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One week passed without word from Vi and then two. I tried to reach out to Carter for more information about her whereabouts, but he always said the same thing. She was on the other side of the wall, though she’d already carried out her Operation Reunion duties, as far as he knew. Whatever she was still doing out there was personal, not smuggling business.
The children, he assured me, had already been reunited with their families, including sweet little Maya. She’d cried with happiness at seeing her brother and mother, and her father was apparently waiting for them in an undisclosed location. Where they were now, he couldn’t tell me. That was top secret information, limited to the few people who handled the actual transport of escapees beyond the boundary that separated us from whatever was out there. But they were together, a whole family again, and that was what mattered.
As I pretended to throw myself into Anna’s wedding plans, I remained preoccupied with a new thought: what was beyond that wall? Where did people go once they left? Could I take my family and flee the Commonwealth, and find a new life?
We’d seen videos of exiles and escapees alike. People, we were told, who’d sought something better outside Lincoln, only to starve to death. Their corpses were a stark reminder that this city provided all to those who were loyal enough to earn it. Something in me twisted with doubt. I was quickly learning to understand and recognize a new word: propaganda. Not everything the government said was true, but it was presented in a way that made us believe it, anyway.
I couldn’t let go of the hope that there was a different life waiting for me out there. I also couldn’t ignore the guilt still tugging at my insides after what I’d put Maya through.
Since my last visit to the club, I’d put my foot down and told Carter that even though I wanted to help, I wouldn’t go on another operation. It was too emotional for me. He gave me a week of peace and then came the request. One I couldn’t ignore. Would I ferry messages without question?
That seemed innocuous enough and still helpful, even if I didn’t agree with his way of doing things.
There were, I learned, two schools of thought with Separatist methods. Probably more, but the two distinct ones were those who believed in nonviolent resistance and those who would do anything to achieve their goals. Even kill the opposition.
When I passed on messages from and through Anna and others, I never knew which approach the information might be promoting. All I knew was ignorance was bliss and I was still helping the side I believed was right.
It was something I could do without getting hurt or hurting someone else. At least, not directly hurting others. I didn’t care to consider the implications of my participation beyond that. That was one good thing about swallowing the lies fed to me year after year—I knew how to turn a blind eye to almost anything.
Anna and I never discussed those messages––where they went or who they came from. That wasn’t for me to know, as Carter had already explained. Instead, Anna and I kept our talk to what our parents expected: dating our matches and planning our weddings. Not that Carter and I dated. It’d become a sort of unspoken agreement between us that we would put off marriage to each other as long as possible. I was grateful to have that much for now.
“It’s a good thing you’re settling down,” my father told me one day over dinner. The way my mother glared at him didn’t escape my notice. They never disagreed in front of me, though, and she didn’t say a word.
I made a noncommittal sound and cut into the slice of roast on my plate. That was another reason for my inaction. It gave my parents some fragile sense of peace and safety, while I tried to figure out the best way to approach getting them out of the Commonwealth.
“I know you and Anna have been preparing for her wedding to Trevor Ellery, but have you and Carter discussed your future yet?” my father pressed. “He’s a good young man. I’m sure he’ll agree that you belong in college. Don’t waste your potential turning into the future first lady’s hanger-on. You need to focus on your match with Carter and applying to college.”
My mother and I exchanged glances. Her jaw tightened and then she dropped her gaze. Awareness tingled through me, a bone-chilling sensation.
She knew.
Everything. She knew I didn’t want Carter. She knew I was still involved in activities that might get me reconditioned and even killed. Even though my parents hadn’t addressed what’d happened that fateful night of my arrest, she knew that wasn’t the end.
I didn’t know if it was mother’s intuition or something else that tipped her off. Maybe it was something else, a secret of her own locked deep inside.
A sip of water cleared my throat while I searched for a way to respond to my father. Before I could answer him, the chimes of the doorbell resonated through the house. I tensed, ready to rise from my chair, but my mother stood first, smoothed her dress, and walked into the front hall.
I heard her open the door and speak to whoever was standing there. When she returned, her expression was closed again, not giving away any of her thoughts.
“Trevor Ellery is here to see you,” she told me.
I looked down at my plate, the food half-eaten. With the tension hanging in the air between us tonight, I had little stomach for what remained. I pushed away from the table and went to the front door. Trevor waited patiently on the front steps, hands clasped behind his back while he glanced around the neighborhood.
This was the first time I’d seen him since before my arrest and I couldn’t help but search his features for similarities to his father. Or to my mother. We were cousins, after all, a fact I’d managed to push aside until now.
“I’d like to speak to you about the rehearsal dinner,” he said, pitching his voice loudly enough for my parents to hear.
“Of course.” I stepped outside and closed the door behind me. The evening air was hot and a touch humid. Late June brought the kind of weather that sparked short fuses. Maybe that was why my father seemed so grouchy tonight. It was an explanation that calmed the swirl of emotions I hadn’t been able to put to rest for days.
Trevor angled his body toward the sidewalk. “Shall we walk together?”
I nodded and followed, not sure what to expect. Maybe he was here to say the same things Anna had said about not getting too close to Vi. Or perhaps he came with a stronger warning, since my arrest.
“I want you to know how much I respect your friendship with Anna. We’ve all gone to school together for a long time and I pretty much knew she was the match I wanted. Having your support in that matters to me, you know, because she cares about your opinion.”
We walked down the path from my house to the sidewalk and I nodded, not sure what to say other than, “Thank you.” This didn’t seem to be going in the direct I’d expected. Yet, anyway.
“In fact, I’ve also come to respect you as a friend to me, as well,” he continued. “I want you to know how much I appreciate your service.”
He stopped and turned to face me, his head turned slightly toward the road, but his gaze meeting mine. When his brow lifted, my heartbeat sped to a gallop and every fearful thought returned like a punch to the gut.
“There’s going to be a moment tonight when everyone else will have to decide which governor they’ll be loyal to,” Trevor said. “I hope you know which choice to make.”
“I...” My mouth went dry and I turned away from him, a chill leaving a ripple of gooseflesh along my arms despite the oppressive summer heat.
“Not everything has to be a fight.” Trevor had also pulled eye contact away from me and he went back to scanning the neighborhood. I wasn’t sure what his restless gaze sought, but it couldn’t be good.
We stood on a stretch of sidewalk between houses, mine behind me, the next several feet ahead. The only thing listening here were the trees separating the yards. Even still, what did he have to worry about? He was the governor’s own son and likely to become governor someday when his father died.
“But some people want it to be, and they don’t want to wait.” He turned back to me, his stare even weightier than before. “They would rather fight now than bide their time. So, I wouldn’t go clubbing tonight if I were you, Kira. Unless you think it’ll make a difference.”
This time when he looked at me, all the air rushed out of my lungs and I knew what I had to do.
I CLOSED THE FRONT door and stood back against it. There was no finishing dinner. My stomach was roiling and the food would be cold anyway. My mother asked if it was me and I called back, my voice shaky, “Yeah, I’m going to call Anna and firm up plans for the rehearsal dinner.”
The rehearsal dinner that everyone—my parents, Anna, Trevor, perhaps even the governor himself—expected me to attend in another week. Every expectation that I would be there now shattered in the face of reality. Of everything Trevor had told me without saying a word.
I ran upstairs and pulled my dress off over my head. The outfit I’d worn for the mission on the group home still lay crumpled under my bed, unwashed and gathering dust. I’d shoved it there at some point because I didn’t want to remember my failure or Vi’s criticism of me after the fact. Despite that, both were burned into my memory.
Now was not the time for self-pity or hesitation. I thrust my arms into the sleeves of the black shirt like my life depended on it. Maybe several lives did tonight. I couldn’t know for sure until I got there and saw for myself.
I pulled my hair back into a tight ponytail, shoved my feet into my black sneakers, and ran back downstairs. The sounds of clinking from the kitchen told me my parents were cleaning up from dinner, something they always did together. I shouted that I was going to Anna’s house and left before they could respond.
There were faster ways to get downtown than walking to the cab stop down the street and around the curve. Closer cab stops if I threw caution to the wind and took a shortcut.
I crossed the street and ran between the houses, through unfenced yards, and across manicured lawns. If anyone saw me, they didn’t seem to care. No one yelled at me and I kept going straight through the heart of the Commonwealth’s richest sector until I burst out onto the main road that separated it from downtown.
There was a taxi stand in front of me, on the outskirts of the city. Perfect. The driver didn’t pay much attention to me when I got into the backseat and gave him a street address. It was the closest approximation to the last place where the club had been and, as far as I knew, hadn’t changed.
When we pulled up at the address, I pulled cash for the fare from my shoe, handed it to the driver, and hurried to the warehouse door. This time, there wasn’t a bouncer to stop me in the front entryway and my heart slammed against my ribcage.
Instead of the thumping beat of music, I heard yelling. Young voices raised and combative accusations shouted.
“This is our club, you Loyalist brats!”
“Your club? Who do you think pays for it to keep operating? Not Separatist trash, like you!”
I approached the balcony overlooking the club and stared down at the dancefloor, where the crowd was divided into two groups, with a few kids scattered along the edges, apart from them. I gripped the metal railing as I stared down at the scene before me. A clear divide, Separatists versus Loyalists. All of these kids were the same age as me and each other, enjoyed the same things, and felt the same highs and lows in life. Yet it had come down to this. A fight over who had more right to be here.
I shouldn’t have been surprised. Plenty of incidents had led up to this, us against them. Everyone had a right to be angry. But some of them didn’t realize their anger was misdirected. That maybe we should have had a common enemy, rather than choosing to fight each other.
That was the moment I could have turned around and walked out, leaving it all behind me for a life of obedience and comfort. I could have left everyone to their own problems. Instead of questioning the world around me, I could have accepted the things the authority figures spent eighteen years teaching me. It was the easy way to do it.
But not, I knew, the right way.
Carter pushed his way to the front of the Separatist group, his hands up, practically pleading for peace. I glanced at the Loyalists, trying to pick out a familiar face, someone I knew well enough to determine if they would see reason when he spoke.
Until Carter said, “I don’t want to hurt any of you, but I will if you stand in our way.”
His words made my blood run cold, a pang of fear rooting me to the spot.
“Stop!” The word was torn from me before I knew what I intended. All eyes turned toward the balcony, toward me. My knuckles went white as I gripped the railing, my arms tense with the effort to keep myself upright.
And then she was there, stepping into the space between the Separatists and Loyalists, to look up at me. Vi was radiant, glimmering there under the low lights, her short, spiky hair perfect, her eyes wide and locked on me, her face shining with love. She gave me a single nod and my breath hitched.
Everything would be okay now that she was here. Back in the Commonwealth. She’d come back to me.
“No one is hurting anyone,” I called down to them, emboldened, unable to look at anyone but her. “This isn’t the way to resolve anything, not when something bigger than us is—”
I didn’t get the rest of the words out as the door behind me crashed open, hitting the wall. I turned just in time to see the guardsmen flowing into the warehouse. One grabbed me by the shoulder and flung me against the wall, shouting orders. Someone called my name. Vi’s confident, familiar voice, which then lifted in screams of fury.
The handcuffs snapped around my wrists, digging into my skin, and the arresting guardsman’s commands were lost in a cacophony of noise and violence behind me. I couldn’t breathe with my face smashed against the wall, the guardsman pushing at me from behind. Not that they cared whether or not they hurt me. Neither did I.
All that mattered now was my recognition of the truth.
That no one—parents, teachers, the government, or even Anna, Carter or Vi—could tell me what was best. It was up to me to figure it out for myself and act accordingly.
I’d done that tonight, and I would gladly pay the ultimate price.