The idle mind is Henry Ford’s workshop.

THE FORD EX’S

I was commiserating with a friend a while back who was recovering from a divorce. He had lost his new car. “What kind was it?” I asked.

“A Ford,” he answered, “one of the ex’s.”

“You mean an Excursion, Expedition, or Explorer?”

He said, “It don’t matter. Now it’s just one of the ex’s.”

The ex cars, Ford’s answer to the Chevy Suburban. But I’m a little worried that their naming scheme is going to play out soon. Excursion? I guess it beats the Ford Hike or Stroll or Ambulation.

They have done well in the past with names: the Mustang, the Thunderbird, the Galaxy, and even the Falcon had a modicum of glamour, but the Expedition? “Let’s load up the Sherpas and head for the mall!”

If this pattern continues, will we eventually see the new Ford Excruciate or Exfoliate? “Yes, friends it will take the hair right off your head!”; “Drive the new Ford Explosion . . . but wear your seat belt!”; “Try our new Ford Excuse. . . . If you’re late, all you have to do is point to your car: ‘That’s my Excuse!’”

Specialty cars could be developed for various professions, i.e.,

CONTRACTORS—Excavate
PEST CONTROL—Exterminate
RAILROAD EMPLOYEES—the Extraneous
STRIPPERS—the Exotic, the Exposure, or the Exhibition
MARRIED PRIESTS—the Excommunication
LAWYERS—the Extortion, Extradition, or
the Philip Morris model, the “Exploitation”

For those who prefer the riffraff to know that the car they drive cost more than a new aircraft carrier, how ’bout valet parking your Ford Extravagant or Exorbitant or the classically simple Ford Expensive?

Many more possible names come to mind that I suspect Ford has considered and discarded or filed away for future use: the Extraneous, the Extreme, the Excelsior, the Extinguisher, the Expectorant, or the Excretion.

Regardless, they build good cars even if they aren’t very imaginative, although there are times, as with every make of vehicle on the road, when the owner thinks he’s driving a Ford Expendable, a Ford Extinction, or even the ever-popular Ford Expletive Deleted!