The last twenty-four hours have been emotional, tiring and interesting. I know I’m losing control; I have been for some time. I thought I could deal with everything, but as it turns out—I can’t. Leaving Matthew was a decision I didn’t make lightly because up until Liam and I started our affair, I was happy. I suppose I thought that was what love was, steady and predictable. But Liam, well, he proved otherwise.
Since I first met him, we always got on. He was Matthew’s older brother, not by many years, and we shared a quick wit and a love of extremes. Matthew liked nothing more than taking things carefully and slowly, but Liam was the complete opposite and was always arranging evenings out and weekends away doing things like paint balling and skydiving. I loved that about him, and he found a willing companion in me.
Liam had many girlfriends and I always envied them his time. We used to hear them at night when we went away for weekends as a group and Matthew used to joke about it, but I remember lying next to him listening to the sounds coming from the next room. Liam has never done anything by halves, and sex is no exception. His girlfriends always appeared exhausted at breakfast the next morning, but Liam just seemed invigorated. He was charismatic and interesting, and so when he whispered in my ear at a party one evening to follow him outside, there was no hesitation on my part.
I expect we had too much to drink, but that’s only an excuse. As soon as we were out of sight of the house, he pressed me against the wall and told me he loved me. I was shocked, horrified, and so turned on I couldn’t think straight. My brother-in-law. It was forbidden and intoxicating, and I couldn’t say no.
That evening Liam and I had sex against the wall with his brother and family inside. Afterwards, I felt dirty and cheap, but so alive. Over the next few months, we met more regularly and our affair became bigger than both of us. We were on a destructive path and there was only ever going to be one outcome. A wreckage.
I’m not proud of what we did. Tore apart their family and stepped away from the wreck.
We walked away leaving utter devastation behind and have made a new life for ourselves here in Meadow Vale. Liam’s family has disowned him and even his mother wants nothing to do with us—him. Now Matthew has discovered where we live, I suppose it’s only a matter of time before the inevitable confrontation occurs.
It’s no wonder I’m unravelling like a loose thread caught in a door. I’m failing at work, distracted and not playing my best game. I’m reliant on pills to get me through the day, and Liam’s patience is wearing thin. He gave up everything for me and I’m scared he will conclude it wasn’t worth it, so I must get a grip and shape up because I don’t have any other choice.
Now I’m heading to Keith and Sandra with news that will rock everyone’s world. We were right to be concerned and we were foolish to leave this so long. What’s going on behind the pretty pink door could be the stuff of nightmares.
I knock on their door, feeling my heart steadily thumping inside me. What will they think? Will they agree to assist me with what I know is the right thing to do?
As Sandra opens the door, she throws me a disapproving look and my heart sinks. I know I look a mess and no doubt the drama from yesterday is fresh on her mind, but I can’t dwell on that.
So, I just say urgently, “I’m sorry to bother you, Sandra, but please may I have a word with you and Keith. I’ve asked Nancy and Esme to join us, I hope you don’t mind.”
“What’s going on, why the urgency?”
“I’ll tell you when the others get here, please Sandra, I wouldn’t ask unless it was important.”
Reluctantly, she steps aside to let me in and I feel like a piece of filth as I follow her into her kitchen. Keith is reading the newspaper and looks up in surprise and as soon as he sees me a flicker of distaste passes across his face and he says coolly, “Jasmine.”
I can feel their disapproval which ordinarily wouldn’t bother me but I’m quickly realising it does because for all their annoying ways, I do respect my elderly neighbours and know they are good people at heart. I feel bad that I’ve ridiculed and gossiped about them to anyone who would listen, and as if from nowhere, I say breathlessly, “I’m sorry.”
They just look at me in surprise and I sigh heavily. “You must think I’m an awful person. I’ve not exactly been the best neighbour to you and I apologise for that. What happened yesterday was out of my control, but you deserve an explanation at least.”
Sandra shakes her head and looks across at Keith before saying firmly, “Jasmine, your business is just that—your business. Contrary to what you may think, we don’t need to know the details. Keith and I haven’t lived a sheltered life all these years and whatever reason you had for what you did, must have been a good one. If you don’t mind, we would rather not hear the details because we’re not people who revel in other people’s misfortunes. Yes, I felt sorry for that man yesterday, who wouldn’t but I’m also aware there are things that happen in life that are unplanned and not always ethical. Just know we are very private people and would be hypocrites if we expected any less from our neighbours.”
I stare at her in shock and feel even more ashamed of myself than I did already. I’ve always dismissed Keith and Sandra, and now I can see just how amazing they really are. Thinking back on the times they tried to get me involved in their committee, or cricket club teas, makes me feel ashamed. They were only trying to get me involved, and I turned my nose up and sneered behind their back. They have welcomed every person here with their form outlining everything they need to know, and I’ve done nothing but bitch about them behind their backs.
As the doorbell rings signifying the rest of my neighbours, I vow to change my ways and shape up in more ways than just my personal life. If I could turn out to be just a fraction of how magnificent they are, I would be a very rich person.