Getting Ready to Welcome Your Baby

Do be positive. Convey two messages: First, this is a well-researched baby, and you are a prepared and informed parent. You are doing everything you can do to take care of your health and the health of your baby. Second, you are asking your caregivers to do likewise.

William Sears and Martha Sears, The Birth Book

So far you’ve been doing all of the right things in preparing yourself mentally, emotionally and physically for your baby’s birth. Now it’s time to start tying the ends together.

If you and your birth companion have a clear vision of what will allow you to have the most natural, gentle and satisfying birth experience for you and your baby, you won’t find yourselves looking on as your birthing is controlled by others.

The best way to ensure that your birth experience is positive, healthy and safe for you and your baby is to thoroughly prepare and plan. Sitting down together and deciding what is important to you and safe for your baby will certainly increase your chances of being able to experience the most satisfying birth. In the absence of Birth Preference Sheets, hospital staff and birth attendants cannot know what you are looking for in your birthing experience.

Your Birth Preferences

Too often couples come away from their birthing experiences expressing their disappointment with phrases such as, “Oh well, the next time . . .” or, “If only they hadn’t . . .”

Now is the time to get specific. Hopefully, you have secured the right caregiver who listens to you and respects your wishes. This can add to your confidence that your birthing will not needlessly turn into a “medical incident.” You cannot assume, though, that because you talked with your caregiver at the onset of your pregnancy, he or she will remember your conversation when it comes time to birth. That’s what Birth Preference Sheets are about. Talking with your doctor or midwife about your birth preferences should take place early and often in your pregnancy and not simply left to a chance conversation as you approach term. You will still have to remind the caregiver that together you agreed that this is to be a natural birth if at all possible. If you did your homework as you made your selection of a caregiver and a birthing environment, this shouldn’t be a problem.

If you’ve selected a clinic or association that has a rotating staff of physicians, any one of whom could be attending your birth, make several copies and ask that each medical attendant be given a copy of your birth preferences. Bring additional copies with you to each prenatal visit so that you can speak with each of the people who will possibly attend your birth. If you plan to have a homebirth or to birth in a birthing center, you will want to see that your midwife, and anyone else who will be present, has a copy.

Any guests who are planning to attend your birth should know that you have a plan in place and that your birthing is not the time for them to relate stories of the progress of their own labors or in any way attempt to influence the course of your labor by giving advice. Because it can be awkward for you and your birth companion if conflict should arise, it is a good idea to have anyone who will be at your birthing attend HypnoBirthing classes with you. If this is impossible, the matter should definitely be discussed prior to the time of labor. It is important that everyone at the birth understand what you are doing and that they have a sense of your need for a calm and restful environment.

You might want to think twice about inviting people other than a professional labor companion into your labor. When you think back to the ambiance of the lovemaking that resulted in your conceiving this baby, consider having that same ambiance at birth—the dimly lit room, privacy, music, no interruptions. This is the atmosphere that should surround the birth of your child.

A veteran labor and birthing nurse once told me, half seriously, that the number of people in the birthing room beyond the couple and their labor companion seemed to extend the labor by an hour for each person. You want only good birthing energy in your labor room. You are the stars, directors and producers in this play. You call the shots.

In presenting your birth preferences to your health-care providers, keep in mind that your intent is not to “take on” your medical caregivers or practices that are currently in effect in the hospital or center. The HypnoBirthing Birth Preference Sheets are worded in such a way that they do not take on the aura of an adversarial document of demands. When you discuss your birth preferences, you will also want to assure your medical providers that they will have your full cooperation should a medical necessity arise.

A suggested outline for your birth preferences appears at the end of this book. Your HypnoBirthing instructor will give you a worksheet for your own use, along with a letter to your health-care provider. Depending on where you live, some of the choices on your preferences may already be “standard” for that facility. You should inquire about that when you broach the subject of preferences during your tour. You may skip any items that you do not feel strongly about or write N/A in front of those that you know are already in effect. There is room on the plan after each section to put additional requests or comments.

So what’s important on the Birth Preference Sheets? According to Dr. Lorne Campbell, “It’s all important, and each item that you care about needs to be addressed.” Parents need to repeat their wishes clearly throughout pregnancy and when they are admitted to their birthing facility.

One of the best ways to ensure that the relationship you have with your labor and birthing nurse is smooth is to ask, when you arrive, if there is a nurse on duty who is partial to natural birthing, and if so, if she could be assigned to your birthing.

If you hear that nurses don’t read Birth Preference Sheets, and that they see them as a map that leads directly to the operating room, you have to remember that is a bias that is no longer true in most places. Our Birth Preference Sheets are respectful and do not ask for anything that would require exceptional effort. Just the opposite is true. The preferences request less than what is routine. Because some staff may prefer a one-page Birth Preference Sheet is no reason to compromise the other items in the plan. Condensing it is not going to honor your wishes.

When you are admitted at the hospital for your birthing, ask your nurse to take a few minutes with you to go over your Birth Preference Sheets. You may need to make that request again as shifts change and provide the new nurse on duty with a copy of your birth preferences. In some hospitals where HypnoBirthing has been in place for several years, the labor and birthing nurses initiate the discussion of your birth preferences and will sit down with the couples after they have been admitted to go over them.

Hospital or Birthing Center Visit

HypnoBirthing provides you with information and techniques that help you develop confidence as you approach your birthing. To add another measure of confidence, it is helpful for you and your birthing companion to visit the hospital or birthing center again sometime in advance of your anticipated birthing. Getting these “housekeeping duties” out of the way will ensure that you will not get bogged down with unnecessary delays at the time of your admission. Take advantage of the opportunity to talk with staff and complete paperwork. It’s a good idea to call ahead to be sure that you are not planning to show up on a day when every room is filled with moms having babies. Ask for a nurse who is partial to natural birthing for your tour guide; other­wise, you may get more than you want to see and hear.

Inform the staff that you are planning a relaxed birthing with HypnoBirthing and that it be noted in your file. Be sure to leave a copy of your Birth Preference Sheets and request that it be added to your records. If this is a first HypnoBirthing at this facility, take the time to explain a little about the method and ask about the things they do to accommodate natural birth. If the facility has a birthing tub, they will welcome the opportunity to show it off. Even if you are not planning to birth in water, this is a good time to discuss gentle birth.

Use this visit to become familiar with the layout and environment of the center. Inquire about entrances that should be used in the event you arrive before or after the hours that the hospital or center is normally open to the public. Know where elevators and receiving desks are located. You don’t want to find yourselves wandering around lost at a time when you should be “settling in” to your birthing.

It’s helpful to have an idea of the time it takes to travel to the center. Do a couple of “dry runs”—one during a heavily trafficked time of day and one on a Sunday or late evening. Check out alternative routes that may not be as heavily traveled as the one you usually take.