Anthony spent the next morning touring commercial properties. Two were run-down warehouses on giant lots, while three others were high-rises filled with companies and offices. They were merely a few of the multiple investment properties he intended to buy. After he’d left the last site to drive to his office, his thoughts flew to Shelly. Who was this new Shelly? Was she eternally damaged from her years of addiction? What was she thinking, what did she want? And why did he care?
Once he’d parked, he took the elevator up to TF. Just outside his office, Anthony handed his coat to Tricia.
“Your brother is in your office.”
Anthony quirked his brow. Tricia wouldn’t willingly let Justin into Anthony’s office, especially without Anthony present. Too much bad blood flowed between the brothers since the incident with Max. Trust, which had once been an automatic gift between the four Travati brothers, had been replaced with suspicion and judgment.
Anthony tugged at his cuffs and entered his office. Justin stood at the wall of windows, facing the New York skyline. A prickly feeling of annoyance hovered in the silence between them. Anthony’s gaze skimmed his desktop. Pristine. Every object remained unmoved, in the exact same place as he had left them the night before. The darkened screen of his computer was still off.
“I didn’t touch your things,” Justin said, without shifting his eyes from the view. “I would never be deceitful.” He finally turned toward Anthony. “I’m your brother. I thought you knew me better than that.”
“You’re also the managing partner of TF.”
Justin’s eyes widened. He crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s what this is about?” He shook his head. “My being your boss? I thought you were angry because of Max, and my marriage to Aubrey.” He lifted an eyebrow. “You’re angry because you’re not in charge.”
“Angry isn’t the correct word.” Anthony settled into his desk chair. He turned on his computer. He’d grown cold working in his older brother’s shadow. Grown tired of being the little brother who had to ask for permission before he made any kind of business decisions. “Did we ever vote about you being in charge? I can’t remember. Or was it just like when we were kids? You were automatically the boss because you’re the oldest?”
“In case you forgot, I started TF before you even went to college. I hired you when you finished grad school.”
“Right,” Anthony nodded. Yes, definitely time for him to move on and start his own company. He was finished living under the command of his brother.
“I’m here for two reasons,” Justin said. He angled toward the chair across from Anthony’s desk and clutched the seatback with both hands. “This is my first Christmas with Aubrey and Max, and it’s an important Christmas for us. Aubrey would like us to all be together for Christmas Eve at Mrs. Bello’s, but I wasn’t certain if you’d be willing—”
“Your wife was unsure if I wanted to spend the holidays with my family? That’s rich, seeing as she’s only been a Travati for a couple of months.”
Justin’s jaw tensed. “It wasn’t Aubrey who was unsure. I was, for this very reason. Because of your strident feelings with regards to my family, because of this anger you seem to have toward my wife and son, who is your nephew, by the way, I was unsure if you planned to spend the holidays with us.”
As a younger brother, Anthony knew how hard Justin fought to contain his irritation. Hmmm, perhaps he should give his big brother a couple more jabs, see if he couldn’t make him lose his cool. Because the glow that hovered around Justin and his bride and the lovely little family of three that they’d created frankly turned Anthony’s stomach.
After nearly six months, he could admit, at least to himself, that perhaps Aubrey did love Justin and wasn’t the gold digger that he thought she was. But what else could he have thought when Aubrey turned up after a fifteen-year absence, claiming Justin was the father of her fourteen-year-old son Max? But after a paternity test, a wedding, and countless events where he had seen his new sister-in-law in action, Anthony doubted any actress would be good enough to fake all those looks of love that Aubrey shot at Justin.
“I’ll be there Christmas Eve,” Anthony said. “Before all of you leave for Switzerland.”
Justin nodded, but didn’t take the bait. He said nothing about his choice to spend the week between Christmas and New Year’s in Switzerland with Aubrey’s family and the two other Travati brothers without inviting Anthony. And Anthony would be damned if he’d reveal how much that decision bothered him. If it were up to them, the ice between the brothers might never thaw.
“I’ll let Aubrey know. She’ll be pleased.”
“You mentioned two things,” Anthony prompted.
“Aubrey invited Shelly Bello and her grandmother to dinner tonight, and she was hoping you’d join us.”
Irritation mixed with surprise raced through Anthony. He maintained his stony countenance. Why was Aubrey meddling? What did she hope to prove?
“I’ll need to check my calendar. I’ll have Tricia let your assistant know.”
Justin nodded and turned toward the door. Then he paused and cocked a brow. “If you do come to dinner, stop at Carmine’s, won’t you? Pick up some cannoli for after dinner.”
Anthony said nothing. Rumors always surrounded the Travatis’ comings and goings. Justin’s comment had tipped his hand; he knew where Anthony had been, and he was attempting to figure out exactly what Anthony had planned for after the new year. Let Justin think what he wanted, vacation where he wanted, do what he wanted. Yes, let his three brothers, who were barely speaking to him because he’d had the audacity to demand proof that Max was a Travati, exile him from TF. Let them all band together and do what they wanted without him, because, very soon, Anthony intended to do what he wanted, without them.
*
Shelly ran her fingernails up her arms and walked to the closet. Her room was an untouched shrine to her adolescence, with high school pictures and honor certificates on the walls, soccer trophies on the bookshelves. Pictures of a girl in a cheerleading uniform who she barely recognized, surrounded by beaming friends, stared back at her. How could that time in high school feel both like forever ago and yet as though only ten minutes had passed? The room looked the same as it had the day after Vinnie’s funeral, when Shelly had scraped together all her money, packed a backpack, and left. Tonight, as she tried to figure out what to wear to dinner at Aubrey and Justin’s, felt much like the night she’d run from her family, stifling. The walls closed in on her, pressing the breath from her lungs. The air too thick with memories of the past.
Deep breath. Deep breath.
She yanked the black wool pants she’d brought with her from San Francisco off the hanger. They’d have to do for dinner tonight, because the dress was meant for Christmas Eve.
Aubrey had sounded nice on the phone. Almost too nice. Shelly had never thought that Justin would settle down, he hadn’t been the type. Not like Anthony, who’d been serious and geared toward family since the day he was born.
Family. Kids. Now Justin had both, and Anthony had none. Funny, right? The two people who everyone thought would get married, she and Anthony, had veered as far away from that future as possible. She’d been a drug addict and he’d become a cold hard-ass who, according to Nonna, barely spoke to his family. Wow, life was full of zigzags, uncontrollable ups and downs. What had made Anthony so angry, so hard, so cold, as though his heart was frozen in a block of ice?
Shelly shivered. Maybe she knew. Maybe it was the same things she’d run from, the pain, the past. She’d tried to numb her feelings, but then, when Anthony had come to Texas to find her, to save her, to do what he’d promised Vinnie he’d do, he’d failed in his attempt. Maybe those few days in Texas with her, the addict version of her, had been enough to turn his heart cold.
She’d gone on an eighteen-month bender after she ditched Anthony in McAllen. The memories were vague, and she didn’t really ever want to recover them. Shelly pulled on a blue sweater with silver threads woven through the front and turned to the mirror above her dresser.
The face staring back at her still didn’t feel like her own. She closed her eyes. The urge, the desire to take these feelings away, clawed through her blood. She craved a fix. She wanted a fix so badly her skin hurt. Alex, her sponsor, had told her that the holidays could be a recipe for disaster. Damn, she needed a meeting. She grabbed her phone and tapped out a text to Alex.
This is hard. Having tough time.
A minute later came the response:
Meeting at church 2 blocks away.
Starts in 15. Get your ass there.
Alex was right. Shelly had plenty of time before dinner, she wasn’t supposed to be to Justin and Aubrey’s house for a while, she needed to get her ass to a meeting. Shelly couldn’t get the type of fix she desperately wanted. She couldn’t ever return to that life. The stench of sweaty old men climbing across her body. Waking up in rooms she didn’t remember entering. No. Nothing was worth that life. How many men? How many times?
No. Never again.
She couldn’t go back. She wouldn’t be in that place again. No high was worth the self-abuse she had heaped upon herself with that life. Shelly pulled on her boots and stood. Her gaze landed on what had once been her favorite picture, her and Vinnie and Anthony standing outside of Nonna’s house with their arms slung over each other’s shoulders.
Pain cut through her chest. Thinking about all she’d lost only made the need to forget slide deeper into her gut. She turned, walked from her bedroom and down the stairs.
“Nonna, I’m going out for a while.” Shelly grabbed her coat from the closet and was out the door before she heard a response. The cold air smacked her face and snapped her out of the past. To now. To this moment. The open expanse of the street swept away the memories. Her lungs filled.
She walked to the end of the block and stood on the corner. She could turn left and go to Joey’s, the dive bar that had sat on the corner at the end of the street since forever, or she could go right to Saint Bernard’s and find that meeting. At Joey’s she knew she’d find a drink and a high to take away the pain. Wasn’t that where she’d scored her first oxy anyway, in those horrible days after they’d learned of Vinnie’s death but before his body had been shipped home?
But at Saint Bernard’s? She’d walk through the front doors of the church around the corner where she’d received three of the seven blessed sacraments, into the church hall to a NA meeting. There’d be cigarettes, and lots of addicts, just like her, trying to make certain they didn’t head anywhere for a fix and a fall. She looked both ways. The choice was hers. There would be coffee at Saint Bernard’s. Really really hot coffee. Shelly filled her lungs and looked up at the dark night sky scattered with clouds.
“Dammit, Vinnie, I miss you,” she whispered and started to walk.