THANKSGIVING

My idea of a vegetarian meal is a turkey sandwich. Course my idea of a salad is a jalapeño and Miracle Whip. I’ve been told my eating habits would make a hyena bulimic. I eat mostly meat and candy.

But I look forward to Thanksgiving. My fondest Thanksgiving memories span a six- or eight-year period after I got married back in ’83. Bein’ a single late-thirties cowboy type at the time of the wedding, I had become frayed around the edges and was hangin’ with some equally frayed late-thirties cowboy types. The kind of people you would not normally have in your home on a holiday.

I convinced my darlin’ that it would be charitable to have these misfits at our house for Thanksgiving week. I made a good case for their neediness. I read from Matthew 28:12. I promised to replace anything that did not survive the week, from shrubbery to furniture to goldfish. I even offered to have the in-laws for Christmas. She agreed.

Our invitations went out and were received like a leg o’ lamb at a coyote reunion. They came from all points of the cowboy globe, from Idaho, Colorado, Wyoming, Nebraska, and Texas. They arrived by plane, pickup, Amtrak, Greyhound, and thumb. They were well behaved, in the sense that a herd of bison would be well behaved at a faculty wives’ tea. But they tried not to cuss around the kids, leave too many bottles and cans behind the furniture, or track mud and snow on the livin’ room rug.

I’ve never been to Planet Hollywood, Studio 54, or the locker room of the World Wrestling Federation, but I would guess Goat Day was close.

On Thursday, we had turkey, company, music, and awe-some good cheer! Friday, we sacrificed goats in the snow and barbecued cabrito outside in the frigid Colorado air, toasting our good fortune.

And I spent Saturday and Sunday tryin’ to get ’em all to leave.

This Thanksgiving, I sit down at a nice table with calmer, more sedate company. We stuff ourselves, and afterwards, sit around and talk about the bad habits we quit.

Course some of this more sedate company are veterans of Goat Day. Older but no wiser, just treating themselves a little easier. I like it just as well, and I don’t have as big a mess to clean up after. Happy Thanksgiving to you all.