When I left for school, Jimmy was still fast asleep. I never woke him up, but I liked to look at him in bed. He had so much tension and worry these days, but when he slept, his face was relaxed. He reminded me of the guy I had first met at hockey camp—sweet and innocent.
However, innocent was the last word I’d use to describe him these days. Every time he got back from a road trip, he had some new ideas for us to try out. At first it was fun, but now I longed for the good old days when we had vanilla sex.
School was a nice distraction. We were putting together demo reels and beginning to talk about work placements after graduation in March. I was one of the top students—a first for me—so my prospects were very good. All I needed was a work visa, but the administration assured me that other foreign students had gotten them.
When I got home, Micha the concierge handed me a package.
“This came for you, Kelly,” he said.
“For me?” Jimmy got care packages from his mom all the time, but I never got anything. My parents were busy on their trip, and all I got was postcards.
The parcel was from April, and seeing her handwriting gave me a lift.
I got into the elevator with an elderly lady I’d seen before. I knew her because she and her little dog looked alike—right down to their curly white hair and matching coats. The neighbours always seemed to know who I was. Not by name of course, but as the girlfriend of the captain of the Blackhawks. We were by far the youngest couple in the building since it was an expensive one.
Today, the elderly lady and her dog both wore plaid coats.
I bent down and patted him. He trembled but then licked my hand. “You’re a cutie. Do you live here?” I wondered.
The woman nodded regally. “We bought before it was built. We were the second tenants to move in.”
“Wow, that’s great. I guess that’s why you got to keep your dog.”
She tilted her head at me. “I would never move into any building that wouldn’t take Cho-Cho. We are inseparable.”
“Oh, sorry. I thought there were no pets allowed here.”
“No, of course not. There are size restrictions. But one small to medium-sized pet per suite is allowable.”
My floor dinged, and I got out. “Bye,” I called out. She must have had a penthouse suite to be above us.
“Hey, I’m home.” Jimmy had had a morning skate, but it was too early for his pregame nap.
“Hi, baby.” He appeared and gave me a big hug. “I hate waking up and finding you gone.”
“But I like seeing you asleep,” I told him, ruffling his hair. “You look cute.”
I wandered into the kitchen. “Did you have lunch already?”
“Yeah, I ate with J.J. and Wheels.”
I got out some fruit and started slicing it up. “Hey, I’ve got some good news for you.”
“Really? What’s up?” He followed me into the kitchen, put his arm around my waist, and stole a piece of apple.
“The real estate agent was wrong. You can have pets here.”
“Oh.”
“So, if you wanted a dog, you could get one.”
Jimmy gave me a funny look. “I’ll think about it. Since you’re here, you could take care of him when I’m on the road.”
“Sure. It’s weird that Sandra said no pets. It seems like a selling feature.” I had met Jimmy’s real estate agent before, she liked to keep in touch with him. She probably thought he’d move to an even bigger place someday, like Ty. “I’ll let her know the truth next time I see her.”
He let out an exasperated sigh. “You don’t need to stick your nose into this. I’m sure Sandra already knows.”
Jimmy was being rude. What was his problem? Or was I proving once again that I didn’t have enough to do? “Chill, dude,” I said and went to take a shower. When I came out, he was waiting for me in the bedroom.
“Kelly, I have to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
“I lied about pets not being allowed. I’m really sorry.”
“That’s so weird, why would you do that?” He wouldn’t meet my eyes, and I had this funny sinking feeling. As far as I knew, Jimmy had never lied to me before. Why would he lie about something so small?
He squeezed his hands together. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want your old cat living here and making a mess. I don’t really like cats.”
“Oh, okay. Why didn’t you just tell me that?” I loved Gino, but I knew other people didn’t. April only grudgingly gave me permission for him to stay. Still, if he lied about something like this, what else had he lied about? My irritation was countered by how guilty he clearly felt.
“At that time I was worried that the slightest thing might make you change your mind and not come here.” He pulled me into his arms. “But now, things are so good between us—I can tell you anything. And you’re being so nice about this, you’re not getting mad or anything.”
He gave me a hopeful smile and then undid the ties on my robe. “And now you’re all squeaky-clean and naked—just the way I like you.”
“Isn’t it time for your pregame nap?”
“You know what I like to do before my nap….”
After we had sex—lovely regular sex—I ended up taking a nap too. When Jimmy got up to get ready, I went to the kitchen for more food. I hadn’t really eaten a proper lunch. I saw the parcel from April and finally opened it.
Inside was my scarf, a novel that April had mentioned, and at the bottom a CD and a letter. I felt a funny sensation when I recognized the angular black handwriting on the envelope.
“What’s in your package?” Jimmy asked as he came in the kitchen.
“Oh, nothing. I left a scarf at April’s when I was in Vancouver, and she mailed it back to me—with a book.” I stuffed everything back in and closed the box. I felt stupidly guilty, but I didn’t want to read a letter from Phil in front of Jimmy. He probably wouldn’t mind, but who knew what was inside.
I straightened Jimmy’s tie and kissed him goodbye.
“You look great. Have a good game. I’ll see you after.”
He nodded and left. I finished my bowl of cereal and then got the box out. The CD turned out to be a new mix tape. Back in the day, Phil was always giving me music he wanted me to hear. He pretty much shaped my musical tastes. Well, if he was sending a gift, the letter wasn’t going to be hate mail.
Dear Kelly,
After the way I treated you in the summer, I’m probably the last person you want to hear from. However, I really regret that day and how things ended between us. I know that you’ve got a new life going on, and I hope everything’s going well.
I just wanted to tell you that I still care very much about you and your happiness. If you ever need anything—support, money, or someone to listen to your problems—I am here for you.
Take care,
Phil
I ran my forefinger over the paper, tracing the lines as nostalgia drifted over me. I was happy here, but I missed parts of my old life in Vancouver. I wished for the unconditional support of my parents, friendships independent of my famous boyfriend, and my own space to clutter up with photos and junk. I couldn’t shake the feeling that everything in my life really belonged to Jimmy. I loaded the CD onto my laptop and my iPod, then lay down on the couch to listen.
To my surprise, it wasn’t his usual music recommendations. Instead it was Phil himself covering a few indie songs. His voice was low and familiar, and he had backed the tracks with guitar and keyboards. I already knew all the songs, except the last one. As I replayed it, I wondered who wrote it. The chorus spoke to me.
When the world brings her down
And life collects its toll.
I know she’ll get back up
Always reaching for her goal.
I wondered if I should call Phil and thank him for the gift. While it seemed like the polite thing to do, Jimmy wouldn’t like it if he knew. And I was afraid of what other emotions a simple phone call might lead to.
I lay there, feeling a strange longing for Vancouver. But that was ridiculous. This gorgeous condo and our exciting lifestyle were a hundred times better than living in a small apartment and working a dead-end job. I didn’t do regret, and it was time to get ready to go to Jimmy’s game.