There’s a reason this movie has been sitting on my watch list for so long. It’s absolutely terrifying. I love a good scare as much as the next person, but this movie is all kinds of fucked up, and before I can stop myself, I’m snuggling into Alex’s side and watching it through my fingers. Every time the creepy girl with the long black hair and bloody fingernails crawls out of the TV, I squeak and hide my face.
After a particularly harrowing scene, I feel Alex laughing next to me, his body shaking slightly against my cheek.
“What’s so funny?” I ask, a little indignantly.
“Number one, I can’t believe you haven’t seen this movie. It’s really old.” He chuckles. “And number two, I thought you liked scary movies, but you’ve been hiding your eyes through most of it.”
“Okay, fair point about the age of the movie, but I do like horror,” I reply, sitting up and hitting pause on the remote so I can talk without the creepy girl suddenly popping out of the TV. “I just prefer a good serial killer or vampire. This movie is completely fucked up! I’ll never be able to fall asleep with the TV on ever again.”
Alex just laughs loudly and pulls me in for a hug, pressing me against his muscular chest. “I’ll protect you, firecracker.”
I know his words are meant to be comforting, but suddenly I’m finding it difficult to concentrate on anything other than his huge hand resting on my hip, his clean soap scent, and the feel of the soft cotton shirt under my cheek. I never felt this comfortable with Etienne; even when things were good between us, there was always an edge, a tense undercurrent. At first, I put it down to sexual chemistry, but later I realized it was my fear. My fear of upsetting or annoying him to the point where he’d flip out and either verbally or sometimes physically attack me. The physical stuff didn’t happen as much as the emotional, but in some ways, that was worse. I could see him gearing up for a slap, whereas the put downs and undermining happened so subtly I almost didn’t notice it until Zac held a mirror up to my face and made me see it.
“You haven’t yelped for a while. Everything okay?” Alex’s deep voice brings me back to the moment, and I realize that while I’ve been lost in thought, the movie has continued and is close to concluding.
I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to share what happened in Paris with Alex. I feel like I can trust him with this shameful secret.
“I left Paris because of an abusive boyfriend,” I blurt out, sitting up straight, hitting pause on the remote again. I can see the blank look on Alex’s face in the white light from the TV, and I’m afraid I’ve misread the situation. Perhaps he doesn’t like me in the way I hope he does, and he doesn’t want to hear why I really left Paris.
But then his blank expression turns into one of compassion with an undercurrent of seething anger. I can see the muscle in his jaw leaping under this beard as he clenches his teeth and his hands ball into tight fists on his thighs.
“Say that again,” he growls, staring at me so intensely I feel it everywhere.
“Please don’t make me do it,” I plead, reaching over to put my hand on his forearm, comforted by his warmth and strength. “You heard what I said. The guy I was with in Paris was an asshole, and the only way I could rid myself of him was to move back to the States. That’s the real reason I gave up Paris. It’s completely pathetic, I know that. I mean, who allows themselves to be in a relationship with someone like that?”
All of a sudden, Alex reaches out and gently cups my face in his hands. “Lana, stop!”
I clamp my mouth closed and savor the warmth of Alex’s hands on my face.
“You did nothing wrong,” he whispers. “In fact, it sounds like you did exactly the right thing. You got yourself out of that situation and made a change you knew would be difficult. I think you’re the bravest person I know.”
“Really?” I ask, feeling tears well up in my eyes, willing them not to slip down my cheeks.
“Yes, baby, you are. You did an incredibly brave thing, and you should be so proud of yourself.” Alex’s thumb captures the tear that trickles down my cheek when I close my eyes at his kind words. My heart beats loudly in my ears, and I begin to feel a weight lift from my shoulders.
“But I’m such a loser, running away to hide in my brother’s spare room. A really brave person would’ve stayed in Paris, faced up to Etienne, and not let him chase me away,” I argue, feeling the shame of what I allowed Etienne to do to me.
“No, I don’t believe that.” Alex shakes his head. “Starting over is so much harder. Look at you now! You have your own business. That’s awesome.”
Before I know what I’m doing, I dart forward and press my lips against his, the soft hair of his beard tickling my chin. I feel Alex tense up for a moment, his lips a firm line beneath mine, but then he sinks into the kiss. His fingers slide around my neck and grips the plaited hair at my nape, using it to tilt my head to the side so we can deepen the kiss. Tentatively, I brush my tongue against his, and a deep moan rumbles through him as I press my breasts against his chest. I know this is a really stupid idea, but it feels so good, so right. His huge hand is splayed across my back holding me against him, his tongue is matching mine stroke for stroke, and we begin to devour each other. The heat between us is indescribable, and I become instantly addicted to it.
Suddenly, Alex pulls away, standing quickly and striding over to the floor to ceiling windows. He keeps his back to me and runs both his hands through his long hair, taking in a huge breath.
Oh shit, what have I done? I shouldn’t have kissed him. He’s one of my brother’s teammates, but more than that, he’s a really nice guy, and I have no business dragging him into my relationship bullshit.
I stand up, moving closer to him, my chest still heaving with the intensity of the kiss, the massive shirt I’m wearing falling to my knees. “I’m sorry, Alex. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” When he doesn’t move, I come closer. “Alex, I…”
“Are you really sorry? You don’t have to be,” he replies in a gruff, raspy voice, turning around so I can see the slightly pained look on his face and the clear bulge in his sweatpants. “You weren’t alone in the kiss. If I’m honest, I’ve been wanting to do it all night. Hell, I’ve been wanting to do it for a very long time.”
I look away shyly. “Me too,” I admit. “But it’s not a great idea to get involved with each other. I mean, I have my business to focus on, and you have the playoff run coming up. Not to mention a two-hundred-pound gorilla who happens to be my big brother.”
This makes Alex chuckle and shake his head. “I can take your brother if I need to. If you want me to.” He bends his head and kisses my jaw, tilting my head up, and I want to get lost in him.
I laugh, trying to defuse the tense, awkward situation. “I’m sure you can, big guy. But I don’t want either of us being put in a position where we have to fight my brother over this.”
Alex reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I lean slightly into his touch again, but then pull back, not wanting to get carried away.
“As you wish,” he replies. “We can keep things as they were, for now. You can teach me to cook, and I can keep fucking it up!”
We both laugh, and he pulls me into a hug, being careful to keep the lower half of his body away from mine.
“I should go,” I say quietly, pulling out of the hug. “I’ll return your shirt when we have our next lesson. Just let me know when you’re free.” I stumble slightly in the darkened room and make my way back to the kitchen where I hit the light switch, making us both squint at the bright glare.
“Yeah, sure, no hurry on the shirt.” Alex rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, making his thick bicep flex which in turn causes my already overloaded libido to do a backflip.
“Okay, thank you.” I grab my dirty shirt from the counter and pull my jacket off the hook by the door, backing away from the man who’s just given me the sexiest kiss of my life.
“Look, we have an afternoon game on Saturday and then the Annual Charity Auction for the Whalers Foundation. Why don’t you come to the game and then be my date for the benefit—in a friendly way, obviously?”
I consider his proposition carefully, weighing up the pros and cons in my head. I’m about to tell him it’s not a great idea when he adds, “The whole gang will be there, so it won’t be like a ‘date’ date, more like a group thing. Completely acceptable.”
Actually, Mila already mentioned me going with her and Matt to the benefit, but I didn’t want to feel like a third wheel. At least this way, I won’t be hanging around with them all night.
“Yeah, sure. That sounds nice. It’ll be fun to get dressed up and let my hair down.”
Alex moves forward so he’s standing dangerously close to me, my back pressed against the door. I can see the hungry look in his eyes, and my breath begins to come out in shallow huffs.
I point my finger against his bulging pec and fix him with my most serious look. “It’s kind of hard to keep thinking of you as just a friend when you’re looking at me like that.”
“I’m trying to remind you of how good this can actually be between us. If we let it happen.” The cocky smirk tilts his full lips and makes my pulse rate pick up another notch. “Just let that sink in,” he adds gruffly, reaching behind me to open the door, accidentally on purpose leaning against me so I get a final whiff of his masculine scent.
“Okay, well, great,” I splutter, ducking under his arm and slipping out the front door. “Text me the details, and I’ll see you on Saturday. Thanks, bye.” I stumble away down the hall toward the elevator and jab at the button, not daring to glance over at Alex’s door, afraid that if I see him leaning sexily against the door jamb, I’ll run back into his arms and throw all reason out the window.
Why the hell is my life so complicated?
Or am I making it that way, and would it be simpler to just let go?