Today’s the day. I’ve convinced Keith I’m meeting an old friend in town and luckily it clashed with his golf tournament, so I was left alone for once.
I’ve been on edge for weeks now and the fear of what lies behind the door to the surgery is choking me inside. I could walk out of there with a death sentence, or I could walk out of there a free woman. The doctor is my judge and jury, and I am so nervous I can hardly breathe.
Trying to distract my thoughts, I focus on the aftermath of what happened at number 9 and remember how different things were after that. It’s as if the experience brought us all closer together, and finally Keith and I were accepted as part of the gang.
Jasmine discovered a young girl was being held there and was now safe in the care of the authorities. The Evans and the police officer are in prison awaiting trial for a string of offences and number 9 is now being offered up for rent. I hope they are more stringent with their next tenants because the thought of anything happening like that again is too much to bear.
Luckily, Jasmine sorted herself out and has resigned from her job and is due to start at a local company in Brighton. With Liam beside her, they are still trying to navigate the storm their relationship caused and I’ve no doubt it will be a long process, not a quick fix as much as they wish it was.
Esme and Lucas seem happy and she has just started work at the local supermarket. They have settled in well and their two boys are enjoying life at the local school.
Nancy is the only one worrying me because she appears agitated and withdrawn. Perhaps it’s because Adrian’s left her. Not that she’s confided in me of course. I overheard a snatched conversation between Jasmine and Liam when they were in their garden on Sunday. I always thought something wasn’t quite right about their relationship. He always seemed a little mysterious and they’re the ones who always surprise you the most. I’m not one to pry though and if she needs a friendly ear to offload to, I am always willing, just ask Keith.
My heart softens as I think of the man I married all those years ago. My best friend and with me through thick and thin. How I hope more than anything this lump was just a cyst because the thought of him being left alone to carry on without me strikes fear in my heart. It was my primary reason for moving. I wanted him to have people around if he found himself on his own. We don’t have any family and I was worried. The thought of him in our large house, all alone, drove the move and I know we made the right decision.
“Mrs Wickham, the doctor will see you now.”
Suddenly, I’m brought back to the present and the fate that’s already been decided. I feel nervous as I stand and try to act unconcerned as I walk towards the door of knowledge. My legs feel shaky, but my resolve is strong. Whatever happens inside that room will not break me? I will deal with it as I’ve dealt with everything in my life, with a bravery I don’t feel inside.
The doctor looks up as I head inside and smiles a genuine smile that’s filled with warmth. I can tell nothing from that smile because I’m sure it’s the same if it’s bad news or good. Doctors are known for their compassion, and I just hope that’s not what her smile hides.
“Sandra, it’s good to see you, you must be anxious.”
Nervously, I take the seat beside her and nod. “A little.”
She turns and looks at her screen, no doubt bringing up my notes, and I swear time stands still. My life is playing out in slow motion as I wait for the axe to fall, and then she turns and smiles. “The results are in and the tests show it was just a benign tumour.”
“Tumour?”
I can only focus on that word and she smiles patiently.
“Yes, it’s just an abnormal growth of cells that serves no purpose. Most benign tumours are not harmful, and they are unlikely to affect other parts of the body. However, they can cause pain, or other problems if they press against nerves or blood vessels. I expect that’s what’s happened in your case, but now it’s been removed, you should feel normal in no time. The tumour was tested and found to be benign, meaning non-cancerous, although we will continue to monitor you just in case there’s a problem at a later date.”
“So, I’m ok? Not ill.”
She laughs. “You’ll outlive us all. To be honest, your health is good and I can see no reason why you can’t live a full and active life for many years to come.”
Just for a moment, I let the news sink in.
I’m ok.
The relief is enormous as I contemplate a different conversation, but that’s irrelevant now. I’m ok.
It feels as if a cloud has lifted as I stutter my thanks and Doctor Keegan smiles warmly. “I’m pleased for you, Sandra, it’s nice to give good news for a change.”
“It’s nice to hear it. Thank you, doctor, I really mean that you don’t know what this means.”
As I scrape back my chair, I shake her hand and feel the moist balm of my own tears bringing with them the relief that means so much.
I’m ok, fit and healthy and nothing means more than that.
I almost skip out of that doctor’s surgery, eager to feel the sun on my back. I could sing with happiness as I contemplate a future free of worry and full of exciting prospects. I can’t wait to get home to share my good news with Keith and our friends and crack open a bottle of something strong to celebrate getting my life back.
As Sandra Wickham steps into the sunshine, she is the happiest she has ever been.
As she moves through the crowd, she feels like a young woman again.
As she steps off the pavement, she sees only the future and as the bus hits her hard, she dies with a smile on her face.
As the crowd comes running, Sandra has already gone. Fate had another plan for Sandra Wickham that was never going to change. As the crowds cry out and the traffic stills, Sandra Wickham finds peace at last knowing that everything is in place should she die.
One way or another, our paths are determined and we have no say in that. We can plan and prepare the best we can, but nothing will stop the inevitable conclusion of our story. We conquer mountains and live fabulous lives, but ultimately, we have no choice when that life will end. Sandra Wickham thought her life was about to end. She was right, although luckily, she never saw it coming.
* * *