Chapter 19: Just Checking

Angela looked as beautiful as she felt. She was the princess of the ball in a crimson satin dress with a sleeveless fitted bodice and a full pleated skirt that hit right at her knees. Sky-high, black satin heels with an ankle strap accentuated her tanned legs. Her long, silky hair hung down her back, making the satin feel inadequate with its own luster. She was wearing the emerald necklace that Soren gave her, along with the “Los Angeles, California” necklace from Kieran. She liked the combination of them together: edgy and elegant all at once. To top it all off, she was wearing a fragrant, but delicate, triple strand pikake flower lei that hung like opera pearls around her neck.

She looked around the room. Jabberwocky had been transformed into a cool party venue for the launch of her book. The existing furniture had been replaced with bar-height tables, there was a bartender doing tricks with his shaker, and a DJ playing a mix of songs from different eras and countries. As a Latin-flavored song came to an end, the candy-tinged notes of the Bee Gees How Deep is Your Love replaced it smoothly.

All of her friends and family had turned out for the event, and she was swimming with happiness at having them all around her. Her grandparents had flown in for the occasion—bringing with them a cooler chest full of leis—and they had brought her cousin Erin as well, who looked beautiful in a full-length, tropical print dress and strappy leather sandals that looked a hair out of season for October.

Erin caught Angela's eye and walked over to her with a huge smile on her face. “This is amazing Cuz. Look at how fantastic this party is!” She raised her glass to Angela, and they clinked them together festively.

“Thanks honey. I feel very lucky. Of course, a good party doesn't guarantee good book sales,” Angela said pragmatically.

Erin rolled her eyes, “Angela, can't you just enjoy yourself? We are celebrating tonight. You finished your book and it looks amazing. It's important to recognize that. You can worry about book sales tomorrow.” She gave her cousin a playful wink.

Angela appraised her cousin again. She was wiser than she gave her credit for. “You are right Erin. Thank you for reminding me of that.” She raised her champagne flute to her mouth and tasted the sparkling sake Kieran had been sure to stock for her.

A momentary blip of nostalgia flitted across her face as she thought about the first time she had tasted the drink. It was almost a year ago to the day. Has it been that long already?

Erin’s words punctuated Angela’s reminiscing. She looked around for Kieran and without pointing, indicated the direction he was standing with a tilt of her head. “He’s the one over there, by the food table. Dressed in black with the dark curly hair. The one wearing a lei.”

Much to Angela’s amusement, her grandparents had given him a lei that matched her own. It was something you would do for a couple at a wedding or engagement party. Her grandparents were too meddlesome for their own good.

Kieran, and the woman he was speaking with, laughed suddenly, and when he looked up, he caught Angela’s eye. She smiled at him and he smiled back, sending a bloom of warmth across her chest. He said something to the woman he was speaking to and turned towards Angela and Erin.

Angela laid a reassuring hand on her cousin’s arm. “It’s cool Cuz, he’s really nice.”

“Hey Angel,” Kieran leaned forward giving Angela a chaste but lingering kiss on the cheek.

He had started calling her Angel recently, and the word sent a warm glow over her.

They had grown closer in the almost six months since Soren had broken up with her, however their relationship was still strictly one of friendship. Gestures, such as Kieran’s chaste welcome kiss, had become part of the cat-and-mouse-game they were playing. Angela enjoyed the mild flirtation; it was safe.

However, sometimes she let herself imagine what it would be like to be with Kieran and it was thrilling to think about what lay ahead for her and this beautiful man who had also become one of her best friends. But she was in no rush to hurry into anything. If she had learned anything from her time with Soren, it had been the value of caution—especially where relationships were concerned.

Angela shook her head. Definitely panty exploding. She laughed as she thought that she should have warned her cousin to bring a second pair. “This is my cousin Erin. She flew in with my grandparents from Hawaiʻi.”

“Well hello Erin. I see that Angela isn’t the only beauty in your family.” He took her hand and kissed it. Angela remembered the first time he had kissed her hand. It seemed like a million years ago.

Erin burst out in a torrent of giggles. She struggled to find her voice and finally eked out a meager, “Hi.”

Angela wanted to burst out laughing. She was going to have to warn Kieran about the effect he had on the ladies, but part of her thought that he was probably already well aware of his powers. Truthfully though, she felt no jealously at him sprinkling his testosterone-laced fairy dust. He had a way of making others feel important and cherished, and there wasn’t enough of that in the world.

Kieran turned his gaze back to Angela and narrowed his eyes. A dangerous thrill shot through her. “I heard the DJ is going to be playing Gloria Gaynor and Roberta Flack next. May I have this dance?”

She pursed her lips and tilted her head to the side. “I wonder where the DJ thought of that combination?” she asked with an arched brow.

“I wonder...” he said playfully, with an arch of his own. He held out his hand to her.

Angela turned to her cousin, not wanting to abandon her. “Are you okay Erin?”

Angela shook her head, and put her hand in Kieran’s. He closed his hand warmly around hers sending shivers up her arm.

The first slow notes of I Will Survive filled Jabberwocky with a melancholy sound as Angela and Kieran slowly walked to the small dance floor in front of the DJ. They sang the words to each other as the disco beat revved up and they lost themselves in the dance.

Angela admired Kieran’s dancing openly; his lithe, sensuous moves effortlessly tuned-in to the rhythm of the music. She smiled, remembering how she had secretly watched him in Barcelona, and he smiled back at her sending a cool wave of chills down her back.

Towards the end of the song, Kieran mimicked Angela and broke out in the Spanish style “La’s” just as they had in Barcelona. By the end of the song the entire bookstore was jumping up and down, singing “la la la la la.” The air was electric with good energy.

The DJ allowed a few seconds to pass before the first, pleading strains of Killing Me Softly could be heard. Kieran held his hand out to Angela and pulled her tight against him.

Angela gasped, caught off guard by the feeling of Kieran against her as they began to sway to the music.

This was the closest they had been since that day he held her in his arms after she found out about her grandfather, but the circumstances had been so different, it felt nothing like tonight.

Tonight his proximity was making her dizzy; the firmness of his abs and chest pressed against her, his arms holding her tightly to him. He was so close, she could feel his warm breath on her face.

A tingly warmth rushed through her body as she wound her arms around his neck. An intoxicating cloud of pikake perfume enveloped them as their warm bodies diffused the tropical flower’s sweet scent. She lifted her eyes and inhaled sharply at how intensely he was looking at her.

Kieran looked deep into her eyes. People who were watching them looked away, the naked longing on his face visible for all to see.

Her heart ached at the feelings he so bravely displayed, and her body ached for the touch that she had imagined so many times before. She stared back at him remembering the intense and confusing kiss they had shared the second day they met. Her nipples puckered at the memory sending a shiver up through her arms.

“Are you cold?” Kieran asked, concern in his voice as Roberta continued to croon in the background.

Angela exhaled, not realizing she had been holding her breath. “No, I’m not cold.” She couldn’t believe that just six months ago she would have been angry and embarrassed at how her body was reacting to Kieran, but now she relished it. The euphoria of the evening, and of being in Kieran’s arms, was making her bold. “Actually, I’m feeling something else entirely,” she said through lowered eyelashes.

She lowered her voice, dripping pure seduction with each word. “Actually, I’d rather show you.” With her index finger she began to slowly trace circles on the bare skin of Kieran’s neck just above the collar of his black shirt.

No one would have ever noticed the subtle movement of Angela’s finger, but Kieran’s back and neck shimmied as though every nerve in his body had rerouted itself to that exact spot.

Just as Angela began relaxing further into Kieran’s arms she felt his neck and shoulders tighten suddenly as a finger tapped her shoulder. A familiar voice asked, “May I cut in?”

Kieran managed to smile, but it didn’t make it all the way up to his eyes, which had a steely look. “You may.” He gave Angela an uncertain look, gave her hand a lingering kiss, and then walked away with the slightest bow.

Angela turned around, stunned to find herself gazing into familiar ocean-blue eyes. “Soren...” she trailed off too surprised to say anything else.

Soren took her in his arms, holding her away from him, his right hand firmly but flatly on her back, his left hand up in the air. His eyes looked misty. “You look beautiful Angela.”

“But what are you—” she shook her head confused as she stepped into his frame.

“Kieran invited me. He sent an invitation to my office address and signed his name to it, so I know it came from him...” his eyes looked away briefly before he added, “And not you.”

Angela looked down, not knowing what to say or feel. Part of her was frustrated that Soren was here tonight, just like when he had shown up in Hawaiʻi. This was her night to celebrate. She didn’t want any complications. Life was finally simple again. She was happy.

As she realized what those thoughts really meant, she scanned the room for Kieran but couldn’t find him.

Soren cleared his throat. “Angela, I’m not staying long. A car is waiting for me outside. I just wanted to see you one last time,” he hesitated and then added, “And see if you are happy.” He paused as he studied her face. Then he said sadly, “You look very happy Angela.”

His words brought her attention back to him. There was a time when the sadness in his eyes and voice would have made her heart ache, but that time had passed. She exhaled and nodded. “I am happy Soren, and I hope you are happy too,” she said sincerely.

He smiled sadly. “I’ll get there. Look, will you just do me one favor and autograph a book for me. Then I’ll be on my way.”

Roberta Flack’s deep voice faded away as the song ended. Angela managed a small smile. “Of course, I’ll give you one. It’s my gift to you.”

She tilted her head towards the register counter, and began walking slowly in that direction, her hand absent-mindedly wandering to the jewelry strung around her neck.

Soren glanced down at her throat as he walked with her. “You’re wearing the necklace,” he said breathlessly.

Fingering the faceted face of the emerald, she recalled the emotional and psychological weight the jewel once held. However, when she had dressed earlier that evening, she remembered thinking that the emerald-green of the necklace would set off the jewel tones of her red dress beautifully, and nothing more. It had been the first time she had looked at the expensive bauble without thinking wistfully of Soren.

Soren cleared his throat. “I like the way you paired it with the other necklace. It’s very you.”

Her fingers moved lower on her throat and rubbed the flat, cursive letters of the gold chain that Kieran had given her, her heart clenching at the feel of the hard metal under her warm fingertips.

Her attention seemed to be floating somewhere outside of her body, searching for the smoldering eyes she now held so dear, her distraction making Soren’s voice sound far away.

He’s not different; it’s your feelings that are different. You no longer love him.

Angela’s eyes widened and her heart sped up, a loud, thumping beat in her ears. From the look on Soren’s face, it was clear he had noticed her distraction.

What did Soren just ask? She took a deep breath and brought her hand back up to the emerald necklace. “Thank you again,” she said, trying to keep her voice even. Suddenly remembering why she was standing at the register counter, she grabbed a copy of her book, picked up a permanent marker, and signed the cover page quickly. “Here you go,” she said, handing it to Soren.

She struggled to keep her attention on him, a desperate need to touch, see, and smell Kieran welling up in her like a geyser threatening to burst.

Angela shook her head. “No, it’s free Hannah. Take this out of my copies,” she said. She turned to Soren. “Soren, it’s a gift, please.”

He reluctantly put his wallet away. “Okay if you insist.” He then stuffed two $20-bills into the tip jar.

Angela rolled her eyes at him, but then she smiled. “Thank you. The cashiers will appreciate that.”

“Walk me out?” Soren looked at Angela with a sad smile and offered her the crook of his arm.

Angela took a final, backward glance towards the dance floor and then wound her arm through Soren’s as they walked slowly down the hallway of the bookstore. “So you’re flying back to London tonight?”

“Yes, I’ll grab the first flight I can get,” he answered, only half-lying.

He decided it wasn’t important for her to know that he didn’t have a ticket yet. He would probably have to stay overnight somewhere. He couldn’t deny that when he landed in Los Angeles there had been a small hope that he and Angela could rekindle their love, but when he walked in on her and Kieran dancing, his worst fears were confirmed.

The two of them had been so lost in each other; they hadn’t even noticed him until he was upon them.

While he was sad to know that Angela’s heart was no longer his, it was a possibility he had resigned himself to many months ago.

When he received the card from Los Angeles six weeks ago, his heart had soared, but when he opened the invitation and saw it was signed, “Please join us. Kieran,” his heart plummeted proportionately.

Although he knew his chances with Angela were slim, he still had to come and try.

Seeing Angela and Kieran together with his own eyes actually made it easier in some ways. It turned an imagined fear into reality, and somehow seeing it in person wasn’t as bad as he imagined. Angela looked so incandescently happy in Kieran’s arms, that it confirmed for Soren that he had done the right thing ending their relationship. He knew he would no longer have to worry about Angela’s happiness— Kieran would guard it capably.

The October night was crisp and Angela hugged herself tightly as they walked into the parking lot.

“You should go back in, it’s cold out here,” Soren said with a smile, his eyes crinkling up at the corners gently. He suddenly remembered the gift he had purchased and reached into his inner pocket. “A gift to celebrate your book.”

Angela took the light, slender box he offered and opened it. Inside was nestled a silver pen with long fluted lines inscribed on its body.

Her eyes glistened. “Thank you for coming Soren. It was very sweet of you. Have a safe trip home and...take care of yourself.”

“I will.” Soren leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. He got in the car and watched Angela through the smoky glass as his car pulled away. He opened the cover of her book and read her inscription.

Thank you for some of the most beautiful memories of my entire life. I’ll never forget you.

Always, Angela.

He felt his heart clench as he ran his fingers over the thick, black pen strokes.

He propped up his chin with his fingers, and gazed out the window at the busy street; the cars, lights, and people all invisible to him. In his mind, he replayed his favorite memories with Angela and felt hot tears run down his cheek.

He thought he had moved on, but now he saw that he had hung on to a glimmer of hope, which was now fully extinguished. His chest felt cold and hollow as he palmed the tears away.

He could still hear Angela’s voice. He remembered the first time she said the words to him. He’d found them so naïve, so impetuous, but now they felt different to him.

He ran his lips against his extended index finger as past regrets flooded through his mind.

He’d always believed that regret was just a necessary function of being responsible and disciplined, but Angela had shown him was that regrets—when you are living a life you don’t believe in—were a warning; a warning that maybe you weren’t on the track you were supposed to be on.

He was startled out of his thinking by the ringing of his mobile phone. He recognized the number instantly and gritted his teeth. “Hullo Father,” he said, emphasizing the English word; knowing how much it would annoy the older man, who preferred to speak Danish with his family.

Soren looked at his Audemars Piguet. Of course, his father would have heard the news by now. It was after 8am in Copenhagen.

“Soren, what is this I hear about you leaving FT?” he barked inquisition-style.

Soren ran his hand down his thigh and gripped his knee for stability. Even though the phone call wasn’t a surprise, it didn’t make it any easier to face the wrath of his formidable father, Eadric Lund. A flare of anger sparked in his belly at his father’s domineering ways.

Although it was childish, there was a part of Soren that blamed Eadric for the failure of his relationship with Angela. If he hadn’t felt his father’s pressure to join Filcher Toffert, one of the world’s biggest investment banks, then maybe he and Angela would have worked out after all. He knew that asking her to move to London was one of the nails that had killed their love. For months it seemed like the only way to ensure their future, the thought of him moving to Los Angeles—or anywhere else—had never even crossed his mind. He hadn’t realized how much of a control freak—and how much like his father he was—until recently.

He straightened his shoulders and cleared his throat. “What part of resigned isn’t clear to you Father?” The sarcasm in his voice surprised even him.

His father sucked in a breath between clenched teeth. “Soren! How dare you speak to me like that.” His voice low and threatening.

Soren ran his hands through his hair. He was done with his father’s meddling. If he learned anything from Angela, it was that he wanted to do more than just be the son of Eadric and Johanna Lund. She had sparked something inside him that he didn’t want to die.

“Father, I’m not sure what my next move is, but I’ll let you know when I do.”

He resigned from FT by email just hours before stepping on the plane earlier that day. If Angela had given him a second chance, he wanted to be free to move to Los Angeles to be with her, but now that that door was firmly closed, he wasn’t sure what to do.

He dialed the ticket counter at LAX international airport. A polite, young woman answered.

“Are there any flights leaving the country this evening?” His own words surprised him.

“Sorry Sir. Nothing international until the morning. Where do you want to go?”

He thrummed his fingers against the leather interior. “Somewhere tropical,” he said. He wanted to get as far away from London and Copenhagen as he could.

Kieran had kept his eyes trained on Jabberwocky’s hallway ever since Angela and Soren walked down it.

He knew that he was playing with fire, inviting Soren to the launch party, but it was the only way to know for sure if she was over him for good.

He had watched Angela and Soren from across the room with hawkish eyes while they spoke, subconsciously calculating the emotional value of every shared glance, every touch, every gesture.

When she walked with Soren towards the parking lot, he had to keep reminding himself to breath, because at his core was the slightest fear that she might ride away into the sunset with her former love.

It had been hard the past few months, being so close to Angela every day, wanting to reach out to her, kiss her, and yet knowing the situation between her and Soren as intimately as he did, he didn’t want to overstep. He already knew he wanted Angela forever, and he didn’t want to jeopardize his long-term goal for any short-term desires.

Hoping that Angela might finally give him the signal that it was okay to cross the boundary of “friendship” into the unknown territory of “what might be.”

When Angela finally walked back into the store, Kieran took a deep breath. Relief.

His body relaxed and he smiled back at her. Tonight was a new beginning for them.

Kieran gave her a wolfish look and glanced towards his office where the blinds were drawn; the room full of items moved there to make room for the party. She nodded back at him and started walking towards the office door. He made it there first, held it open for her and then closed it behind him, grabbing her in his arms. He stopped his face just inches from her, memorizing every detail about her, and then he put his mouth on hers and gave her a kiss worthy of the many months that he had been anticipating this very moment.

He held her to him tightly, not wanting to let her go; loving her body tight against his. His hands wound their way up to her neck and under her flower lei, where he massaged the same area she had been teasing during their dance. Angela emitted a sharp gasp in response, which was the sexiest sound he had ever heard in his life. He didn’t want to leave the office, but he knew that they had to. “I want to lock you in this room and never leave.”

Angela laughed gutturally, desire lacing her words. “Hhhhmmm, that sounds promising.”

“Unfortunately there are boxes everywhere,” he said, in between kisses, his tongue exploring the sweetness of her mouth.

His erection throbbed as he considered what she said. He shook his head as she licked his ear. Oh God. “We can’t. We have guests,” he said, breathing heavily as he kissed her neck.

Angela squirmed against him, chest heaving. “Ask them to leave,” she whispered teasingly in his ear.

He pulled away, looking at her with wide eyes. He had waited so long for this moment, it was hard to believe that Angela was actually saying these words to him and that he wasn’t asleep, dreaming about her as he had done for so many nights.

He crushed her to him in a hug full of the disbelief and joy he was feeling. “Angela, I’m so happy right now. I can’t believe I finally get to kiss you.”

He broke away and looked at her, again with surprise in his eyes. Her face was set in a mischievous smile that he had witnessed before, but never directed at him. It was a most disarming smile. Angela had set up walls between them during her time with Soren, but those walls were coming crashing down tonight. This really was the beginning of a new phase, and he didn’t want to mess anything up.

“Let’s get back out to our guests. Tomorrow is a new day. I’ll get Hannah to cover here at the store and I’ll come and get you around ten. We can have brunch.” He scanned her face, wanting to remember every detail of this night.

Kieran gave her one last passionate kiss, straightened her lei—that was looking a little worse for the wear—took her hand possessively, and pulled her back out to the bookstore, a stupid grin on his face.

For the rest of the night Kieran and Angela were inseparable, dancing together, talking to friends and customers while they held hands.

Kieran noticed their friends and families shooting puzzled looks in their direction, while others, like Therese and Dalia, simply raised their champagne flutes in knowing celebration.