Chapter Thirteen

 

 

Something was wrong with Owen, and she couldn’t put her finger on it. He’d been perfectly sweet. He’d been waiting for her at the time they’d agreed on. He’d taken her to dinner and asked about her day, listening patiently as she likely went way too much into how plaque was formed in the brain. Way too much.

It had been an exciting day and it had taken her too long to figure out that his smile didn’t come close to reaching his eyes.

Now they were ensconced in her apartment and she wondered how to tell him she planned on going to the meeting Friday afternoon. She was wondering if she should tell him at all since there was something in his eyes that told her he’d had a rough day.

Maybe it was time to play the submissive. Wasn’t it her job to soothe him? He protected her. She soothed and calmed him. That was the exchange they’d agreed on, and he’d definitely done his job. She wasn’t sure she’d been doing hers. She’d been far too into the sex and pleasure and affection to remember he needed things too.

He locked the door behind him. “I think I might head to my place for the night, love. I’ve got a headache and I worry I’ll keep you awake.”

Yes, something had definitely gone wrong with his day. “Or you could sit down and let me take care of you. After all, I am a doctor. Can you describe it to me? The headache, that is?”

A faint smile crossed his face. “He’s six foot, dark hair, bloodshot eyes. He’s an asshole of the highest order and I have to work with him.”

Oh yes, she could handle this. “I know a couple of those myself. Owen, please stay with me. I don’t mind if you toss and turn. I can handle it. Sit down.”

His eyes caught hers and she realized she’d made a mistake. If he’d had issues with someone at work, it might have made him feel small, and now she was ordering him around. That wasn’t how to handle a man like Owen.

“Please.” That was a better plan.

His gaze softened but he didn’t move toward the couch. “I’m on the edge tonight, Becca. I don’t want to go into it, but work was hard today. I think I could push you tonight if you let me. I don’t want to scare you.”

She moved into his space. “I’m not scared of you at all.”

His eyes seemed grave as he stared down at her. “Maybe you should be.”

She shook her head and put her arms around him, resting her ear on his chest. “No. I do not want to be afraid of you. Not for a second.” She was quiet for a moment because his arms had wrapped around her and he seemed to relax. It was peaceful to breathe him in and listen to the steady beat of his heart. “I wanted to be here all day.”

“I thought you had a good day.” One of those big hands of his moved over her back.

“I did.” The results of the latest test had been spectacular. But she’d still thought about him. He was a distraction, but one she wasn’t willing to let go of. She’d worked all this time thinking of nothing but her research. Maybe Owen was her shot at having something outside of work. She knew it was too early to start thinking like that, but she’d been super careful when it had come to her ex-husband. Careful hadn’t worked. She was following her instincts this time. “But the whole time I was waiting for six o’clock.”

Now that hand came up and cupped the nape of her neck, cradling her to him, and she knew she had him. He wouldn’t be going anywhere tonight. “You have no idea how much I felt the same today.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He rarely talked about himself. He would let her go on and on, but he tended to turn the conversation when it was about him.

He was silent for a moment. “I screwed up a job a couple of years back. I screwed up badly and it put two of my teammates in danger. They came out of it all right, but it’s when I got injured and had that bad reaction to the drugs they had to give me.”

She went very still because she’d learned this was not something he talked about. He was touchy about the scars on his body. She could have told him they did nothing to detract from how gorgeous he was, but he obviously hadn’t wanted to hear it.

“The reaction was bad,” he continued. “It went far beyond what you see on my skin. It made me weak for a long time. My boss…well, I think he felt so bad about what happened that he couldn’t fire me even though he should have.”

“I can’t imagine you would do anything that would require you being fired.”

“Then you, love, don’t have a good imagination,” he replied quietly. “I assure you, I deserved it and more. But I’ve tried to redeem myself. I was reminded today of everything I did wrong and that some people don’t believe I can change. I also might have tried to kill someone.”

She brought her head up, or rather tried to, but he gently held her down. “What?”

“Hush. I didn’t do it. I was reminded that I have things I care about now,” he replied. “Besides, he deserved it. Sorry. My work isn’t like yours. We’re a bunch of barbarians at heart. It’s all right.”

“Did you get hurt?”

“He never had a chance, though I suspect he’ll try something nasty soon,” he admitted. “I’ll be ready for him. Now, are you sure? Are you sure you want me to stay because I’m still raw. I think it might be best if I go home and Robert and I beat on each other.”

That sounded like a terrible idea. “Or you could play with me.”

She felt the groan go through his body, felt his cock get hard against her belly.

“I won’t go easy on you. I need too much tonight.” His hands tightened around her. His words told her she could go, but those hands begged her to stay. Commanded her to stay.

“Do you need me?” She could handle anything he threw her way if he did.

“I need you more than I could have imagined. I need you more than I should.” His voice had gone deep, hoarse, as though he was right there on the edge and all it would take to push him over was a little help from her.

She rubbed her cheek against his chest and let her hands find the globes of his amazingly muscled ass. “I need you, too. Tell me what you want from me, Owen.”

He tugged on her hair, gently forcing her to look up into his eyes. “Everything. I want everything.”

“Then let’s play.” She wanted to be the reason he relaxed tonight. Whatever had happened, it had all come back to him today. And he wasn’t the only one. She couldn’t tell him the story of what had happened to her that summer. It didn’t matter because everyone who was guilty was dead. Everyone but her. She wanted to wipe those months away, and she knew exactly how to do it. “I don’t want to think for the rest of the night. I don’t want to be Dr. Walsh. I want to be yours.”

“Take off your clothes. You won’t need them until morning. Take them off and kneel at my feet. This is how we begin formal sessions.”

“Is this a formal session?” So far they’d been fairly casual. She had to admit she was intrigued.

“This is a learning session. If you ever want me to take you to a club, you’ll need to learn certain protocols. Do you want to go with me to a club? I would like to take you to one. I would love to show you off, to let everyone know how pretty my sub is.”

There was a whole world out there to explore. There was a world where she could relax and be someone other than the doctor she had to be during the day. There could be a whole other Rebecca. Owen’s Rebecca.

Owen picked up the key she’d left on the hook by the door. “Go to the bedroom and get undressed. I want you to get on your knees and wait for me there. I’m going to grab something out of my apartment.”

“Sex toys?” She was joking. It was probably condoms.

“Yes,” he replied absolutely seriously. “Now stop questioning me or I’ll get the canes out. I’ve got a lovely set of them. Would you like to be introduced to those tonight? Or do you just want to take the plug I bought for you?”

She felt her eyes widen. “Plug? I…what part of me are you…oh, my bottom.”

That got him smirking. “Aye. Your pretty arsehole, love. How did you expect to take my cock? I certainly didn’t plan to shove it in without any preparation.”

Okay, so the after-hours Becca was definitely going to explore new things. “What if I don’t like it?”

“Then I stop. All you ever have to tell me is no.”

She was safe with him. Safe to explore crazy sex stuff. “Then I will definitely take the plug over the canes. Though I’m sure they’re perfectly lovely canes.”

She turned and hurried back to her bedroom. In the end it was all a game. That was precisely why they called it playing. But she wasn’t risking the cane part.

The lamp was on, casting soft light across her bedroom. She pulled her clothes off, tossing them to the side. Her bedroom was fairly utilitarian. She didn’t think about it much but she was going to have to reconsider because the hardwoods under her knees weren’t very comfy. A thick rug might be helpful if she did this often. And maybe she should move from her queen-sized bed to a king, because Owen took up an enormous amount of space.

She couldn’t help it, her mind flashed back to the last time she’d been on her knees. She was right back at Kronberg. That day the floor had been cold under her knees. She’d tripped as she’d tried to get away from the man who’d threatened her. She’d panicked and fallen and Dr. McDonald had walked in, looking from him to her.

What have you done?

“Spread your knees, love.” Owen’s voice brought her back to reality.

It took her a moment but she did as he asked, spreading her knees wider.

“What happened? You’re tense and you weren’t before,” Owen said, his hand finding her hair.

She didn’t want to think about that day, tried to not ever think about it. “Nothing. Just nervous about the plug. Not that I’m not willing to try it. I am.”

His fingers tangled in her hair, tugging her until she faced him. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I saw someone today who reminded me of a man from my past. Then I remembered when I was trying to get away from him, I tripped and my knees hit the floor. I’m okay. It just reminded me.”

“Someone hurt you?” The question came out on a low growl and she had the impression that their session might be interrupted by some bloody revenge if Owen had his way.

“He threatened me,” she corrected. At least she thought he hadn’t hurt her. It had all been a dream when she’d been sick. That’s what she’d told herself. The threat, however, had definitely been real. “He scared me, but he didn’t actually hurt me. I made sure I was never alone with him after that day. I left a project I was working on.”

“I would like a name, Rebecca.”

She breathed out and let the old fears go. “He died a few years back. It’s fine. Like I said, I saw someone who reminded me of him today. It’s a whisper, that’s all. But you need to know that I want to be out of my head tonight every bit as much as you do. Please take me out of my head.”

His face was still tight, as if it was an indulgence for him to let the conversation go, but he stepped back. “All right. Spread your knees wider and if you argue with me, I’ll start the discipline for the evening.”

She moved her knees as wide as they would go and realized why he was insistent on this position. It made her vulnerable. It made her deeply aware of her pussy. Cool air caressed her and she was open to him.

“Yes, that’s what I want.” He stood in front of her, his eyes going straight to her pussy. “Straighten your shoulders.”

She did as he asked. The position made her breasts thrust out. Her nipples were already hard and aching for attention. Despite the coolness of the room, her body was warming up nicely.

“Now place your hands palms up on your thighs. Like you’re offering yourself to me because that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re offering me your body and your trust.” When she’d done as he asked, he stood in front of her. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

She hadn’t thought about it in a long time. Her whole life was spent inside her head, her intellect so much more important than anything else about her. It still was. Her mind was a gift, but it was good to feel something physical, too. “You make me feel beautiful.”

“You are beautiful, love. Inside and out. Don’t ever forget it. If there’s one thing I can teach you, it’s that. And I accept what you’re offering. I accept it with gratitude. Now, I want you to shift positions and get on your hands and knees and let me have access to that pretty arse of yours.”

He was really going to do it. And now. Somehow she’d thought he would wait a while, play a while, but he was reaching for his small leather bag, pulling out a tube of lube and a…yep, that was an anal plug.

He stepped away into her bathroom and she heard water running.

She shifted and then she really felt vulnerable. She’d only thought she knew what vulnerable meant, but being on her hands and knees, waiting for her lover to shove a piece of plastic up her asshole, was something else entirely.

“Do you know why I want to fuck your arse?” His words floated in from the bathroom.

“Not really.”

“Because I want to have you every single way a man can have a woman. I want to know you in every possible way I can. And because it’s going to feel like heaven. I’m crazy about your pussy. I promise, I’ll fill your pussy up every chance I get, but your sweet arse is going to be my indulgence.” His every word was a dark promise. Of pleasure. Of intimacy.

He stepped back in, that plug in his hands. He’d taken off his shirt and shoes, leaving him in nothing but a worn pair of jeans that hung low on his hips. He was a decadent dream Dom.

He sank down into the plush chair she usually read in before she went to bed. He sat back like a king on a throne. “You’re a very obedient sub. I can see you’re going to make it hard on me. I’ll have to find reasons to spank you. I’ll do it because there’s nothing I’ll like more than having you over my lap. That’s an idea. Come over here and drape yourself over my lap.”

She would have thought that crawling across the floor toward a man would make her feel small, but she imagined herself a sleepy cat. A wild thing in need of attention. His cock was bulging against the denim he wore and his eyes were hot as he watched her move his way. She felt every muscle in her body, every inch of her skin as she crossed the distance between them. Her breasts felt heavy, but it was a good feeling. They were heavy with want she knew would soon be fulfilled.

She felt graceful and sexy as she placed herself across his lap. Between the rough feel of the denim against her belly and the warmth of his hand on her back, she was caught in sensation. The last of the stress and fear of the day seemed to leach from her system, and she was wholly ready to be his, open to the experience he was going to give her.

“Or I could simply slap this arse because it’s mine.”

She gasped at the sudden pain that wracked through her as he brought his hand down. It was sharp and sent a wave of pure heat roaring across her.

“I’ll slap it because I love how hot you look when your cheeks are pink and perfect.”

Another smack had her holding on to his leg and gritting her teeth, but she knew what was coming after. The pain and the heat, and then a rush of lust. It shot directly to her core and she was getting wet and ready for him.

He smacked her cheeks again and she realized she could get addicted to this. Owen Shaw might become her drug of choice if she let him.

She gritted her teeth as he continued to spank her. It was a ritual. Grit teeth. Moan. Let the heat sink into her bones. Yearn. Begin again. Over and over he put her through it, punctuating each slap of her flesh with sweet words. He told her how gorgeous she was, how much he wanted her, how he thought about her every minute of the day. The words sank in as much as the physical sensation. Something infinitely warm had opened up inside her.

“You like this,” Owen said, his hand moving between her legs.

She forced herself to breath as his fingers brushed against her pussy. It was a light thing, so much less than she needed. And yet she found herself arching against him. “I love it. I’ve never felt anything like it before.”

“And I know you like this. Hold still or I’ll stop what I’m doing.” His fingers pressed against her pussy, sliding in because she was so damn wet. “I love how hot you get for me.”

She’d never been this hot for anyone before. It took everything she had to remain still as he fucked her with his fingers. His thumb came up and rubbed against her clit.

“I want you to come for me. I want you to come all around my fingers and then it’s going to be my time. You’ll do anything I ask tonight, won’t you, my sweet sex toy?”

She would do anything at all for him tonight as long as he kept doing this to her. “Yes, Owen.”

“That’s what I want to hear.” He picked up the pace, fucking his fingers deep inside her pussy and rotating them as he pressed down on her clitoris.

It wasn’t more than a few moments before she was clutching his jeans and calling out his name as the orgasm pierced through her.

She was still shaking, coming down from the high when he pulled his fingers out.

“I bet you’ve never felt this either.” There was a deep chuckle to his words and she gasped as he parted the cheeks of her ass. “Hold on, love. It’s just a little lube.”

And it was cold. She whimpered at the sensation. She’d never played this way before, never even thought she would want to, but she couldn’t deny him. Her whole body felt boneless in the wake of her orgasm.

“I love the sounds you make,” he said as he started to work the lube in.

She was back to shuddering. The sensation was odd, jangled. It wasn’t painful, but she certainly wasn’t sure it was pleasure. Pressure hit her when she felt him place the plastic tip to the tight ring of her ass.

“Hold on to me,” he said, his voice hoarse.

She did as he asked and realized how relaxed she was. It would be okay. She didn’t need to tense up. Becca took a deep breath and let herself feel. She cataloged every sensation, from the cool air on her flesh to how her backside ached in the sweetest way. The plug was opening her up little by little and his cock was rock hard under her belly. One hand held her in place, giving her balance.

“Tell me where you are,” he said, the plug rimming her. He pressed in and then pulled out, gently gaining ground.

She was with him. That was all that mattered. “I’m good, Owen. It’s not painful. It’s a little weird, but I can handle it.”

“Good because now that I’ve seen how pretty it is, I have to have it. I can’t wait until it’s my cock fucking this pretty hole.” His accent had gone deep again.

She’d certainly never thought of an asshole as being pretty, but she was glad he liked hers. He was an outrageous man. From what she could tell the man had no shame when it came to sex, and that was one of the sexiest things about him. And she’d helped him tonight because he obviously did feel shame about other things. She’d hated the guilt in his voice as he’d talked about screwing up at work.

He wasn’t thinking about that now. He was here with her. While she found a safe place with him, he was doing the same thing with her. It felt good to be necessary to someone in a personal way. Being with Owen pointed out all her problems with men before. Not a one of them compared to her research. Not a single one, even the man she’d married, had been able to take her out of her head and let her be a woman.

His woman.

He slid the plug in. “That’s it. Relax for me. It’s not so bad.”

It wasn’t bad at all. Now that he’d managed to coax it inside her, she wasn’t sure what she’d been afraid of. She felt full. “I don’t hate it.”

“I’m glad to hear that because you’re going to wear it for a while. Clench it, love. You need to concentrate to keep it inside. I’ve got to clean up. I want you to lie on the bed and wait for me. I’m not even close to being done with you yet.”

She wasn’t close to being done either.

 

* * * *

 

Owen washed his hands and looked at himself in the mirror.

Fuck, he didn’t recognize himself, and it had nothing to do with what had happened to his memory. He’d looked at himself in the bloody mirror every day. He saw an attractive man who couldn’t quite connect to anyone around him.

Not tonight. Tonight, all he could see was a man who hungered. The man in the mirror hungered for something and it wasn’t his next glass of Scotch.

It felt good. It felt fucking perfect. She was everything he could want in a woman.

He was lying to her at every single turn.

He dried his hands. It didn’t matter. She never had to know. He could handle this and handle her. He didn’t have to give her up.

He wouldn’t give her up. She was the one good thing that had come out of his pain. He wasn’t about to let her go now no matter what Ezra said.

It was okay. He still had time with her.

Time to steal more of her privacy. Time to lie to her.

She didn’t deserve any of this.

He opened the door and every single bit of guilt fled because she was lying on the bed, her head tilted off the edge, her gorgeous body draped over the comforter. He had to smile because she was in an awkward position. Sexy, but awkward. It was like she’d tried to center herself on the bed and gotten it wrong. She lay across the bed, but not like she would to sleep. She was parallel to the headboard and her head was slightly off the mattress.

His cock twitched in his jeans and he knew it didn’t matter what he’d done before or what he would do after. All that mattered was this moment and this woman. It didn’t matter that he didn’t deserve her, that he’d lied and cheated to have her. She’d given herself to him and he was going to keep her no matter what.

He stood there for a moment, his eyes taking in every inch of that golden skin. Her tits were perfect. Round and tipped, with ripe pink berries. His palm itched to touch them, to feel that silk under his skin.

“I kept the plug, but that was pretty much hell on earth, Owen. It doesn’t want to stay in,” she complained. “I had to roll on the bed and I ended up like this. Can you grab my ankles and pull me down so my head isn’t falling off the mattress?”

But he could see the possibilities of her position. She was laid out for his enjoyment. He unbuttoned the fly of his jeans and shoved them off his hips, kicking them to the side. He wouldn’t need clothes for the rest of the night, either. He was going to spend every second of it skin to skin with her.

Doing disgusting, perverted, glorious things with her. “I like you exactly where you are.”

It struck him that he hadn’t felt her mouth on his cock. He’d been too eager to get inside her, but he could certainly make up for it now.

Her hair fell in golden brown waves. “You like it? I’m not sure how…” She bit her bottom lip. “You want me to suck you, don’t you? You want to shove your cock into my mouth and play with my breasts at the same time. That’s why you like it.”

It was a good thing that she could read his intentions. He couldn’t keep her like that forever. She would get woozy, but he could enjoy her for a few moments. “I like it because you’re laid out like a feast for me. Are you going to do it, love? Are you going to suck my cock?”

“Yes, Owen. I’ve been dying to.” Her legs slid against one another, like she couldn’t help but move.

He crossed the space between them. The bed was at the perfect height. It brought her luscious mouth in line with his cock. “Open for me.”

She did as he’d commanded, and he felt the first long lick of her tongue on the underside of his dick. It was enough to make his eyes roll to the back of his head. The position wasn’t one he’d been in before, doubted she had either, but she took to it with enthusiasm.

Her tongue rolled over him. It was a tight fit. Her mouth was small, but she managed to work his dick with sweet enthusiasm. He fucked in and out of her mouth, loving the way her teeth scraped against him. Yeah, he didn’t mind that tiny bite of pain. There was something primal about having her like this. It wasn’t normal or natural, and yet she was giving him everything he desired.

Maybe it was normal and natural to go wherever he wanted as long as he was with her. Topping Becca felt right. He did have something to give her. If he hadn’t insisted, she would be in a lab at Huisman working away instead of spread out with a cock halfway down her throat. She would forget that her body needed attention too.

And protection. Something was happening and she had no idea what was coming for her. He would protect her when it all went down. He would stand in front of her and take anything that came her way.

Maybe then she would forgive him.

He let the thought go and reached for her breasts. The position she was in left her whole body open to him. His playground. He cupped her breasts, feeling the nipples against his palms. She continued to work his dick, moaning around him when he tweaked those pretty nipples. He rolled them between his thumbs and forefingers, pinching lightly. Every groan he elicited from her rolled over his cock.

He felt her hands run along the outside of his thighs and he reached for her pussy. He wasn’t about to come in her mouth. He wanted inside her pussy too much, but she could get another orgasm out of this. She was so hot, and that plug would make her even tighter than normal. He wouldn’t last long. It was imperative to give this woman every second of pleasure he could. He needed to get her addicted to the pleasure he could give her and then maybe they would have a shot at coming out of this together.

Her nails rasped against his thighs when he touched her clit. It was swollen, her pussy soaking wet with her previous orgasm. He could give them to her all night long.

So responsive. She shuddered underneath him as he started to work her clit.

“Give me another one,” he commanded.

She squirmed beneath him, her hips catching the rhythm of his hand.

Her mouth sucked at him hard and he wasn’t sure how long he could hold out. She felt past good. The sensation was brilliant, like nothing he’d felt before, likely because there was emotion behind this. He’d fucked before. As soon as he’d physically been able, he’d started looking for partners, but those had been nothing but pure sex. This was more. This was what Jax talked about. This was why his brother couldn’t keep his hands off River, why he shoved his wife onto a kitchen island and had his way with her. Not because he needed sex. Because he needed her.

Becca’s body went stiff and he could feel her arousal coating his fingers. She moaned, the sound purring across his dick as she came again.

He pulled out because his cock was pulsing, ready to go off. He looked down and groaned as he saw her swollen lips and heavily lidded eyes. Sex. She was the picture of sex, of a woman who was well taken care of.

It was okay to take care of himself now. Owen tore open the condom and rolled it on. He stalked around the bed. It was okay that it was small now. Oh, when he had to curl himself around her to sleep…well, he would be okay with it then, too. He reached out and gripped her ankles, pulling her toward him. A gasp came from her throat, but she was utterly submissive as he spread her legs. He was too far gone to properly enjoy the sight. Nothing mattered except getting inside her.

He thrust in hard. She was tight but also incredibly wet and ready for him. The plug. God, the plug was a hard drag against his cock.

“I feel so full.” Her voice came out on a dreamy sigh.

He could fill her up. He could do it every damn night of his life. “You feel like heaven.”

He pressed up into her, loving how her eyes widened when he joined them fully. He was as deep as he could go, his balls rubbing against her. Damn but this was where he always wanted to be now. The world fell away when he was with her. He could be the Owen he wanted to be, not the one who’d fucked up in the past or the one who couldn’t seem to find a future, but Becca’s Owen. He could be the man who took care of her, who protected and sheltered her.

He set a brutal pace, his heart pounding in time with his cock. It was too good to last. She tightened around him and called out his name, and it sent him right over the edge.

He poured himself into her, fucking up inside her again and again until he had nothing left.

He fell on top of her, giving her his full weight. Her arms came around him.

Sometimes she was the one who sheltered him. That felt good, too.

“Owen, I lost the plug,” she whispered in his ear. “That’s okay, right? I couldn’t clench when you were doing all that stuff to me.”

Oh, he was okay with it.

He kissed her neck. “It just means we start all over again, love.”

Starting over seemed like a perfect thing to do.