I watched as he yanked the belt out of the loops of his pants in one fluid motion. The whistle it made as it struck the air made me wince. My eyes were fixed on him, and when he laid it over the back of the couch and looked at me meaningfully, I felt my heart constrict.
“I’ll be right back, and then we will discuss you wasting everyone’s time and money that doesn’t belong to you.”
I knew he expected a yes, sir but my lips were leaden, and I couldn’t move them. He seemed to understand my inability to talk, because he turned and walked to his bedroom without waiting for me to answer. My eyes were irrevocably drawn back to the belt, a stiff piece of black leather about four inches wide. It looked harmless, but I knew the damage it could do to the soft skin of a bottom. I remembered the pain quite well. I’d promised myself a long time ago as I cried into my pillow that I’d never let anyone hurt me like that again. Not when I was old enough to be able to stop it. On nights like that I would fall asleep on my stomach so I wouldn’t irritate the welts on the backs of my legs, dreaming of a future where I would be safe. Where I could decide what would and wouldn’t happen to me, where I could protect myself when no one else would.
Kurt had been the exception to the rule. When he had spanked me before, I hadn’t seen it as abuse. If anything, it had been just. But if he was mad enough to spank me with a belt that changed everything. Maybe he wasn’t going to use his belt to whip me, I reasoned. But why else would he have taken it off? I just couldn’t take the chance. He’s a sweet guy, my conscience was telling me. Maybe I should talk to him. But what if he wouldn’t listen? I couldn’t take that chance. Squelching the doubts that plagued me like pesky insects, I headed for the door. I closed it behind me as softly as I could, although I knew he would discover my absence soon enough.
I briefly considered taking the limo back to my place, but Teddy would ask too many questions that I wasn’t ready to answer. Instead, I made a beeline for the garage around his house, praying that it was open. I held my breath, anticipation mounting with every step that I took. Every second counted. Had he come back already? Did he realize that I’d left yet?
When I came around, I was tremendously relieved to see the garage door open, revealing his prized cars within. I ran to his baby blue Corvette, bent down to retrieve the key that he kept hidden on top of the front tire, and threw the door open. That car was his baby. He took extra-special care of it, and I strongly suspected that he had a special lullaby he sang to it at night. None of that seemed to matter at the moment—I needed to get away as quickly as possible, and that was all that I could focus on. I couldn’t waste time on second-guessing; surely he would be looking for me at any moment.
Sliding into the car, and ignoring the throbbing in my behind, I put the key in the ignition and heard the engine rumble to life. I put the car into reverse and hit the gas, propelling the car out of the driveway. I saw Teddy look up in surprise, but I didn’t offer any acknowledgment as I careened past him. I pushed the joystick to drive, and flew onto the street with the tires squealing.
I had no idea where to go. I had no idea what I was doing, besides making a quick getaway. I knew he would be looking for me now. Had Teddy already told him what I’d done? This would end things between us once and for all. There was no way I could submit to the type of punishment he wanted to give me, and after I’d stolen his car I was pretty sure he’d want to do more than give me a few welts with his belt.
Kurt had never done anything to make me think that he would be the type of guy to beat his girlfriend over a disagreement, but all that had changed when he’d said we would be finishing my spanking with a belt. It didn’t matter that I’d come to trust him implicitly, or that he had never hurt me. Reason flew out the window when he’d pulled it from his pants, and it hung limp in his hand like a snake waiting and biding its time before it bit.
I remembered seeing my mother, tears streaming down her face, a similar black belt laying on the floor, angrily tossed there after it has been used to mark her tender, pretty flesh. I’d promised myself then, that as much as I loved her, I would never, ever become her. No man would ever mistreat me like that. Never.
Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t see the car pulling in to my blind spot. I hit my blinker and, seeing no one in my mirror, I started to get over. The car honked loudly, and I jerked the wheel, swerving back into the other lane. The car I’d nearly hit floored the gas, and they sped past me. I could see the driver shaking his fist at me and although I couldn’t hear what he was saying, I saw his lips moving and I figured it was a safe assumption that he was cursing me for all that I was worth.
What was I doing? I had no right to take Kurt’s car. He was going to kill me. He had been so nice to me, and this was how I repaid him? By stealing his prized possession and almost wrecking it? The tears started to come, hot and angry, and spilled down my cheeks before I could wipe them away. I started sobbing, feeling so lost and alone. What was I supposed to do now? I was running away from my boyfriend—well, at least he had been—my job, my apartment. Where else did I have to go?
My phone vibrated where I’d put it on the dashboard. Blinking through my tears, I reached for it and scanned the message. It was from Kurt, of course, and read: Where are you???? I put it back on the dashboard as my body was racked with sobs. I couldn’t answer him.
Just then, my phone started to ring. It was torturous waiting for it to go to voicemail. Somewhere in all the madness, it had started to rain, but I hadn’t even noticed. My windshield was covered in long streams of water and I flicked on the windshield wipers so that I could see a bit better. I jumped when my phone started to ring—would that man never give up?
I steeled myself to ignore it—after what I’d done, he’d never forgive me. There was no righting this wrong. Still, I missed him already. I felt so miserable, and the best cure would be his arms around me. Without giving it another thought, I snatched up the phone and pressed Talk.
“Kurt?”
“Callie?” he asked, his voice somewhere between angry and frantic. “Where the hell are you?”
I started crying too hard to answer him. Just hearing his voice was enough to take all the fight out of me. Sobbing, I put on my turn signal and started to change lanes. I had the entire car almost on the shoulder of the road when I was hit from the side. The sound of crunching startled me, and I dropped the phone.
“Damn it!” I hollered, slamming my head back against the headrest in frustration. I finished pulling the car over, and rolled my window down to see if the other driver had stopped. My head was pommelled by falling droplets as I craned my neck out the window. All I saw was taillights disappearing into the haze of rain.
“Callie? Callie? Are you all right?” I heard Kurt’s muffled voice from the floor. Putting the car in park, I reached down and grabbed the phone and put it to my ear.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I said, realizing that my voice sounded anything but.
“Where are you?”
“Um—”
“You better not make me ask you again, understand?” His voice was tight and threatening, and made me cry all the harder. Of course, I knew he had every right to be angry with me. Between sobs, I gave him directions. He hung up the phone with a terse “I’ll be right there.”
* * * * *
By the time Kurt found me I was curled into the fetal position, crying. The tap on the window made me jump and screech.
“Open up,” he ordered, sounding only marginally calm.
I didn’t want to, God knows. I wanted to stay inside my little cozy cave of a car and sob to my heart’s content, but one look at Kurt’s tight-lipped, angry face—he still looked so desirable, even mad, even with rain pouring down his face—and I knew that wasn’t an option. He’d pry me out with his bare hands, if he had to. Reluctantly, I unlocked the doors and opened mine. I had barely stepped out of the car before Kurt grabbed my arm, none too gently.
“Get in the car,” he ordered, and peering over my shoulder I saw the limo waiting for me. I obeyed meekly, keeping my head down as I walked with Kurt to where Teddy was waiting. He only let go of my arm after he opened the door and I started to climb inside. He surprised me by closing the door behind me, leaving me to watch in apprehension as he walked back to his car. He stood there for what seemed to me an eternity, surveying the damage.
Shivering, I huddled in the backseat, scooting as close to the heater as I could get. Not for the first time, I was thankful for Teddy’s stoic silence. I didn’t think I could handle making chitchat right now. I looked up as the door opened again, and Kurt climbed in next to me, his clothes soaked from the rain.
“Called the studio,” he said curtly. “I let them know we wouldn’t be back in until tomorrow.”
I felt my heart clench at how brisk, and tightly controlled he sounded. All that money wasted—an entire day’s work down the drain. “Did you…?” I let it trail, the question I didn’t have the guts to ask.
“Did I tell them that you stole my car and were going God-knows-where?” he asked, his voice so sharp I feared he might cut me with it. “No, of course not, Callie. Who do you take me for?”
“You’d have every right to,” was all I could think to say.
Kurt snorted. “There have been enough heart attacks because of you today, I think.” I winced, but he ignored me, leaning forward and spoke to our driver. “Home, please, Teddy.”
“Yes, sir,” came the professional reply, and we were off.
I turned my head to watch the rain beating at the window, wanting to drown in self-pity, but Kurt wasn’t having it.
“What did you think you were doing, Callie?”
“I, um—”
“It’s ridiculous! What were you thinking, stealing someone else’s car?”
“I’m sorry about your car, Kurt.”
Even my meek reply didn’t serve to quell his anger. “I don’t care about the stupid car, Woman. I’m asking what the hell you thought you were doing taking it?”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled, hugging myself.
“Anyone else would press charges against you. You need to learn to think things through.”
“Okay, okay,” I grunted, feeling my shame more keenly with each word of the scolding.
“ ‘Okay’?” he practically roared. “No, it’s not okay. We are not done talking about this. Not by half.”
I felt my heartbeat quicken at the implication. He couldn’t spank me anymore—I wasn’t going to let him. I couldn’t do it anymore; I couldn’t risk getting hit with his belt, or worse. And seeing him this angry only affirmed my resolve. Just thinking of how unstoppable he’d be with a belt in his hand, fueled by his anger, made me shudder.
To my dismay, we pulled into his driveway. I’d hoped Teddy was driving me to my apartment to drop me off.
“Out, young lady,” Kurt ordered, but I stubbornly stayed where I was. He arched an eyebrow at me, but I didn’t rise to the fury I saw in his features.
“I want Teddy to take me home.”
“We still have some talking to do,” he answered brusquely.
“I’m not going to let you…” I glanced at Teddy, whose back was straight as a rod. “You know.”
That wrung a smile out of him, however brief. “I’m not going to do anything to hurt you, Callie. I want to make sure you’re okay.”
I bit my lip, and rolled the tender flesh back and forth with my teeth, trying to make a decision. It was true, he’d never given me more than a sore bottom, but that could change at any moment. And agreeing to this lifestyle, where he hit me and I let him do it only encouraged the inevitable to happen.
“Please, honey.”
I glared at him, wishing that I could summon the hatred that I would need to feel in order to ignore him when he called me ‘honey’. I didn’t have it, and almost against my will, my body complied and I ended up walking alongside him to the front door. With a last, longing look at Teddy in the limo, I left the surety of safety behind and followed Kurt through the open door into his house.
I had barely sat down before Kurt was at me. I braced myself for accusations, but all he did was sit next to me and grab me tight in a hug. He held me possessively, squeezing me so hard that his arms felt like a vise.
“You scared me,” he accused, kissing me hard on the forehead.
“Sorry,” I said, wincing. The next thing I knew, his fingers were fumbling with the buttons of my shirt. I pulled back in surprise. “What are you doing?”
“What do you think?” he asked, brushing his fingers against my breast. Even through my shirt and bra, it felt like he had made direct contact, and my nipple stiffened, made hard by desire.
“Are you… are we… is this—”
“You need to get out of those wet clothes,” he said in his trademark no-nonsense way. I’d hardly nodded my agreement before he unbuttoned the last two buttons. With the gentlest touch, he peeled the wet shirt from my skin, sliding it down each of my arms and throwing it carelessly to the floor.
This was the first time I’d ever been unclothed—even partially—in front of him, and it wasn’t lost on me that it was happening right after I’d run away from him. He had to be angry with me—I could tell from the way his eyes were glinting at me even as he was drinking me in. They were afire with anger and lust.
I shivered, clad only in a pair of shorts and a black bra, aware that I only served to make my breasts heave. I was sitting across from the man that I loved, and I knew he wanted to devour me with forceful kisses, bites and hard thrusts. At the same time, I felt the threat of retribution lying between us, charging the air. I’d never felt more vulnerable in my life. I’d thought for sure that I’d lose whatever love he’d held for me the minute I walked out the door, but here he sat. I could tell from the taunt muscles rippling throughout his body that he wanted me, and badly.
Desire rippled through me, warm and tingly, and I felt my sex clench. I could feel the moisture on my panties, telling me in no uncertain terms that I wanted to feel him deep inside me. Maybe, I mused, we could do it. Maybe we could be together this first and final time. I knew in my heart that if we were, it would be the last, because I couldn’t do what he wanted. Once upon a time I’d tried to convince myself that I could be the woman he needed, but that was just a fairytale made up of my desperate hopes that it could be true. Now I knew better. I didn’t have the courage it took to make things right between us, if that involved a belt. No how, no way.
As convinced as I was, my resolution left me feeling drained and so alone. To never be able to see his face, or how his eyes lit up with love for me, to never feel his arms around me, it was unthinkable. Maybe we could forget everything, just for tonight. Maybe we could put all debts on hold just for a few hours and delight in each other’s companies. I could explore his body that I had only seen in my fantasies. I could taste, and tickle, and caress… and in the morning light, we would turn to each other, the truth of our situation sinking in: he couldn’t be with a woman who wasn’t his to discipline, and I refused to be. Still, if we could have this one night together, at least I’d have some memories to warm me when I was alone at night.
“Do you want me?” I whispered in a voice hoarse with longing.
His eyes snapped, almost entirely gold in his passion. “What I want is answers.”
Almost unconsciously, my eyes slid downward, and I saw that his belt was back in place around his waist. Almost as if he knew what I was thinking, he reached over and took my chin in his warm palm. He tilted it up, until my eyes met his, but he didn’t release his hold on me.
“Talk, Callie. Now.”
I wanted to. I wanted so badly just to tell him everything, to let the whole story come rushing out, but it wouldn’t make a difference. There would still be my disobedience, my defiance to be dealt with, and I knew now that I couldn’t live this way, not even with him. Mutely, I shook my head.
He clenched his jaw, and the muscle there tightened until it pulsed. “What did I do?”
The words came out startlingly soft, and took me by surprise. “You?”
“Yes, me! What did I do to make you leave? Just tell me. I am so sorry, Callie, I never meant—”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and crawled into his lap. I slid my tongue into his open mouth and kissed him with an intensity that shocked us both, and took the words right off his lips. Once he was returning my kisses, he slid a hand up my bare stomach, all the way up my ribcage, leaving goose bumps in the wake of his sensual fingers.
Long before I was ready, he broke away. He picked me up out of his lap and set me back down, a few inches away from him. He was breathing hard as he stared at me with pensive eyes. “Well? You owe me some sort of explanation, don’t you think?”
“Of course,” I agreed numbly. “It’s just, I’m pretty sure when I tell you, it’ll change everything.”
With a groan, he leaned back until his head rested against the couch, his eyes closed. I watched him with uneasy apprehension until his eyes snapped back open. “Well, out with it. What is it? We already covered the drug issue, or so I thought.”
“We did. It’s still not drugs. Just that… I can’t let you… you can’t hit me with a belt.”
He sat up straight and looked at me with an almost peevish expression. “Is that all?”
“No, that’s not all,” I huffed. “It’s a big deal to me, Kurt.”
He nodded slowly as he took in my grave expression. “Okay, I’m sorry. You have my full attention.”
I took a deep breath. Where to start? Of course, I knew where to start, but if I told the story in reverse, it would keep him with me on the couch that much longer. “I didn’t always want to be an actress,” is what I said. “I wanted to be a normal girl, you know? I wanted to go to prom, and have a sweet sixteen, and… all that normal stuff.”
“Okay,” he drawled the word out, looking bewildered.
I ignored him and kept going. If I stopped, I knew I’d lose my courage. “But all of those things… I couldn’t have them. My dad died when I was very young, in a boating accident. I know he loved me, but… I feel like I never really knew him. I was four, and I hardly remember anything about him, except for a few events. Sometimes I think I can hear the sound of his laugh. I remember this big man, with such a great laugh, but I can’t be sure of my memories. It feels like it could be anyone. Anyway, my mom married my stepdad, George, when I was seven. We’d been on our own until then, and I knew things were hard on her. I knew she needed someone, not just me, to look after her. But marrying George was the worst thing she could have done.”
Suddenly, I was overcome with a coughing fit, and sat there for several minutes hacking until my eyes were watering. Kurt scooted over and started tapping my back with his hand.
“Are you okay?”
Still coughing, I nod. Finally, I cleared my throat. “Sorry about that.”
“No, it’s not your fault. You need to rest.”
“I will, I just need—”
“Later,” he promised me in a warm voice. “We’re going to go upstairs and get you some clothes to change into. Then you’re going straight to bed. Understand?”
In the face of his self-assured orders, I had no choice but to nod.
“Good. Follow me.” He helped me off the couch, and gently steered me toward the stairs. Once inside his guest bedroom, he walked to the dresser and pulled out several nightgowns. “I’m sure one of these will fit.”
I’d barely opened my mouth to ask him why he had women’s nightgowns—why he had them in different sizes, no less, when he stepped toward me, arms across his chest. I could tell from his expression that I had no choice but to obey, so I meekly picked up a lavender silk nightgown and walked to the bathroom. I shut it behind me, but I needn’t have bothered. Kurt had already walked out of the bedroom and closed the door.
Part of me was unbelievably relieved that he seemed to have forgiven me, but the other part knew that it wouldn’t last. There would be another incident, and another after that, and I didn’t believe Kurt could live with someone who didn’t want to go along with his system of rules and punishments. It’s too bad, really. I was starting to think that there might be a future for us.