Julianne awoke slowly, holding onto the remnants of a dream in which she’d just told Zach she was pregnant. He’d whirled her around and around then kissed her and held her and told her she was beautiful. “I love you,” she’d said. Then she woke up, the dream unfinished.
She did love him. She had for a while, she just hadn’t acknowledged it. But her fear when she thought he’d been shot last night had put her feelings for him in stark relief, like a black silhouette on white paper—visible, tangible and true. Even though it changed every plan she had.
She sat up, hugging her joy to herself, then she saw him sitting on the window seat.
“Hi,” she said shyly, savoring her new awareness of him.
“Hi.”
She looked at the clock and gasped. “You weren’t supposed to let me sleep this long. Four hours! Zach. I want to spend time with my mother before she leaves.” She jumped out of bed, grabbed her shoes.
“There’s no hurry.”
“Of course there’s a hurry.”
“No.”
Alerted by his tone of voice, she stopped in the middle of putting on her second shoe. “Why not?”
He approached her, his expression serious. He didn’t touch her. “I think you should go with your mother.”
She shivered. The words were ominous, unexpected and cold. “Why?”
“You need time together. Time to catch up and establish your relationship.”
She tried to stay calm, while inside her the turbulence whirled at a faster and faster pace. “How can I? I’m here because I need to be in hiding.”
“I’ve already handled that. You’ll have a full-time bodyguard for now.”
Her throat closed. Why was he being so icy toward her? What had changed? “I’m your wife. My place is with you.”
“Alibis and appearances,” he said.
“Doesn’t it matter that we—” she gestured toward the bed “—you know. We can’t get an annulment anymore. And we haven’t talked about this, but now with this whole business with Jacob’s father, won’t you be questioned?”
“You don’t need to worry about it.”
“Don’t treat me like a child, Zach.” Her heart, so filled with happiness just moments ago, seemed to shrink into a tight, fiery ball. He’d run hot and cold with her, but she hadn’t expected him to be cruel. “If you want me to go, you only have to say so. I wouldn’t stay where I’m not wanted. Don’t make up excuses.”
“I want you to go.”
Fury rose inside her, obliterating the pain. “Will you tell Hannah or shall I?” she asked.
“I will.” He headed toward the door. “You should pack.”
“I don’t understand how you can change so fast.”
“I haven’t changed, Julianne. Circumstances have changed. I gave it a lot of thought while you were asleep. You have your mother now.”
“Husbands come before mothers.”
“Real husbands, perhaps.”
They stared at each other. After a moment she walked up to him. If she could get close enough she could see the truth. She didn’t believe he could change that fast. Something had happened while she napped, but what?
She stood in front of him. His gaze never wavered.
“I don’t think you want me to go,” she said, hoping.
“Don’t make me repeat myself.”
“You can’t treat me as tenderly as you did this morning then dump me like that. What are you afraid of?”
“I have nothing more to say.”
She put her hands on his chest. She didn’t want to cry in front of him…. Well, why not? Shouldn’t he see the truth? She stopped fighting the pain and hurt of his dismissal. If she had to leave, she would leave with honesty.
“I think you’re afraid of me,” she said. “Of your feelings for me. Of my feelings for you. You’ve wallowed in your own pain and guilt for so long you don’t know how to let yourself be happy.”
“Why shouldn’t I feel pain and guilt? My brother died. My sister checked out of the world for thirteen years.”
“Thirteen years in which you’ve made amends in ways beyond what most people could. You’ve earned some happiness yourself, don’t you think?”
“That implies you make me happy.”
He might as well have stabbed her in the heart. “I think I did. I think everyone in this castle was happier because of me.”
“I’ll grant that you brought changes. Please don’t drag this out.” He moved her back.
“Does my mother know I’m coming with her?”
“Yes. She agrees it’s the right decision.”
What mother wouldn’t? They’d been apart for twenty years. Of course she would want to spend time together. But did she know Zach meant it was permanent, not just a kind gesture from a husband to his wife?
“All right, Zach.” She let the tears fall then. No matter how hurt or angry she was, she loved him and wanted to stay with him, to work things out. She didn’t want him to forget that, even if she couldn’t give him the words.
“It’s really for the best,” he said.
“For you.”
“And you. You’ll see.” He left.
She refused to give in to the overwhelming anguish. Her movements abrupt and shaky, she got busy packing the most necessary items. Everything else could be boxed and shipped later. She had to find a way to put on a happy face while she said goodbye to everyone, not let them know how devastated she was, let them think she was coming back after she and her mother had time to reconnect.
Julianne heard a helicopter circle overhead, then land. So, they would be given star treatment. No boat ride but a quick escape, probably to a private jet to take them the rest of the way.
She carried her own suitcase downstairs and set it next to her mother’s. Mr. Moody picked up both pieces of luggage. He gave her a smile.
“We’ll miss you,” he said.
It was almost her undoing. What a change from the reticent man she’d met her first day. Yes, she had brought changes to this place. Good ones.
She hugged him. Her eyes filled. Mrs. Moody embraced her, too.
“Now, now,” she said, patting Julianne’s back. “You’ll be home before you know it.”
Julianne nodded. Zach rounded the corner and came toward them. A door opened and closed down the hall. Her mother approached.
“I haven’t said goodbye to Hannah,” Julianne said, wiping her eyes.
“I’m here.”
They all looked toward the top of the stairs. Hannah stood with a suitcase in her hand.
“I’m coming with you,” she said, starting down the stairs.
Julianne spun toward Zach. He’d gained and lost his sister in the same day. And his wife.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“I’ll come back when Julianne does. I think I need to do this, though.” Her voice got a little shaky. “Thank you for taking such good care of me all this time.”
He hugged her. Julianne didn’t know what she would do if he hugged her. Could she hold herself together?
“The helicopter is waiting,” he said.
In the rush of getting to the helipad and stowing the luggage, Julianne lost her ability to think clearly. She followed along, barely hearing their conversations—Hannah’s excitement and her mother’s pleasure. She had fallen into a pit so deep she didn’t know if she could find her way out.
There was no light to guide her.
Her mother boarded first. Hannah followed. Julianne didn’t move, couldn’t move. If she got on that helicopter she would be resigning herself to her marriage ending. No matter what the circumstances of how it came to be, she’d come to believe it was real. Based on love. Based on commitment.
Mrs. Moody said something about leaving them alone to say goodbye. Julianne saw Zach move close to her. She wanted to fling herself in his arms. She stayed rooted in place.
“Is it okay that Hannah comes along?” he asked.
She nodded.
“I know this is hard—”
“You have no idea,” she interrupted, finding her voice at last. “You ruined everything good and wonderful that I found here. I don’t even know what was true and what wasn’t. What was a game on your part, and what was real. I’m much worse off than when I arrived. I will never forgive you for that.” She lifted her face a little higher. “You were supposed to keep me safe. You caused more harm than anything my brother could’ve done. Goodbye, Zach.”
The pilot awaited her, assisting her into the chopper. She never looked back.
“I promise I won’t keep you too long,” her mother said, making her own assumptions about why Julianne was upset. “It was nice of him to share you.”
At some point Julianne would have to tell her what had happened. But she didn’t need to put a damper on their reunion—or Hannah’s reentry into the world.
She gave in and looked out the window as the helicopter ascended. Zach still stood there, an arm raised to block the turbulence from the blades. Then he waved. To whom, she wasn’t sure.
She gripped her hands together and faced forward.
One chapter ends and another begins.
She should’ve been good at that by now.