Cam was sure his head had been stuffed with cotton, and maybe his blood had been replaced with lava. But he was somehow packed in ice. Needles made of ice.
He was in hell.
He struggled to swim his way out of it. If he could just open his eyes, maybe this would all go away. It seemed as though it took forever before he managed the Herculean feat.
Laurel’s face wavered in his vision. It was a comfort his sister was here. Wherever he was. She wasn’t crying, so he figured that was good, but one never could be sure about these things. “Did I die?”
“Not yet,” she returned. She was trying to sound brave, but her voice was scratchy.
“That’s good, I guess.”
“We’re going to have to stop meeting like this, big brother.”
Hospital. He was in a hospital. Because he’d been shot somewhere along the line. Was that why his leg throbbed worse than the rest of his body? It hurt too much to try to piece it all together. “Mine’s worse,” Cam managed. Laurel had been hurt last year, right when he’d come home to Bent. While he wasn’t big on winning this competition, he hoped it would smooth some of the jagged worry edges off her expression.
“Where’s Hilly?” he asked. Because Hilly didn’t have anywhere to go. He’d left her in that cabin, and where would she be? Who would take care of her?
“She’s here. Dad, Jen, Dylan. Everyone is here waiting for you to wake up. We had to take turns watching you sleep.”
“Someone should take care of her. She’s been through so much. Been braver than anyone has a right to be. She’s got to be exhausted. What time is it? What—She doesn’t have anywhere to go.”
“Shh.” Laurel touched his cheek, a rare affectionate gesture that would normally make him uncomfortable, but right now it felt good to have someone he loved touch him gently. “Hilly’s mother and Zach are both here and watching after her, but we couldn’t tear that woman away with a herd of wild horses. She’s not going until she sees you.”
“Her mother. She met her mother?”
“They seemed to be getting along pretty well. Hilly’s holding up like a champ for all she’s been through.”
“I need to see her.”
“She wants to see you, but they’re saying family only.”
“Laurel.”
Her mouth curved. “I’ll have Grady create a diversion and sneak her back.”
He breathed out, relief coursing through him.
“Carsons come in handy. You might want to keep that in mind,” she said cryptically. Then she sighed. “Ten years in the Marines and no matter how I worried, you never got hurt. You’re home for less than a year and look at all the trouble you’ve gotten yourself into.”
“I guess Bent does that to a person.”
She smiled, as he’d hoped she would, but here in this groggy space of not being totally with it, he felt the emotion of all he’d been through crash through him, breaking down walls he didn’t know he’d erected. “I failed. There. Here.”
She brushed a kiss across his forehead. It comforted him somehow. “You know, I’ve felt that way a time or two in my career, but Grady tends to remind me I did the best I could with what I had. I know you’re probably thinking there are a million different scenarios that would have had a better outcome, but you don’t know that. One thing you know and I know is you gave it your all. You always have. It’s not a failure if we’re doing that. It can’t be.”
Maybe it was all the medication softening his brain, but that soothed his conscience in a lot of ways.
“We’ll get Hilly back in a few. Stay awake.” She patted his shoulder and then left the room.
Cam lay there, mostly because he didn’t have a choice, but Laurel’s words stuck with him. He had always done the best he could. It was hard to know his best was sometimes just not enough, but Hilly was safe. She’d found her father and her family.
He felt like a failure because he hadn’t been the one to tie up all the loose ends, but did it matter when he’d given everything he could to keep her and her father safe? His friendship hadn’t been enough to save Aaron, but he would have done the same for Aaron. He just hadn’t had the chance.
Maybe it was time to stop beating himself up for not having the chance.
The door squeaked open and Hilly slid in. She didn’t hesitate, didn’t seem taken aback by the machines hooked up to him. She walked right over and, with some care to the IV and his injuries, laid her head against his chest.
“Oh, Cam. You’re okay.”
“Okay,” he agreed. Better with her here. He didn’t know how a person could fill up your life in such a short time, but the thought of her not in his about did him in.
Hilly looked up, tears filling her eyes. “Laurel said you’ll need another surgery.”
“I’ll live. Survived the first one, didn’t I?”
A tear slipped out and he reached over with his non-IV arm to brush it away. “You know, you didn’t cry the whole time in that cabin when your brothers were there. You kept it all together while they fought, while I fought.”
“I wanted to be strong for you.” She touched the bandage on his neck, her fingertips like heaven against his skin. He wanted to grab her wrist and hold her hand there forever, but she pulled away before his brain could get the messaging to his limbs.
“I heard you met your mother.”
Hilly nodded. “It’s very strange. But she’s nice. Easy to talk to in a way. She doesn’t expect too much. It’s...”
“Weird?”
“Very weird. But I kind of have to start my life over, so I figure it’d be weird no matter what. My... James and Ethan were both arrested. Zach seemed hopeful that Ethan would get recommended to psychiatric care, and because James hadn’t meant to kill my father, and because he’s actually been a model citizen since, his sentence wouldn’t be too harsh. If he pleads guilty. Laurel said she’d take me to see him, but—”
“You take her up on that, okay? You take any Delaney up on anything they offer. You hear me?” His mouth quirked. “You said that to me. Told me to stay awake. You were very forceful.”
She slid her hand into his and smiled. “Well, I am pretty tough.”
He lifted her hand to his mouth, but couldn’t quite work out the strength to actually brush a kiss over it. “The toughest.”
“Apparently I’m a Carson.”
Cam laughed, though it hurt. “Let me guess. Grady put you up to that. Though I think he’d want to be here to watch my reaction.”
Hilly looked at him so seriously. “No. It’s true. My mother is Grady’s aunt—I guess she ran away from Bent and the Carsons to marry my father. She recognized him right away. I can see why. It’s hard to believe I’m related to someone that...whatever he is.”
The cottony feeling in his head returned, but with an extra dose of a buzzing sound. She was serious. She was a... Carson. A Carson. The family he’d spent his whole life looking down his nose at, and maybe that had eased some since he’d been back and Grady and his cousins had proved indispensable in saving Laurel from her kidnapping last year, but... A Carson.
“He wanted to be here when you were told,” Hilly said, her eyebrows furrowed together. “I guess I understand why.”
“I... You’re...” Surely he was hallucinating.
She cocked her head. “Do my blood relations change the way you feel about me, Cam? You told me you loved me.”
“Did I?” he muttered, shifting uncomfortably in bed. Not because of the Carson thing, but because he’d said a lot of things after he’d been shot that he wouldn’t have said in his right mind. He would have waited. He would have...set the stage. Not confessed his feelings when he’d been not totally convinced he was going to live.
It didn’t change the feelings. They were there, but no matter how strong she was, how amazing she was, she had a new life to build. A million things to figure out. She didn’t need him muddying things up while she was trying to figure out a brand-new family, and to reconcile what James had done with the man who’d taken care of her as a father for twenty years.
“Must have been the gunshot wound,” he offered, trying to ease away from the conversation. Giving her an out, some space, but she only frowned at him.
He swallowed, nerves battling it out with the desperate need to just... She was everything he wanted. He’d been around enough to know she was different and special. That love didn’t knock you sideways out of the blue with just anyone. “That was a joke.”
“Are you sure?” she asked, so serious, so...
Hell. “I do love you, Hilly. There’s a rational part of my brain that says it’s too much too soon, but it doesn’t erase the feeling. You have so much ahead of you. A new life. You have more important things—”
“More important things? You are an important thing. You’re at the center of this new life because it’s here because of you. You gave me protection, Cam, but you also gave me choices. I know there’s a lot out there I don’t know, but...” She looked at their linked hands, working through it all. Always so determined to do just that.
“My mother,” she said carefully, “and my brother love me. They don’t know me, but I’m theirs, so, they love me. I feel it. I don’t know how to love them back yet, but I’ll learn. Why would I run away from the learning?”
“You wouldn’t,” Cam said. “You’re too brave.”
Her mouth curved. “Then I’m brave enough to handle that, and figure out what my future holds, and know that I want you in it. I don’t need to understand the world to understand that, to understand you.”
Cam cleared his throat, trying to get past the emotion clogged there. “You might find that someone else would come along and be more—”
“They wouldn’t be you. I don’t need a million men lined up for me to make my choice. I just need the best.” With her free hand she reached out and cupped his face. “I don’t know a lot of men, but I know you’ll always be among the best I know. You cared about me when you didn’t have to. You wanted to make things right because they should be. You gave me a choice when I’d never had one before. So, here’s my choice. I choose you. I love you.”
It humbled him. Her strength. That she could put her feelings into words like that. “I don’t have the words...”
“That’s okay. I’ll give you a few days after you’ve been shot to find them.”
He chuckled. “I guess we should work on that first date,” he said, his voice coming out raspy at best.
“You’ll need to lose this.” She tapped the IV.
“I’ll get there.”
She rested her head on his chest again. “God, I’m tired.”
“Rest. We’ll both rest. Together.” Because he was determined to make together work, no matter what came their way.