Sixteen

Haley looked out the window of her dorm room. September was winding to a close, and the trees were clothed in the radiance of brilliant fall colors. Red, yellow, and orange leaves dotted the streets and lawns.

All her friends had left, and the Bible study dispersed. Even her roommate was gone. It was lonely, especially on her day off.

She pulled out the CD she had been avoiding for a month and sat on her bed. She opened the player and saw it already had a CD in it. Dalton probably didn’t realize he had left one in his player and had likely been wondering what had happened to it. She would return it to him with the player when she left the island in a couple of weeks. She reached for the CD he had made for her but stopped. She still wasn’t ready to listen to it.

She felt justified in her anger and was afraid that whatever Dalton had chosen could change her. She had been avoiding the book of Matthew because she knew that scripture could change her more than anything else.

She listened to the CD he had left in his CD player instead. Interesting how it was the one with the song “The Wonderful Cross” she had picked out for the three of them to play. She closed her eyes and played along on an imaginary piano. The words touched her as they never had before. She had not laid this burden down at the foot of the cross. Though she had let God use her, she hadn’t forgiven Brent.

Once again, the Lord had used music to open her heart to listen to Him.

She put in Dalton’s CD and listened to it. The song he’d chosen was “Forgiveness.” The message: forgive before it was too late.

Lord, I don’t want to forgive. He hurt me, and I want to hold on to the anger.

She pulled her Bible off the nightstand and opened to Matthew, chapter eighteen, verses twenty-one and twenty-two, the first of the two references Dalton had written on the CD. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’ ”

“How can I forgive seventy-seven times or even seven times when I can’t forgive once?”

One at a time.

She turned back to her Bible. The second reference was chapter six, verses fourteen and fifteen. “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” The words were in red. Jesus was speaking directly to her. How do I forgive when it hurts so bad? I don’t know how. Please show me.

The image of Jesus hanging on the cross battered and beaten came to her mind. “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Was it that simple? Just say it? She took a deep breath. I forgive Brent. She felt lighter, but it wasn’t enough, so she spoke it aloud and gave it conviction. “Brent, I forgive you. And, Lord, forgive me for my stubbornness not to forgive.” A peace swept over her and washed away the hurt and anger.

She took the sarong Brent had bought her at the Mystery Spot out of her bottom drawer and wrapped it around her shoulders. Forgive me, Brent.

❧

The next evening, the phone rang. Justin’s familiar voice greeted her. “I wanted to let you know how things turned out here.”

“I have been dying to know.” Haley sat on the floor under the phone on the wall.

“Kristeen had her baby, a girl.”

“Did she decide to keep it?”

“No. Her dad made her adopt it out. I wanted to adopt little Lacy, but Brent and Aunt Aimee talked me out of it.”

Brent and Justin’s aunt together sent a wave of sadness through her. Had he found her more receptive to his affections? She took a deep breath and returned her focus to Justin. “Why would you want to adopt someone else’s baby when you’re only eighteen?”

“I figured Kristeen would want to see her baby one day.”

“And you’d be there waiting for her.”

“Silly, huh?”

She pulled her feet up under her. “I think it’s sweet. But I’m glad you’re not going to be the baby’s adoptive father.”

“I think I am, too. Brent has helped me see that Kristeen is not the right relationship. He says going to college will be good for me.”

Thank you, Brent. Was it only last night she had finally forgiven Brent and let the whole matter go? And for the first time, she could think of Shane by his real name, Justin. “Will you have to put off college until next year? Or do you think you can find a job for the next couple of months that will make up what you would have earned if you’d stayed here? I could even give you some money to help out.”

“No need to. I’m already enrolled at Western Michigan. I’m rooming with Jason. He has a girlfriend, and she’s really good for him.”

“You’re at college? How is that possible?”

“Brent found me a four-year scholarship—tuition, books, housing, the whole works.”

“Brent found you a four-year, full-ride scholarship just as school was starting?” That didn’t sound plausible.

“He knows a man who likes to do that sort of thing anonymously for worthy students. Brent told him about my situation, and he did it. He set up an account that he’ll transfer funds into each term.”

It sounded a little fishy to her. What was Brent up to?

“Aunt Aimee is glad. She always felt bad that she didn’t make enough money to send me to college. We barely scraped by.”

Aunt Aimee—that was what Brent was up to. She would guess that Aunt Aimee was young and pretty. And she had probably caught Brent’s eye. “I’m glad everything is going well for you.”

“Haley, you can’t tell Brent I called and told you this.”

It wasn’t as if she would ever get to talk to him again. “What does it matter?”

“He wants to tell you everything.”

“Why?”

“He thinks it will force you to talk to him because you’ll want to know. You’ll talk to him, won’t you? You’re not still sore at him?”

“What about your aunt?”

“Aunt Aimee?”

“Oh, never mind. Of course I’ll talk to Brent. He can call me anytime.”

“He’s not here. I’m at college. He stayed to help with some last details. He also wanted to make sure Kristeen will be okay through all this. I asked him to tell me how she’s doing.”

“Do you have a number where I can reach him?”

“If I told you that, then he would know I talked to you. He’s coming to the island when he’s finished. To see you.”

To see me? “In two weeks, the Grand Hotel closes and the season is over.”

“He knows that.”

So maybe there wasn’t anything between Brent and Justin’s aunt after all. But just because he was coming here was no reason to get her hopes up.

“What if everything is different? What if we don’t have the same easy camaraderie?”

“What if you do?”

“Things have changed for both of us.”

“Haley, promise me you’ll give him a chance.”

“Is that what he said—he wants a chance?”

“Well, no. Only that he promised to come back.”

So there it was. Brent was only coming back to fulfill a self-imposed obligation. She would put no hope in a relationship blooming again.