As I draw the curtains on an extraordinary day, I steal a look at the house with the pretty pink door. Is there somebody who’s being held prisoner inside? Are they desperate for help and what is the room with the camera for? I feel unsettled and afraid because Ryan is teetering on the edge of darkness. He’s shown a side to him that no mother wants to see, and his desires are walking a fine line between right and wrong.
Adrian stands in the doorway and watches me, and I feel a prickle of alarm run through my veins as I sense change coming.
He appears to be searching for words and spinning around, I can tell I’m not wrong as he throws me an agonised look and says softly, “We need to talk.”
My heart thumps as I sit on the bed and he crosses the room, sitting beside me but not taking my hand as I would have expected. He falters and seems anxious and I struggle to breathe because this is unusual. What is he going to say?
“I’m sorry, Nancy.”
“For what?”
“For not being truthful.”
“What do you mean?” My voice quivers and I look at him, waiting for answers and dreading hearing them at all. Is it better not to know something that may break you, or is it best to break and then find the strength to rebuild something worth keeping hold of?
He looks at his hands and says wearily, “I’m moving out.”
“What?”
I almost doubt my hearing because I never expected this.
He shrugs and won’t look at me as he mumbles, “I’m moving to Eastbourne, there’s a flat there I can use until we sell the house and we can share the equity.”
“Are you kidding me, Adrian, what the hell are you talking about?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing and feel as if I’m in a room with a stranger as he shrugs and says wearily, “It’s over. In fact, it’s been over for some time, but we haven’t admitted it. I thought the new job, our new home, would change everything but we just brought all our old baggage with us. Nothing has changed, just our address. You are still the boring housewife you became and I’m the poor sap who pays for it all, getting nothing back in return. Well, it’s over, I’ve had enough.”
My blood boils with every word he speaks. Boring housewife, how dare he?
“Boring! You have the audacity to call me boring? If I am, I learned that lesson from you.” I laugh bitterly.
“Well, if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what is. Boring, you’re a fine one to talk. You are every bit as much to blame as me in all this, and now you’re leaving because I’m boring.”
I feel so angry I could batter him to death with my fists. I’m so worked up I can’t control the thoughts spinning in my mind. Me - boring, he has got to be kidding.
He stands and shakes his head as if disappointed by my outburst.
“I can see you’re emotional so I’ll just go now. I’ll be in touch when you’ve calmed down a little. You see, Nancy, I stopped loving you a long time ago. I just never had the strength to do something about it. Well, I’ve found what I’m looking for and it’s time to draw a line under this soulless marriage.”
“What do you mean, found what?”
My voice falters as I face the possibility there is someone else involved in this. Has he met someone else, is he leaving me for another woman?
“You cheated on me?”
The derision on his face causes me to question my sanity as he nods slowly. “I found someone who you could never measure up to. I found someone who accepts me for who I am and never judges me. I found a life I can’t believe was there all the time and even in my darkest hour could have pulled me through. To answer your question, Nancy, the thing, the person, the entity I found, is God.”
He turns on his heels and leaves the room, and my jaw hits the floor. Religion. Adrian is leaving me for religion. How can I possibly compete with that?
When I wake the next morning, I try to act as if nothing is different. I go about my morning routine and paint a brave face on when I fix the boys their breakfast. Adrian has normally left by now anyway, so nobody will be any the wiser. I will explain his absence as a business trip, allowing me time to formulate a plan before it becomes public knowledge. How on earth can I tell anyone what Adrian is leaving for? They will never understand, I’m not sure I do. Surely God would disapprove of a man leaving his wife and kids—for him? It doesn’t make sense, and I can only imagine that Adrian is having some sort of mid-life crisis that will be resolved as quickly as it came. Maybe I should invent a longer trip because I’m confident he will see sense when solitary life bites. So, the decision that came to me in the early hours is to do nothing at all and just ride the wave until it dies away. There will be no question of this pulling me under, if I’m sure of anything it’s that.
Just after ten, the doorbell rings and my heart races as I wonder who it is. Adrian? But why wouldn’t he use his key?
Quickly, I rush to answer it and see Jasmine looking anxious on the doorstep. In fact, the closer I look, the worse she looks and I say fearfully, “What’s happened?”
Her eyes are bloodshot and her hand is trembling as she tries to stop it by clasping it in her other hand. Her hair is wild and her make-up smudged, appearing as if she’s been up all night. Quickly, I open the door and pull her inside, my own problems pushed aside for somebody who looks in need of help.
“What’s happened?”
I wonder if it’s something to do with her ex-husband, but she says, “I don’t feel that well. To be honest, Nancy, I’m a mess.”
Steering her towards the kitchen, I flick on the kettle and settle her in the comfy chair by the window. “Tell me everything.”
She puts her head in her hands and sobs, which surprises me more than anything.
“I think I’m an addict.”
I stare at her in disbelief as she cries hard and I drop to my knees and take her hands. “What makes you think that?”
“It all got on top of me and I started taking pills I researched on the internet for depression. They seemed to do the trick, but I found I could only cope if I took one a day. As things got worse, I took more and then more. Work was a bastard and now Matt’s found us, I’m afraid of the consequences. Liam is threatening to leave me if I carry on taking the pills, and I’d kill myself if he did. I gave up everything for him and what if he’s telling the truth, what if he leaves me? I’ll have no one, he’s all I want, just him. You’ve got to help me, Nancy, I need to shape up for him.”
I feel so angry, upset and sorry for my friend and say fervently, “Correction, Jasmine, you need to shape up for only one person—you. Don’t let other people dictate your actions, do them because it’s best for you, not them. If Liam leaves, he wasn’t worth holding onto in the first place. I’ll help you beat the habit, but you’ve got to help me too.”
“How?”
“Make it happen, don’t waver and stay strong. Together we will beat this addiction and it starts by getting professional help. Make an appointment with your doctor and we’ll go together.”
She looks at me through troubled eyes and I see a little of her fire returning and my heart settles. Yes, I’ll help Jasmine and she will help me without knowing it. Together we will get through our problems and emerge on the other side better people for it.
I make the tea and try to calm her down until she visibly relaxes and looks at me gratefully.
“Thanks Nancy, you’re a true friend.”
“I’m trying to be.”
I smile through my tears and relegate my own problems to the bottom of the pile.
Suddenly, Jasmine sits up straight and says in a loud voice, “Oh my god, I almost forgot.”
“What?”
I stare at her in surprise as she jumps up and looks behind her at number 9. “I found out something that could hold the answers to what’s happening over there. Come on, we need to round up the others. You grab Esme and meet me at the Wickhams. We need to agree how we’re going to handle this, it’s bigger than us all.”
As I follow her out, I sense more change coming. What does she know and will I wish she never told me? I’m beginning to realise I like my head buried in the sand. It’s certainly an easier place to live, with none of the complications of having to make decisions that could backfire in a devastating way.