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“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” I grunted as I hauled my best friend through my open second-floor bedroom window. Anna’s bare legs kicked through after several moments of me wondering if my sweat-soaked hands would lose their grip on her slender arms. Even though it was early May and not that hot yet, perspiration made my underarms uncomfortably wet and anxiety had my pulse pounding in my throat.
Anna fell to the floor in a heap. Not exactly the ladylike image she normally portrayed, but she simply grinned at me while she patted her wispy blonde hair back into place. I stuck my head out the window and looked at the gnarled tree she’d climbed to get to my bedroom. She was lucky she’d made it all the way up here without falling. As I turned the handle to close the window, I wondered when she would grow up and stop all this sneaking around past curfew.
“Maybe I am. Anything would be better than living in this hellhole of a city. Look, just let me stay the night. I already told my parents I was sleeping over here, anyway.” She pushed herself to her feet and sauntered to the mirror, tugging at her too-short miniskirt along the way. “You can cover for me like a good friend.”
“Yeah, yet again. That’s me, your cover every weekend.” I gave the handle one last crank to close it firmly, even though it was a perfect, warm night. Our conversation was too dangerous to have the wrong ears pick up on even one word, and my heart was already beating so hard, I thought it would burst out of my chest.
Anna could play the jaded, rebellious rich girl all she wanted. I was still terrified of what would happen if she were ever caught red-handed. Of what would happen to us both.
She giggled, did a half-turn in the mirror to admire herself, and then shucked off the skintight glossy black skirt that had barely covered her bottom to begin with. It was probably purchased illegally, like half her provocative wardrobe. Showing anything more than bare arms or ankles was scandalous. Most girls and women wore long dresses in muted colors, clothing not meant to draw attention to us. Not that modesty was a prized trait in the Commonwealth of Lincoln, but it certainly didn’t hurt to avoid notice. It was like the pre-Fracture days, when driving a red car meant it was more likely the police would stop you for speeding. Nobody wanted that. Except maybe Anna, who prized pre-Fracture fashions above all else.
“Hey, who would ever suspect perfect Kira Neville of harboring a rule-breaking Loyalist?” She giggled and turned toward me, her curves barely contained by her black bra and matching underwear. “Honestly, though, you should live a little. Every kid does it. You know if we get caught, it’s just a slap on the wrist, especially for our rank. It’s not like we’re one of the trade class or common or, worse, Shamed. They save reconditioning for the truly awful offenses.”
“Why should I risk even a wrist-slap?” I flopped on my bed, fighting the urge to pout, even as my heartbeat raced at the words she’d uttered. Reconditioning. Loyalist. Trade. Common. Shamed.
Yes, that was always me––the safe girl, the one who never took chances, who never used her social rank to bend the rules or get what she wanted. Even for the ruling class, chances led to run-ins with the law and guilt and punishment. Why risk it?
Our authority figures had drilled it into us since childhood. Follow the Tenets, and you could live a useful and fulfilling life without having to look over your shoulder constantly. Disobey, and risk being reconditioned, executed or, worse, exiled from the city.
What was beyond those walls, no one knew, but we had an inkling. Death, disease, starvation... The stuff of nightmares, thanks to the Fracture two hundred years ago between what was once the United States.
And no one in their right mind would trade the nightmare we knew for the one we didn’t.
The very idea of so much as approaching the towering, gray monstrosity that enclosed Lincoln made me shudder. I hid my face behind my curtain of wavy red hair, but Anna jumped on the bed and used her hand to smooth it away, tucking it behind my ear, her perfect features coming into focus.
“Don’t you want to have some fun before they condemn you to marriage?” she asked, her expression soft with concern. Privileged rule-breaker or not, she was still my best friend. She wanted me to be happy. “Even then, you might get a husband who likes to go to the clubs, in which case you’ll need to get used to it.”
“Oh, please, you’re the one who’ll probably marry someone who lets you do whatever you want. I bet whoever they match to you won’t know what hit them once you get them wrapped around your little finger.” I squirmed uncomfortably on the bed, her nearly naked form’s proximity dragging my thoughts elsewhere.
Anna was beautiful. Not just the prettiest girl in our class, but the definition of beauty itself. Long, blonde hair, and large, angelic blue eyes made her the envy of every girl and object of lust of every boy. I’d struggled with an uncomfortable mix of both feelings for her, not to mention the humbling fact that she’d chosen me as her best friend ever since we were little.
But girls weren’t allowed to find other girls attractive, just as boys weren’t allowed to like other boys in that way. Another one of the Tenets, meant to keep people on the right path. We were only to engage in relationships that were natural. So, I’d spent years fighting my feelings and won. Mostly. Anna was firmly relegated to friend and I would never do anything to bring shame upon my family by chancing the possibility of something more. Something sordid. Something that felt so right, but the law said was wrong.
Fall in line with your fellow Loyalists, and everything would be fine. Follow the Tenets and life could be good. This was the only way to have a safe, comfortable life. And, most of all, know your world and honor your government. Or pay the price. That was the course I followed.
“I already have an idea of who they’re matching me with, and I’m sure you’re right.” Anna smirked. Of course she knew. Her father was Head Matchmaker. Taking advantage of the position kind of came with the territory. For her, at least. It wasn’t something I’d ever done, regardless of my father’s place in the government. For me, being one of the elite didn’t mean it was okay to take advantage of the position, no matter what Anna said.
Respect the rules...
“Rules were made to be broken.” As if she’d heard me reciting the Tenets in my head, Anna curled both her hands over my shoulders and gave me a small shake, before letting go and bouncing off the bed. “Anyway, who cares about our matches? They’re probably just as thrilled as we are to get married, which is to say not at all. You should come with me one of these days. Have some fun, before the thrill of youth is gone.”
“What? Go clubbing with you? Are you kidding?” I picked up the ragged cat-shaped throw pillow I’d kept on my queen-sized bed for as long as I could remember and hugged it to my chest.
No matter how many times I reminded myself it wasn’t normal to feel this way, Anna’s presence still did funny things to me, like setting off a riot of butterflies in my stomach. The teachings of the Tenets, our parents, and teachers reassured us that marriage would cure those kinds of unnatural feelings. Once we were given our match, we could finally do it. With the right person, of course.
I doubted sex with any boy would change the way I felt about another girl. Lust was assuaged easily enough on my own. Wanting Anna’s soft body next to mine, assisting with the activity was far more appealing than having some boy doing the same things to me.
“Are you really going to wait around to see if being an adult is better than all of this?” Anna opened my dresser and dug around until she found an extra pair of pajamas. “If you do, all the good stuff about being a teenager is going to pass you by. We’re eighteen, we graduate in a week, and then we get matched. What have you been doing with your youth?”
I squeezed the pillow tighter, no stranger to these questions. Anna asked them constantly. My gaze strayed to my bookshelf headboard and then my desk, where open textbooks and notebooks waited for me to continue my homework. The answer seemed pretty obvious.
“I’ve been studying, like I’m supposed to. If I get a match who lets me go to college, I want to be ready.”
Anna finished changing her clothes and stuffed the offending club outfit under my dresser. She would fish it out in the morning, stick it in the extra backpack with the change of Commonwealth approved clothes she kept in my closet for emergencies, and walk home as if nothing had happened. No one would ever know Anna Grayson, daughter of one of Lincoln’s top-ranking officials, had spent her night in a tight miniskirt and revealing top, dancing among Loyalists and Separatists alike, possibly smoking or drinking or even doing...
I swallowed and set the pillow aside. It did nothing to alleviate the topsy-turvy flutters inside me. Even the smallest crimes had repercussions. The first offense usually meant a night in jail. The second offense always involved a strict reconditioning program during three months in prison. I’d seen kids my age come back from that changed, shells of their former selves. The thought of becoming one of those empty people made me shiver.
“I worry about you,” I told her. The pale blue sheets beneath the blue and white floral bedspread were cool and welcoming, and I lay down, eager to put the night behind me. “You put too much faith in your father’s favored status with the governor.”
“And I worry about you, Kira.” Anna’s sentiment trailed off and she regarded me a moment before turning toward the bathroom.
She didn’t have to say it. I already knew what she was thinking.
Kira the goody-two-shoes would rather sit around and study and play it safe, than take even one risk that might endanger her or her family’s good name. The name of the family that’d founded Lincoln over two hundred years ago, my great-great grandparents righting what they thought were the wrongs of the wider world around them before and after the Fracture. Closing off this city near the center of what used to be the United States and building their own sovereign nation.
Yes, that was me. A girl with a legacy that technically no longer meant much, considering the governor hadn’t been a Neville for the past century. But names still mattered, as did my father’s seat on the Governor Ellery’s Council.
I didn’t have a problem with that, because walking the straight and narrow was the one thing that would keep my parents happy and me out of trouble. That’d never seemed like too much to ask, no matter how abnormal my desires might be.
ANNA JOINED MY FAMILY at the breakfast table like she hadn’t snuck in through my window after midnight. My parents didn’t question her presence. There wasn’t any reason to, when everyone knew I was the responsible one who didn’t break rules. If Anna was there, then she must have come over at a perfectly respectable hour, maybe while my parents were at the Governor’s Club, dining with their fellow Loyalists and Council members.
Besides, we’d had enough sleepovers at both our houses for the past ten years that it was normal for our parents to find an extra girl at the breakfast table. There was always more than enough food to go around, the guest a “pleasant surprise,” as my mother liked to say.
Lies rolled off Anna’s tongue so easily in response to their questions that I envied her. Was she excited about getting her match? Was school going well? Were her parents going to be at Governor Ellery’s next dinner?
I, on the other hand, had to stick to telling the truth, which meant a lot of biting my tongue. The idea of lying to my loving parents turned my stomach, so I left it to Anna. Like a true politician’s daughter, she carried the conversation effortlessly. It was something I’d never learned.
My mother served bacon, eggs, toast, and juice with a smile, her beauty as faded as her favorite lavender dress. People often said I resembled her, with her auburn hair pulled back in a loose knot behind her head and her green eyes seeming to always take in everything around her. As usual, my father was quieter, his dark-eyed gaze on his morning dispatches from the governor’s office. As head of diplomacy, he had to stay informed of the world around him.
Not that we had diplomatic relations with anyone, as far as I knew. There was nothing outside Lincoln and no foreign countries dealt with us. I often wondered if the title was more ceremonial than formal, an honor rather than an actual cabinet position.
The Fracture had turned the United States into a desolate, war-torn wasteland. No one knew precisely how we got here, or how Lincoln had endured through it all. Nor did we know what became of everyone else, but all the history books agreed: Lincoln was fortunate. It broke off from the rest of the states during a time of hardship and was better because of it.
Of course, those books were all written by the governor’s own historians, the only view we’d ever been able to access our entire lives.
Anna finally skipped off in the direction of her house, leaving me to watch her from the doorway of my family’s home. In this part of the city, where the favored citizens enjoyed large homes, plenty of food to eat, and glittering parties, it was easy to forget the plight of the other classes. It could all change in a heartbeat, though, with a single misstep. Even on this sunny spring day, my thoughts remained dark, driven by fear.
How easily Anna flouted the perks of her situation, the security of her position, even though we’d seen enough of our classmates drop from the highest level of privilege to the lowest depths of shame, all for the sake of a drug-filled needle or inappropriate fling. It wasn’t a chance I was willing to take. Night after night, Anna played with fire.
I swore I wouldn’t do the same.