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When I was a little girl, my mother used to bundle me up to go out and play in the snow, only to call me in thirty minutes later for cookies and hot chocolate. Nose and cheeks rosy with cold, I would wrap my hands around the cup and sip, warmth returning to my body in the sweetest possible way. I’d always associated those moments with my mother’s love.
She did that now, except with warm coffee cake and breakfast tea. I looked at it like I’d just woken from a dream. Or maybe I was still dreaming. This idea that my mother would serve me the kind of thing she would serve an adult visitor was another surreal addition to my day.
“Anna left right after you.” She poured a little milk into her tea and offered me the small pitcher.
“Oh?” I didn’t know that I cared what Anna did or where she went. Not with her emulating the current first lady in attitude and behavior. Knowing her seemed more dangerous by the moment. Anna’s remarks to me no longer seemed friendly, but ominous. Warnings to watch my step and remember my place in society.
For now, I sipped the hot, unsweetened tea in hopes of calming the swirl of thoughts and emotions inside me.
“She said Trevor was expecting her.” My mother also drank her tea, lips pursing in a way I’d always found fascinating as a child. There were days I hoped to grow up to be as refined as her. But now I saw her for what she was—a woman whose careworn face had nothing to do with age. No thirty-eight year-old woman should look the way she did.
I pulled at the first thread of thought that separated itself from the rest. “Mom, did you and Dad date after you were matched?”
Her mouth tightened for a moment. “Of course. Everyone does. That’s how it works.”
“Is that really how it works, or is that just the expectation?” I curled my hands around the cup, heat seeping into my palms. It was the first comfort I’d known all day, but even now my heart pounded out an anxious rhythm. Was Vi okay? What about Carter? How much could I actually trust that what he was saying was what he meant?
My mother quirked an eyebrow at me and it lifted everything about her features. In that brief flash of emotion, I could see the youthful girl she’d once been, before something about life had stolen it from her.
“Expectations are difficult to overcome. Especially when they’re ingrained in society.”
A flutter of hope tickled at my stomach. “Do I have to marry Carter?”
Her expression shuttered again, the pall of sadness falling back over her face. “I don’t know, but probably yes. That’s... That’s the way it’s always been done, and we can’t change it, even if we want to.”
She went silent, her gaze lowered.
There had to be a way to keep this conversation going, to keep my mother from shutting down on me. If she was going to treat me like an adult in all other ways, then I wanted her to talk to me like one.
“What do you think of Governor Ellery?”
Her gaze flickered. “It’s not for me to say. The Tenets tell us not to question our governor.”
“I know. The governor is invested with so much power by the Tenets, laws my ancestors wrote. Didn’t it feel weird for you to marry Dad, since his great-grandfather was the first governor—the one who created the city as we know it?”
The way she rubbed her chin against her shoulder, I knew the question made my mother uncomfortable. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe she needed to be made uncomfortable.
“I love your father and have since we were kids so, no, marrying him wasn’t weird. In fact, it was what the governor wanted and the matching process supported it.”
This was the first time she’d told me about her match and I leaned forward, eager to hear more.
“You know about your dad’s great-grandfather establishing the Tenets and the designations of the residents of Lincoln. Things have stayed the same for two hundred years, even after his son stepped into the role of governor. Even after he was killed in the uprising that followed. Since the line of authority can only pass through a male who is of age, and your father’s father wasn’t even born yet, the vice governor took over at the time.”
“How does that work?” I asked, a little confused by the way she’d explained things.
“Your great-grandfather Neville was killed in an uprising, but his wife was already pregnant with your grandfather. Unfortunately, since he wasn’t born, he couldn’t be legitimized as governor. So the vice governor, Roland Ellery, became governor. Since then, he and his son have ruled Lincoln.”
I balked at the way she described it. “Ruled, like kings.”
My mother nodded, glanced around the kitchen, and then whispered, “Or tyrants.”
“So, why would the current governor even care about your match with Dad?” I took another sip of the tea. It helped keep me grounded, focused on the conversation.
“Because the current Governor Ellery is my uncle.”
“I... What?” Shock slammed through my chest and I shook my head. “That’s not right. That can’t be right. That would make him my great-uncle and... and...”
“And Governor Roland Ellery was your great-grandfather, yes. As lineages in this city go, yours is one of the most prestigious.” She grimaced, like she’d just eaten something sour.
Prestigious... but not relevant if someone in my family had somehow fallen out of favor with the current governor. That still didn’t explain why my connection to Governor Ellery had never come up. I glanced at the cake, but the thought of eating it turned my stomach.
“So, Trevor Ellery is my second cousin.”
“That’s right.”
“Which is why Anna is especially concerned about what I do and who I’m seen with, because if we don’t live in accordance with the Tenets, Governor Ellery will quietly dispose of us however he chooses.” I lifted my gaze to my mother’s. “Like Carter McCall’s uncle.”
My mother’s eyes closed and a tear ran down her cheek. “Yes,” she said, her voice shaking, “I knew Andrew McCall. He was a good friend. So is Carter’s mother. She’s a strong woman. She’ll recover in time.”
When she looked at me again, I saw her wince. Was I returning her look with censure? It certainly thrummed through my body, eager for an outlet.
“Why?” I asked. “Why do we do this? Why do we allow these things to happen to people we love?”
“Because of fear that any one of us could be next. That’s how this works, Anna. They grind any spark of resistance down under their heels and crush it out before it can turn into something more.” She leaned toward me, her thin hand gripping mine. “But it takes only a single spark to light an inferno, to burn down everything in the blink of an eye. It just needs a chance to live and grow, and ignite another and another. Do you understand me?”
I nodded.
Treason.
My mother was advocating rebellion against the very government my grandfathers had built. In her own way, she was echoing Vi’s sentiment that how we’d gotten here wasn’t as important as finding a way to fix it.
The message was clear.
If my ancestors had gotten us into this mess, then it was up to me to help get all of us out of it.
A NOTE FROM VI CAME with the morning newspaper. It was a welcome relief to know she hadn’t been arrested during the protest. She asked me to meet her at Commonwealth Cemetery, so I put on my most modest dress and sensible shoes, and told my mother I was taking a walk.
She didn’t ask where I was going. Maybe she already had some idea or maybe it was better that she not know if my activities were seditious. Especially after giving me permission to fight back. It was one less thing she could admit to if... if...
I stopped on the sidewalk and wondered what scenarios my “ifs” would lead to. Perhaps armed guardsmen banging down our front door, my father being stripped of his position and income, maybe even the ultimate punishment of exile for my family.
That would include me. I wasn’t a child anymore. They wouldn’t put me in a group home to condition my thinking. Hell, they might not even bother with reconditioning me, despite my lineage. They would throw me out of the city, too, doomed to wander until I died of thirst and starvation somewhere beyond the wall, and to watch the same happen to my parents.
I pushed the thought aside. Fear didn’t serve me or anyone else.
The cemetery was quiet, as always, with only the sound of birdsong to break the stillness of the early summer day. When I saw Vi, I wanted to rush into her arms. Instead, I steadied myself with a breath and sat next to her on the bench. She had also dressed conservatively in a long black skirt and gray floral blouse. It didn’t look right on her, but I supposed it wouldn’t attract unwanted attention. She’d had enough of it.
“I know Carter,” she said without greeting me. “I’m sure you figured that out, though. He’s been coming to our meetings for over a year, now.”
There was no need to ask what kinds of meetings. I could guess.
“You can trust him.”
“Why?” I asked. “Is this about his uncle?”
Vi tilted her head and circled her fingers on the bench seat. “In part. Before that, though, he had a good friend who was reconditioned—someone you went to school with, I think. Do you remember a kid named Matthew Allgood?”
The name came with a vague recollection of a brown-haired, brown-eyed boy I’d known since grade school. We hadn’t really been in the same social groups and he was gone by high school. “Yeah, his family became Trade, I think.”
“Not exactly. His Separatist parents were exiled and Matthew was put through the reconditioning program for a second offense, charged with sedition. The reconditioning seemed to take, but it changed Matthew as a person, to the point where he...” She lowered her gaze and swallowed. “Carter is the one who found him hanging from a tree behind the school. That was his best friend, taken from him twice, first by the reconditioning and then by suicide.”
The idea that someone would kill themselves sent shock bolting through me. It was against the Tenets to take any life, including your own.
“That’s not the exception, either, but the rule.” Vi’s shoulders tensed and she clasped her hands in her lap. “I’ve seen it happen more often than you want to know. After reconditioning, well, the governor’s problems sort themselves out, if you know what I mean.”
Horror at her words sent bile rushing into my throat, but I managed to gulp in a few deep breaths. “Why?”
“Our best guess is that the reconditioning doesn’t just turn the prisoner into a Loyalist, but actually implants suicidal ideations. That, or there’s still a part of the real you somewhere in there, unable to escape, but also unable to live with the idea of functioning like a robot.” Vi’s eyes shimmered with tears and the urge to enfold her in my arms was stronger than before.
“So you don’t just fight because of your parents, but because of the friends you’ve lost, too.” I dipped my head, not sure I wanted to ask her what other horrors she had experienced. She didn’t seem to want to go into detail, anyway. Maybe someday, though. I focused my thoughts back on the present. “That explains a lot. What about Carter? He’s a part of Operation Reunion, then?”
“He is, but Tanner had some serious concerns about his preferred... methods.”
“What do you mean?”
She turned to face me, crossing her legs under her on the bench. “He’s been advocating violence against the Loyalists, and we just don’t do that. Don’t get me wrong—I understand his sentiment, probably more than anyone, but I’m not sure it’s the best way to change things. We haven’t been able to bail Tanner out of jail, so Carter is positioning himself to take the lead on Operation Reunion and... gosh, I just don’t know, Kira. If Tanner is put through reconditioning, he’s as good as lost to us.”
Vi looked almost as haunted as my mother, but I knew her trauma came from a far worse place. Not my mother’s unspoken acknowledgement of a society gone horribly wrong and a sense of responsibility for it. No. Vi and the people she cared about were victims of it, and she deserved so much better.
I lifted my chin. “Maybe it is the answer, though, because Loyalists apparently don’t understand anything else. After all, the governor would execute or exile you without batting an eyelash, like he’s done to so many people. Or he’d make sure you were programmed to do it to yourself. Maybe he needs a taste of his own medicine.”
The words came out fierce, fury heating me from head to toe. For the first time in my life, I knew whatever the Separatists were doing to fight the governor wasn’t nearly enough.
The way Vi blanched and drew away from me, I wondered if I’d gone too far. “You don’t mean that. Not you. You’re too good to stoop to their level. That’s why secrecy is so important. You can use it to your advantage, fight the right way, the way you told me you wanted to. The way some of your friends do.”
“What friends?” I huffed out, bitterness welling along with the anger. “The only friend I ever had was Anna, and all she wants to do is be the next first lady and go to parties. You’ve opened my eyes to so much, and I would rather break from my parents to keep them safe, than sneak around. I could help, Vi. I could be a part of this, of Operation Reunion or something else to help.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t want you to get hurt.” Vi lifted her hand to my face and leaned in until our foreheads met. “The only thing that will break is the spirit of anyone who resists if they find out. I can’t watch that happen to you.”
Even though the sentiment came from a place of caring, I didn’t want to hear it. Where was the elusive, rebellious girl who’d drawn me into her world so effortlessly? Why would she capitulate now, when more people than ever saw her side of things?
“I have to go,” she whispered, pulling away and rising to her feet. “But remember what I told you. Stay home and keep living a normal life. It’s for your own good.”
I had no response to that and I watched her walk away until I was alone in the cemetery.
The one person who’d opened my eyes to the horrors of what the Loyalist government had been doing for so many years, who’d shown me the kind of love I’d always wanted, was now holding me at arm’s length.
This wouldn’t fix anything. It wouldn’t bring back Matthew Allgood or Carter’s uncle, or anyone else who’d died or been exiled.
Before I consciously made the decision, I turned toward Carter’s house. I’d been there once to meet his parents and saw for myself how Mrs. McCall had the same sad, lost expression as my mother. We couldn’t let this go on anymore.
Carter opened the door a few minutes after my first knock. I offered him a grim smile and asked, “How can I help?”