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Kennedy sat huddled in the bathroom, unable or unwilling to move. Clutching her phone, she texted her sponsor. Need to meet.
A few seconds later, the reply came. 20 min. Hot Shot Cafe.
I’ll be there. She massaged her temples with her fingertips. What was I thinking of coming to a bar? Dressing like this? Letting Dante touch me? The small match of desire she’d experienced as a teen, roared to life like a blowtorch, threatening to drag her down into the inferno of obsession all over again.
She couldn’t believe how much she wanted him. She couldn’t believe how much she wanted him to stay away. “Big fucking rock star. I had no idea. Probably used to having women fawn all over him.” She let out a quick, deep sigh and squared her shoulders. “Okay. I march out of here, say I have to get up early and get on my way. Done deal.”
She stood from the toilet, straightened her dress and strode to the sink. Staring at her reflection, she wished she had on sweatpants and a T-shirt, her favorite after-hours attire. When she got home, she planned on ditching the hootchie mama clothes, getting comfortable, and lying in bed with a book. And not fantasizing about Dante Vega, using my fingers to get me off. She washed her hands, dried them with paper towels, and tugged open the bathroom door to see Dante lounging against the hall wall, waiting for her, arms crossed over his chest.
“Oh,” she yelped, stepping backward. “You startled me.”
“I’m sorry. I wanted to see you without the chaos of my crew out there.”
“So, now you see me.” She gave him a crisp, cold stare.
“I like what I see.”
His eyes seemed to burn into hers, igniting places she’d long ago buried. “Rockstar, huh? You were always destined for fame and fortune.” She tried to scoot past him, but he turned and placed his hands on either side of her, trapping her in his heat. “I remember hearing you play back in school,” she continued. “You were pretty good. You must be amazing now.” Her eyes landed on his pecs. She traced the contours of his muscled chest, dressed in a soft, cream-colored, long sleeve, Henley shirt since it stood directly in her line of sight. Her gaze lifted to the gold chains hanging around his thick, solid neck, blood pulsing strong and slow in the veins leading up to his strong jaw.
His finger hooked underneath her chin, drawing her to look at his mesmerizing face.
She didn’t want to look, not really. Didn’t want to see those lips, those soft, inviting, sensuous, kissable lips. Didn’t want to look into those velvety eyes, holding mysteries and secrets and dangerous longing. Didn’t want to slip down that rabbit hole she’d worked so hard to fill. But the hole lay gaping in front of her, beckoning her. Take the blue pill. Or the red pill. It’s your choice, she thought. She licked her lips and tried to turn away, not wanting any pill at all.
“It’s been a long time,” he said, holding her face steady in his warm grasp. He drew one finger up and down her cheek.
His breath tickled her face when he spoke, stirring her libido to a frothy tempest. You don’t need this kind of drama. You’ve got enough with the tigers and the sanctuary and the...
“I want to see you. Are you with anyone?”
The heat radiating from his body made her twitch and sizzle. “No,” Kennedy whispered. “Not seeing anyone.” She bit back her own query of his dating status, figuring herself to be one of a lengthy line.
“I’m not either,” he said, plucking her thoughts from the air. “Not for a long time.”
She frowned, directing her eyes to his to determine if he was lying. A clear, uncompromising gaze met hers. It’s probably not a lie. Or else he’s a good liar. “Oh,” she said. “Look. I’ve got to go. I’ve got to...” She searched her brain for the right thing to say. I need to meet my sponsor didn’t sound like the greatest departure statement. It would lead to prying and all kinds of questions. Or it might result in awkward silence. Or worse, out and out rejection.
“Don’t leave yet. Please.” Tender longing shone in his eyes.
No one had looked at her like that since Mosi. Actually, no one had looked at her like that except the man before her...but that was a long, long time ago. “I have to. I have an appointment.”
His forehead creased in confusion. “At ten at night? What kind of appointment happens at ten?”
“A private one.”
“With a guy?”
“With none of your business,” she snapped. Dante almost looked hurt. “It’s a long story. My story. A personal one I’d rather not share. It’s important to me. Really.” Why are you pleading with him? Why are you trying to explain?
“Okay,” he said, removing his arms, making space for her to go. “But I really want to see you.”
She shook her head.
“Look. Give me a chance. Please.” He lifted her hand, the hand that gripped her phone like she clutched the leash of a tiger, pried it free from her fingers, thumbed open the screen and typed in his number. “There. Dante Vega.” He started to hand it back to her, then pulled back, fiddling with the display. “Speed dial six.”
“Why six?”
“I figured one through five were taken.” He grinned.
“Actually, no. I only have two of them programmed.”
“Was one of them six?”
“It is now.” She smiled at him, letting down her guard for merely an instance, before zipping it up again.
He returned the smile, adding, “Six is the number of lovers. Erotic exploration. In the Tarot. Gia likes to mess with the cards.”
Oh, dear God, she thought, feeling the wetness between her legs. She felt out of control, something she desperately needed to maintain. Her eyes drifted shut, and her head fell against the wall.
“I want you naked. I’ve longed to see you naked since I first laid eyes on you.”
She opened her eyes, her insides experiencing a wicked heat wave. “Dante, stop. You’re fooling with me.”
“I’m not. Naked you will be. Beneath me. In my bed. I’m going to have you. And I’ll make you feel really, really good.”
“Dante,” she breathed, his brash declaration tearing away a scab or two, laying bare fresh wounds of feeling. “You’re making me...”
“I’m making you, what? Feel the same thing I’m feeling? You want it, too.”
“I don’t know. I...I’m not the same person I was in high school.”
“I’m not either.”
No, you’re far more deadly, she thought, turning from him. Something is unsettling about you.
“You keep looking at me like I’m a dangerous rock star. I expect that from the public, but not from people I care about. Give me a chance. Let me show you who I am. You have my number. It’s going to kill me, but I’m giving you control. I’ll wait for you to call, text, reach out, anything.” His fingers rubbed together nervously.
Touched by this display of restraint, she nodded. “All right. Okay. It might be a while. I...” She shook her head, not wanting to reveal anything about the last few years. She didn’t want to scare him away.
“Don’t let it be too long. Ten years has been a lifetime.”
She let her eyes linger on him before dropping them to her phone screen. “I’ve got, like, eleven minutes to get eight blocks. I’ve got to go.”
“Okay. You’re going to call me. Promise me you’ll call.”
“I don’t know, I...”
“Promise me.” He took her face between his palms, beseeching her to look at him.
“Okay, all right. I promise.”
He let out a long, deep breath before lowering his lips to hers. Moving his mouth in a slow, sensuous circle, he kissed her gently before releasing her. “That’s a pledge.”
“Of what?”
“Of how I’m going to start. Nice and easy.” His smile turned intensely seductive. “After that...” He waggled his eyebrows. “I’m going to make you scream my name.”
She blurted out a laugh, startled to feel lightness in her chest competing with the need to lock her emotions down tight.
He straightened, adjusting his trousers, and glanced toward the club. “I’m going to head out first, so your brother doesn’t think I’m doing naughty things with you. He’s pretty protective.”
“He is. I’ve been through a lot lately.”
The look he flashed her almost brought tears to her eyes. He looked at her like she mattered. He regarded her as if he cared. But then, glancing toward the noisy table full of friends, he gave her cheek one last stroke and strode purposefully down the hallway.
After texting her sponsor she’d be around five or ten minutes late, she stepped toward her brother, whispered her plans in his ear, and made her goodbyes, giving Dante one last searing glance.
Twelve minutes later, she entered Hot Shot. Nancy sat at a table in the corner of the warmly lit cafe, sipping coffee. How she could do that and still get to sleep at night amazed Kennedy.
“Hi,” Kennedy said, breathless from racing the city streets.
“Hey,” Nancy said, standing to give her a brief hug. “Sit.” She gestured at the opposite chair.
“Thanks.” Kennedy settled into the hard, wood seat.
“What’s going on? What can I help you with?”
“I really had a rough day. I wanted to drink something fierce.” She glanced at the male waiter who strode toward them. “A cup of hot cocoa, please.”
“You got it,” he said, swiftly pivoting to walk toward the counter.
“Tell me about it. You look fantastic by the way.” Her compassionate blue eyes swept up and down.
“Thanks. It was a mistake to dress like this. I had this fantasy that I could put this on like a costume, and pretend to be invincible and in control, and walk with a ‘fuck you’ attitude. Instead, it resulted in several men practically fighting over me, making me extremely uncomfortable.”
Nancy laughed. “That’s because you have no idea how gorgeous you are. I can picture it. Where did you go?”
“Crow & Wicket. It was my brother’s idea.” She rolled her eyes.
“Risky, but you have to learn how to socialize when there’s drink around. I did it. You can do it.”
“Yeah, but I felt like an idiot. You know how it is. Everyone gets buzzed, on the same wavelength, and you’re sitting there, alone, several waves back. I felt so self-conscious. I wanted to crawl under the table.”
“Baby steps, baby. One day at a time. So what else happened today?”
Kennedy poured out the whole story of Raja, Barnes, and Raul, while Nancy listened, nodding in all the right places.
The waiter brought her beverage, and she sipped it, enjoying the feeling of childlike innocence at drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream at night.
Nancy asked questions but mostly listened. After a time, she asked, “Finished with that topic?”
“Yes. I think so. Yes.” Kennedy slurped her cocoa.
“Let’s get on to the next topic. Why’d you feel the need to armor yourself this evening? You’ve been out with your brother before.”
“Not to a bar. Never to a bar. And...” She bit her lip. “Well. An old flame appeared in my life today. I had this mad, mad crush on him in high school. We never talked, not really. Hi’s, how are you’s, and hello’s next to our lockers. But, wow, I obsessed over him. We shared time for one night only—graduation night. And then. Poof! I never saw him again. But he saw the whole thing go down at the sanctuary today. Blew my mind to see him after all these years. And he was one of the friends Simon took me to meet. I didn’t know he’d be there but seeing him earlier made me feel vulnerable. At Crow & Wicket, I kind of felt ambushed. He’s a rock star. A fucking rock star. He wants me to call him. He wants to supposedly show me the man behind the mirror.”
“You have to get back on the horse sooner or later.”
“Am I? Am I even ready?”
“Only you know that answer. Do you like him?”
“Far too much. But. Dante broke my heart back in high school. Smashed it to smithereens. And nothing about him suggests he won’t do it again.” She winced at the painful memory.
“Well, you don’t have to make a commitment by sharing coffee or something. I know you’re lonely, Kennedy. Give him a chance. At the very least, it can be venturing into dating.” Nancy finished her cold coffee. “Or you don’t have to do it. Look at it as a near miss. An almost. And move on. If you decide to go forward, use the meetings for support. We’ve all been there, feeling like naked babes out of the womb when we get our sobriety and have to face the same worlds we left behind. But you can do it. You have amazing strength. To have gone through what you went through...” Nancy shook her head.
Tears pricked at Kennedy’s eyes. “I don’t want to go through losing someone again. I never want to experience that again.”
“Not the way you lost Mosi. No one should ever experience that.” She reached across to pat Kennedy’s hand. “Only you can decide what to do. No matter what, I’m always a phone call away.”
