Mac didn’t call Violet that night and he wasn’t anywhere to be found when Violet arrived at McKellan’s Run the next day. He was avoiding her, and who could blame him?
She’d hurt him and that was something she never meant to do. She thought she’d worked it all out. Mac was a great guy but one who had a need to make everything right. She’d been so sure that was his main reason for their fledgling relationship. But the more she thought about it, the more she began to think she was wrong.
She let out a long sigh as she turned over and plumped up the pillows for the third time. The little clock on the nightstand said 3.24 a.m. and she bit back a groan.
Violet rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She was scared, that was the truth. Deep down inside, she was terrified that if she let Mac in then he’d end up breaking her heart just like Jason had done.
Since her break-up with Jason, Violet had been very careful about seeing anyone. She kept everything light and friendly. Over the years she’d had a couple of flings but nothing that lasted more than a few weeks. She didn’t do serious—serious could screw you up. So she never let anyone get too close—it was safer that way.
But Mac McKellan was different. For the first time in years, Violet caught herself picturing a future with him. He was kind, gentle and as sexy as hell. His kisses aroused her more than anything she’d ever experienced. He was that dangerous. She was letting her guard slip and it terrified her.
She’d built a thick wall around herself and she didn’t think she’d survive if she was hurt again.
But it wasn’t fair; Mac was nothing like his brother. It was just that Mac seemed so sure of what he wanted; her. And that made her uneasy. Could she really trust another McKellan with her heart? Or worse still, with Holly’s?
Did she have the right to start something, something that could be amazing and wonderful? Did she even deserve it? But what would happen if it didn’t work out? Should she even contemplate exposing Holly to that? Holly was already emotionally attached to Mac; what happened if it all soured, how would her little girl cope with that? How would she?
Violet closed her eyes in an attempt to finally fall asleep. But as soon as her eyelids shut, an image of Mac with his smiling hazel-green eyes swam in her head along with his words: ‘Ah, come on Violet, take a chance and kiss me.’
After a sleepless night Violet knew she needed to fix things with Mac. Somewhere around 5 a.m. she’d come to a decision. She’d spent years avoiding relationships and she finally recognised that she had trust issues. Dragging around that much baggage could be exhausting but no matter how unfair it was—she always knew that nothing would last.
She’d been let down and hurt in the past but it wasn’t fair to assume that Mac would do the same. She wanted to believe that but it was so hard. What she needed was a little faith—no man she’d ever met held a candle to Mac. She wasn’t giving Mac a chance to prove himself and she knew it.
Well, she was going to do the right thing and trust him or at least try. The key was to take everything slowly. She’d been too quick to fall under his spell. She wanted time to take a step back and try to get her head together. Maybe after a few months they could think about going out.
Violet tried to ignore the burning ache he’d aroused inside her when she was in his arms. If this was going to work, she needed to rein in her lust and try and build a friendship and then if she was lucky, a relationship. She needed this time, and if Mac wanted to be with her, she just hoped she could get him to see that this was the right course of action.
Violet swung her car into the drive to McKellan’s Run. A frown flickered over her face when she reached the house and realised his ute wasn’t parked out the front. Maybe he was up at the shearing shed.
She kept driving past the house until she reached the track which led past the big shed. After a few minutes she crested a gentle hill and could see the shearing shed sitting in the middle of the eastern paddock. The sky was blue with a few thin streaky-looking clouds and the pasture in the paddock was a vivid green. The old wooden shearing shed had a bygone charm about it and it was surrounded by several holding pens, one which was full of woolly sheep.
As she drew closer she could see Mac’s ute among several cars parked near the shed. Violet stopped the car as she drove up to the long metal gate on the edge of the paddock, jumped out, unlatched the gate and then swung it open.
Violet walked back to her car but paused for a second as a breeze from the far hills blew over her. She brought her hand up and shaded her eyes against the sun as she took a moment to take in the beauty of McKellan’s Run. Tipping her head back, Violet watched as an eagle dipped and soared above her. There was a magnificence about this land she’d forgotten. She’d been so caught up with moving back here, trying to start her business and the stress of this wretched wedding she’d forgotten to stop for a moment or two and just allow herself to be in the landscape.
With one more glance at the distant rolling hills, Violet slipped back in her car, drove into the paddock and got out, shutting the gate behind her. She toyed with the idea of leaving the car where it was and walking the rest of the way. Now that she was in the sunshine, she was loathe to leave it but she still had to make peace with Mac, and then get on with the dozens of things she had to do for the wedding before picking up Holly.
Her car bumped along the track to the shearing shed and just as she was pulling up outside, Mac appeared in the doorway. Violet dragged in a breath as she watched him head over to her. Funny, it wasn’t until this second that she realised just how nervous she was.
‘Violet, what are you doing here?’ he asked.
She scrambled out of the car and gave him a nervous smile.
‘I know you’re busy with shearing but I think we should talk.’
Mac was silent, a frown creasing his brow, his arms folded over his chest.
As each second ticked by everything about this meeting felt more and more awkward. There was a barrier between them, it was as if a great sheet of glass was separating Violet from Mac. It was so tangible, she thought, that if she stretched out her hand an invisible force would repel it.
‘We need to clear the air between us,’ Violet said.
‘Okay,’ said Mac, arms still folded.
God, he wasn’t going to make this easy.
‘I think I was wrong about what I said. I like you, Mac. I really do.’
‘Like? Jesus, Violet,’ he said.
Yeah, this was going really well.
‘As I said, I like you Mac,’ said Violet, and looked down at the ground. ‘I buried myself in my job and raising Holly. I’m not very good at trying to sustain any sort of romantic relationship. I mean, what I’m trying to say and not doing a very good job at it is that I’d like to try.’
Mac remained silent, waiting.
‘All I wanted you to know is that I’d like to try for us to be together,’ said Violet.
‘Glad to hear it,’ said Mac.
The barrier started to melt and Violet sent up a silent prayer.
‘But I think we need to take it slow; you don’t mind do you?’
‘Nope, I don’t mind at all. I want you in my life, Violet, and I’m willing to wait. That is, if you promise to get that crazy idea out of your head.’
‘What idea?’
‘The one about you thinking that I want to be with you out of some sort of obligation, because it’s not true.’
Violet gave a nod. ‘Okay.’
‘I mean it. I want you for you and not out of some misplaced sense of duty. I want you, Violet, and I sure as hell don’t want to be just your friend.’
‘I understand, Mac.’
‘Really?’ asked Mac.
‘Yes, I do,’ she said as she leaned on the car next to him. ‘So you don’t mind us slowing down? I need to get this wedding out of the way and my business established as well as easing Holly into the idea of introducing someone else into our little world. I was thinking that after I’ve done all that then we could start spending more time together.’
‘But why do we need to wait?’ asked Mac.
‘Mac, it’s just with the business, moving back here, trying to plan this wedding, I think it would be best if we didn’t see each other for a while.’
‘I don’t care about rumours. In this town there’s always gossip. This is about you, me and Holly. Everyone else can take a long walk off a short pier as far as I’m concerned.’
‘I, yes, I know but still—’
‘I said I’d wait but not having any contact for a while is a bit hard to swallow. What are you thinking?’
‘That I need time to sort myself out.’
‘But for how long—weeks, months? I’ll do it, I’ll wait, but is this about sorting yourself out or about the fact that you can’t bring yourself to trust me?’
‘No, that’s not it.’
‘Then why? Come on, Violet, why would you want me to walk away?’
‘Because of all the reasons I mentioned. Because I need time to come to terms with . . .’
‘I’m not Jason!’
‘I never said you were.’
‘But that’s what you think deep down, isn’t it? That maybe you can’t trust me with your heart or with Holly because one day I’ll hurt you, just like my brother did.’
‘That’s not fair, Mac.’
‘Isn’t it? That’s what’s at the bottom of this whole thing. You can’t bring yourself to trust me. I said I’d wait and be patient but will you ever be ready to take the next step? Will I have to wait another eight years?’
‘This was a mistake,’ Violet said as she spun away and jerked open the car door.
‘Violet, don’t walk away.’
She slid into the car seat. ‘Why not, Mac—isn’t that what I do best?’ Violet turned on the ignition and without another glance, she drove away.