”
He would throttle Scarlett. “What did she say to you?”
“Don’t blame her.” Mariska shook her head and pulled her wet hair free from the shirt. It turned the white fabric damp and nearly translucent over her shoulders. “I’ve been mad at her since we arrived. Since she was so incredibly rude and unwelcoming. But you know what? She treated me as an invader, one she didn’t trust and had to learn to like. Today, she stood in this pond and said things to me I didn’t want to hear, but she was right. I did need to hear them.”
Mariska whirled, reaching for her skirt and Cody had enough. He looped an arm around her waist and dragged her back against him. Caging her, he pressed his lips to her throat and the mad beat of her pulse. She growled, the sound so low, he felt more than heard the sound. “Stop,” he ordered and she settled, no longer struggling against his hold. Cradling her, he turned her around. “I love you.”
A frown gathered her brows together. “I know and I love you—”
The words were all he needed to hear. Angling his head, he slammed his mouth down on hers. Fisting her hands into his hair, she met his kiss with equal ferocity. Annoyed with the cloth in his way, he shredded the shirt. The fabric tore with an audible rip and her undershirt went next.
Once she was as naked as he again, he lowered them both to the soft grass that verged on the pond. The bite of her claws on his back only encouraged him. Palming her sex, he found her damp and ready for him. The swift coupling left them both gasping. Lifting his head, he found desire replacing the fight in her eyes.
Never would he tire of her, of the feel of her encasing him or how her body moved with his. He knew every place to kiss, to touch, to bite, and to feel. When she lunged to bite his neck where it joined with his shoulder, he growled with a satisfaction of having found his mate—the one woman who matched him in everything.
He allowed her his throat, because he did trust her. Why could she not understand that? When her bite loosened and she began to kiss and nuzzle him, he moved, thrusting with slow, deliberate purpose. Gathering a handful of her wet hair, he tugged and she arched her throat, a provocation and invitation combined. He settled for a nipping kiss and her groan encouraged him. Every thrust took him deeper and, when her legs wrapped around his hips increasing his access, he let go.
They slammed together, a wild joining. Only when he felt her clamp down around him, heard the first cry of her pleasure, did he take her mouth in a kiss as his spine went iron hot and his balls tightened. His release followed hers and he buried himself to the hilt, the need to imprint his scent on hers a violent pulse in his blood. She carried his scent, as he carried hers. Twined together, mated, married. The fact never ceased to amaze him, yet he wanted more. Always, he wanted to know she was his.
Settling against her, he buried his face in her throat and held her. He craved these quiet moments nearly as much as he did the fierce sex which led to them. The wolf in him settled, content that they’d proven to their mate how much they needed her—how much he needed and wanted her.
The sun continued to warm his back and gradually the lazy call of birds intruded on their peace. As aware of her heartbeat as he was his own, he heard and felt the change. She stroked his back, but her fingers went taut. After forcing himself to lift his head, he gazed down at her, but she didn’t look at him. Her attention was on the pond. Slanting a look over the water, he found nothing amiss. He heard no one close, nor scented anyone, save them and the sweet reek of their coupling.
“Mariska?” He didn’t like her looking away from him or the distance in her expression.
“I love you, Cody,” she said, still not gazing at him. “But I think I need some time away.”
She couldn’t have hurt him more if she’d ripped open his chest and pulled his heart out. Locking his jaw around his immediate and violent refusal, he embraced caution and said nothing. Maybe she hadn’t meant what he’d heard. Her throat convulsed, but she still refused to look at him.
“Mariska, look at me,” he said when he couldn’t take it anymore. She obeyed, but reproach joined the sadness in her eyes. “What is it?”
After blowing out a breath, she shook her head. “We need to get up. I need to find a shirt since you ripped mine.” Further retreating wasn’t what he had in mind.
Frowning, he remained in place and cupped her cheek. “Talk to me.”
“Why? You don’t want to hear what I have to say. You want me to submit and the damnable thing is I will because I want to, but that’s not what I need.” With a flex of her hands against his shoulders, she gave him a push. “Let me rise.”
“We’re not done discussing this.” Rejection and retreat aroused the hunter in him and his hackles went up.
“We are done discussing it this way, however.” Her mouth compressed into a thin line and the spark of rebellion shone in her eyes once more. “Let. Me. Up.”
Rolling free of her, he was on his feet and pulling her to hers before she finished the statement. Dragging her to him, he caught her chin. “I will do anything for you. Anything. But you can’t shut me out.”
“I’m not shutting you out,” she sighed. “I’m trying to tell you what is wrong. But I can’t make you hear me.”
Satisfied with that, he released her face and took a step back, hands held out to his sides. It flew in the face of everything he was, but he withdrew from her space as she’d requested. “Tell me again. I will listen.”
After finger combing her hair, she reached for her torn shirt and sighed.
“I have another, it’s in the tree. I will get it for you.” He kept clothing cached all over the ranch. He never knew when he’d need it. “Mariska talk to me.”
Dropping the shirt, she picked up the undergarment and held it up. A smile quirked the corner of her mouth. “You certainly are hard on my clothes.”
“And you’re a skilled seamstress.” As much as he wanted to shrug off the accusation, he crouched to check the damage he’d actually inflicted on her clothes. “Maybe I can be more careful in the future.”
“No,” she brushed her fingers to his cheek and he glanced up. Allowing her to approach him unnoticed was normal. Alert to all possible intruders, not even the children could sneak up on him, but Mariska? Was that not trust? “I don’t want you to be more careful with my clothes. I love that you love me and want me.”
“All the time.” He turned his head to kiss her fingers.
Slowly, she knelt next to him and to his immense joy continued to touch him. “So why can you not bear to let me out of your sight?”
“You’re mine,” he said. “Mine to keep safe. Mine to protect. Mine. Why would I put distance between us? When you are away from me…” He trailed off and gritted his teeth. “After what Miller did.” All his life, he’d been warned of Fevered who could not be trusted, Fevered who abused their gifts, but they had rarely encountered them. Miller and his men had been a rude awakening. The proof of the provocative warnings issued by Quanto and Wyatt through the years.
“That was a special circumstance.” Her hostility, however, softened. “I know he affected me. I know he filled me with hate to lash out at you and I attacked you. You stopped me.”
He’d responded to the violence in her challenge and he’d put her down, hard. The act sliced through him. Hurting her flew in the face of everything he was. But allowing Miller to continue to control her would have been worse. “I’m sorry.”
“Cody, no,” Mariska said with a sigh. “I’m not sorry you stopped me. If I’d hurt you, I’d never forgiven myself. I don’t mind that my wolf submits to yours or that you want me to submit to you, but you cannot be with me every hour of every day. I need to know that I can be me still. That I can be your partner and not your burden.”
His burden? “You’re not.”
“I am.” Tears glimmered in her eyes, but she blinked furiously and they disappeared. “If I wasn’t, you would be with Jimmy. Perhaps we both would be, but you for certain. If I wasn’t, when Olivia disappeared from the ranch, you would have allowed me to hunt for her. But you didn’t. When it came to heading into the fort, you wouldn’t allow me to go because you didn’t trust my wolf. You don’t trust her.” When he would have said something she stopped him with her fingers to his lips. “No, I don’t trust her either. She doesn’t listen to me.”
He understood how divisive the animal was from the person. He’d lived with his wolf’s control for so many years. “I know and, in time, you will master her.” As he had his, blending together to be one rather than two.
Moistening her lips, she drew in a deep breath. “You were child when you became as you are. You told me this. You told me you needed your wolf to be in charge, but I am not a child. I am not used to being one. I was in charge of my life before I met you. I made mistakes. I paid consequences and I was who I was. But that my wolf listens to you, obeys you, and not me? Cody how can we ever trust anything?”
“Because I love you.” Simple.
“When I came to you after you defeated the wicked wolf…you were mad with pain and blood lust. Fierce and dangerous. I knew your wolf didn’t like me, had been rejecting me all that time. As much as you wanted me, he did not. He still believed Scarlett was the one…”
Not this. Not again. “Mariska, no.”
“Stop.” She tapped his lips. “Let me finish. For months now, I wrestled with this, itched inside my own skin trying to find the answer. I have it now. I know what has plagued me, but you have to let me finish.”
As eager as she to dispense with their unseen enemy, he nodded once.
“I knew I was taking my life in my hands, but I trusted you. You. I believed you would never allow your wolf to hurt me. I surrendered to both of you and you both accepted me.”
The moment counted among the sweetest he’d ever experienced. “Yes.”
“You cannot say the same of me.”
Her wolf would never hurt him and if she tried…he paused. Mariska stared at him expectantly and Cody frowned. He didn’t have to put his faith in her wolf, because he’d already conquered—conquered, not coaxed. Dominated, not trusted.
Disliking the notion she was right made the news even harder to swallow. “What do you want me to do?”
“Give me time…give me and my wolf time to work this out between us.”
Time? “How much?”
“I don’t know. I know I need distance. If I’m with you, she’s quiet, relaxed…I barely even feel her. Unless I’m arguing with you and then she fights back against me. She wants me to be quiet and in your arms.” Accommodating the unspoken request, he wrapped his arms around her and she rested her head against his chest. “I want to be with you always, I love you. But I need to be whole, to be one—wolf and woman. If my wolf submits to you, it has to be because she and I chose to do so together and you have to know you can trust me. That I will guard your back and you can rest because I am there.”
“You cannot leave the ranch.” On this, he wouldn’t bend. At least behind the barrier she was safe from MacPherson’s people. The army folk had also refrained from crossing Jed Kane’s land after the debacle with the colonel. How Jason and Jed wrangled that one, Cody didn’t know and he didn’t care.
“Agreed.” Her acquiescence didn’t make the idea sit any easier. “A few hours here or there. I don’t know that I can go days without seeing you.”
Releasing a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding, he tightened his arms around her. “I can accept that. I will let the others know we’re going to roam.” Focusing on training the younglings would have to wait.
“We?” The arch reply amused him, but he smothered his smile before drawing back to look at her.
“Yes. We.” Perhaps this was the way to make it work. “You must dominate your wolf and your wolf wants me.”
“Yes…” Drawing the word out through layers of skepticism, she canted her head to the side. Between one blink and the next her eyes went the deep blue of her wolf.
“So, you and she will have to hunt me.” Oh, he liked this idea.
“I don’t understand.”
She didn’t have to. Not yet. Enormously satisfied with the plan forming in his mind, he kissed the tip of her nose. “I will find you something to wear. Then I’ll speak to the others. Gather whatever you’re going to need.”
Leaving her to stare after him, he strode through the thicket to where his clothes were cached. All he needed were the pants. She could have the rest. First, he’d let Micah and Sam know they would be gone, then he’d deal with his sister. Glancing back at Mariska, he clenched his jaw, teeth grinding together. Hopefully this would satisfy whatever question Mariska held about his trust.
He could risk anything for her—as long as he didn’t lose her.
Anything.