Falling in Love with Your Baby

Leave it to a baby to turn your world upside down, take your breath away and make you fall in love again. With his toothless grin, your baby sets your heart on fire.

Jan Blaustone, The Joy of Parenthood

We know that calm, soothing thoughts and emotions have a bearing on the way in which you bring your baby into the world. Love is one of the most important emotions in helping to build a positive anticipation—the love that you as parents feel for each other and the love that you actively share with the baby that you are carrying.

When is the best time for you to fall in love with your baby? If you haven’t already fallen madly in love with your baby and are not playing and communicating with her on a daily basis, now is the time. Getting acquainted with your baby is a very magical experience, and you don’t have to wait until she is born to enjoy making this connection.

Once your baby is born, you wouldn’t think of going about your daily routine without making time for frequent breaks that are especially devoted to talking, playing and loving her. Babies have a way of drawing that kind of attention from family members and strangers alike. No one can resist their magnetic charm—so compelling it can bring activities and conversation to a screeching halt.

You can begin to connect socially and emotionally with your unborn baby as soon as you know that you are pregnant. In addition to making your pregnancy so much more enjoyable and exciting, when you “tune in” to this little person who has become part of your life, you lay the foundation for a relationship that can last for the rest of your lives. Pre-birth parenting activities tell your baby that he is welcome and wanted.

The idea that both parents influence their pre-born baby is neither supposition nor superstition. The close bond that is built while the baby is still in the womb can be very real when it is time to connect with your baby during birthing.

Thanks to the relatively young study of fetology, advanced during the late seventies and early eighties by Dr. Thomas Verny in his book The Secret Life of the Unborn Child, we know that babies are cognizant during their time in the womb. In addition to developing physically, babies are developing mentally, emotionally and psychically. Parents should do all they can to be sure that the baby’s emotional development, his sense of well-being and his esteem as a loved being are being fostered through caring and consistent pre-birth parenting.

The nine months that the baby spends in the womb are nine months of growth and development for parents as well. They learn the importance of evolving as a family, and moms learn the importance of planning and working, together with their babies, toward achieving the goal of a gentle birth for both baby and mother.

Dr. David Chamberlain, author of Babies Remember Birth, later published as The Mind of Your Newborn Baby, spent many years investigating the effects of birth trauma upon a baby. He states that babies are active participants in birth, and they do remember their birth experience. The imprint of that experience is carried throughout their lives. All one has to do is gaze into the alert, knowing eyes of a newborn who has not been drugged during her journey into being, and it is immediately evident that there is a lot of thought going on. Without saying a word, the baby transmits a message: I know.

Pre- and perinatal psychology is a branch of research that focuses on the effects of environment upon the baby as he is developing within the womb and during the birthing experience. Ongoing study is attempting to determine the degree to which a baby in the uterus is affected by the environment in which he is living and the manner in which his parents interact with him and each other.

While we know that everything the mother puts into her body crosses the placenta and affects the baby, this is also true of emotions. When we offer the pre-born baby love, play and music, we reinforce his positive feelings of security. On the negative side, it’s been found that the pulse rate of the unborn baby rises abruptly when the baby is exposed to screaming, yelling, loud or disturbing noises and emotional upsets. Be aware of the kind of environment and experiences you are providing for your unborn baby.

It is so important that dads get involved in nurturing both mother and baby, and that mothers recognize the need for nurturing both dad and baby. Reciprocal nurturing of one parent for the other sends a strong message of security to their pre-born baby: This is a loving family.

As a result of Verny’s studies, and those of his colleagues, it was found that babies in the womb react to stimuli outside of the uterus. Intentionally initiating certain kinds of interaction and love play can result in positive prenatal, perinatal and postnatal bonding.

Findings suggest that babies within the womb react to vibrations, stroking, tapping, rubbing, squeezing, conversation, voices, music, light, heat, cold, pressing to simulate the birth experience, teasing, loud noises, TV sounds and humor.

Babies who were exposed to soft music and singing during their time in the womb were calmer, happier and better adjusted to life outside of the womb. It is also believed that they are better sleepers. Babies love the sound of their parents’ voices, especially when they are sung to. Some mothers report that while singing to their pre-born babies, the babies responded with a gentle moving action. Music has vibration that babies are sensitive to. If the vibration is gentle and calming, they have a feeling of well-being.

Dr. Michael Lazarev, a leading Russian pediatrician, noted that parents who interact with their unborn babies through music find a response from the baby. He emphasizes the importance of helping the baby to become familiar with musical sounds, both before it is born and while it is an infant. Lazarev concluded that if you listen to your unborn baby, he will let you know what activities and sounds he prefers.

One Russian woman in the Lazarev study reported that when she was thirty-seven weeks pregnant, she attended a rock concert but had to leave because her baby was kicking in an agitated way so furiously that she felt she was going to be sick. Another mother reported that if she listened to Rachmaninoff and visualized swimming, the baby began to move in a soft, swirling manner. Another couple told of engaging in an argument. Their baby began to react in a way that let them know he wasn’t comfortable with their tone. A woman who used to read fairy tales to her baby could sense by the kind of movement within the uterus that her baby was enjoying the stories.

In a study at the University of Salzburg, mothers who developed a real sense of being connected with their pre-born babies and who interacted with the babies in talk and play tended to view their bodies with an air of pride and fully accepted their increasing size as a natural part of the development of the baby. Fathers who were involved in bonding displayed the same kind of awe with respect to the shape of the mother’s body and the development taking place inside. There was a respect for the life being carried in the womb. Overall, their pregnancies seemed to be easier, as were their birthings. They approached birthing with a relaxed confidence. Later, both parents seemed to adopt a softer, more balanced attitude toward caregiving. Parents displayed greater feelings of enjoyment, love and respect for each other and for the baby.

The benefits to babies were also profound. There were fewer premature births and fewer low-birthweight babies. Reports showed a noticeable increase in the socialization of the babies who experienced pre-birth parenting. Overall health and weight gain were very positive. HypnoBirthing parents tell us that their young babies hardly cry and are exceptionally alert.

I believe that one of the most important advantages of pre-birth parenting to the baby is that when parents truly connect in attitude as a family prior to the birth of the baby, they accept the responsibility for planning and directing their births. They are as committed to ensuring the safety and comfort of the baby during its journey into the world as they are when their baby is part of their family outside the womb. I also believe that pre-birth parenting helps them become practiced in accepting the responsibility of parenting later.

Chamberlain says that it is now widely known that babies actually develop their own physical exercise routine that is consistent throughout their life in the womb. Knowing that the baby is fully aware of its surroundings and the people who are his parents, it is only reasonable that the baby also thrives when there is interaction and socialization with the people with whom he lives.

Recommendations for Pre-Birth Parenting

• Learn the suggested relaxation techniques and practice them daily—baby needs peace, too. Since baby is aware, he is listening to the music and calming suggestions at the same time as his mom.

• Play with baby physically—sway, sway, sway; rub, rub, rub; pat, pat, pat; squeeze, squeeze, squeeze; press, press, press (all done gently).

• Use guided imagery and visualization. (See the Birth Companion’s Reading and Rainbow Relaxation in this book, as well as the Pre-Birth Parenting CD.)

• Carry on conversations with baby—say affirmations, read stories with animation and imitation of animal sounds, play children’s tapes.

• While relaxing in the tub, massage your belly with lukewarm water and sing or talk to your baby.

• Play soothing music—sounds of ocean, birds, wind, soft piano, guitar, madrigals, flute, harp, nature sounds and animal sounds—so that baby develops a wider awareness of these things.

• Have family and friends greet and interact with baby.

• Put yourself in the baby’s frame of reference—how wholesome are the surrounding noises, voices, attitudes, emotions, foods, temperatures, air, odors?

Prenatal Bonding Exercises

An important facet of the HypnoBirthing program are the discussions and exercises for parents that help them to truly connect and fall in love with their pre-born baby. These activities help the parents develop a sensitivity to how the baby perceives his surroundings and often cause them to evaluate how their lifestyle, their emotional well-being, and their relationship with each other can impact the baby’s emotional development and sense of feeling loved and secure.

The exercises on the HypnoBirthing Pre-Birth Parenting CD are valuable relaxation lessons and image-building tools for both parents. These activities help them develop a stronger sense of their own self-worth, as well as serve as meditations that will help them bond with their pre-born baby. The time spent with these guided images may prove to be among the most valuable gifts that you can give to yourself and your baby.

Another way to establish a connection with your baby and to explore his world is to take part in the following exercise. We call it “Be the Baby” because we ask you to imagine yourself in the role of the baby in the womb, experiencing what life is like for the baby.

As the practitioner leads you through this exercise, take advantage of the opportunity to think about how your unborn baby might respond to these questions, and how you can begin to actively do things that will enhance the baby’s feeling of being loved and wanted.

Be the Baby Exercise

What your baby perceives—what she accepts and embraces while in the uterus—becomes part of her essence and identity, and forms the creation of a conscious ego that accepts, caresses and acknowledges its own true self.

Imagine that you are the baby developing within your mother’s womb, listening to conversations, experiencing your surroundings, absorbing emotions and moods of those around you. Reflect for a few minutes on how you feel as that child who will soon be born into your family.

• To what degree are your parents spending time in relaxation practice to help ensure a calm birth for you?

• How welcome do you feel? Do you already feel that you are part of the family?

• How loved do you feel? Do people talk to you with love each day?

• What kinds of messages are you receiving from things that are said about you?

• How do you feel about the way your parents interact with each other?

• What kind of pace do your parents keep? Do you feel sure there will be time purposely created for you as you’re growing up?

• What kind of atmosphere will you come into? Peaceful? Loving? Caring? Happy?

• How confident are you that you will be raised with love and patience?

• How calm a world is being prepared for you?

• How kind and loving are the people you will be living with?

• Do you feel that your parents will do what is necessary to ensure your gentle entry into the world?

• Do your parents talk in gentle, loving ways?

• Is each motion that you make received with joy?

• What kinds of sounds/music/noises do you live with?

• Are you being provided with the best nourishing food to help you grow and develop in a strong, healthy way?

• How wholesome is the air that you are breathing? Will it foster good health for you?

• Is your environment and your body free of smoke, alcohol and drugs?

• How certain are you that you will be helped and guided toward becoming a loved and loving human being?

• What kind of assurance do you have that your parents will give you understanding as you learn to adjust to your strange, new world?

• Are you confident that you will learn by guidance, not punishment?

Reflecting on your responses to these questions, are there some changes that you feel you can make in your baby’s environment? Are there some resolutions that you, as parents, need to think about and adopt?

We recommend these activities for creating lasting expressions of welcome for your baby:

• Write letters to the baby or keep a journal expressing your delight that he will soon be here. Save letters to present to the child later.

• Take pregnancy photographs of mother, as well as mother and dad together.

• Record messages to your baby on a tape or CD in addition to letters.

• Videotape your birthing, complete with a birthing-day message given to the baby during labor.

• Videotape siblings talking and listening to the baby or telling the baby a story.

• Involve siblings in decorating baby’s room and take pictures.

• Start a scrapbook and include pictures that show how your body is changing as the baby develops, as well as special events like a visit from grandparents, trips to memorable places, a baby shower, a mother-baby luncheon, or a blessing way.

All natural birth has a purpose and a plan; who would think of tearing open the chrysalis as

the butterfly is emerging? Who would break the shell to pull the chick out?