Give me liberty or give me death!
—PATRICK HENRY
I remember the first time I saw Saving Private Ryan in the theater. I also remember the fourth time I saw it in that setting. Each time, I sat with the audience stunned for at least ten minutes after the movie was over. Saving Private Ryan is best known for allowing the viewer to experience the sights and sounds of war right along with the soldiers storming the beach. Its realism caused the audience to catch a glimpse of the truth of the phrase, “war is hell.”
While Saving Private Ryan shows very vividly the horrors of war, this is not the main idea of the movie. The fictional story primarily revolves around Captain Miller (Tom Hanks) and his squad who are sent behind enemy lines to find Private James Ryan (Matt Damon), whose three brothers have been killed in combat. The main question raised is why eight men are risking their lives to save just one? As the movie progresses, we see this debate on several occasions.
First, we see General George Marshall, Army Chief of Staff, order a rescue squad be sent in to find Ryan and “get him the hell out of there.” One member of his staff objects and claims that any members of a rescue squad would be killed trying to retrieve Ryan.
Second, we see the rescue squad itself debate the issue when the squad first embarks on its mission. Private Reiben (Edward Burns) inquires, “You wanna explain the math of this to me? I mean, where’s the sense of riskin’ the lives of the eight of us to save one guy?” In response, Captain Miller replies that soldiers must follow orders even if one believes the mission is “fubar.” He goes on to tell Reiben, tongue in cheek, that the mission has a valuable objective and that he feels heartfelt sorrow for the mother of Private Ryan. At this point, we begin to see Captain Miller struggle with the issue of obeying orders when he’s not convinced of the wisdom of those orders, and we are uncertain about his true beliefs regarding the worthiness of the mission.
Third, we see the squad encounter Captain Hamill (Ted Danson). Hamill states to Captain Miller that he understands their mission and tells them to find Ryan and get him home. The following scene shows Captain Miller debating the mission with his second in command, Sgt. Mike Horvath (Tom Sizemore). Miller says that Ryan had better be worth their efforts to find him; Ryan better cure some disease or invent the longer lasting light bulb because he would choose just one of the soldiers he has already lost over ten Ryans. Thus, we see Miller struggling even more with the wisdom of his orders.
Next we see Reiben’s frustration with the mission finally spilling out after Wade is killed. He mocks Captain Miller’s decision to attack a German outpost and says that he hopes Mama Ryan is proud that her son’s life is worth more than the lives of two other soldiers. In order to diffuse the situation, Captain Miller says he doesn’t care anything about Private Ryan. But if saving Private Ryan earns him the right to return home then he will carry out his mission. Thus, we now see Captain Miller seeking some sort of justification for his mission.
Finally, the squad finds Private Ryan and breaks the news to him of the deaths of his brothers. In a surprising twist, Ryan refuses to leave. He refuses to follow Miller’s orders and instead chooses to follow the orders given, which was to hold the bridge at all costs. Miller decides to stay and help the soldiers hold the bridge and then get Ryan back to safety. After the final battle is over only two members of the original eight sent out to rescue Ryan survive. Just before he dies, Miller says to Ryan, “earn this.” In other words, make the mission worth the sacrifice.1
Throughout the movie Saving Private Ryan, we see the struggle to understand the value of a man’s life. As believers we know the answer to this question. Most of us haven’t had eight soldiers die for us, but this does not even begin to compare to the fact that we have had the Son of God lay down His life for us. How valuable and priceless are we, according to the economics of Heaven, that the Father would lay down Jesus to redeem us?
Many Christians have lived with a self-deprecating faith that reinforces the idea that they have no value. This mindset is the devil’s playground because people who don’t understand their value will not value others. This value deficit is at the core of the lust problem. We don’t value others because we don’t value ourselves. Whether the perpetrator is a murderer, a rapist, or a watcher of pornography, the victim is devalued because the perpetrator doesn’t understand that he is loved and valued by God. When we grasp how valuable and lovable we are, then we will love and value others.
HOW MUCH IS YOUR FREEDOM WORTH?
If we do not value ourselves and our personal freedom, we will sell our self-control to the highest bidder and become slaves to sin again. That was the problem with Esau. The writer of Hebrews compares sexually immoral people to Esau, who in a moment of hunger sold his birthright to his younger brother in exchange for some food: “See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son” (Heb. 12:16).
As this passage indicates, the sexually immoral and Esau are alike in that both are willing to sell out for a moment of pleasure. They can be bought and sold for a price. They do not maintain self-control because they do not value their freedom. Instead, they have given into the power of lust and the cravings of their bodies.
To illustrate my point, imagine the following scenario. The most beautiful woman that you have ever seen comes to you and states that she wants to pleasure you in any way you want. She also guarantees complete anonymity. It is impossible that anyone would ever find out. Would you say yes? If so, it shows how much you value your freedom.
Now imagine that this same woman came and made the same offer, but this time she added that she would give you $10,000 in cash for letting her pleasure you. Would you say yes? Then that would be how much you value your freedom.
Perhaps she came once more, but this time she offered you $1 million to pleasure you. Would you say yes? If so, then that is how much you value your freedom.
So, at what price would you sell your freedom? Whatever number, if any, seems right, that number defines the value you place on your freedom.
GOD’S APPRAISAL
The only way to walk in self-control is to view our freedom as priceless and invaluable, and to guard it with our lives. We must value our personal freedom above all else. Once we see the value of our freedom, we will not allow anything outside of us to control us. This will enable us to allow God’s grace to pour into us and give us the strength not to give our control away to others.
Unfortunately, many believers do not value their freedom simply because they do not value themselves. Their minds have not been renewed to see themselves the way that God sees them. Much theology has reinforced a poor self-value among Christians, emphasizing our utter depravity and the deceitfulness of our hearts. Though it certainly is important to recognize our sinfulness in order to admit our need for a Savior and accept Jesus’ sacrifice for our sins, this is not the standard for our existence after we have received new life in Christ. Paul creates a clear demarcation when he writes repeatedly that believers are now dead to sin and alive in Christ (see Rom. 6:11-13; Eph. 2:1-6; Col. 2:13). We are a new creation, and Father God has good things to say about us.
Consider this: God’s value for you is so great that He purchased your freedom with the death of Jesus Christ. God is not a fool. He was not duped into overpaying for something of little value. God didn’t take the most precious thing in Heaven (His Son) and trade it for a piece of trash. God defined your value when He paid for you, declaring that you are valued at the price of the death of the Son of God.
Jesus spelled this out for us in the simplest of terms, saying that God loves us as much as He loves Jesus! Jesus prayed, “that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me” (John 17:23 NASB). Like the mother who values the life of her children so much that she will die saving them, God gave us the ultimate value when He purchased our freedom from sin.
When we get this, we will understand that our freedom is the most priceless commodity in existence. Jesus gave everything for our freedom; shouldn’t we do the same?
WHEN WE HATE OURSELVES
Unfortunately, most people who struggle in bondage to sin don’t really understand their value. Deep inside they believe themselves to be unworthy of Christ’s sacrifice. God says, “You are My treasure,” and such people respond, “No, I’m just trash.” By refusing to accept their God-proclaimed value, they are calling God either a fool or a liar. After all, if they truly are trash and Jesus still gave His life for them, then He is a fool. Though they do not consciously believe or confess this about Jesus, it is the logical conclusion and overflow of their attitude toward themselves. Because they do not believe in their personal value, they operate in self-destructive and self-rejecting behaviors and subconsciously sabotage their own success. This overflows into their relationships with others and their ability to live as powerful people.
Jesus subtly addressed this in His response to the question, “What is the greatest commandment?” He responded:
The foremost is, “Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.” The second is this, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” There is no other commandment greater than these (Mark 12:29-31 NASB).
What many people miss about this second commandment is that, in order to love their neighbors as themselves, they first must love themselves. If we do not love and value ourselves, which means understanding and accepting God’s love and value for us, we will have no grid for how to love others. Jesus said we should love each other in the same way that He has loved us; He also said our distinguishing mark as His followers would be that we love one another (see John 13:34-35). But if we don’t know how much He loves and values us, we won’t know how to properly love others.
If we don’t value ourselves, it is impossible for us to value others. That is how a cycle of devaluing happens. For a man to feel valuable and powerful, he devalues women in pornography for a temporary power “fix.” He steals value from her to feed his deficit. The more powerless he feels, the farther he must go for his “fix.” Thus pornography eventually fails to meet the need, and strip clubs come next, followed perhaps by escort services. Thus the downward cycle progresses, all because a powerless person is trying to feel powerful.
PEOPLE OF VALUE SET BOUNDARIES
When we have a revelation of our value, we establish personal boundaries to protect and communicate that value. As Danny Silk so aptly illustrates:
Boundaries communicate value for what is inside of those boundaries. If you have several junk cars out in a field, it’s called an eyesore. If you put a fence around those cars, then you have a wrecking yard. And, if you put a building around those cars, you have a garage. With each increase of limits, you increase the value of what is inside. When you raise the level of what you require before you will allow access, you increase the value of what you have. To all who are near, we send a clear message about the level of value we have for ourselves by the way we establish boundaries.2
Proverbs 25:28 says, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” We see this throughout society. The greater value a thing or person has, the greater the security. Thus, presidents and government officials ride in armored vehicles while normal people ride in normal cars. Large sums of money and other valuables are kept in bank vaults, while small sums of money are kept in wallets. A bank without walls would not be a bank, but a free-for-all that would quickly turn into anarchy. This is true of our inner world as well.
We can learn much about boundaries from the Book of Nehemiah. Nehemiah, a Jew living in exile, heard that the city of Jerusalem had no walls to protect it and was, therefore, regularly robbed (see Neh. 1:3). It grieved Nehemiah that God’s city would be unprotected and prey to thieves—that it would be held in such low esteem.
Because of this, he asked the king to allow him to return to Jerusalem in order to rebuild the wall, which he did. Once in Jerusalem, Nehemiah inspected the broken walls and called the people living there to build with him. His words to them demonstrate the connection between a lack of boundaries and a lack of value: “Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem so that we will no longer be a reproach” (Neh. 2:17 NASB).
The book chronicles their struggle to rebuild the walls while also fighting off the attacks of neighbors who did not want the walls in place. Though some of these men did everything they could to control, manipulate, and intimidate Nehemiah into giving up, Nehemiah stood strong. When threatened, he did not respond in fear. When the enemy asked to meet with him, Nehemiah declined, saying that he had important work to do and could not leave (see Neh. 6:1-12). When he was told of a plot against his life, Nehemiah responded, “Should a man like me flee? And could one such as I go into the temple to save his life? I will not go in” (Neh. 6:11 NASB).
Here we find the key to Nehemiah’s self-control; he knew who he was and he understood his value. He provides an excellent example of someone who was powerful and who was able to complete his goal, because his value was settled and his personal boundaries were, therefore, maintained.
PARAMETERS AND HOT DOGS
As Nehemiah demonstrates, powerful boundaries are important because they reinforce our value to other people. Yet not all boundaries are healthy (as most of us have observed in the lives of people we know). Based on the four communication styles we discussed in the last chapter, we can see that there are essentially two ways in which powerless people handle boundaries: passively and aggressively.
Aggressive people have mile-high barbed wire security boundaries around their hearts; based on fear, they indiscriminately exclude everyone from their inner lives (as we discussed earlier). The opposite approach manifests in passive people who lack boundaries and allow others to control them. Such people have done an excellent job communicating the fact that they don’t value themselves; thus, others treat them with disrespect. Clearly, neither of these demonstrates healthy, powerful communication.
The healthy approach to boundaries is found in the Assertive communication style, which values both self and others. While passive people disrespect themselves (a lack of boundaries) and aggressive people disrespect others (extreme boundaries), assertive people respect both themselves and others by creating boundaries that facilitate healthy interaction. Because of these boundaries, no one plays control games, and genuine vulnerability and connection are fostered.
The Assertive communication style works well when both people are committed to it, but what happens when an assertive person dialogues with someone living in one of the unhealthy and powerless communication styles?
That is when the value of healthy boundaries comes into focus. One helpful definition of the word boundaries could be “parameters,” which carries with it the connotation of “knowing your limits.” People of self-control know their personal parameters, the constraints in which they have chosen to operate. They have chosen them based on righteousness and personal preference. These parameters cannot be moved or crossed, but they also are not going to electrocute anyone who touches them.
For example, imagine you, as a powerful man, have decided that you do not like and never want to eat hot dogs. However, one day you’re grilling with a good buddy, and he whips out a pack of hot dogs and begins to pressure you into eating one. He knows you don’t like them, but he has decided that he wants to strong-arm you into eating one as a joke. He’s not trying to be malicious, but because of his lack of self-control and respect, he is attempting to violate your boundaries and undermine your powerfulness.
So how would you respond? Would you passively give in and eat one, even while inside you feel resentful, violated, and powerless? Or perhaps you would aggressively react, belligerently standing your ground and saying something like, “Man, leave me alone. You’re always trying to tell me what to do.”
If your buddy is an aggressive person, such an exchange could escalate into yelling or scuffling or storming away. Though in this scenario you hold your ground about the hot dogs, you still react in a powerless way by allowing your buddy to control your emotional response—and you disrespect him through accusation.
Rather, the powerful response would sound something like, “Hey, man, I don’t eat hot dogs. You’re welcome to eat one if you’d like. I, however, am aiming for that big, juicy steak.”
Notice here that you don’t tell your buddy what to do (“leave me alone”) or blame-shift (“you’re always telling me what to do”). You simply tell him what you are doing and what you are not doing, which communicates that you are in control of yourself and you know it. If your buddy persists in harassing you, as a powerful man you will kindly tell him that he can drop it and stay, or he can take his hot dogs elsewhere.
Situations like this help you analyze what level of connection you want to have with certain people and how high your walls need to be around them. The more persistently people try to violate your self-control, the higher your walls are. But it is important to distinguish that these walls are not an excuse to be rude or to lash out in anger. Your walls are for the purpose of telling other people what you will do; they are not for the purpose of telling them what they should do or what’s wrong with them. Your boundaries protect your self-control and prevent destructive people from entering your inner world, while also providing an environment for healthy relationships.
Jesus demonstrated this in His earthly relationships. Though He loved everyone and treated everyone with respect, He maintained various levels of relationship with different groups of people. John, “the disciple Jesus loved,” was His closest friend (see John 13:23). Peter and James joined John as members of Jesus’ inner circle (see Matt. 17:1; Mark 5:37; 14:33). Next were the 12 disciples, then the 70 whom He commissioned in ministry (see Luke 10:1-12), and then the 120 who faithfully followed Him during His ministry, becoming the first members of the Church after Pentecost (see Acts 1:15).
Jesus’ exchange with His followers after the return to the 70 clearly demonstrates this dynamic.
The seventy returned with joy, saying, “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name.” And He said to them, “I was watching Satan fall from heaven like lightning.…”
At that very time He rejoiced greatly in the Holy Spirit, and said, “I praise You, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and intelligent and have revealed them to infants. Yes, Father, for this way was well-pleasing in Your sight. All things have been handed over to Me by My Father, and no one knows who the Son is except the Father, and who the Father is except the Son, and anyone to whom the Son wills to reveal Him.”
Turning to the disciples, He said privately, “Blessed are the eyes which see the things you see, for I say to you, that many prophets and kings wished to see the things which you see, and did not see them, and to hear the things which you hear, and did not hear them” (Luke 10:17-18;21-24 NASB).
I want to highlight two aspects of this passage. First, Jesus said that He gets to choose those to whom He will reveal the nature and character of God. From this we can conclude that the more intimately we know Jesus, the more He shares with us. We are all invited into relationship with God, but not all of us are privy to His secrets.3
Second, in the midst of teaching the 70, Jesus pulled aside the 12 to privately share something with them that He did not choose to share with the whole group. Jesus was assertive enough to set boundaries, which is how powerful people maintain value for themselves.
PEOPLE OF VALUE SAY NO
Another crucial aspect of boundary-setting is the ability to say no to other people’s demands. This doesn’t mean that you can never change your mind or do a favor for someone else. What I’m talking about is when everything in you wants to say no to the request. You may even have pressing reasons why you cannot fulfill the request. But instead of simply saying, “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that for you,” you agree to do it simply out of fear.
If you can’t say no, it’s evidence that you do not value yourself. You fear the rejection or anger that might come at you if you say no, and you believe that your desires and your ability to choose don’t matter as much as the other person’s.
Those who are driven by fear and don’t value themselves enough to say no end up living powerless lives.
JOSEPH VERSUS SAMSON
The Bible provides us with two examples which show the difference between a man who could say no (Joseph) and a man who couldn’t (Samson). Both of these men faced sexual temptation. Both had a significant call of God and the anointing to bring deliverance to a nation, yet their responses to temptation absolutely determined their success.
Let’s look at Joseph first. Joseph had a dream about his destiny, but he did not fully understand it, and in his immaturity, he bragged about it to his brothers. In response, they sold him into slavery in Egypt (see Gen. 37). This could have been demoralizing for Joseph; it could have caused him to feel powerless and to lose his sense of identity and value. However, his response to temptation was just the opposite:
…Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance. It came about after these events that his master’s wife looked with desire at Joseph, and she said, “Lie with me.” But he refused and said to his master’s wife, “Behold, with me here, my master does not concern himself with anything in the house, and he has put all that he owns in my charge. There is no one greater in this house than I, and he has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do this great evil and sin against God?” As she spoke to Joseph day after day, he did not listen to her to lie beside her or be with her. Now it happened one day that he went into the house to do his work, and none of the men of the household was there inside. She caught him by his garment, saying, “Lie with me!” And he left his garment in her hand and fled, and went outside (Genesis 39:6-12 NASB).
Joseph’s ability to say no in this very tempting situation demonstrates his sense of value. Notice Joseph’s emphasis on his personal responsibility, both to his earthly master and to God. This shows his understanding of his own power of self-control; though he had been enslaved and was in a sense outwardly powerless, internally he knew that he was still the master of his own fate. And as a powerful man, he chose to align his choices with righteousness. He still knew who he was and who he was called to be; therefore, he maintained his boundaries zealously. Though the immediate result of his integrity was being falsely accused and sent to prison, his choice prepared him to receive his breakthrough and become the deliverer of Egypt, Israel, and the entire region during the famine.
Conversely, Samson did not have boundaries. Though he had massive supernatural anointing, he couldn’t walk with character due to his inability to say no. Samson was physically very powerful, yet he was inwardly powerless. He did not value himself or his anointing and, therefore, felt no reluctance in giving control of himself to a series of women.
Samson did not have the boundaries in place to enable him to withstand temptation. First he married a Philistine woman, even though the Philistines were the enemies of Israel that God had called Samson to defeat (see Judg. 14). Samson ended up losing his wife in a disagreement with the Philistines. He later turned to a prostitute, and finally fell in love with the famous Delilah, who used his inability to say no for her own gain (see Judg. 16:1-21).
Seeing Samson’s “addiction” to Delilah, the Philistines offered her money to find the source of his strength. When she began badgering Samson about it, his weakness was revealed by his response: instead of just saying, “It’s none of your business,” he lied to her repeatedly and stayed with her, even though her manipulation was glaringly obvious.
The Bible’s commentary on this event is very interesting: “It came about when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was annoyed to death” (Judg. 16:16 NASB). Because of Samson’s lack of boundaries, he allowed himself to be worn down to the point of compromise.
Both Samson and Joseph dealt with women who persistently pressed them to do wrong. Joseph responded by assertively saying no and eventually fleeing. Samson foolishly tried to evade being questioned. He used deceit and ignored Delilah’s obvious ill intentions, wrongly assuming that he could not be overcome. Eventually, Delilah wore him down; and even though she had betrayed him before, he trusted her with his secret. As a result, his eyes were gouged out and he was placed in forced labor. Unlike Joseph, Samson did not have the inner strength to say no. Though a physically powerful man, he was not truly powerful because he didn’t value himself enough to set boundaries.
As we can see in the lives of Samson and Joseph, supernatural anointing has nothing to do with character. Operating in the supernatural is not an indicator of emotional and spiritual health. The supernatural operates merely by faith, as Paul wrote in Galatians 3:5: “So again I ask, does God give you His Spirit and work miracles among you by the works of the law, or by your believing what you heard?”
All we have to do is look at history to see many greatly anointed men of God who fell into sin, whether sexual sin or something else, despite their gifts and calling. This is the point of First Corinthians 13:
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1-3 NASB).
People who possess the impressive manifestations of the anointing that Paul lists here usually gain a measure of leadership and influence in the Church. However, many have ended up like Samson (rather than Joseph) because they do the right things, but not from love. Walking in love toward others requires that we love and value ourselves (see Mark 12:30-31). Bottom line: If we see that we are valuable, we will use appropriate boundaries, and the power of no will help to protect our value.
PEOPLE OF VALUE ARE PEOPLE OF REST
Those who value themselves not only say no and set boundaries, but they also maintain a heart of rest. As we discussed earlier, knowing our value is primarily connected to knowing God and the way He sees us. When we understand His unconditional affection for us, we can cease from striving for approval and simply rest in our identity in Him. Like Mary, we are able to rest from our works and receive from His presence (see Luke 10:38-42).
In Hebrews chapter 4, there is a long passage about entering God’s rest—I would like to share one insight from this passage.
There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from His. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience (Hebrews 4:9-11).
In our pre-Christian days, we didn’t have to work at sinning; it came naturally. A sinful lifestyle simply flowed out of us effortlessly. You could say that we were at rest in the sinful nature. Now that we have been given the new nature and have been made “new creations,” we need to enter into the place of rest in our new identity. It might take some work at first, but Hebrews 4:9-11 says, in essence, that we are to work to come into a place of rest in God, as contrasted with how we used to be at rest in sin.
Throughout the Bible we can see that God has always been trying to get us to rest in Him. Let us find examples by looking more closely at His interactions with Adam, Noah, Moses, Jesus, and the apostle John.
In the first five days of creation, God made the heavens and the Earth. On the sixth day, He created Adam and commissioned him, saying,
Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth (Genesis 1:28 NASB).
Adam didn’t start working right away, however. Instead, his first day on Earth consisted of spending the seventh day of creation resting with God. Rest was the first thing that Adam learned about his Creator. Adam was to work from a place of rest—rest then work, not work until tired and then rest.
Notice the sequence described for each day of creation: “And there was evening and there was morning…” (Gen. 1:5,8,13,19,23,31). The reason that night comes before day is that, in God’s economy, rest comes before work, night comes before day, and sleep comes before activity.
The first revelation that Adam received about God was that rest is the foundation of relationship with Him (see Gen. 1:31–2:2). The writer of Hebrews explained that “the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His” (Heb. 4:10 NASB).
If we properly value ourselves, we will learn to put rest before work and find security in our identity in God first. From that position, we can begin to fulfill our destinies. People who still struggle with knowing their value tend to derive worth from their work; thus they end up striving.
Even when God remodeled the planet with the flood, He provided the ark as a picture of resting in the storm. After the flood, the ark came to rest on a mountaintop, and a dove was sent out to find a resting place (see Gen. 8:8-12). This is a beautiful picture of how we must learn to rest through the storm and after the storm.
In the New Testament we find that Jesus modeled a lifestyle of rest by falling asleep in the boat during a severe storm (see Matt. 8:24-26). This is the standard for our lives. In Christ, there is rest in every storm. The storm was so bad that the waves were actually crashing over the boat. The disciples were terrified, believing they might die. (And they were experienced fishermen, no less!) However, when they awoke Jesus, He rebuked them for their fear and lack of faith. The fact that Jesus actually rebuked the disciples in this situation shows that this sort of rest in the storm is mandatory in the life of a believer.
As Adam learned, the first way of knowing God and His ways is to know His rest. Centuries later, Moses asked two things of God: “Who will go with us?” and “Show me Your ways” (see Exod. 33:12-13).
The Lord replied, “My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest” (Exod. 33:14 NASB). In other words, God’s answer to “Show me Your ways” was “I will give you rest.”
All revelation of the ways of God sits on the foundation of rest. Even when God gave Moses the Ten Commandments, He was teaching Moses His ways. The first three commandments show humankind how to interact with God: we are not to worship other gods, have idols, or take His name in vain. The last six commandments teach us how to treat each other: we must honor our parents and must not murder, commit adultery, steal, lie, or covet. The fourth commandment shows us how to treat ourselves: we are to keep the Sabbath.
Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath of the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work… (Exodus 20:8-10 NASB).
Between the discussion of our relationship with God and our relationships with others is the one command about how we are to treat ourselves correctly. As Jesus said, “The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath” (Mark 2:27 NASB).
The Sabbath is not about keeping another rule; it’s about personal health and valuing ourselves. God knows we need rest, physically as well as emotionally and spiritually. More than that, God believes we are worthy of having a rest. He values us enough to say, “Take a break” (see Mark 6:30-32).
Child labor laws exist to prevent children from being exploited in working environments. These laws were created because factory owners did not value children properly and, therefore, did not give them the rest their bodies needed—not to mention the freedom to play and enjoy childhood. The Sabbath is our “child labor law,” because in it God is saying, “I value you too much to overwork you.”
God also knows that safeguarding this place of rest in our lives is the crux to enabling healthy relationship with Him and others. This is why He includes rest in His Top Ten. Not resting is likened to committing murder or adultery, because it is connected to our ability to live out the rest of the commands. Rest is that important in our lives.
If we hold God in His proper place of esteem (commands 1-3), and we rest with Him (command 4), then we will value ourselves and be able to treat others appropriately (commands 5-10).
In the same way that Adam’s first interaction with God was to learn about rest, our first interaction with Jesus involves rest. When Jesus calls for us to come into relationship with Him, His first offer is rest:
Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).
Just prior to this verse, Jesus says that being childlike is essential to knowing the ways of God and that He reveals the Father to whomever He wishes (see Matt. 11:25-27). Then He invites us to come and find rest in Him. From this, we can see that rest, which is childlike faith in Jesus, brings us into a place of intimacy with God the Father. Relationship comes not through striving in our own worthiness, but through resting in His.
The apostle John, who was most likely Jesus’ closest friend during His time on Earth, wrote, “This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in His presence” (1 John 3:19).
As believers, it is our choice and responsibility to maintain hearts that are full of peace and rest, not anxiety, fear, or stress. Even in the worst of situations we can say, “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies….” (Ps. 23:5).
King David was regularly put in rough situations where he had to choose to set his heart at rest. Typically, when we are in the midst of the enemy’s camp and are surrounded, the Lord prepares a feast of revelation for us—if we remain at rest.
Consider how God sent Gideon into the enemy’s camp in the middle of the night to hear a prophetic word (see Judg. 7:9-15). This is a clear example of how God prepares a table in the presence of our enemies. If we can learn to keep our hearts at rest in any situation, we will stay connected to His presence and be able to maintain an appropriate sense of value for ourselves and others.
REST RESTORES WHOLENESS
As we discussed previously, because of the lies we’ve believed, many of us men have fallen into hopelessness and powerlessness. Without boundaries and the ability to say no, many have failed to protect their value. If this is true of you, then like a city without walls, you likely need to be restored to wholeness.
Our wholeness is restored in the place of rest in Jesus. The Bible says, “…In returning and rest you shall be saved [made whole]…” (Isa. 30:15 NKJV). Returning requires coming back to the foundation, which is resting in Christ (see Matt. 11:28-30). We must always start over from rest. Then “quietness and confidence shall be [our] strength” (Isa. 30:15b NKJV).
We find wholeness and healing not in striving to be better people or stirring our own righteousness, but in resting in Christ’s work on the cross. He has already purchased our freedom for us; He has made us powerful and valuable. We simply need to rest in our new identity.
List your answers to the following question: In the past, where has my value come from?
Now write a second list, answering this question: Where should my value come from for the future?
Now, let’s create a ladder to help answer the following questions: What are my boundaries? and, When do I say no?
Begin by drawing a simple picture of a ladder. On the top rung write God’s name; on the second rung write your spouse’s name; on the third rung write your children’s names. For the fourth and subsequent lower rungs, you will have to prayerfully consider your other relationships to determine who goes on each rung. Make sure you complete your ladder by considering your occupation, co-workers, extended family, friends, etc.
This is an exercise to help you map out your relationships, priorities, and boundary levels. Next, write a number next to each rung. God 1, Spouse 2, Children 3, and so on. If you discover that someone on the sixth rung is trying to take the time and attention that rightfully belongs to a fourth-rung individual, you must assertively communicate your boundaries to that person.
When you address such issues, it is important for the people involved to feel loved and valued, and not rejected by you. Take care also not to push people down to even lower rungs as a way to punish them or to self-protect out of fear. Simply be powerful and assertive and place them back at the levels where they belong.
Over time you will see relationships shift from level to level. This is perfectly healthy and natural; some will grow closer to you and some will recede to lower rungs. Be careful never to change the order of the top three rungs; if you do, your life will become unhealthy.
Resting with God is the foundation of your relationship with Him (not your works). Starting today, take a few minutes each day to close your eyes, sit back, and fellowship with Him in your heart. Thank Him for all the wonderful things He has done for you. Thank Him for valuing you. Let Him speak into your heart the words of love and encouragement that you need to hear each day.