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Teresa felt fat. She had developed reflux and what was meant to be the happiest day of her life, wasn’t.
She panicked when she discovered she was pregnant. She’d had a strict upbringing and worried about how her parents might react if they knew she was pregnant out of wedlock. She was too old for them to beat her anymore, but that didn’t prevent the fear that overcame her every time she considered telling them. She asked William if they could organise a wedding as quickly as possible so she would not show in the photographs. She decided not to invite her parents but to tell them when it was over and done with and too late to prevent.
William, once he recovered from the shock of Teresa’s decision to not ask for an abortion but to go through with the pregnancy, agreed and they set the wheels in motion.
They needed a 70-day notice period because Teresa was a non-European without leave to remain and therefore needed to be investigated by the Home Office. This was combined with the reality that, because of her short stature, Teresa’s baby had grown outwards rather than upwards. The result was that Teresa felt huge and imagined her dress made her look like some ridiculous overweight fairy.
Teresa invited José and the friends from their shared house in Harlesden. William invited his family, his friends, his work colleagues and his old flatmate, Jennifer. Teresa felt outnumbered.
The ceremony was at the Merton register office, an old house on top of a hill, whose lush interiors reminded Teresa of the riches the British amassed from its colonialism at the height of its power. It made her feel like the daughter of an indentured servant impregnated by the plantation owner’s son and now being rushed through a shotgun wedding.
The reception was on the roof garden of a local pub and was, according to the wishes of William and Teresa, though mainly William’s, a simple affair. The pub made sandwiches and a series of snacks, which were all variations on a theme involving small sausages and cocktail sticks.
William put some money behind the bar, but when it came to the speeches, they had some sparkling wine. Teresa hadn’t invited her parents, so they skipped the father of the bride’s speech. William thanked the pub and the bridesmaids who were two Brazilian girls from the house in Harlesden who, if Teresa was honest with herself, she hardly knew.
Her maid of honour was José, who appeared to be enjoying himself too much with his current partner, whom he had just met. William said some nice things about his parents and shared a self-deprecating story before turning his attention to Teresa. He explained how he had developed an addiction to caffeine in the few months he had been going to the coffee shop to see her and how relieved, for the sake of his health, he had been when she agreed to go out with him. He was careful to point out he asked her to marry him before their little accident filled her belly and caused her to have her wedding dress taken out three times.
Then it was Bob’s turn. Bob was William’s best man, a friend from back home. All Teresa knew about him was that he was a priest of some sort.
“Hi, my name is Bob,” he began. “I just scribbled a few words down in the toilet a few minutes ago.”
He held up his speech notes, which he had written on toilet paper.
“I’m not accustomed to public speaking,” there was a small cheer among William’s friends. “I have to admit that when they told me I would toast the happy couple; my first thoughts were: where are we going to get a toaster big enough?”
The guests groaned.
“Before I begin, I must admit that Will and Teresa have asked that I remove anything resembling innuendo from this speech. I’ve promised if I come across anything even slightly risque, I’ll whip it out immediately.”
Teresa couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Wasn’t this man supposed to be a priest?
“Right, I’d like to start by laying down a couple of rules. First, if you have a mobile phone... please, leave it switched on; keep yourselves entertained. And second, if anyone texts you any good jokes, could you please forward them to me?” a little titter. “I’m here to tell you all about Will and how wonderful, handsome and...sorry, mate, I can’t read your writing.”
A bigger laugh.
“They also asked that I don’t talk about Will’s mishaps, mistakes, embarrassing moments or ex-girlfriends. So, thanks for listening everyone, that’s all from me!”
Another laugh
“But seriously though, didn’t he do a wonderful speech?” Bob waited for the guests to cheer and clap their agreement. “And hasn’t he found a beautiful partner?”
Bob turned to look at Teresa, who blushed with the attention.
“It’s a little-known fact that one role of the best man is to take the place of the groom if anything should happen to the groom on the way to the ceremony. If a bus had hit you this morning, Will, it would have been an absolute honour to step into your shoes.”
The guests weren’t sure how to take this one and so just tittered.
“Now we know that Teresa’s family could not make the long journey from Brazil to be with us today. Let us not forget also, Will’s Uncle Albert, who I’m sure would have loved to be here today and would have had some choice words of advice for the bride and groom, so please raise your glasses to absent friends.”
“To absent friends,” the guests repeated as they raised their glasses for the toast.
“Before we raise our glasses to toast the newlyweds, I’d like to share this Mignon McLaughlin quote with Will and Teresa: ‘A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.’ For one more time, I’m going to ask everyone to charge their glasses and – for those who still can – stand and raise a glass to the newlyweds.”
“The newlyweds,” the guests repeated, glad that the speeches were over and that they could eat.