COWBOY CURSES

→ May you be trapped in an elevator for twelve hours with a family of eight who just finished a big meal of fried cabbage.

→ May you get bucked off ten miles from camp on the only day you decide to ride barefoot.

→ May the BLM decide your hay meadow is good goose habitat.

→ May your son join a vegetarian commune.

→ May your sheep pay for your cattle operation.

→ May the Western Horseman magazine run the dude’s picture instead of yours ’cause he looks more like a cowboy.

→ May you discover one of the barn cats missing after you’ve butchered rabbits.

→ May it rain two inches the day after you sell your cows.

→ May your only TV appearance be on 60 Minutes.

→ May you jerk your slack just as the steer drops off a fifty-foot embankment.

→ May you sell your calves the day before they go up ten cents a pound.

→ May a Wyoming sheepherder offer to buy your best bull to feed his sheepdogs.

→ May you cough at the wrong time in the sale barn and buy twenty-six head of broken-mouthed Shetlands.

→ May the drought break the day you cut your hay.

→ May the chore boy use your good rope to stake the milk cow out in the bar ditch.

→ May your only good dog get caught in the neighbor’s hen house.

→ May your blue heeler bitch get settled by a Pekingese

→ May you notice your missing wedding ring as you put the last scoop of wheat in the elevator.

→ May your daughter get engaged to a fifty-six-year-old biker.

→ May the local gossip discover your Jane Fonda workout video.