Maggie left Paul in Monaco in mid-August to fly back to the States and meet Aden at home. He was spending two weeks there before going back to Boston for school. He talked a lot about Paul. The rest of his trip had been anticlimactic after his time on the boat. Nothing measured up to that, but more than the boat, he respected the man. He saw Paul as a brave warrior and a valiant person, who had lived by what he believed in, and had been true to himself all his life. Maggie didn’t disagree, but she also saw what it had cost him and that, except for her, he was alone. His skill as a driver was undeniable, and he was said to have the best eye and the best reflexes in racing, and nerves of steel to go with them.
Paul raced in Italy in September, had another lucky race, and won first place this time, uninjured. Every time he finished a race alive, she felt as though he had returned from the dead. She didn’t care if he won or lost, she just wanted him to survive it. That was her only prayer for him.
She spent a week in Chicago and a week in New York, visiting galleries, trying to get ideas for the gallery she wanted to open online. She had a list of artists now that she wanted to represent, and little by little she was getting closer. She attended parents’ weekend again at BU, and then flew to Paris to meet Paul. His debacle with the IRS still wasn’t over, but they were getting closer to a settlement with him. They were going to take a huge financial bite out of him, but no more than he had expected, or was willing to give up. And finally at the end of October, they arrived at a number that satisfied both Paul and the government. He had adjusted his international corporations and investments sufficiently to satisfy them, without crippling himself completely. Both sides had a healthy respect for each other when it was over. He was able to come to the States again without fear of a warrant being issued for his arrest for tax evasion, and Maggie invited him to spend Thanksgiving with them in Lake Forest. He accepted. He and Aden couldn’t wait to see each other. Maggie loved the idea of his joining them there at last. He had never seen her home, and she wanted him to, even though it was simple and not as grand as any of his. She wanted him to meet Helen and Jeff, who was dying to meet him. Helen was too, for other reasons, since Maggie had been with him for almost a year by then.
Before they returned to the States, after the settlement with the IRS, they flew to London from Paris, and Paul bought another apartment. It wasn’t as grand as the penthouse he had lost, but it was warm and beautifully done, and Maggie loved it. He bought it for her as much as for himself, and there was a suite for Aden that Paul said he would love. He could visit them whenever he wanted to.
Maggie was going to furnish it after the holidays. Paul said he wanted a pied-à-terre in New York too, since he had business there. Maggie thought she would base her online gallery in New York and London, possibly with a rep in each city who could meet with clients to show them art they were considering. She still had some things to figure out, but wanted to open in the new year. She was going to show the work from slides, it was all by emerging artists she had discovered. She was planning to set the prices in the mid to lower price range, to make valid art by talented artists available to collectors who didn’t have a fortune to spend on it. She wasn’t sure if she’d make money, but she liked the concept of matchmaking new artists with young collectors. She’d have to see how the geography worked. Paul had encouraged her all along and was proud of her for wanting to launch a business of her own, with an original concept. He liked the work she had been considering, and the artists, and had even seen a photo of a piece he wanted to buy from her. And if they had a client in Chicago, Helen was happy to pitch in. Maggie had already registered the name of M. M. Mackenzie for her new business.
After he bought the apartment in London, Paul planned to spend a week there, while Maggie flew home to Lake Forest to get the house ready for Paul and Aden. She’d thought seriously about how strange it would be to share her bedroom with him, but Brad had been gone for two years, and she felt ready to have Paul stay with her there.
The night before she left him in London, Paul reminded her that he was going skiing in Canada right after Thanksgiving. He had mentioned it before in passing, and she hadn’t paid close attention. It was a trip he took annually with the same four friends and a guide he met up with once a year, and she frowned when he reminded her. He was planning to leave the day after Thanksgiving, and would be gone a week.
“Why then?” she asked, disappointed that he wouldn’t stay through the Thanksgiving weekend.
“It works best for everyone, and our guide.”
“Where in Canada?” He hadn’t invited her to go with him, and had said that the trip was all men, all expert skiers. It was an arduous trip and they loved it. Two of them had climbed Everest with him, which was how he had met them.
“British Columbia. Revelstoke. We’ll take the plane up to Kelowna near Vancouver, and from there we take a helicopter to our ski drop-offs at the Selkirk and Monashee Mountains.” The only way into the area was by helicopter. “The lodge is at the base of the mountains. They drop us off on the mountains by helicopter every day, and we ski out. It’s rugged terrain but fantastic skiing. The best there is.” She was silent for a moment, thinking about it, and looked at him.
“And the most dangerous skiing there is, if I remember correctly.”
“It doesn’t have to be. We’re all good skiers. Our lead guide is a member of the International Federation of Mountain Guides, and we have a tail guide this time too. We carry radios and avalanche equipment. We each wear a transceiver, and carry a shovel and probe. We’ve got everything we need. Our lead guide knows the area, and the pilot has been doing this for years. This is our tenth year going.” She wanted to ask him not to do it, but didn’t see how. She couldn’t ask him to change all the things he loved about his life, so she said nothing. He saw in her eyes that she was frightened. He held her for a moment and she was stiff in his arms. “It’ll be fine, Maggie. I promise.”
“You terrify me,” she whispered to him. “Why does everything you love have to be dangerous?” It was who he was, and she had known it since he was eighteen, but it didn’t make it easier to live with. The more she loved him, the harder it got. Other people died in freak accidents, or on the freeway, in plane crashes like Brad, or had heart attacks when they went jogging, which no one could foresee, but Paul had to put his life on the line at every opportunity, whether playing or racing. He had to steal his life back from the angel of death every time. And what if he lost? She had known it was a possibility since the beginning.
They didn’t talk about it again that night, or the next morning, when she took a commercial flight from London to Chicago. There was no point bringing up the ski trip again. It was just something she had to live with, like his racing. His recent win had made him cockier than ever. He needed danger like other people needed air. She thought about it on the flight back to Chicago and tried to make her peace with his helicopter skiing trip with his friends. She felt as though she would be nagging if she brought it up again. He had survived it nine times before this, so presumably he would again. He was a man’s man, and she told herself that this was what they did.
She was busy once she got home to Lake Forest. As it always did now, her house felt tired and deserted to her when she saw it again. For the past year she had been commuting to the luxurious spaces in Paul’s life, the Lady Luck, with its fabulous crew that waited on her hand and foot, the Ritz in Paris and his suite there in the opulence and glamour of the venerable hotel, his penthouse apartment before he lost it to British taxes, the new one he had just bought in a lovely building in one of the best neighborhoods. Coming home to Lake Forest, and their modest home there, was a reminder of the realities of her life, and how she had lived with Brad for nearly twenty years. They had a very comfortable home and she loved it, but she realized now that she had gotten spoiled, and she wondered how it would look to Paul when he saw it.
She tried to spruce it up as best she could, threw away some tired old decorative cushions on the couch, bought new plants and fresh flowers. She tried to fluff things up, and moved a few things around in her bedroom, but the house looked sad now, whatever she did. She realized now how little charm it had, even if they had been happy there. Her life was in a different place now with Paul, and she wondered if it looked shabby to Aden when he came home too, or maybe at his age he didn’t notice, and it was just home to him. Without meaning to, they had quietly outgrown it, and it seemed so small to her after the bigger spaces she had gotten used to.
She did her best, and Aden seemed happy to come home. He didn’t even see the few improvements she’d made. He liked it the way it was, and never wanted her to change anything in his room.
When Paul arrived, the only thing he saw was her, waiting in the doorway to welcome him to her home. It was a major step for them, and made their relationship seem more real.
Aden took charge of Paul immediately, and drove him to all his old haunts: the pond where he had learned to skate, both his old schools, the main street in town where all the shops were, the grocery store where he and his friends had conned someone into buying them beer when they were sixteen. All the landmarks that were important to him, and Paul loved it. He felt as though he was reliving Aden’s childhood with him, which reminded him of a better version of his own, since he didn’t have a stable family and Aden did. For a moment, he envied Aden how he had grown up, with a mother and father who loved him and each other, in a safe home where no harm could come to him, going to a normal school where kids grew up and went to college and then married and had kids. Paul hadn’t had any of that, had to fend for himself as a kid, without a father, and was on his own as soon as he graduated from high school and headed to Southern California and then Mexico to seek his fate and his fortune. It had turned out all right for him, better than that, but he would never have the happy memories that Aden did and was sharing with him now. Aden had had everything Paul had ever dreamed of and never had. Instead, Paul’s whole life had been a search for something he had never found, and it was all here with Maggie and Aden. It made him want to stay here forever with them and try to turn back the clock and start again. He was deeply moved by the tour, and told Maggie that after they got back, when she and Paul were alone. He had tears in his eyes when he told her about it.
“Aden doesn’t know how lucky he is,” he said softly, as she remembered the terrible shack Paul had lived in, in the town where they grew up, and the mother who had barely managed to make enough to feed him, and the father who abandoned them and disappeared. He had more than made up for it, but he had been struggling all his life, fighting his own demons, battling to stay alive, seeking every challenge, climbing every mountain, winning every race, and he still was. She put her arms around him and he rested his head against her as he basked in the warmth of the love and stability she gave him, which he had never had until then. For an instant, he almost wanted to tell her that he wouldn’t go on the ski trip with his friends, but they would think he was an idiot if he did that. All he wanted was to stay there with her. He didn’t say anything, but she felt the bond between them without words.
He had arrived three days before Thanksgiving, and she cooked meatloaf for them that night. He loved it. And the following night, they went to the Watsons’, so he could meet Helen and Jeff. Jeff monopolized him, but Helen got to see how loving Paul was with Maggie, and she loved him for the way he treated her and the look in Maggie’s eyes. Helen thought Maggie was a lucky woman. She had had two men who truly loved her in one lifetime. Some women never had even one. She and Jeff had had their ups and downs, and had finally accepted that it would never be exactly what either of them wanted, but it was good enough. But what Paul and Maggie shared was very different. They were like soul mates who had found each other at last, or found each other again. Helen didn’t even think Maggie had been as well suited to Brad, but would never have said it to her, out of respect for the dead. Paul was what every woman dreamed of, and only a rare few ever found. Maggie had.
“If you don’t marry him, I will,” Helen whispered to her, and Maggie laughed.
“He hasn’t asked,” Maggie reminded her. In fact, the subject had never come up, and Maggie hadn’t been longing to marry him, she was comfortable as she was. They had everything they wanted and needed, and she wasn’t sure if marriage was necessary, or if she even wanted it. If she married him, she might wind up a widow again. Although if he was killed racing, married or not, it would be just as bad. “I thought I’d let him calm down a bit, before I think about it. Like maybe when he’s eighty or ninety. I don’t think he’ll be civilized much before that. He needs to burn off some energy first. He’s going helicopter skiing the day after Thanksgiving. He’s officially crazy.” Jeff overheard her say it and questioned Paul about it, who said he’d been doing it for ten years.
“I’m the old man in the group now, but they let me come anyway. I figure I’ll stop doing it next year. I just turned fifty, so I’m going to make this the last time.”
“I’ve always wanted to do that. Helen won’t let me.” Jeff cast a glance at his wife and rolled his eyes.
“No problem. Just leave me the full amount for the boys’ college education in an account, and you can go helicopter skiing anytime you want,” Helen said tartly. “But you’re not leaving me stuck with that.” They all laughed, but Helen looked serious. Having three kids had been a stretch for them financially, even though Jeff had a good job. She’d given up her own job as a copywriter in advertising to raise them, and it hadn’t been easy for them with only one income.
Aden, Maggie, and Paul had dinner in town the next night, and then Aden went out with his friends. The next day they had what Paul called a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving.
“I used to see pictures in magazines of people who had Thanksgivings like this. I’ve never seen one for real, let alone had one.” He looked on the verge of tears again.
The turkey was a perfect golden brown, the vegetables looked like an artist had painted them. Maggie had set the table with her mother’s best lace tablecloth. She had used the china that had belonged to Brad’s parents, and the crystal they had bought to go with it. The food was perfect and smelled delicious. Aden sliced the turkey the way he had seen his father do every year, and Paul opened the bottle of wine Aden had taken him to buy the day before. The food tasted as good as it appeared, and for dessert Maggie had outdone herself with apple, pumpkin, mince, and pecan pies, with whipped cream and vanilla ice cream. It was a feast, and their conversation was lively and happy. Aden put music on and they danced afterwards, the three of them, and then he went out with friends, while Maggie and Paul tidied up the kitchen, and then danced to the music still playing. There was an old song from the forties playing that Maggie had always liked, and remembered her mother singing.
“If I die this minute, I’ll have been a happy man,” Paul whispered to her, and she smiled.
“I’m happy too. I love having you here. I was afraid the house wasn’t nice enough for you. You’re used to such fancy places now.”
“Don’t forget where I grew up,” he reminded her. “I always dreamed of having a house like this. What I have now is an accident. It’s a winning lottery ticket and I know it. This is what I always wanted, and never had. It’s my dream. I love this house, and you in it, and Aden and all the places he showed me when I got here: his school, the pond, all of it.” It was why she had married Brad, to have a life like this. Paul understood that now and she’d been right. They hadn’t needed anything more than this. No one did, in his opinion. This was what made people strong and healthy, and not chasing rainbows all their life. This was the rainbow and the pot of gold at the end of it. It was what most people ran after and never found. He never had. He had found untold wealth from his fame, his investments, and the risks he took, but he had never found this kind of solid foundation, and knew he never would without Maggie. She knew that about him too. He needed her for this. He would never find it on his own. And she hoped that with enough of this kind of love, he wouldn’t need to chase the lightning flashes anymore, or the dangers that fell from the sky. He didn’t need to climb Everest. All he needed to do was come home, if he could ever figure that out. She hoped he would one day.
They sat in front of the fire for a while, and then they went upstairs and made love. She couldn’t feel Brad’s spirit in her bedroom anymore. He had been laid to rest. The room was hers and she shared it with Paul with an open heart. His bag was already packed to leave the next day. He fell asleep as she smiled down at him and stroked his hair like a little boy. She held him for a long time, and then went to sleep next to him.
He was leaving at four a.m. to drive his rented car back to Chicago and catch his plane to meet his friends. He was picking them up at two stops along the way and heading north for their big adventure. When he got up, he didn’t want to leave Maggie and wished he could stay. It was warm and cozy next to her in bed. It took all the effort he could muster to get up and leave her.
She walked him downstairs in her nightgown, after Paul was dressed. She gave him coffee in a thermos to take with him, and stood in the freezing air in the doorway kissing him. There was ice on the ground outside.
“Go back in, you’ll catch pneumonia,” he whispered to her. He didn’t want to wake Aden, and had said goodbye to him before he went out the night before. Paul was coming back to spend Christmas with them, which was only a month away.
Maggie was staying in Lake Forest for December. The second anniversary of Brad’s death would be before she saw Paul again, and she needed to go through it alone. Aden’s school vacation started that day, and he was coming home, so they’d be together.
She kissed Paul one last time, and waved as he ran to his car, turned the key in the ignition, and started it. A minute later he took off, with a wave to her. She walked back into the house, shivering, thinking of him. It had been a beautiful Thanksgiving, she was glad he had come. He felt like part of the family now. She knew Paul felt it too. And she knew it was true when Paul had told her it was the best Thanksgiving of his life. It was the best gift she could have given him. Their first Thanksgiving was a memory she would never forget.