Mum was unusually cheery when Felix came back downstairs. She was beaming all over her face and even occasionally chuckling to herself as if she’d just heard a fantastically funny joke on the radio. She often chuckled at the radio, although Felix could never understand what it was that she found so amusing. Most of the radio programmes she listened to were decidedly un-funny in his opinion.
It turned out it wasn’t the radio, though, that had made her laugh.
‘I have just had the most hilarious conversation with Flora’s mum!’ she announced.
Felix felt all the blood drain from his face and an icy-cold hand grasped his insides. He did not like the sound of this ‘hilarious conversation’. Mum and Mrs Small weren’t even friends. They only ever rang each other to talk about the school run or whether or not it was a school trip or a spelling test that day.
Was Mum playing a trick on him? He shot her a very nervous glance. Or – much worse – had Flo Given the Game Away about Reggie?
He swallowed dryly before answering, ‘Oh?’
‘Yes! You wouldn’t believe it, but Flora thinks you are getting an orang-utan for your birthday – as a pet to come and live with you here!’ she guffawed.
Felix’s icy innards did a double back-flip. What was Flo thinking of?
‘Yes,’ continued Mum cheerfully, ‘apparently you were worried you didn’t have enough food for it, so she’s going to be getting all the Brussels sprouts from her dad’s allotment that (and I’m quoting Flora here) “no one in their right mind ever wants to eat”.’
Felix felt intensely sick. He had been betrayed! He realized now that he had not thought about the details of it, but he had assumed that Zed would bring Reggie round on his birthday and that Mum would not be able to do anything about it, because the orang-utan would come with all the information from the charity about how mistreated he had been and that would mean Mum couldn’t be cruel and send him back.
But it was never going to work now. Mum was cross enough about Dyson and Colin and Hammer and the snails and the spiders and every other animal Felix had ever had anything to do with. She would never say yes to Reggie. Except, she was still smiling . . .
‘Erm, but you’re not cross?’ Felix ventured.
Mum laughed again. ‘Cross? How can I be cross? It’s funny, that’s all – and rather sweet.’
‘Sweet?’ Felix was puzzled. Was Mum starting to talk like Uncle Zed? Did she mean ‘sweet’ as in ‘it’s cool that you are getting an orang-utan’? Or did she mean ‘sweet’ as in ‘it’s so cute’?
‘Yes,’ Mum went on, beaming. ‘It’s lovely that you and Flora play so imaginatively together. When I was your age I played “making house” or “cops and robbers” or things like that. But coming up with the idea of having an imaginary orangutan – and opening your own zoo – it’s amazing!’
Imaginary?
Then Felix thought again about what Flo’s mum had said about ‘make-believe plans’ and everything fell into place. The mums thought this was all a game! Felix squirmed and shuffled on his chair and drew pictures with his finger on the wipe-clean tablecloth. How was he going to explain this? What would Mum say when she found out that Reggie really was coming to live with them? Would she make him cancel the adoption? And, if she did, what would happen to Reggie? Would he have to go back and live with the people who had raised him and made his life so horrible? Felix felt a wall of tears back up behind his eyes and a rush of words push against his throat and before he could stop to think things through properly, he had blurted: ‘But it’s not imaginary! The orang-utan really is coming to live with us. And he’s called Reggie. Zed found him on the Internet.’ And he went on to tell Mum all about Zed’s promise to adopt him an animal for his birthday, and the research they had done on the WWF website.
As Felix spoke, he saw the smile on Mum’s face fade away. Finally it had completely melted, leaving her with a distinctly stony expression.
‘Ah,’ she said. And then she said, ‘Is that exactly, word for word, what that crazy brother of mine has told you?’
Felix gave a hard sniff to try and keep the tears at bay while he thought for a moment and then he said, ‘Well, no. Not exactly word for word. But he has said that it would be cool to adopt me an orang-utan for my birthday. And when you adopt a child it comes to live in your house, doesn’t it? So obviously that is what is going to happen with Reggie – he is going to come and live here. Otherwise what would be the point in doing the adoption thing?’
Mum grimaced. ‘I think we need to get Zed over tonight to explain things,’ was all she would say.
Unfortunately by the time Zed and Silver made it round, Mum had had a few more words to say on the topic of her ‘crazy brother’s ridiculous ideas’. The second Zed walked through the door, Felix launched himself into the hallway at his uncle, throwing his arms round his legs. Colin had been sitting in the middle of the floor, watching a spider, so he nearly got trampled on. He shrieked and streaked out of the front door, seconds before it closed, narrowly missing his tail.
‘Mum says Reggie won’t really come to live with us because that’s not what animal adoption means, and I didn’t believe her so she made me look it up on the Internet and read all the tiny, small words about what happens when you pay your money, and it says that Reggie will stay in Africa and it’s just the charity that gets your money and all I get is the letters, but you said he was adopted and I thought—!’
Zed took a step back and held up both his hands in his ‘cool it’ gesture. ‘Whoa, take a chill pill, man!’ he cried. ‘You’ve gone, like, bright red.’
Dyson came in and jumped up on Zed, and set to enthusiastically licking him all over his face.
‘I am NOT going to COOL IT!’ Felix was yelling. He didn’t care if he had gone multicoloured rainbow: how could his uncle do this to him? He had never been this angry with Zed, ever. ‘I thought you were the person who got it! No one else in my family ever understands how much I love animals. And you PROMISED I could have an animal for my birthday! YOU PROMISED!’
Zed brushed Dyson off him and shook his head in bewilderment, his mouth opening and closing just like Jonah the goldfish did that time Merv tipped him out of the tank to see what people meant by the expression ‘a fish out of water’.
Silver put a hand on Zed’s arm and gave him a look that said, ‘I’ll take things from here.’
‘Felix,’ she said gently. She crouched down until she was at the right height to talk to him face to face. ‘Zed knows he’s mucked up. And he’s really sorry . . .’
Felix didn’t care that Zed was sorry. He didn’t care that Mum was looking at him from the doorway of the kitchen. He didn’t care that Merv had just mooched his way downstairs to lean against the wall and enjoy the spectacle, smirking. Felix didn’t care about anything.
‘Zed?’ Silver prompted.
Zed took Felix into his long gangly arms and squeezed him into a bear hug. ‘Aw, don’t cry, little dude,’ he mumbled into Felix’s hair. ‘Silvs is so right. I’m totally sorry. I didn’t realize you thought this adoption was, like, for real.’
Silver said, ‘What say we go out for pizza and we talk about it, hey?’
Zed held Felix away from him and chucked him under his chin, using a thumb to wipe away a couple of stray tears. ‘Silvs always knows how to make things right – what do you say, man?’
Felix looked up at his uncle. He felt watery and weak from all his shouting and crying. He knew deep down that Zed had not meant things to turn out this way. And he still had enough faith in his uncle to hope that he had a solution to the situation. Felix managed a smudged smile and nodded.
‘Marge! We’re off out to Veggie Heaven for pizza. I’ll sort this, no worries!’ Zed yelled in the direction of the kitchen.
Silver winked at Felix and grinned.
At least that was one good thing that had come out of the evening, thought Felix. He wouldn’t have to eat the stew Mum was cooking, which was beginning to smell a bit like Dyson’s food would if you tried to heat it up.
‘Wow, Veggie Heaven, what a blast – for nerds,’ sneered Merv, slouching his way back up to his room and slamming the door. Seconds later music was pounding through the floorboards and making the pictures on the wall shake in their frames.
‘MERVIN!’ Mum wailed.
‘Come on,’ said Zed, throwing Felix a friendly punch on the shoulder. ‘Let’s split while the going’s good.’