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“What do you think about this one?” Anna twirled in the fire-engine red evening gown, her blonde hair swinging around her shoulders.
She looked stunning, of course. Few girls could pull off such a dramatic color, but Anna wore it well. The low neckline showed a tantalizing swell of breasts, while the bodice of the dress cupped them perfectly. Anna looked like she belonged with the elite at the Governor’s Club.
There were only a few occasions when we could dress provocatively, and Match Day was one of them. As young women, we were expected to make ourselves desirable to the husbands selected for us. Depending on their status in society, a woman could show a little more skin once she was matched. If her significant other approved, of course.
No doubt Anna’s match would let her do whatever she wanted, especially when he saw her in this show stopping gown. At least the one good thing I could say was that seeing her like this didn’t bring back any of those feelings. The aberrant ones that’d driven me to try to kiss her. That was a plus.
I sat in a low armchair across from the mirror, a navy blue dress in a more modest cut slung across my lap. It was the first one Anna had thrust at me after my attempts to choose something earned one thumbs down after another from her.
I didn’t particularly want to impress Carter, so I’d selected dresses that made me feel comfortable. Like me. After all, the person I was didn’t change simply because a panel of analysts had decided who I should spend the rest of my life with. Didn’t Carter have to live with me the way I was, too?
“It’s gorgeous,” I said, the words tasting like ashes in my mouth. It wasn’t that I didn’t mean the compliment. Anna and the dress were truly a good match. Like Anna and Trevor Ellery, the governor’s only son. She fit the role of glamorous future first lady perfectly.
“Can you imagine?” She cocked her head to one side and pressed her index finger to her lips. “Just yesterday, we were plain, boring Anna Grayson and Kira Neville. Now, in less than a year, we’ll be Anna Ellery and Kira McCall. You really couldn’t have done better, you know. He’s almost as dreamy as Trev.”
“Trev? Is that what we’re calling him now?” I forced lightness into my tone, determined to carry on with my life and steer the conversation away from my own match. The Match Day date was inevitable. No sense in hoping for a way out, now, but also no sense in discussing it. Maybe Carter would agree to separate beds if he sensed my discomfort with the idea of what came after the marriage.
Anna tossed her hair and turned to look over her shoulder at her backside in the mirror. She gave it a bit of a wiggle and then wrinkled her nose. “It’s not tight enough on my ass. He’s an ass guy, you know, and I want to make a good impression.”
I couldn’t imagine Anna’s ass not making a good impression on anyone, but when I tried to tell her that, all I could think about was Vi in her shapeless cargo pants. There was something different about a girl who didn’t want an excuse to put all her assets on display, something... intriguing.
By her own admission, Vi didn’t like boys, either. Maybe she’d kissed girls before, too. At least, that’s the way she’d made it sound. I wondered if it was something she had a lot of experience doing. Maybe she could teach me something. How to do it right. With her.
“Kira!” Anna’s fingers snapped in front of my face, and I startled back to awareness. “What’s got you so preoccupied? Thinking about Carter and what it’ll be like to finally have sex?”
“What? No!” My response was louder than I’d meant it to be, but there was no taking it back. A quick glance showed that no one else was in this section of the shop, so I drew in a deep breath. Cringing against the chair, I bunched my hands into the dress in my lap and said, “I... I met someone that night. At the club.”
It was the first time I’d tried speaking about it since Monday, since Anna had effectively ghosted me for the entire week.
She looked down at me, a beautiful socialite in that dazzling evening gown, and then crouched to get eye to eye. Something about her expression was intent, eager to know what I had to say.
“You didn’t tell me that,” she said, her voice gentler.
“You didn’t give me a chance. You were so mad at me after, well, after what I did that you didn’t let me explain myself.”
Anna’s features softened, taking on that angel-like quality I used to adore. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I pushed you away because I was angry, but it wasn’t you. It was me. I should have been more understanding. You aren’t the first girl to do that to me at the club, you know.”
“I’m not?” This was news to me and, once upon a time, Anna had told me everything.
She hummed out an affirmative sound and shook her head. “There’ve been others. The club is a place for experimentation. I’ve even had sex with a girl, but it wasn’t for me. One of the reasons I pushed you away was because I already knew I didn’t share those feelings. It wasn’t out of anger, just surprise. I’m sorry for how I reacted.”
“You... Oh my gosh.” I hunched over, not sure how to respond. It wasn’t that I felt rejected by her not accepting my kiss––she explained herself well enough––but by the fact that she hadn’t confided in me about her other experiences. “You could have told me.”
“I know and I’m sorry for not trusting you. If I’d told you everything, we might not have...” She flapped her hand helplessly in the air. “Anyway, it’s all in the past and we’re matched, now. No more little sex games for us, Kira. We’re adults.”
What sex games? Maybe she’d spent her adolescence fooling around and experimenting, but I’d just gotten started that night at the club. Not that I wanted Anna, anymore, and I felt like even though she’d stated it was in the past, I had to assure her of that.
I straightened and said, “I know. It’s... not something I’m looking to try with you again, I promise.”
“Oh, I wasn’t worried about that. But this person you met, what’s he like?”
How was I supposed to answer that? If she didn’t realize my attempt to kiss her wasn’t just some adolescent experiment, then I would have to play it off that way. She was, after all, the chosen wife of the governor’s son.
I chose my words carefully. “Not what you’d think.”
“Someone that went to school with us?”
“No.” I picked at the fabric still spilling across my lap. “A Shamed.”
Anna’s exhale told me she was either impressed or horrified. I flicked a glance up at her face and was glad to see her grinning.
“Well, well, well, Kira isn’t so much the good girl anymore, is she? Congratulations. I didn’t think you had it in you, but I’m glad you did. We all do it, you know. Just remember they’re good for sex, but not much else. You’ll have to let your side piece go eventually, so have your fun while you can.”
My face blazed hot at her words and I wondered if my cheeks looked as red as they felt. “That’s not what I meant. I met someone that I can’t stop thinking about.”
“Well, that’s probably a sign that you should have as much fun as you can before you settle down with Carter. You know his dad is a Matchmaker, too, right? I wonder if Carter asked to be paired with you.” Anna seemed to mull the question over, more preoccupied with everything having to do with the matches than my personal life. “You should ask him and you should definitely try on that dress. I can’t believe you haven’t yet.”
Still caught between confusion at Anna’s response and the tumult of feelings inside me, I couldn’t help but allow her to pull me to my feet and guide me into a changing room. The dress hung limply from my hands after she closed the door behind me.
I drew in a breath that stung the inside of my nose. Everything was happening at once and I didn’t know if I could put one foot in front of the other. I closed my eyes, rolled my shoulders back, and straightened. If I took this one thing at a time, I could do it. Anna had accepted my apology, so the kissing incident was finally water under the bridge.
In a few moments, I had stripped down to my underthings and shimmied into the dress. It wasn’t an exquisite, shining, cleavage-baring evening gown, like Anna’s. Instead, it was a cocktail dress with wide straps crossing the back in an X, a form-fitting bodice, and short, flared skirt. It was more skin than I’d ever shown in my life, but at least it wasn’t enough to make me uncomfortable.
When I stepped out of the dressing room, Anna’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, Kira. You have got to wear that on your Match Day date with Carter. Look at those legs!”
She drew me alongside her to stand in front of the full-length mirror, laced her fingers through mine, and squeezed my hand. The fabric, a lighter-than-air silk organza, was unlike anything I’d ever owned, but I could afford it. My father had given me a generous allowance for this purchase.
We looked so grown up standing next to each other in dresses that cost more than our fathers made in a week. Even though I’d known this was inevitable, I still couldn’t believe it.
“A once in a lifetime moment,” Dad had said when he transferred the funds to my white card.
He was right. Because for once in my lifetime, I’d never wanted to rebel more. To please myself by wearing this dress to a club where I might see Vi. To see how she would react to me. To see if I could get something meaningful and joyful out of my last months of freedom before marriage.
Anna, oblivious to my thoughts, clapped her hands with delight. “Now, let’s get some shoes.”