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“Are there really horses inside?” Henry asked. He bounced up and down on the carriage squab, his bottom touching the velvet seat for no longer than a second, and Lex looped his arm around the boy’s shoulders, using his hand to weigh the child down.
“There are indeed horses inside the amphitheatre. As well as acrobats, jugglers, and dancing dogs. I’m sure I’ve never seen the like.”
Across the vehicle, Eleanor reclined against her seat, a satisfied smile lighting up her face. She had not invited her parents to accompany them this evening, though she had capitulated and issued a formal invitation to the ball. It seemed for the best, at least to his mind. She could relax in their absence tonight knowing she’d made an effort to connect with them in the near future.
As they headed over the Westminster Bridge to Astley’s, Lex wasn’t certain who was more excited—Henry, in anticipation of seeing such an odd assortment of characters, or Eleanor, delighting in having them all together. She’d been smiling all day, every time she looked at Henry or Lex, even sometimes when she wasn’t looking at them. Those expectations sat in Lex’s pocket like a rock: always present, a little heavy. He’d vowed to himself to be on his best behavior.
At last the carriage rolled to a stop in front of the unprepossessing building on Surrey Road. Henry leapt up, his various limbs wiggling and jiggling in a flurry of activity. “Can we go in now? Are the Robsons here?”
Lex stepped down through the carriage door and reached up to assist Eleanor. He said, “We’d better hope the Robsons are here already. I don’t think he can wait a moment longer.”
She grinned at him, completely oblivious to—or perhaps enjoying—his grumbling. “You’ve made his day.”
And yours.
She hadn’t said so out loud and, truthfully, he didn’t want her to. Just seeing her happy and relaxed made his chest swell... and his stomach churn at the thought of doing or saying something unfortunate to make her smile disappear. Such an occurrence was inevitable, without doubt, but the longer he could refrain, the longer he could bask in Eleanor’s good graces. A very good place to be, he was discovering.
Henry grasped the sides of the carriage door and launched himself down to the pavement, landing solidly on his feet. With Eleanor’s arm around his, Lex grasped his son’s hand. “Colonel, do you spy our party yet?”
Consternation filled Henry’s face. He stared into a sea of breeches and skirts which filled his line of vision. With a chuckle, Lex took pity on the boy and hoisted him up.
“There they are!”
“You make an excellent scout.”
The three of them made their way over to the Robsons and Portia. Greetings were exuberant, even from Lex’s sister. Her good mood was no doubt due to Andrew’s affable manner, and Lex vowed to watch the two of them closely—but since she wasn’t dwelling on her aborted plans with Mr. Semple, he was thankful for his friend’s charms.
He paid the group’s admission fees and ushered them inside the amphitheatre. Henry, once again in Lex’s arms so he wouldn’t get lost in the crowd, was struck speechless at last. The boy’s eyes widened with delight at the sight of the huge arena and stage, not to mention the enormous chandelier hanging above it all.
They ascended the stairs and found the box they were to occupy. Henry wriggled down and raced to peer over the edge. “Mama, come and look!”
Eleanor and Justine gave over their attention to the boy, while Portia and Andrew settled in their chairs, eyes seemingly only for each other. Lex bit back a sigh.
“Lady Portia informs me she intends to return home with you at the end of the evening,” Robson said over the cacophony of the crowds below.
“She does. I thank you for the hospitality you’ve shown her.”
Robson clasped his hands behind his back. “It appears you were successful in speaking with her yesterday. I wonder if you might now wish to try your luck with Andrew.”
What? Was Robson, too, worried about the increasing intimacy between his son and Lex’s sister? “In regards to what, may I ask?”
“Justine and I would like Andrew to return to America with us when we go next spring. Despite coming here four years ago to study at the university in Edinburgh, he rarely appears to even set foot in Scotland, let alone study there.” Robson shook his head. “I don’t want to issue an ultimatum, for I’ve seen how poorly that can turn out, but we are disappointed in his lack of commitment to...well, to anything besides traveling the countryside and doing as little as possible.”
Andrew had been a wastrel, though a delightful and amusing wastrel, for as long as Lex had known him. He’d spent the odd month or two in Edinburgh, but not nearly enough time to become the doctor he professed to want to be. That aside, he was the only friend Lex had. It was difficult enough to think of losing Mr. and Mrs. Robson’s company, no matter how far in the future their departure. Losing Andrew’s...
“Is there a position waiting for him in Baltimore?”
Robson lifted a shoulder. “He could have any number of positions. My brother owns a bank, I’ve offered to speak to my old colleagues at the Harpers Ferry Arsenal, a family friend is always in need of clerks at his shipping office... The possibilities are endless, but the boy has no focus. Never has. I should have sent him off to the navy at the earliest opportunity.” The man’s mouth lifted at the corner. “Couldn’t bear to part with the rascal, though. I suppose I created the monster.”
Lex looked at Robson and then shifted his gaze to Henry, who was chattering in Eleanor’s ear. “If you ruined your son by loving him too much and I ruined Portia by loving her too little, I don’t think anyone will ever be successful at bringing up a child.”
His son suddenly raced over and grabbed his hand. “Sir, sir! The dogs are dancing. Do come and look!”
Seeing to the boy’s entertainment was easy. Guiding him through life with a deft hand of just the right amount of affection, discipline, praise, advice... How could one do it?
“We all make mistakes,” Robson said in a low voice. “It’s the learning from them and the asking for forgiveness that gives us a chance, I suppose. Oh, and a heaping dose of love doesn’t hurt, especially if your children know you love them.” He patted Lex on the shoulder. “Don’t be afraid to fail, lad. As I said before, we’re all in this together.”
Henry tugged on Lex’s arm, and with a rueful smile at Robson he allowed his son to pull him over to the box wall. Soon enough, he too was caught up in the antics of the animals and performers below. Even Portia was drawn out of her seat by the ropewalkers.
She stood beside him, clapping and cheering, her cheeks pink. “This was a splendid idea.”
“I’m glad you are enjoying the show. And the company,” he added, keeping his eyes trained on the man crossing the rope high above.
“Mr. Andrew Robson is a pleasant companion.”
He glanced at her, wondering if she would take the meaning of his warning. “I have found the same myself—though I have not found his companionship to be consistent.”
“Well, he does like to travel. I think there is something to be said for not spending the whole of one’s life in one place.”
After keeping her shut away on the estate in Somerset, he probably deserved that. And, hoping against hope that he didn’t regret it later, he offered, “If you would like to see more of our country, we could plan a trip for the autumn.”
Portia whipped her head around. “Truly?”
“Why not? Henry would love to explore old abbey ruins and neglected castles, and I’m sure you and Eleanor would enjoy the scenery at that time of year.” And himself? He’d spent every autumn for the past six years traveling the lesser roads of England, pretending to visit his wife in the eyes of Society. It did not escape him that he was now proposing to tour the country with her. And his son. And his sister.
And the idea didn’t entirely horrify him.
“Oh Lex, can we go to the Lake District?” Portia seemed to have forgotten about the ropewalkers. “And Bath? Andrew would be the perfect guide to show us around Bath. Scotland!” She drew her hands together. “Please say we can go to Scotland.”
“Who is going to Scotland?” Eleanor asked as she slipped her arm through Lex’s.
“No one at present. Portia wishes to do a bit of traveling, and her itinerary is extensive.” Lex inclined his head toward his sister. “I think you’ll have to make a list of all the places you want to go, and then we may have to narrow your choices down—at least for this year.” He settled his hand over Eleanor’s. “You and Henry would like to travel, wouldn’t you?”
Her smile was wide and oh-so-gratifying. “Yes, indeed. Though I think it might be best to keep him uninformed of our plans until our departure is near. His enthusiasm can be overwhelming.”
“I think it’s magnificent,” Lex said. When both his sister and wife gaped, he shrugged, though he felt anything but nonchalant. “I admire his exuberance. In fact, I’m envious of him and the outlook he has on life. I would love to find the joy in things that he does.”
Portia gave him an odd look, but then the crowd sent up a great roar and all three of them turned back to the arena and stage where a fearless rider stood juggling balls while standing on the backs of two horses. His sister’s face lit up, and she moved forward for a better view—near Andrew.
Eleanor laughed at the spectacle below and then took Lex’s hand. Guiding him to the shadowy corner of the box, there she lifted a hand to his cheek. “I too hope Henry never loses his enthusiasm. Perhaps we can try to follow his example.”
Lex put his fist to his chest. “So you think there’s a chance to revive this blackened heart of mine?”
Her tender smile did just that. “Absolutely. You should know by now that I’ll never give up on you.”
He dipped his head and kissed her, unable to resist. It was just once, but he did linger a little. “Why, Eleanor?”
She blinked up at him. His heart beat triple-time while waiting for the answer, but at last she braced herself on his arm, stretched onto her toes, and put her lips to his ear to give the answer they’d been dancing around for the past few days. “Because I love you.”
She rocked back on her heels, hands clasped in front of her, looking innocent, as if she hadn’t just snatched away his breath, leaving his vision blurred and his head as light as a cloud. Somehow he opened his mouth anyway. “You—”
Fingers pressed to his lips silenced him. “Don’t speak. Just let the words settle in.”
She slipped away, joining the others to watch the spectacle below. Lex steadied himself on the chair in front of him before stepping around and sinking onto it, but his head still buzzed with the drone of a thousand angry bees and the repetition of Eleanor’s matter-of-fact “I love you.” He concentrated on breathing, and soon the words drowned out the bees. The noisy insects were no match for Eleanor. Apparently nothing and no one was.
He couldn’t fathom why she would love him, but if he was honest, he could no longer deny the hints had been there—in her eyes, in her touch, in her words. He’d simply pretended ignorance, afraid of what acknowledging her new feelings might do to him. So far, they’d knocked him a bit senseless. Hindered his breathing and made his chest burn. But not in a painful way. More in an oh-God-how-long-before-I-do-something-lack-witted-and-wreck-this way. How long before his father’s madness made him repeat history and destroy everything?
Yet... Don’t be afraid to fail, lad.
Henry’s laugh drew his eye to where Portia ruffled the boy’s hair. Eleanor leaned toward Mrs. Robson nearby, sharing an observation, sharing a smile. Mr. Robson, hand on Andrew’s shoulder, pointed out something in the ring below. And Lex gave up. There was nothing he could do if his father’s madness crept up on him. But until it engulfed him completely, why wasn’t he taking every last opportunity to love the family he had? Such a simple idea, and yet he’d never before had the confidence to act on it.
Lex pushed himself upright. A free-forming grin—the first that he could recall in a long while—spread across his face. He wanted to care for them and be loved by them. Especially by Eleanor. With her love to bolster him, he could embrace life, family and friends. No, not could. Would. His wife loved him. She had faith in him. Could one become inebriated on emotion? Because he felt foxed as the devil, and it was glorious.
He swooped forward and caught Henry up in his arms, giving the boy a quick squeeze before positioning him with the best view of the mock military engagement, complete with cavalry, being fought onstage below. Eleanor’s face tipped up and her eyes began to dance. Lex slipped his free hand to her waist and pulled her close, brushing his lips across her hairline, catching a waft of her lavender soap, and though he was enjoying this outing to an unprecedented degree, he suddenly couldn’t wait to be secluded behind bed curtains with her.
With much clapping and laughter, not to mention a few indiscreet cheers from Henry, their group finished watching the performance. When it was time to leave, as the ladies gathered their shawls and his son talked Andrew into a stupor, Lex approached Robson.
“I’ll speak to Andrew if you still wish it.”
The American nodded. “I do, but I don’t expect you to work a miracle, Lex. I’m hoping my son simply needs a friendly ear and perhaps a slight prod to start him thinking about his future—whether it lies here or in Baltimore.”
“Consider it done.” Lex cast a knowing glance toward Portia. “I hope you don’t mind if I utter a caution as well. My sister is in need of much attention these days, but not, I think, from potential suitors.”
Robson’s silver eyebrows rose. “I am honored that you would number Andrew among Lady Portia’s prospects, but I agree entirely that neither of them is ready for courtship, let alone marriage.”
“Indeed,” Lex said. “And now, if you will excuse me, I should like to escort my wife on our way out.”
“I should like to do the same with my own,” Robson said with a smile.
Lex snatched Eleanor’s shawl from the back of a chair and slipped it around her shoulders. Without even turning, in one fluid motion she made a final remark to Mrs. Robson then took his proffered arm, as if she knew it would be there. As if they had done this a hundred times.
They would. They would dance this mundane dance a hundred times and he would cherish each. He would cherish her for being the relentless, loving woman she was.
“Did you enjoy the performance?” she asked.
“What I saw, yes. More than that, though, I enjoyed the conversation.”
“Who is this imposter who walks beside me?” Eleanor teased as they exited the box behind the Robsons and Henry, who was in the firm hold of Portia. The crowd in the passage pressed in around them.
“I learned much this evening, though my education had nothing to do with horses, jugglers, or ropewalkers. Eleanor, I will...”
Lex trailed off. Espying Mr. and Mrs. Ardmore at the same time, both he and Eleanor had nodded at the couple, who pointedly looked away, refusing to acknowledge them. Hell’s teeth.
Eleanor rubbed his upper arm, which had hardened into a ball of tension, and he forced himself to look at her. Lines furrowed her forehead, but her words were kind. “Do not concern yourself with them, Octavius. We have no need of their goodwill.”
“I am not concerned for myself. You did nothing to deserve their censure.”
Their descent was slow, careful not to tread on those in front of them on the steps to the ground level. But Eleanor took a moment and caught Lex’s eye. “Truly, I do not care. I would love nothing better than to return to Mayne Castle and live the quiet, country life. With you.”
He couldn’t remove to Essex at the moment, not with all the work to be done at the arsenal and the Robsons in London at his request. He still wanted to make a go of securing the government contract, though now he’d have to ensure the Drummonds ended up no worse off for it. “Perhaps this winter we might return to Mayne Castle...”
As he guided her through the final exit and onto the pavement to wait for their carriages, the crisp night air sent a shiver racing across his skin. Or perhaps it was the thought of making so many plans—autumn travel, winter in Essex—with his family. This was a life totally unknown to him, and the pressure to succeed at it was almost unbearable. So he pushed it aside and focused on the fact that he was heading back to Lexden House with Eleanor, Henry and Portia. All of them were together and on speaking terms. He couldn’t ask for more at the moment.