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My parents brought me home, their silence speaking volumes. It wasn’t disapproval that pulled their features taut, but something else. It was something I was tired of seeing all around me. Fear.
Nothing about my encounter with Governor Ellery had deterred me from continuing on my course. If anything, it made me more determined than ever to find a way out. That was my new goal. Not to be some kind of Separatist hero, but instead to disappear from the city, like a ghost.
The only thing about tonight that left me shaken, nausea twisting my insides, was that I’d failed little Maya. I could only imagine the terror she must be experiencing now that she’d been yanked not just from her parents, but her brother, as well.
Exhaustion thrust aside the roil of guilt and anger the moment I walked into my bedroom. Without removing my clothes, I fell onto my bed and let the tears flow. Sleep seemed so close, yet so far. Perhaps I would pass out from the turmoil of the night. It would be a blessed relief to lose my tenuous grip on consciousness. I needed to clear my mind and start fresh tomorrow.
Something thumped inside my room and I rolled over to face my windows. One was pushed open and a shadow was moving in front of it, rising to its full height with a whispered, “Kira.”
I slapped my hand over my mouth to muffle my first impulse, even though the voice was familiar, friendly. Vi crossed the room and wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight.
“I heard,” she said, her lips against my hair. “How awful for you.”
“How did you find out?” The idea that she had dared cross the Commonwealth to come here, to climb in through my window, took my breath away. Somehow, I knew she was here to make everything better. Maybe she could be the one to get me and my parents past the wall.
“Carter briefed the group. They got everyone out safely, but he told us you were arrested.” Vi sat next to me on the bed and rubbed my back. “I warned you not to take it so far. The governor isn’t above executing or exiling you, or your family. What’s worse is it’ll never leak out to anyone—you’d just disappear off the face of the earth, and leave no legacy of any kind. People would forget you, because that’s what they’ve been taught to do––look the other way and carry on, pretend there’s nothing to see here.”
I sniffled and rubbed the back of my hand across my runny nose. “Someone would know why it happened, though, and maybe it would push them to try to make a difference.”
“Look.” Vi took my chin in her hand and turned me to face her.
Even in the filtered gray light, I could see how beautiful she was. All I wanted was Vi to take me in her arms, tell me everything would be alright, that she would fix it for me, and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything ever again.
Instead, she said, “There are no martyrs for our cause, Kira, because the governor doesn’t want there to be. The best thing you can do is go back to being the good girl, and use that to your advantage.”
Her rebuke stung and I pouted at her. “And where were you tonight when a little girl got left behind and sent to another home for ‘processing,’ as they call it? Maybe if you’d been there, we would have gotten out together. Maybe if you’d been there, this wouldn’t have happened.”
I rolled over, flinging myself on my other side so I didn’t have to look at her. Vi let out a low, pain-filled noise. “I’m here because I love you, Kira, and I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes that have cost so many others their lives.”
“Then if you love me, why weren’t you there, too?”
After a moment of silence, the last sound I heard was the window slamming behind Vi as she fled my bedroom.
AFTER THREE DAYS OF me not leaving my room, my mother finally sent for Anna. The friend I’d practically forgotten I had came gliding into the room with a book of fabric samples and a magazine of bridal fashions under her arm.
“Your mother told me what happened,” Anna said by way of greeting. She set the brilliant white tomes on my bed and opened them to the first pages, marked with pale pink paper flags. “Honestly, this is what comes from mingling with the Shamed. I told you that.”
Her mention of Vi sent regret slicing through me, but I pushed it aside. I’d thought Vi could help me get out of this place. Instead, she’d scolded me and I’d turned away from her, unwilling to hear the truth as she saw it.
“I guess you were right.” I choked out the words and tried to focus on the fabric. My fingers slid over the silky sample and I glanced at Anna. I could imagine her wearing a glamorous, ivory dress for what was sure to be an expensive wedding. Something like a classic pre-Fracture movie star might wear. Trevor would probably go gaga for it.
“Well, you can redeem yourself by helping me. I’m absolutely torn on the style of my wedding dress. That dictates everything, you know—fabric and flowers, and even the theme. Do I want sleek and elegant, or fluffy and whimsical? Help me, Kira.” She infused her voice with just enough plaintive whining to nudge me into action.
“Sleek and elegant, and something like the dress you wore for your first date with him.” That was an easy enough decision. Fluffy, frilly things didn’t suit Anna.
“Are you sure? Wouldn’t it be what he expects?” She pushed her lower lip out in a pout and, for a heart-tugging moment, I wondered if maybe I should have given in to my feelings for Anna, no matter what.
Then, I shook my head and said, “It’s not about what Trevor expects. It’s about him looking at you, remembering all the good times you’ve shared so far, and thinking how the best is yet to come. You want him focused on all the things he loves about you, not the dress.”
“Of course. You’re absolutely right. Thank you for making it easy for me. You’re the best friend a girl could have.” Anna leaned in to kiss my check and then placed something soft in my hands. “Now that I know which fabric I’m using, you can take your time deciding which one you like for the maid of honor dress. Here’s something to get you started. Call me when you’ve made up your mind. I’ve got to go. A million things to do, darling. See you soon!”
Just as she’d breezed in, like a cyclone, she was gone again. It took me a moment to get my bearings after Anna’s nonstop chatter. It’d all been so distracting.
I unfurled my fingers from the fabric samples and something rustled between them. Not fabric.
It was a note, folded in a perfect square of unlined white paper. I opened it and swallowed as soon as I read the words. Maya made it back to her brother and mother.
Tears streamed down my cheeks and, even though I tried to hold back, I gave in to sobs of relief. I didn’t know how Anna had gotten this note, but I knew who it had to be from. Vi. She’d righted the one enormous wrong of that night out of her love for me. Maybe she’d also been right all along about using my privilege to the advantage of the Separatists. There were things I could do to lay the groundwork for more experienced Separatists to fight their battles.
That night, I dressed to go out to the club. I had to let Vi know I’d received her note and that I would listen to her advice from now on. Despite the close call with the guardsmen and governor, my parents didn’t question me going out when I muttered Carter’s name. No one seemed to know about his involvement, which meant he was considered a safe person for me to see.
Since my first few visits to the club, I’d learned to read the signs around the area, to pay attention to people coming and going, their body language, and more. Considering last night’s insurrection, there didn’t seem to be any shortage of people trying to get inside. However, there was new security in place—two large, muscular men, instead of one. They both looked me up and down and then jerked their heads toward the entrance in terse approval. I glanced at the waist of their pants and noticed what I was sure had to be a gun, something I’d never seen inside the club.
If it came down to a fight, these guys probably couldn’t stop guardsmen, but they could buy everyone else enough time to escape. The thought turned my stomach, but I had to keep moving forward.
When I passed through the doors, I wondered if the bodies swaying to the music seemed fewer than usual, if maybe someone had been arrested or, worse, executed or exiled. You could never tell, though, not even tonight. My breath caught in my throat, my pulse ratcheting up as I looked around the room.
No one was on stage except the DJ and I didn’t recognize anyone at the bar. Vi didn’t usually dance, so I descended the staircase and kept to the edges, looking for her along the walls.
When I didn’t see her after an initial lap around the room, I went to the bar. Whoever was tending tonight would probably know where I could find her. I waited for the guy serving drinks to notice me, impatience welling up in my chest.
“Hey, Kira!”
I turned to see Carter pushing toward me through the crowd, relief softening his features. It was good to see him again, even if he hadn’t contacted me since the operation. “Hey there. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. We have a policy of first contact going through an intermediary if someone gets arrested. You know, to keep suspicion off the rest of us.”
It made sense and I felt a little bad about Anna being used as their go-between. But I nodded. “I understand. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. That guy was a terrible shot. I felt bad having to shoot back at him, but—”
My chest tightened. “You killed him? You killed the caretaker?”
Carter’s smile fell. “It was self-defense. That and I wasn’t about to give in to anyone. We had to get those kids out of there.”
“Carter, the governor threatened to pin his death on me! To charge me with murder!” I turned away from him and signaled to the bartender frantically. His back remained to me as he served other clubbers. “Damn it.”
“Look, Kira, that only happened because you got caught. You knew this was dangerous, that anything could happen. We briefed about it again and again.”
“I know, I know, I know!” I slammed my hand down against the bar and turned back to him, heat rising in my face. “Vi warned me not to do it and now I know I should have listened to her. Where is she?”
“Oh, Kira...” The way Carter looked at me made my heart leap into my throat. “She’s not here. She’s gone.”
I sucked in a breath, but couldn’t force it into my lungs. “Gone where?”
“On the other side of the wall. When she found out about that little girl who got left behind and how upset you were, well, she couldn’t let it go. She’s the one who told me to send you the message.”
My entire world spun upside down. Somehow, in the span of less than twenty-four hours, Vi had gone to right the wrong I feared I’d committed, and now she was out of reach.
I loved this woman.
What if she never came back for me?