THIS IS A BIT EMBARASSING TO ADMIT, but worth sharing as a final chapter. It all began when I woke extremely late one morning and ran out of time to say my prayers at home. If I didn't arrive at school punctually I'd have to face Dr. D, (and between the teachers and students it was a toss-up as to who was more afraid of him). He wouldn't, of course, put the wood on me, but I really didn't want to get on his bad side.
So, on this particular school day at Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Community School, my tallis, (large prayer shawl), and tefillin, (phylacteries), accompanied me to class. I was in a quandary, (albeit a selfish one), but nonetheless, it was a real dilemma: I wanted to eat, and in order to do that, (according to Jewish law), I had to pray first. I considered whipping my prayer book out secretly at my desk while I mumbled a few words quietly. No one but me and The Boss would've known the difference.
But when a Jew commits to doing his prayer thing properly, well, we're talking MGM Hollywood – Spielberg – the whole nine. Prayer is a major production for us, complete with black boxes, straps on the head and arm, and a long white shawl that covers the entire body. Not exactly incognito! Most observers don't pay too much attention to the large prayer shawl. I mean, it resembles a rather interesting blanket or an exotic shawl. But the tefillin? That's a whole different story. There's just no way you can put these on in public and not make a scene. It'll definitely raise a whole bunch of eyebrows. Or worse.
Take the January 2010 example when a teenager began putting them on in the back of an airplane. The passengers became agitated because it looked like he was strapping on explosive devices. Passengers told the stewardesses, who then informed the pilot about a potential threat on board. The plane was forced to land prematurely and was greeted by local police, armed federal security agents, and let's not forget the bomb-sniffing dogs! We're not talking a small twin engine prop plane that makes the rounds in Montana, either. It was a US Air flight that took off from none other than NYC, where there's a whole bunch of synagogues, kosher restaurants, and yarmulkes running around. Tefillin is in no short supply in the Big Apple; and with all of those Chabad "mitzvah tanks" running around in full daylight, well, one might just think that those black straps & boxes were commonplace. Uh-uh. Tefillin is gonna raise eyebrows.
To elaborate a bit, here: One box is worn on the head and has two long straps that hang down the front of the person's body. The second box is worn on the upper arm and the strap is wound around the arm and hand. The boxes and straps are actually made out of leather and inside each are several sections of the Torah written in Hebrew by an official scribe. These are holy objects and worshipers won't even bring them into a bathroom.
In Kabbalistic terms, Tefillin is the antidote for schizophrenia, because it is a mitzvah that unites the individual's main forms of expression: Thought, speech, and action. Still, to the outside observer, especially to someone who's never seen such a thing, it certainly might appear that the guy is some wacko suicide bomber.
Imagine if that 17 year old teenager on the plane had suddenly grabbed one of the straps: "Don't come any closer," he might yell to the security agents, "or I'll touch the strap to this box!"
"Take it easy buddy," they'd respond. "No need for such drastic measures! We'll just back off nice and slowly."
Another Tefillin incident involves none other than Howie Mandel and me. Howie is well known from America's Got Talent, Deal or No Deal, and from his earlier TV stints in St. Elsewhere and SNL. Showtime bought the rights to my third book, Sharing Turf – Race Relations after the Crown Heights Riots, and turned it into a major film. They also used three of my band's original tunes. We called our band Project CURE, which stands for Communication, Understanding, Respect, and Education; and well, for more exciting info about the events leading up to the movie, you're gonna have to read that book. (While you're at it watch the movie. It's called Crown Heights and Howie Mandel plays me in it).
It was mighty coolio indeed to hang out with Howie in Toronto where they filmed a lot of the movie. My first day on the set, I asked Howie if he wanted to put on Tefillin. He replied in the affirmative and said he'd do so once filming was finished for the day. "Been a long time since I last wore them," he added. "Maybe since my Bar Mitzvah."
Everyone on the set, the actors, actresses, film directors, etc., knew me as Dr. Laz, and they knew that Howie was playing me in the movie. But they weren't really sure what our relationship was beyond the Crown Heights film. As the sun began its descent, I reminded Howie about the Tefillin because the mitzvah has to be done during daylight hours. Howie, and pretty much all the other actors, were outside taking a break from filming. There were more than 100 fans waiting behind the police tape, trying to get autographs.
"Let's do this!" Howie said with some enthusiasm. I started walking toward the building. "I'll do it right here," he exclaimed.
I turned my gaze to all the onlookers and gave him that "huh – you sure?" kind of look.
He responded by rolling up his sleeve. I turned my back to the crowd and began the rather unusual process of, what we call in the Torah biz, wrapping the straps.
"I told ya," one of the actors said out loud. "Dr. Laz is Howie's personal physician! He's taking his blood pressure!"
I couldn't help but chuckle. Guess they finally had me figured out! I didn't want to spoil the party and tell the whole crew that my Ph.D. is in Educational Research & Evaluation, with a minor in Urban Ed.
Next, I put the head box and straps on Howie. I could only imagine what they were thinking at that point: "Wow! Never saw that before. Must be some kind of new gizmo for brain scanning or something! The doc must have the latest technology for Howie!"
When Howie was in the middle of saying the Shema, (a special prayer said while wearing the Tefillin), I glanced over my shoulder. On the other side of the police tape and barricades the fans were staring in astonishment.
By the way, if you go to Google pics, and do a search under the key word Tefillin, there's a pic of Howie and I wrapping 'em up. Howie's not too thrilled about his facial and head hair, but he's wearing a wig and fake beard for the movie. You'll recognize his face underneath it all. It used to be the number one pic on Google. I think its number three at this point in time.
So, my experiences with Tefillin in public places are legendary, but somehow donning them at MLK Jr. School it was different. Nonetheless, things had been going so well in class that I decided to chance it. All of my students had arrived and believe it or not, were busy doing schoolwork at their desks.
I asked one of the students to shut the classroom door.
"Fellows," I said. "What you are about to see, you've probably never witnessed before. But, I guess it's about time you all saw it."
They stopped working and focused their eyes inquisitively on me.
"I need to say my morning prayers. It's no big deal. It's only going to take a little while. But I wear some things that might seem a bit strange to you."
"I don't need to say prayers with you," one student remarked. "I be goin' to church every Sunday, anyhow."
"I'm not talking about a group thing here," I laughed. "I'll be in back of the room, you know, doing my thing. Please be quiet and keep it down until I'm done. Okay?"
They nodded, more out of curiosity than anything else. I moved cautiously to the back of the room and unzipped my tallis bag. It was far too quiet in the room. I could feel twenty eyeballs on my back.
I put on my tallis. Although it nearly enveloped me, I felt totally exposed. With my back still turned to my inner-city students, I attached my tefillin boxes, and straps. There was no movement from the class. Not even the sound of a pencil scratching on paper. Maybe they all had heart attacks! Maybe they had sneaked out of the room! I figured I had better turn around for a look.
I did a slow about-face. What I saw almost knocked me out of my socks. There were indeed, twenty eyeballs riveted to my being. Along with their bulging eyes, were ten elongated mouths. Each kid was staring in utter amazement. Tallis and all, I cracked up. And they thought I was a sight to behold!
"You a doctor or something?" one student asked. "You taking yo blood pressure?"
"Mr. Laz looks like an angel," another student said.
I smiled. He really meant it! Here I was, thinking I was called to be a Great Savior or something by being placed at MLK to educate the disadvantaged, and these guys were giving me more respect and sensitivity than I got at synagogue!
I motioned for them to turn and finish their work.
After a few moments, they were engrossed in their tasks and it seemed they had forgotten about the unusual character in the back of the room. Taking advantage, I turned my attention back to my prayers and sped them along as quickly as possible. I wanted to finish before Dr. D. made an unexpected visit, wondering why I had the classroom door shut. Closing that door was in violation of the open door policy, so if anything, it would draw more attention to my room.
Suddenly, there was a loud noise – a fist smashing into a desk. It was followed by another slam, and the sound of someone aggressively crumpling papers.
"I can't do this garbage," somebody yelled out. "What the hell am I supposed to do with this stupid crap?"
That's just great, I thought to myself. One of my students is about to throw a fit. At any moment, mayhem is going to break loose, and I'm in the back of the class, wrapped up in a tallis and tefillin!
But Leland was about to address my concerns. "Shut yo mouth, man," I heard him say. "Can't you see the man is saying his prayers? Ain't you got no respect?"
Just like that, it was over. Nobody said another word until I finished.
"Leland," I said. "I owe you one. Thanks."
"Ain't nothin' Mr. Laz," he responded tapping his eyebrows with two fingers and then pointing at me. "I got your back, man."